The rain hides tears.
The sky, a canvas of gray, loosed drop upon drop down down down, plink plink plinking over her head. Soaked to the bone, she made no move to get up. The rain dripped to her face, tears streaming down her cheeks, mingling with the tears from her own eyes. The drops fell into her cupped hands, a mix of the sky's sprinklings of hope and her salty sorrow.
She didn't know how long she had sat there, on the curb in front of her house. All she knew was that the crushing force finally broke through, and she could not make herself take another step. She didn't know when the rain came, only that it shielded her from the world, concealing her tears as she cried, though silent in her misery.
He came out of nowhere. One moment, she felt the cold sheets of rain crashing over her shoulders, the next, the pressure was gone, the rain instead plink plink plinking on something above her head. An umbrella.
"You'll catch a cold, sitting out here in the rain," he murmured, next to her ear. She did not look at him, though his voice made her heart want to break into two and bleed teardrops. She said nothing, only staring into her hands, where her tears, undiluted, dripped into her palms. Plink plink plink.
When she finally spoke, her voice sounded broken, even to her own ears. "I think I'll manage," she whispered. Part of her wished he would go away, the part that lurched in pain just because he was there. The part that was crying for him only a moment ago.
The other part, growing stronger and stronger with each passing second, yearned for him to stay, made her want to hold onto him an never let go. She couldn't resist anymore, turning her face a few degrees to see his.
His eyes were kind, concerned, and he frowned as she stared tiredly at him. "You're crying?" he asked, though it wasn't so much a question asking if she was than asking why. One of his hands, warm and gentle, brushed against her cold cheek, wiping away a lingering tear. A tiny part of her mind wondered how he could tell tears from raindrops.
It was too much. Her control broke, and she found herself now crying in earnest, the sobs racking through her body until she shook, and the gray world shuddered and blurred before her eyes.
Her sudden breach caused his voice to break in alarm. "Shh, shh, Nymphadora. Shh, it'll be all right," he whispered. His hands, cautious and unsure, came to rest on her shaking shoulders.
His touch made it even worse. She felt as though she was going to explode from the inside out, her heart twisting painfully in an agonizing combination of rejection and want. Before she knew what she was doing, she had collapsed into his arms, feeling them tighten cautiously around her, feeling his hands brush her hair, her back, soothing, comforting.
She wondered how he didn't know.
She kept it to herself, knowing he would back away the moment he got an inkling of what was causing her so much pain.
It was a long time before she relaxed her sobs into shuddery breaths, before the world stopped shaking quite so violently. She sighed softly, feeling the ache behind her eyes as the tears finally stopped flowing. For a moment, she just sat there, in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder as they sat under an umbrella as the rain continued to fall. "Remus?" she murmured quietly, tiredly. She pressed on before he could respond: "I love you."
As she had expected, he lifted her gently away from him, holding her at arm's length. "Nymphadora," he sighed. His tone was weighted with disapproval, though she could hear the agony in his voice, see it in his eyes. "You know why I have to say no."
"No, I don't," she whispered back. She had cried herself out, and now the broken Tonks was slowly melting back to the stubborn Tonks again. "That's not the only answer."
His eyes hardened, and his voice strained with aggravated patience. "I'm too old for you. Too poor. Too dangerous." His voice dropped so soft she struggled to hear, though she knew exactly what he would say: "I could hurt you." He blew out a rushed breath. "I'm no good for you, Nymphadora. Need I rattle off the whole list?"
"No." She had heard his excuses far too many times to count. But when she piled his reasons to say no on one side of the mental scale and added the heartache for him on the other side, she still saw that the latter side weighed much, much more. "None of that matters, Remus."
A harsh laugh ejected from his throat, and she could see now how wild he looked, how angry. "None of it matters," he repeated, his voice still quiet, but with a hard, sharp edge. "I've been shunned my whole life, and everyone I associate myself with. You don't want that. And every month when I turn into a... a..." He shivered, eyes narrowing. "You don't want to have to clean up after me. Or even worse, be in the way. I've nearly killed people, and I don't want you to be so near something like me."
She had heard that argument a thousand times. "I think I'll manage," she murmured, glaring back into his firm expression. Forcing herself to look into his eyes, she leaned in and pleaded again, "I love you."
He held her gaze, but said nothing in return. The silence seemed to stretch forever, the whisper of rain the only background noise. Her heart thumped achingly as she waited for the rebuttal. When it didn't come, she closed her eyes and tried to hold herself together. "Remus, I—"
His mouth was suddenly on hers, his warm hands holding her closer, his embrace unbreakable , though he held her as though she was the most fragile thing in the world. The kiss, though unexpected, was everything she expected from him: gentle, cautious, though she could taste a roughness, a ferocity behind it. It was nothing she had ever experienced before.
She kissed him back, drinking him in hungrily, absorbing everything in that moment to lock away and keep forever. His arms, with their soft way of holding her, his lips, with a new sense of urgency, and him. The way she wanted him and he wanted her and how she never wanted to let him go.
When her eyes drifted open, she found his staring back. Warm chocolate, dancing with joy and passion. For a moment, she let herself believe that he loved her back, loved her like she him. She felt his lips slowly curve upward into a smile, and they rested there for a moment before he pulled away.
The two of them, sprawled on the sidewalk, simply regarded each other for a second, their breath ragged over the thrum of rain. Her heart fluttered rapidly, and she closed her eyes as she trembled slightly. I love you,she thought dizzily. I love you.
"I'm sorry," he murmured bleakly between breaths. But he was staring at her again, the exact same way. She could feel the hungry intensity burning in his gaze.
"Are you going to take it back?"
She watched as he closed his eyes, heard the steady rhythm of his breathing. "No," he answered softly, "I'm not."
A smile crept its way onto her mouth. "You're not sorry or you're not going to take it back?"
He smiled too, bright and beautiful, making her own breath hitch. "Both."
She slid forward, leaning into him, and his arms automatically came around her. Her cheek rested serenely on his shoulder. "Remus, I love you."
It was another long moment of silence, but it was different this time. The silence was warmer, softer, and she could breathe as she waited for his answer. She let herself watch his calm, motionless face as he stared into the gray rain. Plink plink plink. "Nymphadora," he whispered slowly, tilting his head so that his lips brushed her hair. "I love you, too."