Inside And Out
By FallenAngelOfSalvation

A/N: This is just a little piece of writing I did a while ago, it reflects on Sephiroth's life as he ponders in the Lifestream. I'm going to write a story about it if people like it. I hope you do. Please leave a review, even if it is bad. Thanks, I hope you like it.

P.S: I don't know why I named it Inside and Out, it just came to me.

In all of my memories, no matter how hard I try, I cannot find the distant faces of my parents. God how I wish I knew them, I would give all my fame and misfortune for a little bit of information about them. I was born and raised in a laboratory, the role of my father played by the head scientist of the experiment that I am involved in. An experiment conducted by the scientists of the Shin-Ra Corporation.

I was a test subject for alien cells and Mako energy. If I did not die when subjected to the treatment, I would become the greatest and strongest human being in the world...so I was told. When I turned 14 they sent me to join SOLDIER. I didn't want to go back then, but did I have a choice? I wanted to be a writer, or maybe an artist; I wrote great stories in my youth and I had a pretty good imagination. But my future had been set nine months before I was born...

I made it through third class and second class within two years and I had become a first class soldier by my 16th birthday. I soon became General after six months, they didn't even bother with the ranks—I was too good. Becoming General was nothing exciting for me, I would've feigned my own death to get away from it all if it came to it, but I just went through with it.

All the publicity wasn't too bad, I didn't really show any interest or even fake it, I always just smiled at the cameras and answered questions like usual. I was on the front page of every newspaper, on every news channel, and everyday a new story was to be told about the "Great General."

Between the age of 18 and 22 I went through a state of depression, early on in the stages I contemplated ways of killing myself to make it look like an accident or a murder, I even went through a stage of cutting myself. No one ever knew about my melancholy, or even saw the cuts on my arms; I always kept my arms completely covered up. The depression got worse when I was 21. It was July and I was on a mission in Wutai to assassinate the Emperor Godo. We were at war with Wutai and it had gone on long enough, so the president gave the order for me to disguise myself as a Wutaian soldier and sneak in to his palace and…well, kill him.

I was hesitant to do so, because personally I didn't like killing people, I only killed all of those soldiers because it was a war, and I was ahead on the battlefield. I knew Godo had no wife and a seven-year-old daughter, so I was dreading the day I walk up to Godo and slaughter him with no mercy.

The day came, and I let him live. He fell to his knees holding out the legendary masamune, offering it to me in exchange for his life. He begged and begged for mercy, it made me feel so bad. Behind this stone-cold stature and blank, emotionless, face, I really had a heart. The war ended with no triumph from either side. The president wasn't too happy with the outcome though he couldn't have really done much to punish me; I was too good to lose.

Two years after that I stopped going out on missions with the lower-class members of Soldier and settled down in an office to sign paperwork. It was a boring job. Sitting in that office all day and sometimes half the night signing and stamping permission forms, resignation forms, and all sorts. I also had a lot of meeting arrangements with every member or SOLDIER; I served as not only their General, but as their counsellor as well.

Remnants of my depression was still lingering every now and then, at times when I was feeling too lonely and worthless I went days without even coming out of my office. On days like those I really wanted nothing more than to die...

When I was 24 I fell in love. Well, sort of...the girl I fell for was Professor Hojo's assistant. Hojo was one of the professors in charge of the experiment I had been engaged in; well...I was the experiment. Her name was Fiona; she was so beautiful in my eyes. She had long black hair, chocolate brown eyes, and she was pretty thin. She wasn't very confident with herself, she thought of herself as ugly, she didn't eat, and when she was at work she never smiled.

I always had a hunch that Fiona and Hojo were an item, which made my stomach to back flips; Hojo is old enough to be my father or a little bit older, and Fiona is only 21. I confronted her and we became friends, we talked and got to know each other pretty well. She was quite a shy girl, and when we crossed paths down the hall it was always me who said hi first. She was a very problematic girl; she never really talked about her past. Well, neither did I.

I never told her how I felt, it would have destroyed her. If I, the greatest soldier in the world, and teenage heartthrob, told poor, unfortunate young Fiona that I had fallen in love with her, she wouldn't talk to me again. Why, you ask? Well, I am smart enough to know that a girl of Fiona's type and with me knowing quite a bit about the poor girl, the news would devastate her. She would deny me, breakdown emotionally and hate me forever because she would have received the impression that I was making fun of her.

We stayed close though, and those times were the best of my life…so far, I hope. Every time I went to the labs to get my weekly check-ups with Hojo, she was always there, smiling at me, comforting me when I got my weekly dose of Mako. I was terrified of needles, although I grew up with an injection every week, blood tests every two months, I got stressed out. I didn't start crying and screaming like a baby, no way, but I am told that my expression changes completely to one of a desperate, insecure child.

A year of being secretly, madly in love with the girl of my dreams, I went back to going on missions again. Even though it shortens the time I get to spend with Fiona, I just had to get back out there, and besides, they needed me for this particular mission. The president sent two military troops, and another first class soldier along with me to Nibelheim to investigate reports of aggressive behaviour coming from the monsters in residence there. Reports have been made that deformed monsters have been coming down from the Mako Reactor in Mt. Nibel and attacking the townspeople.

It was a two day trip to Nibelheim, we took a helicopter from the roof of the Shin-Ra building to Junon, then we went on the ship to Costa del Sol, and then a really long car ride to Nibelheim. When we arrived there we fought a monster which resembled some sort of dragon, but it had a lot of features to it which dragon doesn't possess. When the battle was won, we went to the town and stayed at the local inn.

The very next day we left with the tour guide to Mt. Nibel with the soldiers. The other soldier was Zack; he was a close friend of mine, sort of. He was a bit over-excited about the mission and he was jumping about the place, talking a mile a minute. We then made it to the Mako Reactor after losing a soldier to the bridge accident, the bridge snapped and collapsed, we all hung on and made it to the other side and one man fell over a thousand feet to his death.

Zack and I went into the Mako Reactor and found our way to the end…I remember seeing a much deformed human in one of the tanks in the room, and came to the sudden realization that it was indeed Hojo who had been experimenting on humans. I put them both together and realized that I am an experiment of that sort…but I succeeded, all of these had failed. I went down to the mansion in the town that was owned by Shin-Ra to find out some more information. There I made the horrific discovery.

I found who my mother was…Jenova. A calamity from the skies, they said. I read in Hojo's journals that I was one of her many sons, but I was greater than any of them were, by far. I was born here, in this town, and taken back to Midgar to be experimented on. I went to see Mother, they had stored her in the Mako Reactor, she told me to destroy all humans and together we search for the Promised Land. Of course, I obeyed.

Just as I was leaving Zack came in and tried to stop me, but I quickly silenced him. He fell to the ground, still alive but barely breathing. The soldier who went by the name of Cloud came in with my masamune and threatened to kill me for all the damage I had done. He stabbed me with my beloved weapon, but I pulled it out and jumped off the bridge. I fell down into the depths of the dark, thick Mako, killing me instantly. Mother told me that I could complete my mission after death, of course, I obeyed Mother.

I so miss my dear Fiona, she meant the world to me and I never got the chance to tell her how I feel about her. I still love her, even now as I lay in the Lifestream, hoping that one day I will see her beautiful face again.