A/N: Funny thing. I got the idea for this story when I was playing FFVIII in the first part of Disk 2 where Laguna's in Winhill. When I was exploring the town, I saw a map of EARTH on the wall, and thought, "Wait, what? This is Earth?". One thing led to another, and this story was the result!

I've got a lot more funny stuff lined up after this, but really, this is just a little story I'm messing with, so it may or may not continue depending on how much my muse is willing to let me go on with.

'

Chapter One: Dress Rehearsal

Christine was really stressed, and I hated seeing her like that. I hated seeing her clenched teeth, seeing anger creased into her face, hated seeing her so unlike her usual self. So, I brought her out on a mountain hike to try and make her forget all her troubles. But that was a big mistake.

I'm not sure how, or what exactly happened, but she slipped. Maybe it was the stress that she wasn't thinking too clearly, but she slipped off the path and fell off the cliff. I was too late. I couldn't reach her.

She had been in a coma for two months, and during that time, I swore that I would make it up to her. I'd do anything for her. I'd make her happy beyond her wildest dreams and I would see her smile again.

That's when I got an idea. It was a stupid idea, yet at the same time, absolutely brilliant. She had always been obsessed with Final Fantasy VII. And I would bring its world to her.

Planning started immediately and for the first two weeks, I hadn't slept at all. I was in a fury of scoping out help, organizing everything, and thinking everything through. One of the first people I contacted was my film production professor, who got me in contact with a prop company who worked on big title hits. I won't bore you with the details of the rest, but you get the point. Soon, I had hundreds of people working on the project, from special effects artists,to stage crew, to equipment crew, and, of course, to the best actors that we could find.

Nibelheim was constructed in about a week thanks to the fabulous job done by the stage crew. We had scoped out a perfect location to set it in- a ghost town at the base of a mountain that was probably untouched for hundreds of years. Some of the buildings have already been built, but we had modified it to look exactly like Nibelheim. When my prof had come to see what I had done so far, he was so impressed that he had told a TV producer about it and gave us the go-ahead to make this into a real TV show (once everything was settled with the bigshots at Square Enix, of course). That gave everyone more incentive to work hard at it.

I had put everything I had into this project, despite the fact that we didn't really know when Christine was going to come back to us. But I was determined to see this through.

At one month into construction, we had completed Nibelheim, the mansion, and the reactor above, and we had flown in the actors to get settled in.

A few weeks later, we had our first dress rehearsal. I came to oversee everything and, needless to say, it was quite a sight.

The town had transformed a lot simply with the addition of the actual characters in their costumes, even though most of them were merely villagers. It was incredible how detailed everything was. They even brought in a brown dog that sat next to the water tower, but due to the events that would happen later on, we weren't able to keep him there.

"OK, everyone here?"I said as I stood in front of the gathered crowd. Honestly, the cast wasn't as numerous as the crew since there aren't a lot of villagers in NIbelheim (or any other town in the FFVII world), but I always feel more important whenever I ask if everyone is present.

"It's me, Daniel, for those who don't remember me," I went on. "Well, I just got news that Christine will be released from the hospital at the end of the week, so I need everyone to prepare for her arrival," I said, as casual as I could. I didn't want my personal feelings get in the way of my professionalism regardless of the fact that this entire project was created for Christine. "Be sure to review your characters. Know them, be them, live them. I've put a lot of money and effort into this entire project, so please, please do not mess anything up."

"When do we get our pay?" a voice from the right of the crowd spoke up.

I looked to see that it was the young, spiky haired infantryman in blue. I smiled. The casting crew did a great job to make sure that the main characters looked and sounded uncannily exactly like they do according to Advent Children. But, of course, it didn't mean the actors were exactly the same in personality. It was so odd to see a young Cloud act so cold and so much like his older self, even if Toby was only two years older than Cloud was supposed to be.

"There will be envelopes coming in every week along with the town's supply of food, so just watch out for those," I replied.

"How long are we going to be here anyway?" another voice asked. This time it was the inn keeper. Of course, the townspeople were a lot easier to cast. Most of them were hardcore FFVII fans so they settled on a lower payment than the other actors.

"Hopefully, more than a week, but I guess if Christine finds out that it's not real, the entire thing'll be called off after that."

"How much of this is scripted?" Another question came from right in front of the crowd. It was pretty hard to miss him with that gigantic sword.

It was Alex, Zack's actor, who was a complete FFVII nut and simply adored the Buster Sword. You couldn't pay him to let go of it. The first time we presented him with it, his eyes lit up just like Zack's would, and he proceeded to play with it…which actually caused him to cut himself with it and produce a scar on his left cheek. The make-up artists were happy with that since it would be one job they didn't have to do every day, but we were all pretty scared. Had we lost Alex or had he decided to quit, we couldn't really replace him. The actors for Cloud, Zack, Sephiroth, and Tifa were all as irreplaceable as they were perfect for their parts.

"Most of the key scenes are scripted and some of the early scenes are taken from the actual game, but it all depends on you guys and Christine. I'm counting on all of you to just stay in character. Say whatever your character would say, and do whatever your characters would do. If Christine decides to change a major plot point, like…I don't know," I pointed to the water tower behind me, "If she decides to blow this thing up, that'll change things, y'know? But here's hoping she doesn't really have a thirst for destruction."

I'm not sure why I said that, but I may have jinxed it right then and there.

"Anymore questions?" I asked the crowd. When no one answered, I continued on. "Well, anyway, all of you can go and prepare. Get the town exactly the way it should be, etcetera. But, Jack," I said, stopping to look at him standing at the back of the crowd. "I need to talk to you, please."

The crowd had dispersed with Adrienne, the actor for Tifa, going into her character's house, and Alex walking off towards the inn with Toby while, oddly enough, excitedly trying to get Toby to crack a smile.

I watched them with a wide grin plastered on my face. They were Zack and Cloud all right.

"Well?" I heard a deep voice behind me say.

"Oh, right" I said, turning around to face Jack, Sephiroth's actor, and I couldn't help but immediately look away. I was…not used to him at first. He was taller than me, bigger than me, and simply having Sephiroth right in front of you was a bit, just a bit, intimidating….no matter how much of a pain in the ass his actor was.

"Well, Jack," I said, forcing myself to look him straight in the eyes. The green cat-eyed contact lenses he wore were fantastic. They were specially made, like the contact lenses for Zack and Cloud, so they were a lot more realistic and impressive than the ones on the open market. The ones Jack wore even had a bit of a gleam to them, something I had protested against, but lost out to the FFVII nerds that had commissioned them, saying that Sephiroth, too, had undergone some mako treatments.

"Sephiroth," Jack said matter-of-factly. "I prefer to be called Sephiroth."

I stared deadpanned at him for a bit, but continued. If he had some kind of actors' ritual, I didn't care too much to stop him. "I asked the others this, but since we casted you late, I forgot to ask you: Do you know how to fight? Do you have any training in…martial arts or anything?"

Jack was the last to be casted, simply because Sephiroth was a hard character to cast. He was made to look inhuman with an impossible face to naturally replicate. Whether Jack had some work done on his face was irrelevant. When we saw him (in a Starbucks complaining about his coffee), we nearly mobbed him to ensure we'd have him. Luckily, he was an actor, and after some voice acting lessons, he was able to match Sephiroth's voice exactly.

"I work out a lot," he said, with obvious pride in his voice.

"But do you have any training?" I pressed. "Have you…ever been in a fight?"

"No."

"Well, you better learn, and quick," After saying those words, I couldn't help but smirk a bit to myself. There I was, ordering Sephiroth around. "Have you begun training with the Masamune yet?"

Jack took a half step away from me, his annoyance to my demands played on his face. "What the hell is that?"

I didn't know what to say at first. I didn't expect him to be a fan of FFVII, but I did expect him to read the information we gave him about Sephiroth. "…You know," I started out cautiously. "The massive seven-foot sword of death in the glass case in your room?"

Jack spun around to face me with a widened eyes in an expression of surprise that even surprised me. Even after months of seeing Jack as Sephiroth, I would never get used to seeing Sephiroth either expressionless or happy with evil intent.

"THAT thing?" Jack exclaimed. "I thought that was just for display!"

I sighed and covered my eyes with a hand. "Have you even read any of the script? Do you even know who Sephiroth is?"

"He's me, and if he's not, he'll learn to deal."

I stared at him, again speechless. What I didn't know back then was that that was simply the way Jack was. He'd make you stare at him, cock your head slightly to the side like a confused dog, and make you ask, "…really?".

If he wasn't so damned perfect for the job, we wouldn't have even considered him. But then again, if it wasn't him who had played Sephiroth, the events that would follow would have been completely different, and though they were hard on Christine, as well as myself…I guess, looking back on the entire project now…I don't regret it. Really, it was Jack who made the whole project such an experience. Even through all the complications, heartache, and near cancellations, I do not regret anything.

"Starting tomorrow," I said, taking authority again, "You and Alex need to start training because, well, I'm not sure how fast actors can learn how to fake something, but…you better at least know how to hold it. Sephiroth is supposed to be a master swordsman."

Jack crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "Well, how am I supposed to swing that thing around?"

"Just pretend it's a baseball bat," I guessed. Honestly, I wasn't too sure myself. "At the very least, just learn how to look like you're in control of it but please…don't poke anyone's eyes out when you're walking around with it, ok? The sword's an actual sword, not just a prop. But even if you don't make contact with the monsters, I'll make it go down after every one of your hits."

Jack opened his eyes suddenly when I spoke of the monsters. "M-MONSTERS?"

I nearly laughed at his expression but caught myself instinctively. Somewhere in the back of my head, something was still telling me that it wasn't safe to laugh at someone who looks like they can kill you…even if they only look like it.

"This is Nibelhiem, Jack," I said, "Not…what was this town called?"

Jack shrugged, indifferently.

"Anyway, there will be robot monsters that were made from a big shot movie prop company. They look really realistic so don't freak out." I paused, looking at him suspiciously and said, "Oh, man, you better not freak out, when you first see them." If he was this out of character at the mere mention of the monsters, I was really worried about when he would actually come face to face with them. "They're remote controlled so I can make them go down and react to hits whenever I want."

"Also, the materia…" I continued but trailed off when I saw Jack's confused face. "You know, the shiny crystal balls on your dresser."

"Oh yeah, those," he said, closing his eyes again to appear uncaringly confident.

"They're also remote controlled," I explained. "They shine brighter when I push a button, so I'm relying on you guys to give me some sort of signal to let me know when to push the button, especially when it's Christine who's using the materia. Gotta make it look realistic." I motioned to the entire town around us, "Almost everything in Nibelheim is wired up and under my control so I could destroy the town with one button if I wanted to."

I paused, looking at Jack with a smirk on my face.

He opened his eyes when he realized I had stopped talking.

"That reminds me…" I said, the smirk growing into a large grin. "How well do you cope under fire?"