Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Saving Private Ryan.
The wind whipped across Omaha Beach as six men sat around, smoking cigarettes.
"All right men, we've been assigned a new mission," Captain Miller said as he walked up to them.
"Where we going, Captain?" Private Reiben, the Brooklyn boy said.
"There's a girl, she's been captured by the Germans. We've got to go find her," Miller answered.
"Oooohhh. A woman. I like this mission already," said Reiben.
"Where are we gonna find this girl?" Private Jackson asked in his southern drawl.
"It's a search and rescue mission. We don't know exactly where she is, but we've got the general direction," responded Miller.
"So the eight of us are gonna risk our lives, walking around France, looking for one person?" Reiben asked.
"That's the idea," Miller said.
"As long as she's a woman," Reiben said.
"Let's go," Miller ordered, and with that, they moved out.
A few hours later, the squad was walking up a trail, when big-mouthed Reiben broke the silence.
"Hey, what does this lady look like? I mean, we're not going all over France looking for some ugly chick, right?"
"Reiben, regardless of what she looks like, it's our mission to rescue her," Miller said.
"Awww, man. Now I know she's ugly. You wouldn't have avoided the question if she were beautiful," Reiben reasoned.
"Reiben, I don't know what she looks like," responded Miller.
"Sir, I have an opinion on this matter," Jackson spoke up.
"And what would that be Jackson?" asked Miller.
"Well sir, it seems to me that this mission is a serious misallocation of valuable military resources," Jackson said.
"Let me get this straight. You want to go fight a war, when you could be looking for a woman?" Reiben asked.
"What I mean is, walkin' around France looking for one lady, is a waste of my God-given talent," Jackson said.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You won't be saying that when we find this chick," Reiben argued. "Unless…you're not gay, are you?" Moments later, Reiben heard a spitting noise, and felt some saliva hit his uniform.
"I ain't gay, I'm a trained soldier, and should be used as such. I could be sniping Germans right now, but instead I'm looking for a lady who could be anywhere in France," Jackson responded.
"I bet she's already dead," Mellish put in. "But I'm willing to walk across France looking for her anyway. I mean, who knows, maybe she'll reward me with a kiss."
"Yeah, right, Fish," said Caparzo.
Hours later, they arrived at a village. They fought their way through until they reached a church.
The squad slept in the church that night. Or at least, Jackson did.
"I don't know how he does it," Reiben commented. "Look at him, the guy's lights out the minute his head hits the pack.
"Clear conscience," Mellish said. "You know, I'm starting to think this mission was a bad idea, after all. I bet she's dead."
Reiben looked at Mellish. He had been thinking the same thing. Actually, he wasn't worried she was dead, but that she was old. What if she was like, 40, or something?
"This lady better be hot, that's all I'm saying," he said as he shook his head.