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Why Can't It Be Me?

Thursday, June 3rd, 1980

Point Place, Wisconsin

Eric Forman's Basement

He looked up at the sound of the door opening. To his surprise, it was her. She smiled at him, a soft, somewhat wistful smile as she slid out of her coat and slung it over the back of a nearby chair before seating herself in said chair.

"We need to talk." Great. His least favorite sentence, at least when it was coming from her. It rarely meant anything good. Bracing himself for something he was sure he didn't want to hear, he nodded.

"Ok. About what?" he replied.

"Us," was the answer. He gulped. There hadn't been much talk of an "us" between them since…well since New Years' Eve, actually.

"Ok," he said slowly. "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"That depends on what you view as a good thing, Eric," she answered. "I'm here to tell you that I'm done putting my life on hold for you. I'm leaving tonight to go to Madison. I've enrolled in summer courses at the college, and I won't be back until winter break. I know when you came back we talked about getting back together, but I feel like it would hold me back, you know?"

I didn't know, but I decided to play along. This seemed important to her, so I figured I should probably let her go in whatever direction she thought she needed to go in. "Yeah. So you don't want to be together then?"

She looked a little guilty, at least. "No, I guess I don't."

I nodded, desperately hoping she couldn't see the hurt in my eyes. "I guess I deserve that after all breaking up with you over a letter while I was in Africa."

Surprise shone bright in her eyes. Apparently, she hadn't thought this conversation would go so well. "I guess," she mumbled.

"When do you leave?" I asked. Maybe I could show her what she'd be missing between now and then, give her something to think about while she was in Madison.

"I'm taking a bus at 8." I looked at the clock. It was 7:30 now. Apparently, she'd had this planned. If it went bad, she could run. If it went good…well, she hadn't thought it would, so she probably hadn't planned for that.

"Do you have your things? I'll drive you." I couldn't believe the words even as they left my mouth. I'll drive you? Way to sound like you can't wait to get rid of her, Forman! I berated myself.

"Yeah, that'd be great," she said, shocked.

We drove in silence to the bus terminal. I helped her get her luggage out of the car and walked her to the ticket window. She bought her ticket without even looking at me, then turned to take her bag from my hand.

"We'll still be friends, right?" she asked, looking as if it would shatter her if I said no.

"Of course," I replied. "We'll stay in touch; you can call, or write, whenever."

I would live to regret those words, though I didn't know it as I watched her walk away into the darkened road where a bus waited to take her to Madison, and away from me.

January 15, 1981

Point Place, Wisconsin

Eric Forman's Kitchen

I answered the phone on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hi, Eric, it's Donna," the voice on the other end replied. As if I needed to be told who that voice belonged to!

"Hey, Donna," I replied, trying to keep the excitement from my voice. Things had gone well when she came to visit over the holidays. I'd been hoping she would call and tell me she'd changed her mind, that she wanted to try to make us work. "How's the new semester going?"

"Great. I'm enjoying my classes. Well, except for one; the teacher's bit of a perv. He tries to look down my shirt every time he comes to check on my work while I'm at my desk," she said with a small laugh.

"Well, you do have a great rack," I said, praying she wouldn't take that as anything but the friendly joke it was meant to be. While she did, indeed, have a great rack, it probably wasn't my place to point that out so long as we weren't a couple. To my relief, she laughed, although something sounded off. As a matter of fact, she sounded off. "Are you all right, Donna?"

She hesitated for a moment. "I'm fine. Have you checked your mail today, Eric?"

I had, in fact. The mail was still in my hand; I'd just walked in the door when the phone started ringing. "Yes," I replied. "Why?"

"Have you opened it?"

"No." I was getting a little freaked out. Why did she need to know about my mail?

"Well, there should be something in there from me. Call me back when you've read it…if you want," she added, like I would somehow not want to talk to her after this.

"Alright," I replied. "I'll talk to you later, then."

After hanging up the phone, I went through the mail. Sure enough, there was a letter for me from Donna. Remembering how hesitant and frightened she had sounded, I sat down before opening the envelope.

Dear Eric, I read, I want you to know that this is a hard letter for me to write, but I thought you should hear this from me. The rest of the group does know, but I've asked them not to say anything. Judging from the fact that I haven't received an angry, ranting phone call or letter from you, I assume they've stuck to their word. We'll always be friends, Eric. I'll be your friend 'til the day I die, but you should know I've found someone, and I think I'm in love.

I felt my heart stop. She had met someone? And I was the last to know…anger surged through me as I realized my friends had probably known since at least winter break when she came to visit, and had listened to me go on about us maybe getting back together, and they had known the whole time Donna had met someone else. I thought about tearing the letter up and forgetting Donna Pinciotti had ever existed, but decided against it. After all, I did love her. I continued to read.

He's a wonderful guy, Eric. I think you'll really like him. That is, if you want to stay my friend and meet him after this. I know you were hoping we would get back together, Eric, and I'm so sorry if I led you on. I never intended for any of this to happen. I'll always love you, but I think that chapter of our lives is closed. Please, please don't hate me. He makes me so happy, Eric; I feel like I'm walking on air, like a part of me I never knew existed has been set free, but it wouldn't mean as much if you hated me. I know that's crazy and messed up, but I need you to be okay with this. Please, please, don't hate me.

I really do love you, Eric. You're the best friend I could ask for.

Donna

March 18, 1981

Point Place, Wisconsin

The Hub

It had been about two months since I'd gotten Donna's letter. It had taken me a couple of days to call her back, and she had seemed so relieved when I did. I told her it was just the shock, that I needed to process, and that was why I had waited to call her. She said she understood, but we both knew I was lying. We didn't talk as much as we used to, mostly because all she had to talk about was school and…him. And as interested as I was in her schooling, I had no desire to talk about the man she deemed better than me.

Currently, I was sitting at the Hub with Fez and Hyde, waiting on Jackie to show up. She and Fez had ended their joke of a relationship shortly after New Years' in 1980, and not long after Fez had met a relatively decent looking girl with a great sense of humor at work. Her name was Jessie, and they'd been going steady for just under a year. Fez was thinking about popping the question any day. Jackie hadn't found anyone yet, but we were all taking bets on her and Hyde getting back together; they still cared for each other, and we were all pretty sure that the only reason they fought so much was to hide how much they wanted each other.

"So what's Jackie's surprise?" I asked. I was pretty sure they knew, but ever since the whole Donna meeting someone else thing, I didn't trust them. I understood they were doing as she had asked, but they could have at least stopped me from talking about winning her back.

Hyde, at least, understood that I didn't trust them now. He shook his head. "Can't tell you," he replied. Well, at least that was honest enough. If he didn't know, he really couldn't tell me. If he did, he'd probably been sworn to secrecy. Either way, it was an answer I could live with. I nodded at him, and went back to eating my fries and quietly waiting.

Turns out, I didn't have to wait much longer. Not five minutes later, in walked Jackie, followed by…Donna. I blinked, shocked, then looked again and felt my heart break. Donna was on the arm of a tall (though not too much taller than she was, given her 5' 10" height) man with dirty blonde hair and grey eyes. I stared.

"Eric? Eric? Helllloooo?" Jackie waved a hand in front of my face. I jumped. "That's better. Like I was saying, Donna wanted to surprise you and come to town. She wanted you to meet Beau, her new boyfriend, but she thought if she told you that you'd say no."

I laughed, hoping it didn't sound as fake as it was. "Why would I say no? I'm happy for Donna." I turned to the woman in question. "Honestly, I am. So, do I get a proper introduction? And I'd better get a proper hello from you, too," I added with what I hoped was a friendly smile.

It must have been, because Donna visibly relaxed and hugged me before pushing that…man forward. "Eric, this is Beau. Beau, this is Eric, my best friend."

"Ah, so you're Eric," Beau said with a disgustingly charismatic smile. "I've heard a lot about you. Tell me, did you really run over her cat?"

We spent the next few hours catching up and "getting to know" Beau. I knew I'd never like this guy; he had my girl, of course I wouldn't like him. Everyone else seemed to, though. By the time everyone was ready to leave, I wanted to hang myself. I was doing my best to put on a good show, to keep up with the charade I'd sold to everyone for the last couple of months. I knew no one believed that I was alright with this, but I had to pretend I was, if for no other reason than what remained of my own self-respect.

July 24, 1982

Madison, Wisconsin

St. Mary's Church

I was standing at the front of the church, staring down the aisle, waiting, just like everyone else was, for the bride. The bride was Donna. I was at the front of the church. You'd think this would be a good thing. The truth? I was the groom's best man, not the groom. Beau and Donna were getting married.

I had found out in a rather unusual way. Donna had come home for winter break again, this time without Beau, who had gone to his own family in Duluth. I woke up one morning to find a note taped to my front door.

Dear Eric,

I know you're probably getting sick of these things, but believe me when I say that it's much easier for me to do these things in writing than it is in person. I'm writing you this to tell you that I'll be your friend until the day I die, but Beau asked me to marry him, and I said yes. If you don't totally hate me for this, Beau is an only child, and he doesn't have a whole lot of friends, so we were wondering if you'd be his best man? But, if you're not comfortable with that, I'll understand.

Love,

Donna

I had, of course, said yes. Anything to be a part of the biggest moment of her life. I should have been the groom; I'd even had that chance, but I'd blown it. Now, I was the best man, watching as the love of my life walked down the aisle to another man and a life I couldn't give her.

Across from me was Jackie, who was staring at Hyde. I won the bet-they'd gotten back together in May of 1981. Hyde was planning to pop the question tomorrow, after the bride and groom left for their honeymoon. Next to Jackie stood Jessie, Fez's wife. It seemed so strange that all my friends were pairing off, getting married, and I had nothing. I still lived with my parents, for crying out loud! It hardly seemed fair, but, I suppose, that's the price for my stupidity. I never should have let Donna go.

After what seemed like years, I heard the words I was dreading: "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you Mr. and Mrs. Beau Williamson." The words were followed by applause as the newly married couple ran out of the church to the limo that would take them to the reception hall.

I did my part as best I could, reciting a speech I had had a friend of mine write for me, since I couldn't stomach the thought of writing the thing myself. Finally it was over, and I went back to my hotel, grateful to be alone. I groaned when I heard a knock on the door.

Opening it, I was surprised to find Hyde on the other side. "What the hell do you want?" I snapped.

Hyde shook his head and pushed past me. "Look Forman, I don't do this…emotion crap a lot, or well, but I know you're not ok, and I know you need to talk to someone, and you're my brother, so…talk."

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm fine," I insisted.

"Man, you just watched the woman you love marry someone else, while you stood by as best man. You're as far as from okay is it's possible for you to get," he said, whirling around to look at me. I was shocked. Hyde never talked about emotions, and he never got involved in things like this. Apparently, he really thought this was important.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't lie to my own adopted brother. "You're right," I admitted. "I'm not okay, but I just want what's best for her, and this seems to be it. I'll lie to her for the rest of her life about this if it'll keep her as happy as she looked today."

"You can lie to her all you want, man, I can't stop you from that," he answered after a minute, "but you should know you can tell the rest of us the truth and we won't tell her."

I nodded. "I know. I just don't like to talk about it, that's all. I've learned to get on with my life; why dwell on what I can't change?"

"I don't think you've really gotten on with your life, Forman," Hyde said. "You haven't even tried to date since you came back from Africa. You work for me at the record store, you live with your parents, and you've given up on going to school. You haven't gotten on with life, Forman. All you've done is stop living it."

He was right, I knew he was, and eventually I told him so. But not then. Not that night. That night, I told him he was wrong, and I kicked him out of my hotel room. I wanted to be alone.

September 14, 1991

Superior, Wisconsin

Eric Forman's Living Room

I sat across from Donna in my living room, stunned. She and Beau had moved to Superior in 1984 after graduating from college. Donna worked on the local newspaper, and Beau worked for the local news station as a reporter. They had two children, six year old Evan and four year old Sophie. I had moved her in 1987, after working my butt off to put myself through college and finally getting my bachelor's in teaching. I had the proud honor of being Evan's kindergarten teacher this year, and I was going to be Sophie's when it was her turn. Donna had requested me out of the three kindergarten teachers at the school.

I had thought that Donna and Beau had it all. Now Donna was telling me I was wrong.

"I love Beau," she was saying. "I really do, but ever since the station cut his air time, he's been drinking more, and we've been fighting so much, Eric. I hate that the kids see us like this. It's just not fair to them."

Apparently, two months ago, the station Beau worked for had lost some funding and had trimmed back everyone's hours. In response, Beau had gone on a drinking binge. What the logic in that was is beyond me.

"So what are you going to do, Donna?" I tried to hide the hope in my voice, the selfish hope that she would leave him, and, if there was a God, come back to me.

"I don't know, Eric." She sounded so helpless. It made my heart hurt just to hear her. I wanted to suggest she leave him, but just looking into her eyes, I knew how much she loved him.

"Maybe you can sit him down, talk to him, get him some help?" I ventured.

"I don't think I can convince him of that," she whispered, looking like she was about to cry. Then she brightened, apparently having an idea. "But maybe you can! He's always liked you, apart from you being my ex-fiancee and all."

I sighed mentally. Of course she would want me to help with this. Why wouldn't she? Beau and I had actually become friends since I'd moved here, never mind the fact that we were in love with the same woman. "If that's what you want, Donna, you know I'll do it."

It turned out that that was indeed what Donna wanted, and several days later found me sitting in Donna's living room with Beau. Donna had taken the kids to the park, and I was left to sort out her wreck of a husband alone.

It took four hours of talking, during which Beau actually cried, before I got him to agree to enroll in an Alcoholics Anonymous class and look for another station to hire him to make him feel useful again. Donna cried when she heard and hugged me in thanks.

December 16, 1994

Superior, Wisconsin

Donna and Beau Williamson's Dining Room

Donna and Beau were doing better these days. This last summer they had renewed their vows, and now they were hosting the annual Christmas dinner at their place. It was one of the few times when all of us were together again.

Jackie and Hyde sat together, the matching gold wedding bands on their ring fingers glittering. Their son, Derek, ran around the dining room, telling all of his "cousins" that Santa Clause was going to bring him a brand new mountain bike, but his sister, Olivia, was going to get coal. This, of course, resulted in Olivia, who was eight to Derek's five, screaming that Derek was being mean and running to her father. It was interesting to see Hyde as a father; he was, surprisingly, a good one.

Fez and Jessie had three children, two year old twin boys Jose and Emmanuel, and six year old Rebecca. They sat next to Hyde and Jackie, each holding one of the twins while Rebecca chased after Evan, who she declared would one day be her husband.

Donna and Beau sat at the head of the table, watching their children interact with the others. Just after Beau had entered AA, Donna had learned she was pregnant again. The result of this pregnancy was two year old Alaina, who was currently begging her mother to let her out of her time out, where she had been placed after dumping a bowl of punch over her older sister's head. Sophie was on my mother's lap, crying to her about how mean her little sister was to her and that her pretty red dress was now ruined.

My parents had come up from Point Place for Christmas just to see all their grandchildren in one room. To our surprise, they had brought Laurie with them. Laurie, in turn, had brought the news that she was getting married (for the fourth time), and her fiancee was rather familiar to us: Donna's father, Bob. I was pretty sure Red would kill him, but he was handling things rather well.

Kelso and Brooke had come from Chicago with their children. Betsy was a teenager now, and had been joined by younger brothers Jake, who was eleven, and Craig, who was ten. Kelso was playing with the kids, and Brooke was sitting next to Jackie and discussing the different phases little girls went through as opposed to the different phases little boys went through.

Everyone was paired off. Everyone, that is, except me. I was still alone. I had never met anyone who could even come close to beginning to heal my heart from Donna. As I stared around me at my friends and family, I wondered: why can't it be me? Why can't I be one of the lucky ones who had it all-a good job, a loving wife, wonderful children? All I had was a good job, with no one to share it with.

I watched as Donna leaned over and kissed Beau gently before turning back to Alaina. I felt my heart constrict, and again wondered: why can't it be me?

A/N: Wow, so that was WAY longer than I intended it to be! I thought about making this into a series of one shots, but decided that I didn't want to break it up. I got the inspiration from Mark Wills' "She's in Love." I was originally intending to get Donna and Eric back together (yes, that is where the scene in his living room was originally going to go), but it just didn't seem to fit the song if I did. Don't get me wrong-I love Donna and Eric as a couple and I'm pretty sure they would have gotten back together if the show had run longer, but it just didn't seem to fit the fic. I know the characters are a little out of character, and the writing's choppier than usual, but it's been a while, and this is really a filler fic while I try to figure out how to get my other ideas on track. That being said, reviews are still welcomed! Please, please let me know what you think! ~Aideen Nicole