And I stared out the window, that dreary summer day as the grey sky wept tears of frustration and grief.
I wondered what would've it been like if I had spoken to him about myself… just once. If instead of the usual derision and sneers I shot at him, I had just caught his eye and explained to him why.
Why I did what I did. Why I chose what I chose. Why I'm here, years later sitting in my house. All alone, gazing out the window and thinking of What-Ifs. Why when I look out the window and see the gray sky all I can think of is his face and my regrets.
I didn't realise it when I knew him, when I was still near him, but… because he never truly hated me, it gave me hope. That I could be a better person. That maybe I wasn't everything my parents had raised me to be. That… I was someone. And when I sneered and made fun of him, it never occurred to me how important he was to me.
He made me me. He defined me. He countered me. He was my opposite. It's funny. Staring at that gray sky and thinking of What-Ifs, seeing his face and his eyes and imagining him here next to me, I think I'm going crazy.
Because he's got Ginny and I've got no one. Not even a rival anymore. And I can't bring myself to hate him, Merlin's Beard, I can't even bring myself to be angry with him. Because it's my fault. It's all my f*cking fault.
The drops race down the glass, squiggling random lines and I can't help but think of him and I on our brooms, playing Quidditch. A small smile plays on my lips and I can't wipe the shock off of my face that I'm amused.
I haven't smiled since Harry's wedding, when I had that fake, stapled smile of "Good luck to you and your future", while inside I was rotting away. As my fingers trace over my trembling lips, everything grows blurry and I realise I've begun to cry.
I press my face against the cool glass and breathe in, out, long breaths, trying to regain my stoic frame of mind. But as I watch the rain still fall, I know the tears won't stop. Because I'm alone. I don't even have an opposite anymore. I've nothing to define myself.
And on that dreary summer day as the grey sky wept tears of frustration and grief, I looked out the window and laughed, as the tears streaked down my cheeks.
Because it's funny. Hilarious. I never realised the truth of it until I was alone.
But… they say opposites attract. It seemed bizarre to let drizzle from my mouth, because he wasn't there, but - as I choked back the sobs and wrapped my arms around my body, I spoke those words, the ones I'd been meaning to say ever since the first time I met Harry Potter.
"My name's Draco. Do you want to be friends?"