I was playing tales of the abyss and this idea pooped into my head. the plot bunnies are rampant I tell you! its complete and utter madness!

but yeah. this is a thing. deal with it. I don't own any of this shit. some dude in japan does. kishi-somehting. all I remember about him is that he's a shit story writer after the whole pien battle.

Women, meet the swordsman. Albert-style.

The elemental Nations, the continent of the Kunoichi. A place were the world is sexist. The females are the one in power, as opposed to the other places in the world like Fiore, which is a democracy/kingdom mix, or places like the world government, which is ruled by both the celestial dragons (better known as the world nobles) and the old crones of the world government.

The elemental Nations are divided into different countries, which in turn, house different Kunoichi villages that take jobs and make sure that their country prospers. However, five kunoichi villages stand out from the rest. In order of power it is Tsuchi no sato, the village hidden in stone, which is still recovering from the third great kunoichi war, although they have made a lot of progress.

The second in power would be the hidden mist village, a village that had recently gotten through with a rebellion, with the rebel side winning. The village had gone through what is known as the bloodline purge, a witch hunt for all bloodline users in Kirigakure. The rebels, mostly composed of bloodline users, banded together to fight against the tyrannical Mizukage. Mei Terumi, the leader of the rebels, and holder of the boil and lava release bloodlines, became the new Mizukage in place of Yagura, the previous Mizukage, and Jinchuriki to the three tailed turtle beast, the Sanbi.

The third most powerful village is Sunagakure, the village hidden in sand. A dessert Kunoichi village known for its puppeteers and wind mistresses. It is a village surrounded by a rock wall that protects the village from the sandstorms that plague the dessert. It is also an ally to the village hidden in the leaves.

The second strongest is Kumogakure, the village hidden in the clouds. A village of lightning users situated in the mountains. It also houses two jinchuriki, Yugito Nii of the Nibi, and Queen Bee of the Hachibi. It is also famous for its third Raikage, who is the only known women to have beaten a biju in one on one combat with nothing but her fists. Sadly, she perished holding off an army of 10,000 during the third great Kunoichi war by herself for three days and nights. That is until backup from Kumo came and finished the job.

And finally, the most powerful village is Konohagakure not sat, the village hidden in the leaves. The first hidden village and the one with the most history. It is the village that has generated the most legends among Kunoichi. Ranging from Mara uchiha to Minako Namikaze, who is the 'Father' of this stories hero.

One of the things that Kunoichi developed was a jutsu that allowed females to reproduce with other females. Thereby eliminating the use of men as anything other than labor force, food producers, or businessmen. Well the men with the most ambition tend to go into different fields of science to better help society as a whole, but that's not what this stories hero did.

Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, the only male child of Uzumaki Kushina and Minako Namikaze was privy to the dangers of the world when the Kyubi no Kitsune broke free from its prison in his mother Kushina when he was but a boy of five years. Although the entire family came out of the disaster relatively unscathed, if you discount the fact that the newborn twins Aiko and Mithra both become the jinchuriki to the Kyubi's yin and yang half respectively, then yes the entire family came out alright.

But Naruto didn't. To the boy who, like all men, would never be able to mold chakra it was the ultimate wake up call. Without being able to do the amazing things all females in the world had the potential to do, he would never be able to amount to anything. He would never be able to help protect his beloved family and village. He would always be a burden that must be protected.

So that day he left the village in search of strength. That day he left to search for the one place that could help him on the path of the protector. Armed with nothing but the journal of his ancestor, Luke Fon Fabre, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze left his village in search of the ancient ruin Yulia city. And the boy would not return until thirteen years had passed. But by then the boy would be a boy no longer, but he would be a man. A swordsman to be precise.

Walking down the road to the gates of Konohagakure no sato was a blonde-with-red-highlights man with two whisker marks on each of his cheeks dressed in a red outfit. It was a long sleeved red coat that split into two tails and trailed down to his ankles after coming to his tailbone. The man wore red-maroon pants and maroon combat boots. The coat hid his neck and part of his face with hits high collar. On the man's back was a rucksack. And tied to his back were many different swords.

All of them were carried horizontally in their respective scabbards, except for one. The first sword was a strange blade that could best be described as a relic of the past. It had a black handle that ended up curving upwards into a Y, and had a grey-silver blade that after going past the legs of the Y became slightly bulkier and extended to a length of about three feet, with the legs of the Y going about one foot in length. (Key/sword of Lorelei)

The second was a much shorter blade that was black and had a golden-white intricate design on the blade itself. The scabbard itself had a white butterfly design on it that gave it a regal feel. (Asches blade)

The next two blades were something else to see. For one, they were in a crisscross style that gave the idea of them being duel wield swords. One was a wide blade that glowed blue and gave a feeling of the coldness. Not in the emotional sense but the temperature sense. The second blade was one that glowed vermillion and was a more traditional shaped sword that had a curved edge and a flat side. (Vorpal blade and Flamberge.)

Hanging on the man's shoulder was a great blade that would best be described as a claymore. It was great wide blade that was blue in color, but silver on the edges of the blade. The man held it by the handle as it rested on his shoulder. (Great sword)

As the man walked towards the gate, the two Chunnin guards, Izuma and Kotestu, took notice of him and were Immedianlty put on guard. Not because they of all the swords on him, but because he had an aura of power. Of majesty if you will. To their eyes he was obviously a skilled swordsman if the way he held himself was any indication. That and the fact that he was calmly walking towards the gate as casually as possible put them on edge. It was as if he had already seen the gates before and wasn't impressed, that or he just didn't care for really honking big village gates.

"Halt!" called out Izuna, getting his attention. "State your name and business traveler." She demanded as her hand went to her kunai pouch in case he did anything. Men may not be much of a threat in the world of Kunoichi, but this guy was different from the rest. She could feel it.

Said stranger then began to rub the back of his head. "Uhh…you do remember me right?" he asked sheepishly with a smile, not that they could see it with his collar in the way.

Kotestu's eyes narrowed. "No, should we?" she questioned as she went into a relaxed, but ready for anything position as she leaned against the wall.

The main went into a semi-depression slump. "Wow…I know I've been gone for thirteen years but did you really forget me?" he asked, still in the slumped position.

Both Kunoichi's eyes relaxed a little. "Uhh…should we? I don't really remember ever meeting you in the past years or anything." Izuna stated.

The man straightened himself. "Has it really been that long that people have forgotten me…?" he muttered. He then looked at Izuna and Kotestu. "Fine," he stated, "I'll give you a hint as to who I am." He said in all seriousness.

Izuna narrowed her eyes. "Go on, take it away bucko." She said, not believing that had ever met the man in front of her at any point in her life.

"Well…" he began as he stabbed his great sword into the ground and leaned on it with his hand. "I might have left the village without so much as a bye about thirteen years ago during the Kyubi attack…

Kotestu's brain began to rack s she tried to remember the aftermath of the kyubi attack.

"And I might have been the only male child of the village's most beloved couple at the time…" he continued. But was interrupted by Izuna and Kotestu's eyes widening at what the man had said.

"Oh shit." The both of them muttered.

"And I might have only returned to the village because I mustered enough courage to face the wrath of my mother…" he finished with a cheeky smile. Izuna and Kotestu looked at one another before looking back to the newly revealed Naruto.

"Well uhh…go on through stranger, your cleared for entrée just sign this right over there on the desk, thank you I'll be going now." They both monotoned as they got out of his way. He then went over to the desk in the side of the wall, signed it, and went into the village.

When he got out of their sights the two of them sighed. "Well…shits about to get whack." Was all Izuna said. And Kotestu couldn't help but agree with her fellow Kunoichi.

Walking around the village was a nostalgia trip for the redheaded boy. For one, he hadn't been in the village for thirteen whole years, spending the first two years of his self-imposed journey simply learning how to survive on his own. It wasn't until the fourth year that he had managed to take a boat to water country, but got knocked off course by a storm and see. It was good to know that his incredible luck held through and put him on an island that would give him clues as to the location of Yulia city.

As he walked through the village streets, gazing upon the many shops and wares on display, he noticed that he was getting many curious stares from the village populous. Mainly he got stares from the Kunoichi that were hopping from rooftop to rooftop. Especially this one cat masked Anbu that seemed to be leering at the swords strapped to his back. Although she eventually went her way when a sickly looking kunoichi stopped by and said a few words to her.

He eventually smelled the sweet smell of his childhood's favorite food, Ichuraku Ramen, but withheld from vising the Ichuraku's. Because one, he had someone to meet later, and two, his mother's would kill him of he didn't visit them first. Speaking of mothers…

"Which should I visit first?" he mused. Debating on which one he should visit first, he weighed the pros and cons. If he went over to the hokage monument to go to his 'Ma' he would save himself a lot of trouble when it comes to reestablishing himself as a denizen of the hidden leaf. On the other hand, if he went over to the Namikaze mansion and visited his 'mother' he would probably save himself a possible beating, and most likely convince his mother to cook his favorite meal for dinner.

During his journey, Naruto managed to collect a number of recipes. After collecting one, he would then try his hand at cooking it, so as to master the culinary arts. He prided himself on both his ability to cook, and mercilessly murder bandits and other marauders that cross his path. Maybe he would be able to swap recipes with his mother…?

Shaking his head he decided to go and visit the mother that put the fear of god into him so as to save himself the beating. Besides…she always was his favorite one. With his older twin sisters tying for second place, then his Ma, then his adorable little sisters that he would defend from any, and all who tried to date them.

Making his way over to the Namikaze-Uzumaki estate was a surreal trip for Naruto. Before he left, the area had been the one with the most devastation from the Kyubi attack. Now it was a business center. And it would seem that his older sister's, Kyoto's specifically, sweet tooth had an effect on the business in the area. The entire street was nothing but clothes shops, restraunts, toy stores, sweet shops, a few Kunoichi only stores, and about three bars and two clubs.

People were walking two and fro among the shops in the bustling street. Carrying shopping bags among their persons. There were a few kunoichi among the peoples if those three girls with the headbands were any indication. Most of them paid the rather intimidating man no thought, although a few of the older populace seemed to recognize him if their surprised faces were any indication. Iehter that, or they were just astonished that a man was in the area considering that most of the stores were run by women. Most men found jobs in areas like iron country. A Kunoichi-centric village like Konoha had very little use for men. And so the gender ratio was like 98:2.

He paid them all no mind as he made his way towards the hill with the Namikaze-Uzumaki estate on it. He walked the curved road that swirled upwards to the front door of the mansion, a design tradition made to honor Uzugoshiogakure. He took note of the various flowers that decorated the space in between the line of the swirl. He remembered being the one who started those plants, and it would seem his family continued it in his honor. Something to remind them of him he supposed. Thye eve kept the Cherry Blossom tree that was on the inner part of the second swirl. He smiled at that, he had some good memories involving that tree.

He stood in front of the door for a good while. Apprehensions to even knock on the door and see his beloved mother for the first time in thirteen years. What would she do? hit him with a frying pan like he saw her do to his Ma so many times? Embrace him in a hug like he expected her to do? Grab him and put seals on him so that he could never leave the house ever again? Mustering up the courage that brought him home in the first place, with a shaky hand, he knocked on the door.

First once, then twice, and then three rapid knocks. It was a family secret knock. Every family member had a different one. And this was his.

There was an uncomfortable silence as he waited for someone to open the door. He debated whether it was a good idea or not to run away before someone opened up the door. Yes he was that nervous to meet with his family again. It wasn't an estranged relationship per say, but it was slightly distant. He run away at the age of five, before his mothers could instill different life lessons in him and teach him the way of the world. He had taught himself everything he knew. How to survive, how to fight, and he created his own world view. All through trial and error.

He was about to turn away, but he heard the door open. Brought out of his thoughts he saw his redheaded mothers face for the first time in years. There were tears flowing from her eyes, but there was no mistaking that the women before him was Kushina Uzumaki. Wife of the yondaime hokage Minako Namikaze, and the former jinchuriki of the Kyubi no Kitsune.

"Naruto…" she whispered. Her form visibly shaking. Tears were flowing from her violet eyes as she slowly moved towards her wayward son.

Naruto allowed himself a small smile as he opened his arms slightly. "Hey mom…I'm back." He said just before Kushina threw herself onto him, crying her heart out in joy. She had her son back. Her son came back to her. Her family was finally back together.

She stayed like that for a good few ten minutes before disengaging from her son. Tears still flowing from her eyes as she appraised her sons new look, her eyes going up and down across his person.

"You've grown so big since I last saw…" she whispered. Her mind still reeling from the reality in front of her. It was all she could say really. All her mind could process.

"Yeah…" Naruto said, not knowing what else say to her. To Kushina, this is the most happiest moment she's had in years, her son coming back to them, but to Naruto it was the most awkward thing he's had to experience since that one time on that island of amazon people.

Kushina stared at him for a good while more before turning around. "Why don't you come inside and tell me what you've been up to…I'll make some tea if you don't mind." She said as he gave him a motherly smile.

Naruto nodded, but before Kushina could walk away he grabbed her arm. "Why don't you sit down in the living room and wait for me. I'll make the tea." He said with a smile.

Kushina kept her smiling face, inwardly screaming in joy that her son would do that for her. "I would like that." She said as tears sprouted from her eyes once again.

The Mansion was still how he remembered it. Same three story building with large a living room the size of three classrooms, a dining room you would find in a castle, paintings and fancy pottery and all, a bathroom that the whole family can fit in as once (and did from what Naruto could remember of the first five years of his life), multiple bedrooms that you would expect a king or emperor to sleep in, and finally, a kitchen that could only be used efficiently if you had multiple servants, and or maids.

That or you were an Uzumaki with access to the shadow clone jutsu. But Naruto didn't, so he simply grabbed a teapot, some water and teal leaves. Mixed it all up, and with quick chants of something incomprehensible due to mumbling, Naruto made hot tea on the spot, and ready to be drinked on the go.

As he walked through the house, he was enveloped in a wave of nostalgia. Walking down the halls, he could see a four-year old him running around, playing with his by-one-year-older sisters, Kyoto and Suki, clones of Minako and Kushina respectively.

As he walked down to the hallway were his sisters and he broke a couple of really expensive vases playing a game of 'tag-ball' he came upon the sight of his mother sitting on the couch in the living room, looking at a picture book of their family. Again, she had tears in her eyes.

He grabbed his mother's attention when he put the teapot on the table and poured his mother a cup of it. She smiled at him as she took the steaming cup from him. Kushina gazed at her son as he untied all the swords from his back and put them down on the glass coffee table that sat in between four couches in a square formation. It was the family card game table he remembered. Naruto then leaned his great sward against the couch before he sat down.

The two gazed at the each other and the swords before Naruto cut the silence. "To start off, I didn't run away because you weren't a good mother, you're a great mother if you're wondering. I simply left for personal reasons…" he stated. As he got into a relaxed, seated position.

Kushina kept her gaze on the swords. Specifically the Key of Lorelei. "When you left…I noticed that one of the books was missing from my personal library." She said. Her voice barely above a whisper.

Naruto kept silent.

"When you left…we were shattered. We looked everywhere for you, but we could never find you…it was three years ago…ten years after you left…that I gave up." She said. The tears threatening to fall from her eyes once again.

She rubbed her eyes with her elbow to clear them up. "I always wondered, was it because I wasn't a good enough mother? Did I ever abuse you and not notice it? Did I by chance…neglect you? I had to be restrained to a hospital bed to stop me from going and looking for you personally. And Minako couldn't go due to her having to take care of the village in wake of the Kyubi attack…"

Goddamnit mom, I know I was a shitty son…

"But then I noticed that there was a book missing from my personal collection. It was one of the books that I had managed to recover from my homeland…and it was the book I always read to you as a bedtime story…the book I thought was nothing but mere fiction…until I laid eyes on this sword…"

She then looked at Naruto with tears in her eyes. To which Naruto simply got up and went over to his mother to hug her. She returned the embrace without an ounce of hesitation. "Please…tell me why you left us…why you left your sisters alone…why you abandoned your village to chase after some relics of the past…" she begged into Naruto's ear.

"I…" he began. Tears coming from his eyes as he realized just how much he had hurt his mother and family. "I left to become stronger…when the Kyubi attacked out village…I saw so many people die from it alone…as they tried in vain to hold it off…and there was me, sitting away from it all…crying in a corner as I held your bleeding body that Ma dropped off before grabbing my newborn sisters…"

Kushina began to rub his back as he cried into her shoulder. Doing what any mother does when confronted with a crying child that belonged to her.

"Throughout it all…I couldn't do anything…I could do nothing but cry and hope that it would be alright as I listened to the screams of terror all around me. My sisters and I were crying as we held your bleeding body…and there was nothing we could do…no matter how much you reassured us that it would be fine…we couldn't hold onto that hope with the Kyubi's presence in the area…we couldn't do anything but cry and hope…and I couldn't do anything but cry and hope…"

He stopped for a bit as he backed away from his mother, whipping the tears away from his cheeks. "So that day, I resolved to become strong. Strong enough to protect my family. The village could burn for all I care as long as you, Ma, and the rest of the family are safe. So I learned the Albert-style of swordsmanship. And I trained. I trained for years and years. And now…" he trailed off.

"Now I can fight on the level of Jonin Kunoichi." He declared with a smile.

To say that statement rocked Kushina's world would be to say that Nomora has a zipper and belt fetish. Never before has any man ever said that with such confidence. And Kushina was inclined to believe him. There was something in the way he carried himself and the way he held that large sword of his on his that layed on the table.

Gathering her wits, Kushina gave her son a smile. "Normally I would laugh at such a proclamation…but a mother has to have faith in her children doesn't she?" she said with perfect clarity. Giving her son a radiant smile that conveyed her belief in him to him.

With a grin, Naruto sat down onto the couch with his mother. "So why don't you let me tell you all about the things that happened during my adventure?"

Kushina simply took another sip and smiled at her son. "I would love to hear that. How about you start off with how someone wearing the same clothes as you got the moniker 'The Berserker'?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head in a sheepish manner, much like Minako does Kushina noted.

"Well, funny story that…" he began as he recounted an rather interesting tale involving a cranky old lady, a mop, thirteen bottles of beer on the wall, exploding flowers, Coca-Cola, a pregnant lady, incompetent law enforcers, and the most importantly, a snickers bar.

Minako Namikaze was having a rather infuriating day. For one, Tsunade Senju had actually snuck into Konoha's sake storage and drunk herself almost to death (she was in a coma), she had to deal with Might Gaea crashing into her office nacked (for reasons unknown and better left unknown), her old sensei was arrested for sexual harassment (again), the old war buzzard was still secretly running root, someone switched her coffee for hot chocolate (never mess with Minako's coffee), she got a report that the Berserker was in town, and finally, her daughters that were just about graduate had thought that it would be a funny idea to deface the hokage monument.

Minako was not amused. But her wife was.

The spiky blonde haired woman that was the fourth hokage was a buxom women. She had on a simple jonin flak jacket that only served to show just how big a bust was hidden under her hokage robes. She wore simple shinobi blue pants, and shinobi sandals.

Minako was tired. Damn tired. And it had been a long while since she got laid. Maybe she would go along with Kushina's idea of letting her be the father this time? Nah, not yet. The average Kunoichi lifespan was about 200 years. She had…what, seventy-sixty more years until she was middle aged? With a sigh, Minako looked over to the cherry blossom tree that she would play with Naruto under, or have a picnic with the rest of the family. It had been a good long six years after Naruto left that Aiko suggested that idea to Kushina.

Great, now she was thinking about Naruto now…he would be what? Eighteen now? She and Kushina had missed his entire teenage life and a good half of his childhood. Not for lack of trying mind you, she sent their best Anbu and hunter Nins after her wayward son, but they never found anything.

Nothing, zilp, zich, Nada. It was as if he had become a ghost and left the world of the living. Hell, Kushina gave up on finding him three years ago. That was one of the saddest days in Minako's life, having to give up on finding her son. That didn't mean that she threw away the presents that she kept in a storage scroll in his bedroom in case they ever found him again though.

With her head in the clouds, Minako opened the doors of her and her family's home. And was promptly brought out of her thoughts when she heard the sound of her beloved wife, Kushina laughing her lungs out. This gave Minako pause, simply because she hadn't heard her wife laugh like that in a longtime. Not since…Naruto.

She then walked into the living room and found herself gazing at the sight of her wife flailing around as what appeared to be the Berserker recounting the end of a rather interesting tale that Minako was rather interested in.

"-At that point the old lady grabbed the mop I had in my hands before shoving it up the police guys ass, looked at me, and said 'Young man, if you know what's good for you, you will ignore what I am about to do like the pussy ass bitch you are and watch as my fine ass teaches these motherfucking shits a lesson that even your mother will feel in the morning.'"

Once again, Kushina burst out laughing. "I can't breathe!" she exclaimed in between bouts of the giggles. A minute later and she had composed herself and told him to go on. She was still giggling however.

"Well, it was after the fact that a bunch of Law officers were beat around by an old lady using one of them as mace that I got my little tittle. It seemed that a bunch of douches couldn't take the fact that they got beat by a badass old lady and her pregnant granddaughter. So they…how shall we say…took their anger out in a really petty way by putting a bounty on my head. Then again, it's probably because I drank all their alcohol without sharing a drop of it…But at least I got to try the old lady's delicious cookies!" the man added at the end."

He finished his small epic by giving the bird in the direction of the hallway opposite of Minako, presumably in the direction of the people who put the bounty on the Red Berserkers head.

With a giggle, Kushina continued on with the conversation. "So were else did you go on your travels?"

The man, who looked oddly familiar to Minako, scratched his chin in thought. "Well, I did have a few misadventures in this country of mages called Fiore. As well as some places in the grand line…"

Kushina blinked at that. "A country of mages? As in…magic?" she asked, curious about the possibility of magic existing.

The man nodded. "Yeah. You need to visit sometime. They have some stuff over there that's out of this world. I even picked up a bit of magic over there, as well as a music…player thing. As well as my magic rucksack, damn thing is nearly bottomless. Oh! And I met a dragon over there as well, called herself Grandeeney. She was taking care of a little girl named Wendy. Sweet thing she was." He said with a smile as he went into nostalgia mode.

That seemed to pick Kushina's interest. Although she didn't ask for more details about this Fiore country that Minako made a note to learn more about from the Berserker. "Well…what can you tell me about your time in the grand line? All that I know about that place is that it's a chain of islands…"

That seemed to make the man happy. "The grand line eh? Well…it's more than a chain of islands." He began, his grasp on Kushina's attention masterful. "It's a place of adventure, of excitement, of death, of hardship, but most of all…it's the place that the strongest people in the world reside. Those that seek adventure and riches flock to the seas of the grand line, which can change from a calming cruise to a typhoon in the span of three seconds, no exaggeration."

Kushina gasped at the idea of the man going to such a place and braving it. Minako didn't know why Kushina would care that much about the Berserker, other than the explanation that the two became fast friends in the span of a few hours.

"And you went to such a place!? And came out alive!?" she all but shouted, concern heavily noticeable in her voice.

He gave her a cheeky grin. "Yep! Some of the most awesome of my adventures took place in those waters!" he said with a laugh. "Although…I never got past the first half of the grand line. I only stayed in 'Paradise' so to speak." He said in air quotes.

"Damn it Naruto, don't give me that tone! You went to quite possibly the most dangerous place on the planet! Of course I'm going to fret and worry!" she said as her infamous temper took over.

Minako dropped the coffee mug she was holding. The shattering of her favorite coffee mug drawing the attention of those present.

Kushina was silent. Giving her wife the time she needed to get over her shock. That didn't stop the smile from coming onto her face at the sight of another family member reuniting with their lovable blonde-with-red-highlights.

Naruto was silent as he slowly walked over to his 'Fathers' trembling form. It would seem that the shock was probably too much for the yellow flash. That is until her shacking form began to slowly inch its way toward the approaching form of her grown up child.

When Naruto stood in front of her, she cupped his cheek with one hand while staring into the crystal clear blue eyes of his, eyes that he obtained from her.

Minako stood like that for a good long while. As if she lost her voice.

Finally, she did speak. "Is it really you…?" she asked. Slightly masculine women or not, she was still a 'mother' with maternal instincts and all that jazz. And right now, her mind had shut down from the sight of her runaway son that her wife had given up on finding.

Naruto simply nodded. Finding the idea of verbally answering that a bad idea with the current mood.

And then she hugged him. Again, just like her wife, tears were flowing out of her eyes. "Your back…your finally back." She repeated like a mantra for a few minutes. It would seem that Minako had all but given up hope of ever seeing her son again after thirteen long years.

"Yeah…I'm back home Ma."

And then Kushina joined in for a group hug.

"Wait, Kyoko and Suki are out on a mission for how long?"

"Well…they're supposed to be back by tomorrow for Aiko and Mithra's graduation. So the whole family should be reunited by then. I was thinking of doing a celebratory family dinner for the occasion."

"Ah, Kushina's exquisite cooking. I'm down for that!"

"Actually…I was thinking that me and Naruto should make everything together…"

"Eh? My adorable little Naru-chan cooks?

"For the last time Ma…I'm a grown man, at least treat me like one…"

"Nonsense! I'm making up for all the time that I couldn't baby my adorable little baby! Now shut up and say 'Aw'!"

"Hell no Ma! I can feed myself!"

"Language young man! And Minako, put a damn shirt back on!"

"Why? It's approaching g summer time and the weathers showing it! It's too hot to wear something as stuffy as the Hokage's robes!"

"Actually mom, this is nothing. After being stuck on Amazon lily for about three months I'm kinda desensitized to incredibly attractive half-naked women. And remember, she is my Ma. Not exactly trying to jump her bones am I?"

"Didn't need the image Sochi…"

"Speaking of…when are you going to get yourself a nice girl to settle down with son?"

Naruto was sitting at the dinner table, the giant ass rectangular one that can fit sixteen people that's in the dining room, with his parents. With Minako at the head of the table with her wife and son at the sides of the table, opposite ends closest to her. Sweet delicious homemade Ramen. An Uzumaki-Namikaze's favorite food. And one of the first things Naruto made for his parents when they asked to try and eat his cooking.

Needless to say they gave him a triple star.

Naruto deemed Kushina's comment as sputter worthy. "M-mom! Really!?"

She simply put laid her head on her hand and pouted. "Aw, c'mon! you already told me you had lots of adventures! Don't tell me you didn't run into any pretty girls on your little escapades!" she cheered at him.

Naruto gained a thoughtful look. "Well…I did run into this really nice girl I ran into on the grand line…but she was already taken."

That didn't seem to satisfy Kushina, nor Minako if the fact that her full attention was on Naruto was any indication.

"Well, what was she like son?" asked Minako with a curious tone as she took another sip of her coffee.

"Well, she was a nice pretty thing. Long black hair, hips that just snaked everywhere, the most curious yet entrancing eyes of pure violet crystalline flowers, and a decent bust that was moderate for a slender women like herself." He finished with a grin.

Kushina finished ramen bowl number twenty three. "Oh ho! Seems like someone had a little crush!" she then jabbed her elbow into Minako's shoulder, "Seems like our baby boy is growing up!"

Minako simply sweatdropped. "He's an eighteen year old Kushina. I would say he IS grown up."

The redhead pouted. "Geh, your no fun Mina. Cant a mother at least try to tease her own child?"

"Well I'm pretty sure that our little child is all grown up and can take care of himself."

"Don't remind me…I mean, I'm glad he came back and all…but I wanted to be there to constantly embarrass him throughout his life.

"Uhh…accomplished swordsman, right here." Naruto said, pointed to himself with his own chopsticks. "Not like I'm being noticed…" he muttered.

"Sorry about that Sochi, but now that you bring that up…" began Kushina with a finger on her chin a she adopted a thoughtful expression.

"What's the point of the other swords? I mean, you told us that you prefer using the greatsword, and you only use the key of Lorelei when going against worthy opponents." Finished Minako.

"It's because those other three swords are gifts. The Maestro sword for mom, Flamberge for Kiyoko, and the Vorpal blade for Suki." Explained Naruto.

Kushina's eyes widened. "Y-you're really giving me such a valuable sword!? I saw the craftsmanship on that blade and age hasn't affected its pristine condition any bit!" exclaimed Kushina.

"Yeah. I thought you might like it. It seems to fit your style ya know. And last I heard my older sisters wanted be swordswomen just like you mom." Naruto replied with a cheeky grin on his face as some of the broth fell down his chin.

His mother smiled at that. "So you brought souvenirs from your journey for the entire family eh? Well it's definitely something you would do…I'll take the sword Naruto. And thank you, it means a lot for you to get me something a one of a kind gift." She told him just as she finished her twenty-sixth bowl.

The Swordsman in Red only now took notice of his mother's horrifying rate of consumption of the many, many, MANY ramen bowls he had cooked up. He knew of his two mother's insatiable love for ramen. That's why he and Kushina cooked so many bowls of the stuff. He had hoped that they would at least consume half of the ramen, but it would seem that they would eat all of it.

All 87 bowls of ramen. If their respective stacks were any indication. Naruto looked at his own measly stack of eight bowls. Compared to the appetites of all the females in his family…wait.

He was the only male in his entire family line.

That's mildly depressing.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the doors of the estate open, and the sounds of panting voices reverberated down the hallway of the kitchen. "I keep telling you Aiko, I don't know what you see in that bitch Satsuki, Itachi's sister or not…she's a bitch." Came one of the obvious female voices.

"You don't need to call her that Mithra! Sure she's a jerk, but that's because she has to act like a jerk! Quit being so mean to her!" came the other voice.

"I completely forgot about Itachi! He did say that he would be returning to the leaf two years ago when we ran into each other in Fiore. Hopefully he's gotten better at his swordsmanship cuz I need a real challenge. It's been nothing but bandits and Marauders my whole journey home!"

"Hey Aiko, the hells that smell?"

"I don't know…but it smells like…"

Naruto just looked at his mother's. "It's genetic isn't it?" he asked incredulously.

Minako nodded. "Well, it's more along the lines of an Uzumaki genetic trait. I kind just built up a tolerance for the stuff." She said while pointing at Kushina's ever increasing amount of bowls with her thumb.

Naruto sighed. "This damn family is whack as all hell…but I like it." He said with a grin just as the two other family members entered the dining room.

Aiko Uzumaki-Namikaze was a somewhat clone of Kushina. Sure, she had the same red hair and fiery temper, but she had Minako's eyes and face shape. But she had Kushina's somewhat angular nose. She was dressed in a red silk Kimono that befitted someone of her status, leather shoes instead of shinobi sandals, and had her hair in a ponytail. She was also drooling at the many, many, MANY bowls of hot ramen that haven't cooled off in the past thirty minutes.

Magic. That's how.

Mithra Namikaze-Uzumaki was a 75 percent clone of Minako. Spiky blonde hair? Check. Violet eyes? check. Green jacket covering a tank top and blue shorts? Check. Hairband preventing her hair from drooping down her face and obscuring her vision? Check.

While Aiko was visibly drooling over the crapton amount of ramen in front of her, Mithra was analyzing the stranger that was in her house, sitting across from her mother. She noted that this person was obviously someone with either a reputation, an old friend that their parents never told them about, or a politically important person with enough value to warrant being invited over to dinner with her parents.

But that wasn't what stood out to Mithra. It was the fact that the person that had apparently eaten twelve bowls of Ramen was a MAN. Something that young Mithra saw very rarely. And that he was apparently ripped.

As in, flex and shit explodes ripped.

She did what any confused girl would do in the presence of an incredibly hot guy, she waved, "Uhh…hi." She deadpanned. A bit of drool seeping from her mouth.

Naruto saw the stare his little sister was giving him. It was the same stare that a lot of women gave him on his travels. He was being viewed as a piece of meat in her eyes. And she was just waiting to pounce.

Thankfully Kushina intervened. "Aiko, Mithra! Say hello to your big brother!" she cheered with a smile and a wave.

"Honey don't talk with your mouth full."

The two thirteen year olds waved cheerfully and synchronized "HI ONII-CHAN!"

…

…

…

Mithra broke the silence. "Wait we have a big brother!?"

Apparently the same thought didn't run through Aiko's mind because she was already hugging a flustered Naruto. Who seemed to be freaking out.

"Awww, what's this? Is my little Sochi afraid of being hugged by a female? Even if she is his adorable little sister?"

Naruto responded with a deadpan stare. "Kinda. All female contact reminds me off this weird lady with this sick fetish for-"

"We are at the dinner table son. You can talk about gross stuff later. But right now im trying to eat." Interrupted Minako.

Naruto held down his head in shame. "Yes Ma…"

"Oh, and son…"

"Yes Ma?"

Naruto began to pay his full attention to his 'Father' when he saw the serious face she had. "Tomorrow is Graduation day. I want you to go over there and spar with the Chunnin instructor over there in front of the brats."

"Is there any reason by chance that you want me, a man, to go over and spar in front of a bunch of kids?" he asked as he managed to pry Aiko off of him and handed her a bowl of Ramen for her to eat. At this point, Mithra had gotten over the whole 'you have a big brother' thing and was now sitting down and eating her respective bowl.

"It is precisely because you are a man that I want you to go over there and demonstrate in front of the kids."

Naruto shrugged. "A lesson in unexpected variables during missions as a final lesson I take it?" he asked as he shoved his mouth full of delicious noodles.

"Exactly. That and I kinda want to see some Chunnin react to a man able to fight on par with them without chakra. Oh, and no swords."

"Damn."

"…am I the only one still shocked that I have a big brother?"

"Mithra, shut up and eat your noodles that I cooked for our mother."

"Yes onii-chan."

"…that's still something that I will need to get used to…"

VIOLENCE NEXT CHAPTER.

CUE THE AIRHORNS!

BABABABWAAAAAA