In Memoriam…

Chapter 1 – A Death In The Family

Cid stood at the podium. The mike, positioned inches from his face, projected a light static crackle across the silent auditorium. Nobody spoke. Some sobs were heard. Some hushed breathes spreading gossip and hearsay. Selphie looked down the row at her friends. Zell stared down at his gloved hands. Quistis stared ahead at Cid, her eyes hidden behind the glare reflected from the light on her glasses. Seifer's posture matched Quistis'; he looked ahead emotionlessly. Irvine's hat was off; it sat in his lap.

"Where was she?" she thought. Selphie turned her head to face forward, her eyes puffy from crying.

What a mess.

"SeeDs, students, faculty," Cid finally said, "In light of recent events, there are going to be some changes at Balamb Garden." Some kids behind Selphie were talking and she whipped her head around and glared.

They stopped.

"With the… misfortunate death of Squall Leonhart," Cid's voice cracked, but only for a moment, "who was a valued member of our Garden, I will no longer be stepping down as Headmaster and will continue on until a proper replacement…" his voice cracked again, "is found."

Selphie looked around the room, unable to listen to anymore of the speech. Hearing the words again, she felt her face heat up, her stomach clench, her eyes water.

Squall was dead.

People called it 'misfortunate', 'sad' and 'tragic'.

She called it 'senseless'.

Her thoughts ran to that night. She pictured Squall's lifeless face. The blood on the ground. The police lights flashing. She could still hear the sirens, and the sound of crying.

A hand touched her shoulder and she looked up to see Zell standing in front of her.

"It's over," he said. She looked at him confused. "Cid's speech," he said, "he's done talking." Zell's eyes were red and glossed over. Seeing them made the tears in Selphie's eyes grow and fall from her face. She stood and hugged him tightly. She breathed in the scent of his newly washed t-shirt; he had lost the top to his SeeD uniform again.

"We should go," Quistis said. Selphie let go of Zell and looked at the blond woman. She looked perfect. Her hair was perfectly placed up at the back. Her skirt and top were perfectly ironed. It seemed as though nothing could faze her. The only hint of pain could be seen in her eyes; once a bright blue had recently faded to a listless gray.

Selphie and Zell nodded and they followed Quistis, Irvine and Seifer out of the room. Around them, students were talking to each other about the events that had occurred over the last week.

"I heard that his head was cut clean off," said one girl to her friends.

"I heard that he was choking up so much blood that the paramedics threw up because it was too much for them," said another guy in the group.

"I heard you should shut the fuck up and get some respect." Seifer was looking at each person in the circle of gossips; their mouths open in shock at his outburst. Some were looking away in shame; others stared back at Seifer, afraid to back down lest they lose face.

Seifer's fists clenched up at his sides. There was silence among them, everyone just looking at each other.

"Seifer," said Quistis as she came behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, "let's go." His fists unclenched and he placed his hands in the pockets of his uniform. Even the rebellious Seifer wore his uniform instead of his trademark trench coat. Selphie could see that Seifer was truly upset over what had happened.

The two boys had once hated each other. They probably never stopped.

But Seifer was changing. Squall had changed. The two could have set aside their rivalry given time. But time had been taken instead.

"Maybe we should all get something to eat," suggested Irvine, his hat in his hands. Like Quistis, Irvine was calm. He was respectful throughout, using his time to soothe others. Selphie and Zell nodded but Seifer walked off in the direction of the front entrance.

"We should leave him alone," said Quistis as she watched him leave. "He does better by himself."

She turned on her heel and began to walk ahead toward the cafeteria, with Irvine and Zell following close behind. Selphie lagged a bit, watching as Seifer disappeared outside in the sunlight. It seemed to her like the sun was being inappropriate showing its face on this day.

Everything that reminded her of happiness seemed wrong today: the smell of flowers, the feeling of the warm summer breeze; it all seemed so… fake. Like she couldn't enjoy it because she wasn't supposed to, and it was being rude even existing.

"Selphie," called Zell from up ahead. She snapped out of her reverie and caught up with her friends.

As the group entered the cafeteria, all eyes went to them. They were the ones closest to Squall; they were the ones suffering the most. Thus they were the ones everyone wanted to know about.

"It's like we're on display," noted Zell as they made their way to an empty table in a corner of the room. He took a seat next to Selphie and watched as Quistis sat down in front of him.

"Is anyone actually going to get anything to eat?" asked Quistis. She took her glasses off and put them on the table. Her hands went up to massage her temples, as if the pieces of glass were giving her a headache.

"I'll have a…" Selphie waited for her body to tell her what she wanted, but nothing came to mind. Was this how she would always feel? Like nothing? "A water," she finally said.

"We'll get something," said Irvine as he nodded to Zell. In perfect Irvine style, he tried to be courteous to his female counterparts in this time of pain. Zell got up and followed his friend's lead.

The two girls sat in silence for a moment. Selphie looked up to Quistis, whose eyes were closed. She was still rubbing her head.

"Where's Rinoa?" Selphie finally croaked, the name sounding foreign to her. Quistis' eyes met Selphie's.

The blond looked at her for a moment before responding: "I don't know… in her room I guess." Selphie's pulse quickened. She knew that she was probably displacing her emotions, but Rinoa's actions of late were beginning to become… irksome.

"She should have been at the assembly," she said harshly.

"Selphie…" responded Quistis as she tucked a stray lock behind her ear.

"Did you see how she was acting at the funeral yesterday?" asked Selphie, her pulse now racing. She was fighting to keep her voice down, but she knew that it was likely coming out loud and squeaky, the way it always did when she got upset.

"She's grieving," stated Quistis.

"We all are." Quistis looked away in response. The two once again sat a moment in silence. The cafeteria was being extra quiet today. Like all the students were worried that making noise would be punished.

Selphie stood abruptly and crossed her arms.

"I'm going to go find her," she said and walked off. Quistis' mouth opened to speak but no words came out; she just watched her friend walk away and disappear behind the doors to the cafeteria.

On her way to Rinoa's room Selphie didn't speak to anyone, or look at anyone. She just marched forward, following the familiar path up to the dorms, with the growingly familiar feeling of sadness and rage.

Two emotions that recently she had decided were one in the same.

Selphie stood for a moment outside of Rinoa's room. Taking a deep breath she knocked twice on the door.

"Come in," Rinoa said from inside. "It's open." Selphie opened the door and entered the room to find Rinoa walking back and forth from her closet tossing clothes onto the bed.

"Hi," said Selphie quietly.

"Hey," responded Rinoa simply. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," said Selphie looking from Rinoa to the clothes piled high on her bed. "You missed this morning's assembly."

"I'm fine," answered Rinoa, "just sorting some clothes. Can you believe I still have some sweaters from 5 years ago in here? I'm so unorganized." Selphie stared at her.

Rinoa stared back.

"That's it?" asked Selphie finally, "you feel 'unorganized'?"

"And a little sneezy," said Rinoa, "there is some serious dust back there."

"I can't believe you," said Selphie her pulse once again beginning to race.

"I don't really understand what you want from me," answered Rinoa as she took a seat on an empty space on her bed and crossed her legs daintily.

"Squall is dead," stated Selphie.

"I'm aware of that Selphie, I was there."

"Then why are you acting like this?" she asked hot tears filling her eyes. "It's like you don't even care!"

Rinoa stared at Selphie like she was crazy.

"How do you want me to act Selphie? Do you want me to cry? Do you want me to cut off all my hair in a fit of insanity? Throw chairs against walls? Break tables?"

"I want you to be sad," said Selphie. Rinoa tossed some of her hair over her shoulder and stared at Selphie. Recently she had been growing her raven colored locks out, they were now almost to her waist.

"I don't really have time to be sad Selphie; I have stuff to do."

"Like what? Sort your clothes?"

"Among other things."

"I can't talk to you right now," said Selphie shaking her head. "Call me when your soul returns to your body." With that Selphie stormed out leaving Rinoa alone in the dim light of her room.

The blinds on her windows were all drawn shut, and only tiny slivers of sunlight peeked through, filling the room with an eerie glow.

Rinoa groaned and began to pace her room.

"She is being so unreasonable," she announced to the room. "I mean she is just acting so childish. 'Call me when your soul returns to your body'? That's pretty harsh. Don't you think?" she asked stopping in place and staring at the corner of her room.

There, beside her desk, in front of her wall, next to her window, stood Squall Leonhart leaning casually against her bookshelf, his arms crossed over his chest, wearing a white t-shirt and his black leather pants.

He wasn't dead.

He was perfect.

"She's worried about you," he replied. "They all are."

"Well they probably should be, I'm talking to my dead boyfriend."

Squall smiled. Rinoa loved that smile. She couldn't live without it.

"Maybe you should talk to them," he suggested.

"About you?" she asked skeptically, "I'm pretty sure they would have me committed, and I can't really be tied down at the moment." Squall's face stiffened.

"You can't be serious about your plan," he said.

"I certainly am," replied Rinoa walking towards her boyfriend. "Someone took you from me and they need to pay for it."

"I'm right here, and it's not like you're the police."

"I could be," she retorted. She was now standing right in front of him, their faces inches apart. "And you aren't here."

"You're very stubborn," he said.

"I know," she responded simply. He smiled again and took her in an embrace. She sighed deeply; she was sure she could still smell him. But she knew she was just making it up in her head.

Her arms tightened around him, and she nuzzled her face into his chest, but still, she felt her face fall. She could see him right in front of her, she knew she was talking to him and heard him speak back, but it was wrong.

It was all wrong.

"What's wrong," asked Squall sensing her uneasiness.

"I can't feel you," she responded slowly. "I mean… I'm in your arms but… I can't feel you… not really."

"No," he said as he planted a kiss on the top of her head, "I don't imagine you can."