I was dying. I couldn't believe this. I'd spent my life being a shitty person and this is what I got. I had managed to kill myself. I couldn't help but smile as the thought crossed my mind. My heart was beating so slowly, it was a miracle that it hadn't stopped yet. Here I was, dying. 17 years in the world and it was all for nothing. I felt the blood run down my face, but I couldn't do anything about it. I was over dosing, and I couldn't stop it. I realized horribly, that this wasn't the way I wanted to go out, in a drug den on the floor with no one around me. I tried to reach into my pocket to get my phone, but I couldn't manage it. I couldn't lift my arms or move my body the way I wanted to. I was going to die here, and that was going to be the end of my story. I wanted to laugh, but I was so weak I couldn't get it out. My vision was going fuzzy, the edges turning black. So this was it huh? I guess I would have to make my peace with that. I shut my eyes, too tired to keep them open. My last moments were going to be spent in this hell hole, and I couldn't do anything about it.

I heard a faint beeping noise as I came to. I had no idea where I was, but it smelled like a hospital. Maybe this is what hell truly smelled like. Although the stale scent of piss was pretty close. I didn't want to open my eyes. I wasn't even sure if I could. My lids felt so heavy, my chest hurt, my head hurt. Everything in me hurt. I let out a groan as I decided to open my eyes. I was in a hospital. I could tell by the ceiling tiles, and the whiteness of it all. I looked over to see the heart monitor beeping away next to me, the IV on the other side. Not hell, but pretty close. I didn't want to move. My whole body ached. I hadn't had any drugs in how long, and I knew this was part of the withdrawal. I'd felt it before when I was trying to stay off sick, and it was not a pleasant feeling.

"Oh! You're finally awake! Let me go alert your family," a voice said. I looked over to see a nurse with a pleasant smile on her face as she left the room again.

My family? Great. This was going to be good. I can only imagine what my aunt and uncle were going to say to me. This was going to be the worst awakening yet. It was bad the first time when my aunt had started crying at the sight of me. By now, they had basically given up on me, and left me to my own devices. Who would have guessed a rich kid would be a drug addict, right? Certainly not them. They kept my problems as secret as they could, but it was hard to dismiss when their neice would show up to parties tweaking out on coke.

The nurse led in my brother, of all people, instead of my aunt and uncle. I gave him a confused look as he came to my bedside and hugged me tightly. Maybe they weren't here. Maybe they didn't even want to come. Part of me hoped they decided to disown me, and leave me to rot in hell where I belonged.

"Eri? How are you?" Ichiro asked.

"How do you think I am?" I choked out. My mouth was dry. He poured me a glass of water and I took a long drink from the cup. "I almost died, I'm going through withdrawal and I feel like I should be dead. Does that answer your question?"

He looked at me sadly. "Eri, please don't be like that. I'm here because I love you. Aunt Akari and Uncle Hibiki didn't want to show up to see you like this. I took off work to come and see you."

"Good," I spit as I set my cup down. "I didn't want to see them anyway. Fuck them."

"Eri! Please! We're in a hospital!"

I shrugged. I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask for some idiot to save my life. I tried to save my own, and wasn't able to. I was sure I was dead this time. I hadn't been at home for this over dose. My aunt and uncle still let me live in their house, for whatever stupid reason even after having found me near death once before. I think they hoped I would change my ways. I never did. It was always the same. They were stupid for letting me stay with them. All it did was fund my habits.

"I'm taking you home with me this time. I want you to get better. I don't want my only sister dying on me. They're planning to discharge you tomorrow now that you're awake. I want to get you the best care possible.

I was silent for a minute. "What if I don't want to get better, Ichiro? What if I want to stick to my old ways and just finally die in peace? Did you ever think of that?" I wasn't harsh. There was pain in my voice. My pain ran deep. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I just wanted to be alone, and left to die. I didn't think it was all that much to ask for.

"I don't care. You're my sister. You're all I have left, Eri. You need help. I will provide you with that help. We'll get you back in school, and everything. I can put you in a great private school where I know you'll thrive. Will you give me a chance?"

I didn't want to, but I felt like I had to try for him. I sighed before I looked at him. "Fine. But if I want to leave at any time, I'm going. You won't stop me."

"I'll do everything in my power to make sure you won't want to leave."

The car ride to my brother's house was miserable. I hurt so much worse. My joints hurt, my body hurt. It felt like my bones were going to break with every bump in the road, every harsh stop. My fever was out of control, and I was sweating like crazy. First hot, then cold, then chills. I felt nauseated, but managed to keep my stomach contents down during the drive. Ichiro told me to let the driver know if he needed to pull over. So far I was going really good. As soon as the driver parked the car in the driveway, I was out, puking in the yard. This was going to be the worst thing I've ever dealt with. Ichiro led me up to the house and on to the couch in the living room, placing a bucket before me. He grabbed some water and let me have a sip before sitting down next to me.

"It's going to be a rough couple of weeks. I've gotten everything I could possibly think of to help you. I've taken a few extra days, letting them know you were sick and needed me here. I don't trust anyone else to take care of you. I'm having your things brought over tomorrow, but we'll sort through all of the important stuff when you're feeling better."

It took me 4 days of puking my guts up before I could hold down anything remotely like food. Ichiro gave me applesauce and toast just for the time being. There were a few times when I thought I was going to puke that up, but it all managed to settle. I was still in a lot of pain. He gave me acetaminophen to help, but it didn't do anything. At least I could keep it down this time. I wanted to die still, the fever hadn't quite gone away, but it was better than it had been.

By the end of the week, I was feeling almost normal. I'd rather have done a line to help boost me up, but I knew those options were off the table. I was in a new town now, all of my old connections lost when Ichiro took my phone, broke it, and cut the line. He gave me a new phone with a new number. My only contact was him. I laid on his couch, half asleep when he finally came home from work that evening. I hadn't slept that well through being sick, and needed to sleep so badly, but he had managed to interrupt me. He had all of my things sent to his place, but I hadn't even been able to leave the couch to go and start sorting through all of my things. I didn't want to move. I still didn't feel perfectly ok, but it was better than feeling like I was dying.

"You're looking better today," he commented as he sat down beside me.

"Yeah, but I just want to sleep. I slept all day, and was about to doze off before you came home," I replied.

"I'm sorry. I know you want to rest, but we need to talk about some things. First, let's go get some dinner."

His house keeper did the cooking for him, and always made sure there was a meal on the table when he was home. She was a nice, older lady, about mid 40s that made the best smelling food. Of course, for the first few days, it sent me puking my guts up, but I was looking forward to actually tasting the food. She'd made a simple dish of chicken and wild rice tonight, keeping in mind my delicate stomach of course. This woman was going to be my savior. I took a bite and almost screamed. It was so good, nothing seemed to taste better than this.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I asked tentatively.

"I got your enrollment forms for Ouran today. I had them sent to the office. I wanted to start filling them out. I want to get you in there before the semester starts back up. I explained to the head chairman of the school that you'd had some troubles recently and would need some catching up, so he's arranging to have a student in your class come to the house a couple of times a week to catch you up on all that you missed. Next, I've been looking into a therapist as well. I've been looking at credentials and everything else and managed to narrow it down to three. They all specialize in drug and alcohol abuse, and agreed to come to the house for sessions. Your red hair might get you noticed and I figured you'd want this to be private," He explained.

"A therapist? Are you serious right now?" I asked.

"Of course I'm serious. You have a lot of things you need to deal with, Eri. I'm hiring someone to help you. I told you I'd do everything in my power to help you, and that's exactly what I'm doing. If you don't choose a therapist, then I'll pick one for you."

"Fine! Show me their files, and I'll pick."

He smiled as he grabbed three manilla folders from his work bag and pushed them across the table. One was a man, which was automatically out. The other two were women. One was about Aunt Akari's age and the other was about my brothers age. I didn't want someone to play a mom to me so I picked the young one. She had a kind looking face. I pushed the folder back across the table.

"This one. I want this one," I said as I finished off my plate.

"Miss Fumiko then? I'll call her first thing in the morning to get her set up to come to see you before you start school."

I wanted to roll my eyes.

"Finally, I've found an out patient rehab program to put you in. They do weekends, so it won't interfere with school. I've got you set up in the program, but you won't start for a few more weeks. They just need to verify insurance information, and see if there are any out of pocket costs I'll need to cover while you're there. It's for a month, so it won't be too long. However, it's highly recommended that you go. I thought about putting you in a 12 step program, but then things with school would get more complicated. You've already been out for 6 months. I don't want to put you a whole grade behind."

"Out patient rehab?! That means I'll actually have to attend in person!" I groaned.

"Yes, but it's not in a neighborhood nearby. It's about an hour away, so you won't have to worry about being recognized by anyone you know, or anyone at school, ok?"

I sighed and nodded my head. I took my plate to the sink and went back to the couch and threw the blanket over my head. Why did I agree to all of this shit? I couldn't believe I was being roped into all of this. How did he expect me to go to school and handle this like it was nothing? Maybe that wasn't his intention. I know Ichiro just wanted me better, but I was still unsure of whether or not I even wanted to be better.

"Why don't you go up stairs and start getting your things put away, hmm? I'll get started on these papers so I can get them turned into the school," Ichiro said after a moment.

I sighed again before throwing the blanket off, and trudging up the stairs. I just wanted to sleep. I knew things needed done, but I felt like crap. I felt like I hadn't slept in a month (which may or may not be entirely true) and wanted nothing more than to be left alone to be in a small coma for a couple of days. I opened the door to my new room, and started grabbing a box. It was full of clothes, so that should be simple enough. I hung up what went in the closet, and put away what went into the dresser. That, at least, took away most of my work.

I started setting up my posters, and my little figures on the shelves before I finally called it quits. I laid on the bed, turning on the tv. I put on something mindless so I wouldn't be sucked into it. I just wanted background noise to fall asleep to.

Miss Fumiko came to the house a few days later to get started on our sessions. She told my brother that she wanted to start talking to me before school started just to gauge where I was and how I was feeling. I didn't really want to meet with her, I was still feeling pretty bad by the time the appointment rolled around. I still ached all over, and it didn't seem like it was going to go away any time soon. There was a knock at my bedroom door, I yelled for them to come in, and saw that the housekeeper had shown Miss Fumiko up to my room. I sat up, and let her sit down in my computer chair at my desk.

"Hi, Eri. I'm Fumiko. You and I will be meeting once a week to talk from now on," She said with a pleasant smile.

She seemed like a really nice lady. She was soft spoken with a really cute, short haircut. Her hair was a really nice chestnut brown color, and brown eyes to match. Maybe therapy wouldn't be so bad with someone who seemed as nice as her. However, I was still wary on trusting her.

"So where do we start?" I asked, wanting to get to the point.

"Well, I want to start off by telling you that anything you say to me will not be repeated to anyone else, unless I have suspicion that you are a danger to yourself or others. In that case, then I either have to inform the police, or tell your brother. That can also lead to an admittance into the psychiatric ward of the hospital, ok?"

I nodded.

"So let me ask you a couple of questions. Our goal here is to find a diagnosis so we can better treat you. If you're uncomfortable at any point, just let me know and we'll talk about something else. Do you have feelings of hopelessness?"

"Yeah I suppose," I answered. No point in lying to her. She was supposed to be here to help me, after all.

"What about feelings of guilt, helplessness, and/or worthlessness?" she asked.

I laughed a little. "I'm a drug addict, lady, of course I have those feelings."

"Loss of interest in hobbies?"

I nodded again.

"What about insomnia? Do you have trouble sleeping, or do you sleep too much?"

"Yeah, both I would say. But mostly, I end up sleeping too much."

"Have you had, or do you have suicidal thoughts?"

I nodded.

"Have you hurt yourself at all or recently?"

"No, it's been a couple of weeks."

She wrote some things down on her notebook before looking back up at me. "It sounds like you do have depression. However, whenever we're done, I'm going to give your brother a card for a psychiatrist to come see you. He and I will work together closely to get you a proper diagnosis, and get you on some medication that will work. It won't be easy. Medication changes are usually pretty difficult. We'll also be limited in our options because of your previous drug use. Is that something you'd be up for?"

I sighed. "I don't really have much of a choice. I told Ichiro I'd try, so if this is trying, then you might as well."

"Were you unwilling to undergo the changes you're experiencing?"

"Yes, very much. I didn't want to get better. I'm still unsure of whether or not I want to, honestly. I just feel like he would have been better off if he had just left me be."

"Do you think that maybe you don't deserve to get better?"

I shrugged. "I guess."

"Well, Eri, that's not true. Everyone deserves a chance at life, especially you. You're still young. You don't have a record yet. You can still do so much with your life. Have you ever thought about something you'd like to do in the future?"

I shrugged again. "I thought about art, but I don't really know what I'd do with it. I haven't touched a sketch pad or tried painting in a long time."

I saw a smile grace her lips. "Then I have some homework for you. I want you to start drawing again. Show me three things you've drawn for next week, ok? Our time is up for right now, but I'll be back at the same time next week, and we'll talk some more."

I showed her out, and said goodbye to her to be polite. She left me the card for the psychiatrist since Ichiro had to work late. I set it on the counter and sent him a text, letting him know. School would be starting in a few weeks, which means I had so much mental preparation to do before I would be able to make it through my first day.

A/N: This is going to be a really dark story. It's not going to be all hunky dory all the time. There are going to be some really hard things, like drugs, abuse, and probably things like molestation. If you are triggered or uncomfortable with any of these topics, please do not read this story.