Ashley laid in her bed, she was depressed. It was winter break and she
hadn't moved since the day she found out Craig had been cheating on her.
She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping, she hadn't had any social
interaction in a week except for her mom. Day by day she got worse, she got
more depressed.
Ashley looked down at herself, trying to see what fault Craig had seen in her first.
"I'm too fat, that's why he left me."
"I am too cautious I didn't give myself to him."
Many thoughts like this went through her head as she laid in bed.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was the day before the next term started and Ashley finally made her way out of bed. She stepped into a hot shower and let the steaming water pour all over her. Stepping out she slipped a towel around underneath her arms and wiped the steam off of the mirror. Her dark brown hair looked black when wet, and it usual flipped out shape hung straight. She then opened the door and walked into her room, putting on a gray pair of sweat pants and a black t-shirt with the slogan 'I am just a fucking ray of sunshine aren't I.' On it. Then she headed down stairs.
"Look you finally came out of hiding." Toby said as she entered the living room.
"Shut up." Ashley whispered while heading to the kitchen.
"Ashley are you hungry?" her mom Kate asked when she sat down.
"No." Ashley answered.
"Paige and Terri have both been calling for you, are you going to call them back?" Kate asked.
"No."
"Well then what are you going to do?"
"Sleep." Ashley said leaving the kitchen and heading back up to her room.
Then next morning Ashley woke up early even though she had only been asleep a few hours. She got out of bed and got dressed, did her hair and was out the door. In school she was silent even if a teacher called on her, she wouldn't answer. At lunch she didn't touch her food, and Paige, Terri and Ellie just stared at her.
"Ash are you okay?" Paige asked.
Ashley didn't answer, she just stared at some one. Paige, Ellie, and Terri all turned around to see Craig standing right there. They all gave him an evil glare and he slowly walked away.
"It's going to be okay." Terri said putting her hand on Ashley's shoulder.
Ashley got up from the table and ran to the girls washroom. The only person in there was the other last person besides Craig she wanted to see. It was Manny standing there fixing her lip gloss. Ashley slowly turned and tried to leave.
"Ashley wait." Manny said right before Ashley opened the door.
Ashley was silent but didn't move.
"Look I am really sorry."
Ashley felt the tears welling up in her eyes, and tried as hard as she could to hold them back. She couldn't hold back tears any more, soon every tear she had held back for the past two weeks came streaming down her face, they were multiplying as she turned around to grab a towel. She wiped her self off and then left trying to just escape from the terror of Craig. She left Manny standing there, a girl who just followed her heart.
Ashley was in class but she really wasn't her mind was off some where else. And before she knew it, school was over and it was time to go get back in bed. She walked into her house but her mom stopped her before letting her go up to her room.
"Ash we are going some where, you need to talk about this." Kate said.
"Mom I am fine, I just need some time to myself." Ashley answered trying to move past her mom.
"You can have time to your self after your therapy appointment."
Ashley had been to therapy before, she had done family therapy, then she went again after taking E. Ashley got into the car knowing she couldn't fight and win this battle.
"Are we going to see Dr. Sullivan?" Ashley asked popping gum in her mouth in the car.
"No I got you a new therapist, one who doesn't know your back round as much." Kate answered.
They pulled into a parking lot of a big building and made there way up to the fifth floor.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ashley sat on a dark green velvet couch, and woman with curly brown hair and glasses was staring back at her.
"So Ashley why don't you tell me what's going on with you and your life right now?" the lady asked.
"Well Dr. Stratford. See I was dating this guy named Craig."
"Did you love him? Or do you love him?"
"I did love him I don't know if I still do. Well see I thought everything was going great between us. I even gave him my grand father's guitar that he left to me. See Craig has had a really bad year after his fathers death. Then I found out he was cheating on me and has been lying to me for god knows how long." Ashley explained.
"And are you angry, or upset? I mean do you want to punch him or do you just want to cry?"
"Both." Ashley answered.
"Tell me what you mean by that?"
"Well see right after I found out from the girl we preformed at school. Well see I punched him then and walked off stage. But after he ran after me I became upset and cried and I have been depressed in bed since then."
"Was he your first true love?" Dr. Stratford asked.
"Yes." Ashley replied tears welling up in her eyes.
"What about this other girl, was he her first one true love too?"
"I don't know. See they went on one date like a year ago. He said it was like dating his little sister, but now she has this new look and I don't know if they love each other or are together or not."
"But do you still love him?"
"I don't know, I mean I guess. I can't really turn off those feelings, sure I am really upset and can never trust him again but I do still love him."
"Well Ashley that is all the time we have for today. But I would like to see you again." Dr. Stratford said showing Ashley the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ashley sat in her bathroom, everything she had said to Dr. Stratford was running through her head.
"I just need something that can help me escape, something that I can control." Ashley said to herself.
She looked over to see her shaver sitting on the counter. Picking it up she care fully picked one of the blades out of it. Lightly pressing it against her arm she cut a deep straight red line. Then the pain was gone, all pain was escaping through this small deep red line.
Ashley looked down at herself, trying to see what fault Craig had seen in her first.
"I'm too fat, that's why he left me."
"I am too cautious I didn't give myself to him."
Many thoughts like this went through her head as she laid in bed.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was the day before the next term started and Ashley finally made her way out of bed. She stepped into a hot shower and let the steaming water pour all over her. Stepping out she slipped a towel around underneath her arms and wiped the steam off of the mirror. Her dark brown hair looked black when wet, and it usual flipped out shape hung straight. She then opened the door and walked into her room, putting on a gray pair of sweat pants and a black t-shirt with the slogan 'I am just a fucking ray of sunshine aren't I.' On it. Then she headed down stairs.
"Look you finally came out of hiding." Toby said as she entered the living room.
"Shut up." Ashley whispered while heading to the kitchen.
"Ashley are you hungry?" her mom Kate asked when she sat down.
"No." Ashley answered.
"Paige and Terri have both been calling for you, are you going to call them back?" Kate asked.
"No."
"Well then what are you going to do?"
"Sleep." Ashley said leaving the kitchen and heading back up to her room.
Then next morning Ashley woke up early even though she had only been asleep a few hours. She got out of bed and got dressed, did her hair and was out the door. In school she was silent even if a teacher called on her, she wouldn't answer. At lunch she didn't touch her food, and Paige, Terri and Ellie just stared at her.
"Ash are you okay?" Paige asked.
Ashley didn't answer, she just stared at some one. Paige, Ellie, and Terri all turned around to see Craig standing right there. They all gave him an evil glare and he slowly walked away.
"It's going to be okay." Terri said putting her hand on Ashley's shoulder.
Ashley got up from the table and ran to the girls washroom. The only person in there was the other last person besides Craig she wanted to see. It was Manny standing there fixing her lip gloss. Ashley slowly turned and tried to leave.
"Ashley wait." Manny said right before Ashley opened the door.
Ashley was silent but didn't move.
"Look I am really sorry."
Ashley felt the tears welling up in her eyes, and tried as hard as she could to hold them back. She couldn't hold back tears any more, soon every tear she had held back for the past two weeks came streaming down her face, they were multiplying as she turned around to grab a towel. She wiped her self off and then left trying to just escape from the terror of Craig. She left Manny standing there, a girl who just followed her heart.
Ashley was in class but she really wasn't her mind was off some where else. And before she knew it, school was over and it was time to go get back in bed. She walked into her house but her mom stopped her before letting her go up to her room.
"Ash we are going some where, you need to talk about this." Kate said.
"Mom I am fine, I just need some time to myself." Ashley answered trying to move past her mom.
"You can have time to your self after your therapy appointment."
Ashley had been to therapy before, she had done family therapy, then she went again after taking E. Ashley got into the car knowing she couldn't fight and win this battle.
"Are we going to see Dr. Sullivan?" Ashley asked popping gum in her mouth in the car.
"No I got you a new therapist, one who doesn't know your back round as much." Kate answered.
They pulled into a parking lot of a big building and made there way up to the fifth floor.
~*~*~*~*~*
Ashley sat on a dark green velvet couch, and woman with curly brown hair and glasses was staring back at her.
"So Ashley why don't you tell me what's going on with you and your life right now?" the lady asked.
"Well Dr. Stratford. See I was dating this guy named Craig."
"Did you love him? Or do you love him?"
"I did love him I don't know if I still do. Well see I thought everything was going great between us. I even gave him my grand father's guitar that he left to me. See Craig has had a really bad year after his fathers death. Then I found out he was cheating on me and has been lying to me for god knows how long." Ashley explained.
"And are you angry, or upset? I mean do you want to punch him or do you just want to cry?"
"Both." Ashley answered.
"Tell me what you mean by that?"
"Well see right after I found out from the girl we preformed at school. Well see I punched him then and walked off stage. But after he ran after me I became upset and cried and I have been depressed in bed since then."
"Was he your first true love?" Dr. Stratford asked.
"Yes." Ashley replied tears welling up in her eyes.
"What about this other girl, was he her first one true love too?"
"I don't know. See they went on one date like a year ago. He said it was like dating his little sister, but now she has this new look and I don't know if they love each other or are together or not."
"But do you still love him?"
"I don't know, I mean I guess. I can't really turn off those feelings, sure I am really upset and can never trust him again but I do still love him."
"Well Ashley that is all the time we have for today. But I would like to see you again." Dr. Stratford said showing Ashley the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ashley sat in her bathroom, everything she had said to Dr. Stratford was running through her head.
"I just need something that can help me escape, something that I can control." Ashley said to herself.
She looked over to see her shaver sitting on the counter. Picking it up she care fully picked one of the blades out of it. Lightly pressing it against her arm she cut a deep straight red line. Then the pain was gone, all pain was escaping through this small deep red line.