Why was I here? How could I ever be back at home? I should have died.
After a few days of locking myself up in my room and greasy Sae providing my meals, I finally decide to get myself some fresh air and maybe some thinking space. Hunting is something I need to do before I can accept the result of my actions, ever since that day I volunteered to save Prim. Prim, these few days, sometimes I press my back onto the wall of my room, adjacent to hers, hoping that I could feel her presence, comforting me, giving me hope.
I grab my game bag and open the door, hesitating before deciding that wearing my father's hunting jacket will only make me more confused. I don't know why, but I immediately dart out of the house, it seems like I can't bear to see anyone on my way to the forest, it just has to be me and me. Making eye contact with anyone will break that beautiful limbo I have locked myself in, I will be forced to let the clock start running.
I reach the forest, I feel a need to shoot something as soon as possible, or the emotions will flood me and a breakdown would start. But it seems that the forest is silent, I think of Gale, he would be unhappy at this situation if he was here, providing for his family is so important to him, I wouldn't think that he would ever want to away from them.
But he is. This reminds me that Gale is in District 2, he can no longer comfort me in a situation like this. I am still somewhat relieved that he is not here. I don't want to hear anything of the outside world, outside me.
I sit on a log, maybe I finally need to start thinking. First, I start thinking of people who have died, Finnick, Prim, Boggs, I go down the long list before allowing myself to let it sink in. Then, I think of people who have left me, my mother, Gale… It's not working, suddenly all I can think of is Peeta, he is fighting for my attention, his face floods my brain.
I sigh, I am not ready for such a decision yet.
"Hey."
My head darts around, the voice is so familiar, yet, it's just seems unreal. I slowly stand up, my slow pace turns into a frantic run. He embraces me and I smile. After forever, I pull back.
"Gale, why are you here? I thought you were in two!" I half stutter as I stare, my eyes brimming with tears, at Gale, in the flesh.
"Surprised? I took a little vacation to check out how everyone's been doing, so it just so happens I decided to take my mind off things and get some game. But it's such a coincidence that I run into you here!" He grins smugly, talking in an exaggerated tone. We laugh, because we know that he was really in the forest to look for me. Same old Gale, really sweet but doesn't admit it.
"Katniss? Gale? "
Both of us turn, this was too much for me to take. Peeta walks over with a slightly blank expression on his face, he takes in the shock of Gale's sudden arrival. He explains that Greasy Sae told him that I had left frantically and he just wanted to check on me. Same old Peeta, really protective but very shy.
They both stare at me and in a split second, I know that this is the time I'm supposed to make my decision, Peeta or Gale?