Beauty and the Bachelor Beast

Beast--

I squinted at the light coming through the stone-rimmed window and yawned. The clock said 2:47. It's great to have your parents out of town: a guy can sleep in as long as he likes. I closed my eyes and reflectively scratched my nose. Something felt different. Maybe it was the lateness of the day, or the emptiness of the manor during my parents' departure. Most of the staff was on vacation, since we weren't entertaining guests. I yawned again and opened my eyes.

I was scratching my nose with a paw.

A big, brown, furry, wolf paw, which was connected to a big brown furry arm, which felt like it was connected to a big brown furry shoulder. This was not good. I leapt to the mirror and gulped at the reflection. My head was like that of a- of a- buffalo, but with huge teeth that gleamed back at me from my dumbstruck mouth. The pointed ears twitched; the black nose quivered. I twisted around. Yes, the highest indignity- a tail swished behind me, jutting through a hole in my pants. Only one person could be responsible for this. "Kevin!"

He peeked around the door with an innocent look on his irritating handsome face. " 'afternoon. Did you sleep well?"

" Don't give me that, Mr. Goldilocks. What did YOU DO!"

" Calm down, I was just trying a new spell out to make you look a bit better, you know. Help you out a bit with the ladies. I must have pronounced a syllable wrong. Pronunciation is my worse class at school, you know."

" If you don't turn me back, I... will... kill... you."

" Don't get your fur in a wad, I was just waiting for you to wake up so I can find out the counter-spell. Hold still."

He cleared his throat, fished a piece of paper out of his pocket, adjusted his wand in his hand, and whispered a few words under his breath at me. A silver beam slowly spiraled out of the tip of the wand and lazily looped around my body, then paused in front of me to form a message in the air:

For Man in Beast to be Unsealed,

A Rose of fair Beauty must be Revealed.

A true love must unlock heart's gates,

Until then, true Manhood now waits.

The words floated down, shimmering, onto Kevin's piece of paper. He stuck his wand in his pocket and strutted self-importantly up and down the room, gazing at the words.

"That is really bad poetry, Kevin. The rhythm is totally off."

"Shut up, I'm not that good in mystic language class either. At least we know what to do now."

"And what is that, all-knowing-one-who's-failing-two-classes?"

" I'll ignore that, Wolfie. The third line is cut-and-dry: we have to find your true love. Then you'll be transformed back to manhood. Pretty simple, really. Shouldn't take us long."

"ARE YOU NUTS? My parents will be back in a month! I can't find a true love in a month! I can't get a date in a month! I can't-"

"-oh stop whining! I'll take care of it. I'll get lots of women to come. Loads of women. You pick one you like, I tell you what to do, you show her your wallet, boom, you're in love, done. Should take about a week if we're efficient."

"Kevin, you are officially the shallowest person I've ever met. You can't be my cousin. Some troll must have dropped you off at a doorstep, repulsed by your looks."

"Well, I don't see what your problem is. Thanks to me, you finally have hair on your chest."

"Hey, I-"

" Sorry, I don't have time to continue in this fascinating conversation," Kevin drolled, checking his hair in the mirror. "I've got to get you some dates. " He strolled out the door, then looked back in for a second. "Try to clean up a bit. Got to look our best for the ladies."

I opened my mouth and then shut it. Some times there's no way to get through to people. And with my cousin, some times was all the time.