Collection One
Collectibles Are Fun #1
Lightning never should have signed the release form allowing one of Cocoon's largest toy companies to make merchandise of her. But it was hard to turn down an ocean of cash. She would never have to work another day in her life unless she wanted, and there would be more than enough to look after Serah for the rest of her life too.
Besides, what was the worst that could happen?
The answer was staring her right in the face.
"I'm Lightning, and I'm a stupid head." Fang waved plush-Lightning's arms around. "And when I wake up, I look like a crazy hedgehog."
"Fang, could you stop that?" Lightning considered the mug of hot chocolate in her hand. The hot chocolate wasn't hot enough to scald, and she doubted she could hit Fang more than once or twice with it before it broke.
"I could." Fang grinned and then made the plush-Lightning do a little tap dance across the coffee table. "But this is much more fun. Look, Lightning, you're doing the Moon Walk."
"I love you, Fang, but I will kill you."
"No, you won't." The plush-Lightning did a pirouette and then ended up on Fang's lap. The dark-haired woman gave the plush a cuddle and then planted a kiss on its forehead. "Hmm… this thing is pretty cuddly. I think you might have some competition, Lightning."
Lightning glared. Her jaw clenched. "Competition, huh?" She snatched the plush toy out of Fang's arms and tossed it across the room. Then she settled herself in Fang's lap and yanked the woman into a hard kiss. "I don't play nice with the competition."
"I can see that?" Fang nuzzled Lightning's throat. "But then again, I know someone who could tell me that." She leaned back and pulled a plush-Fang from under one of the couch cushions. "See. Plush-Fang knows all about your bad habits."
Lightning eyed the plush toy. It was a pretty good likeness. "Well, I'm not interested in Plush-Fang. I'm interested in real Fang." She threw the plush toy across the room to land beside its Lightning counterpart. "Now, come back here."
Neither of them noticed the two petite women watching from the doorway with a pair of plush toys in their arms.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Plush-Vanille bobbed her head up and down.
"It sure is." Plush-Serah nodded back. "Now, let's go get something to eat."
X X X
Collectibles Are Fun #2
"You're not good enough for my sister, Snow. Nobody is." Lightning cackled and kicked Snow in the gut. The big man flew through the air before rolling through the dust. "And now you're going to die."
Snow held up his hands. "Wait, Lightning. No -"
"Kung Fu Gut Punch!" Lightning drove her fist into Snow's gut. The ground at his feet cracked and the shockwave of the blow sent him flying backward. But Lightning wasn't done yet.
"Kung Fu Crater Kick!" A flying kick caught Snow in the back of the head and he thundered straight into the ground, carving out a huge crater in the dirt.
"And now for the finishing move!" Lightning flipped end over end through the air, her sword drawn. "Kung Fu Death Stab!" The soldier drove her sword right through Snow's heart, and the blonde let loose a gasp before he went limp.
"Lightning…" Snow clutched at Lightning's hands. "Why?"
"Why?" Lightning twisted her blade savagely. "Because… I obsess way too much about Serah."
X X X
"Snow, what are you doing?"
The blonde looked up and then froze, the Plush-Lightning in his left hand still in the process of mauling the Plush-Snow is his right hand.
"Um… this isn't what it looks like."
"Really?" Lightning tapped one foot on the ground and raised one eyebrow. "So, tell me, what are you doing?"
"It's like this…" Snow glanced back and forth between the two plush toys he was holding.
"I… um… you know how I'm always nervous around you because of, you know, all those times you've punched me in the head?"
Lightning made a show of cracking her knuckles.
"I thought that since I'm engaged to Serah now that I should try to talk to you more often. I'm… uh… practicing."
"I see." Lightning stalked over and plucked the Plush-Snow out of his hand. Slowly, deliberately, she drew her knife and skimmed it along the throat of the toy. It wasn't enough to actually do any damage, but Snow paled. "In that case, I think you should be careful what you say. If you ever - ever - accuse me of obsessing about Serah again, you're going to pay."
She tapped the flat of her knife between the plush toy's legs. "Understand?"
Snow gulped. "Yeah."
"Good." Lightning turned on her heel and then stopped. "Does everyone have a plush toy of me?"
"Pretty much." Snow scratched the back of his head. "Although I think the Fang plush might be more popular than yours. Serah says all the kids at school have one."
"Really?" Lightning twitched. Fang was more popular than her? What was the world coming to? "I'll see you later, Snow. I've got to meet Serah for coffee."
Snow waited until Lightning was safely out of the house before turning back to the plush toys. He picked up Plush-Lightning. "My name is Lightning, and I'm an obsessive, stupid head."
The Plush-Snow nodded, and real Snow reached into a plastic bag to pull out a newly bought Plush-Serah. The two plush toys embraced. "Don't worry, Serah. I'll protect you."
"I love you, Snow!"
"I love you more, Serah!"
X X X
Collectibles Are Fun #3
Serah glanced at the plush toy of her sister on the couch. It was movie night, but her sister and Fang were running late, and Vanille was helping Hope out with one of his projects. Fortunately, Serah had a spare key. So she was passing the time till the others got there watching television.
But it was hard to ignore the plush likeness of her sister on the couch beside her. It was almost like watching television with her real sister - neither of them spoke much. But there was also a plush toy of her on the couch too. And she couldn't help but look at the two plush toys sitting so happily next to each other.
"Look at you two." Serah picked up the plush toys, holding the toy of herself in her left hand and the toy of her sister in her right hand. "It reminds me of how things used to be."
"Serah, where were you!" Serah giggled and waved Plush-Lightning around. She'd gotten surprisingly good at imitating her sister over the years. "I was stalking you in my patrol car, and I lost sight of you!"
"But..."
"But nothing!" Plush-Lightning bonked Plush-Serah over the head. "I am your tyrannical older sister, and you'll do what I tell you to do!"
"Um -"
"I bet you were with that delinquent Snow again, weren't you?" Plush-Lightning was doing a fine job of throttling Plush-Serah. "You know I don't like him! You have to spend all of your time with me!"
"But I want to have other friends." Plush-Serah tried to squirm out of Plush-Lightning's grip.
"And you're starting to obsess about me too much."
"I'll show you obsessive!" Plush-Lightning leapt onto Plush-Serah's back and started to ride her like a chocobo.
"Ah! Help!" Plush-Serah flailed in dramatic fashion. "My sister's sister complex is getting out of control!"
Serah giggled - and then realised that she wasn't the only one giggling.
"I don't think your sister is the only one with a sister complex." Vanille grinned and plucked the plush toys out of Serah's hands. "I'd say you obsess about her just as much."
"When did you get here?" Serah looked about furtively. "I didn't hear the front door open."
"Embarrassed? You should be." Vanille smirked. "I can be quiet when I need to. Besides, I doubt you would have heard anything - you were way too involved in your sister fantasy."
"Vanille, if you tell my sister about this…" Serah cracked her knuckles.
"Don't worry, I won't say a thing."
"Thanks."
Of course, Vanille wouldn't say a thing - she'd filmed the whole thing on her phone. No words were necessary.
X X X
Collectibles Are Fun Special #1: Vanille's Super Fun Plush Toy Happy Time… Part 1
Plush-Vanille and Plush-Serah pop up from behind the couch.
Plush-Vanille: Welcome to Vanille's Super Fun Plush Toy Happy Time… Part 1.
Plush-Serah: That's not a very sensible name.
Plush-Vanille punches Plush-Serah in the gut.
Plush-Vanille: Stop questioning me! In case you haven't noticed, this segment is named after me, which means that I'm in charge.
Plush-Vanille continues to bop Plush-Serah over the head until real Serah retaliates by getting real Vanille into a headlock. Somehow, real Vanille manages to keep Plush-Vanille up near the top of the couch.
Plush-Vanille: Today, we'll be talking about a very important topic: UST, better known as, Unresolved Sexual Tension. UST might sound funny, but believe me, it's not.
Plush-Serah: In fact, UST can get people hurt.
Plush-Fang and Plush-Lightning appear. Vanille is voicing Plush-Fang, and Serah is voicing Plush-Lightning. Both of them are giggling as they make the two plush toys make out.
Plush-Fang: Look at me, I'm Fang, and I spend all my time ogling Lightning.
Plush-Lightning: And I'm Lightning. All I do is make bedroom eyes at Fang and pretend not to notice that she's checking out my ass.
Plush-Fang: Yeah, that's right. Why else do you think I walk behind her?
Serah uses her free hand to take control of a plush Behemoth King.
Plush-Behemoth King: Rah! I'm a scary monster that will totally slaughter everyone.
Plush-Vanille: Oh no! What will I do? But surely I'll be okay if someone helps me…
Plush-Fang: I'm totally not paying attention to the ginormous monster that's about to eat Vanille because the only thing I can see is Lightning's cleavage.
Plush-Lightning: Who cares about Vanille and the giant monster? I can totally use this opportunity to have crazy combat sex with Fang while Vanille gets mauled.
Plush-Bahamut: Rargh! Prepare to die innocent redhead!
Plush-Bahamut whacks Plush-Vanille over the head.
Plush-Vanille: Yarrgh! I'm being mauled. If only there wasn't so much UST!
The plush toys fall behind the couch as Vanille and Serah dissolve into uncontrollable giggles. On the other side of the couch, Lightning and Fang stare at them like they've gone completely insane. Finally, Plush-Vanille and Plush-Serah appear above the couch again.
Plush-Vanille: Remember, kids, UST can kill.
Plush-Serah: Don't let UST get out of hand. Admit your feelings before your loved ones get mauled by crazy monsters!
X X X
Get Your Lightning Farron Plush Toy Today!
Want to get the perfect gift for your child? Then get the exclusive, limited edition Lightning Farron plush toy! Each toy comes with a host of special features:
A certificate of authenticity, signed by the Lightning Farron
A selection of five different outfits
A choice of five different plush weapons
Each toy speaks when hugged, choosing from a selection of more than fifty different phrases voiced by the Lightning Farron - additional phrases can be unlocked by purchasing other plush toys from the exclusive, limited edition range
The Lightning Farron plush toy is machine washable and extremely rugged. There is no environment too tough for this toy! Order today and not only will you receive a 10% discount, you will also receive:
An exclusive, limited edition transformable Odin plush toy!
Detachable cat ears for your Lightning plush toy!
An autographed photo of the Lightning Farron holding the plush toy!
Call now and get your Lightning Farron plush toy TODAY!
For further information contact lastdia .
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.
This is what happens when you combine lack of sleep, too much Pepsi Max, and a tumblr account. Each of these little snippets first made an appearance over on my tumblr page (link in my profile), and I decided to post them over here too. I've joked on several occasions about the former l'Cie being open to the idea of merchandise, so I thought I'd take that one step further. Naturally, they all buy their own merchandise.
I also write original fiction. If you like my fanfiction, I'm sure you'll love my original stuff too. You can find links to it in my profile. If you like fantasy, give The Last Huntress Series a try. I've also recently released my first novel-length original story, Durendal.
As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.