Dear Akane...
By Kyokukou
Dear Akane ,
If you are reading this then either you are snooping where
you should not or I'm dead . If you're snooping then put this
down and turn around and pray Kasumi goes easy on you . If not
, then I've finally gotten myself killed , damn .
Well , I guess that it had to happen sometime , I mean , I
was good and all , but with my luck I knew it was only a matter
of time before something or someone finally killed me . Or did
I kill myself ? I suppose that had to be another eventual fate
for me ...
Forgive me for digressing , but I've had to write this
particular letter late at night over the course of weeks . I
don't get much privacy to write .
Anyhow , if you've gotten this far then I guess I'm dead and
I'd better get on with this stupid thing . Read ALL my instruc-
-tions before you do anything !
First : Go to my room and look under the tatami mat in the
northern corner .
Second : Take the key there and head for the attic . Yes ,
you read right , Happosai's lair . Bring protection .
Third : Proceed ONLY if you've gotten rid of Happosai . Look
under the tatami mat under the freak's pile of
panties and bras . You will find a thick glove with
runes all over it , take it , but don't put it on .
Fourth : Now go to the park and up to that smallish shrine
with the naked guy . Put the thick glove on his
outstretched hand . Around back of the pedestal you
will find two key holes . Insert the keys but do NOT
turn them . Go back to the front and turn the hand
to your right until the palm is down . A box should
fall out of a hole in the side of the pedestal . Take
it then turn the hand back . Take the keys then the
glove . Don't do anything out of order or you'll get
a real nasty booby trap sprung on you .
Done all that ? Then open the parcel in a private place ,
alone . In it you'll find a couple of things . A few videos ,
a few more letters , a CD , and my will . From here on out it's
up to you . Read the letters or not , watch the video or throw
it away . But please give my will to a lawyer (NOT NABIKI) .
-Saotome Ranma
P.S. Oh yeah , you'll also find about a kilo of gold
in there . It's from a dragon's lair . I was planning
on using it to fund four years of collage . But it's
yours now .
She stared at the heavy parcel in her hands . She had checked into a hotel
for the night in order to guarantee her privacy . It had been hours since she
had returned from the park with the parcel , but she had yet to screw up enough
courage to open it .
Instead she stared at it and remembered the last time she had seen Ranma .
It had been only a month ago . She had been so wrapped up in untangling a
romantic misunderstanding with Ryouga that she was fuzzy on what Ranma's exact
quest had been . She guessed it had something to do with a possible cure for his
curse , but she also understood that it was more than that . Whatever it was
that Ranma had gone after meant more than a cure for him ...
******
" We're coming with you !" Soun chortled . " Saotome-kun and still have a
few quests left in us !"
" Right Tendo-kun !" Genma agreed .
" Sorry ," Ranma shook his head sadly . " but it's not possible for you two to
tag along ."
" Are you saying we can't cut it anymore ?!" Genma growled at his son .
" Nope , I'm saying it's just impossible . You got the wrong kinda curse , Pop .
You don't even have a curse , Uncle Tendo ."
" I don't understand , Ranma ." Soun began , restraining his friend with a hand
on the shoulder . " How can your curse qualify you , yet you father's curse
disqualify him ?"
" Vell just told me that I could come , and that Pop couldn't ." Ranma sighed ,
shouldering his pack . " It's got somethin' to do with the arch of fragments and
probably the gate too ."
" Ranma where you're going ," Nabiki sidled up beside the young martial artist .
" there's going to be treasure , right ? And you're going to be taking some ?"
" Well ... no ." Ranma blinked at the middle Tendo .
" But I thought you were going to loot some ancient temple for some thingie that
would cure you ."
" It's not a thingie , and I wasn't told about any temple ." Ranma said .
" But isn't that how these things go ?"
" Um...usually ." Ranma agreed . " But not this time ."
" No treasure ?"
" Don't think so ."
" Never mind then..." Nabiki sighed and walked off to her room .
" So how long will you be gone , Ranma ?" Kasumi asked .
" I dunno ." Ranma thought for a moment . " I guess only two weeks at the most .
It's not the distance that's the problem it's that you have to have the right
people . Vell made it sound like we've got a lot to do just for preparations ."
A figure dressed in a billowing stark white trench coat slid the front door
open and took a step inside .
" It's time to leave ." He told Ranma in serious tones .
Ranma nodded and turned to face them . " Well , I gotta be going . I'll be
back in no time !"
" Goodbye Ranma ." Kasumi bowed slightly and waved .
" Come back soon , boy ." Genma grumbled .
" Akane , don't you want to wish your betrothed goodbye ?" Soun prompted .
" Uh , bye Ranma ." She said absently . The entire time she had been wondering
how to convince Ryouga that she had not been moaning about him in her sleep ,
and that she did not mean to kiss him last night . She had tripped on him as he
laid in the dark hallway and the rest had been further accident . But how to
make him believe her ?
Ranma had said goodbye to her and left without her looking directly at him
even once .
******
...The following week they started to receive letters from Ranma .
Apparently they had bounced from Japan to Australia , to China and back to Japan
in just that week alone . Ranma's letters were always short and optimistic .
Apparently , they had to fight everything from monsters , demons , border
patrols , and even Japan's own police . However , Ranma always managed to avoid
stating why they were fighting so many different opponents .
His last letter said that they were near their final destination . The next
letter they received was written by the man Ranma called Vell , and it was
addressed to Genma instead of the Tendo Dojo .
She still remembered each word of that letter .
To Saotome Genma , Father of Saotome Ranma ,
I deeply regret I have to inform you that your son has
died . Ranma was one of the best comrades I have had the
privilege to travel with and fight alongside .
I know it to be no comfort , but I feel that it is needed
to tell you that Ranma died saving us all . Because of Ranma's
ultimate sacrifice more than our few lives were saved . Ranma's
actions may have prevented a tragedy that would have cost the
lives of millions .
I am afraid that I have nothing to offer for your loss save
my condolences and the knowledge that Ranma's memory already
becomes legend among those privy to the world beyond the mundane .
-Vell , the Wanderer
None of it made sense , they didn't even know how Ranma had died . Genma had
slumped into a lethargic depression . Nabiki had seemed to take the news in
stride . The middle Tendo stayed in her room more now , but otherwise seemed
unfazed by the loss of Ranma . Soun had to be kept from all alcohol and nearly
cried himself into dehydration daily . Kasumi seemed depressed , but made sure
to be supportive to everyone else . She still felt like she was in shock .
Ranma's death still seemed so unreal to her . Even though she had had weeks
for the fact to sink in . But the concept that Ranma was gone refused to become
more than an unreal abstraction to her .
Shaking her head she set her hands to the task of opening the box before her
mind could stop them .
When the deed was done she reached in and retrieved a video tape . It was
labeled 'A Day In My Sucky Life' . She set the box aside and walked over to
insert the tape into the room's VCR . She sat back down on the bed as a blue
screen resolved into Ranma sitting in his room looking at the screen .
" Akane , I'm making this tape to try to give you some understanding of what my
life is like ." His words sounded practiced , but the pleading expression he
wore was genuine . " 'Cause I know you'd never believe me if I just told ya .
Hell , I'd never believe myself , 'cept I'm the one livin' it ."
A brief flash of static and the scene had changed to a wobbly picture of
Nabiki's room .
" You sure it's working ?" Ranma's voice asked .
" Perfectly ." Nabiki walked into the picture smiling at something just to the
right of the camera .
" And it'll record up to five kilometers from here ?"
" Give or take a few hundred meters . It's top of the line ."
" Cool , howz the shock resistance ?"
" I took your usual beatings into account ..."
" Can I take a hit from Ryouga ?"
" Um... maybe ..." Nabiki looked at the camera uncertainly . " It's really hard
to make hidden cameras tough , but it should make it through the day ."
" I did pay in advance ."
" Why'd you think I made you ."
The view shifted rapidly to Nabiki's open window . " Well , I'm off !"
For the next twenty minuets she watched a Ranma go about his day , but
through his eyes . He hadn't tried to spy on her , his mother had told him the
bath was empty . He wasn't trying to kiss Ukyo , she really did get a eyelash in
her eye . He hadn't run off with Kodachi , she had happened upon him while he
was fighting Happosai . Who had actually managed to hide from her sight while
she beat Ranma for his alleged betrayal . She camera finally broke after one
last mallet strike to his head .
The rest of the tape was blank . After switching the television off she
returned to the letters . When she picked up the one labeled 'Read first' she
noticed for the first time that her hands were shaking .
Fumbling with the envelope she moved to the table so she could spread out
the letter .
Dear Akane ,
I don't know exactly when I'll give you this . I don't know
if I'll ever work up the guts to give you this . Hell , I don't
know what the hell I'm going to say in this damn thing . Maybe
it's just self therapy to get the words out of my mind before
I go nuts .
I love you Akane . There , it's out . I still can't say it
to you . Maybe I never will , but I do .
Would you believe it took me nearly a month just to realize
that ? I kept expecting something earth shattering and dramatic
. Like the kami of love to come down herself and proclaim the
news to me .(Hey, with my life can you really blame me ?) I've
never been in love before so I don't know if this is how it's
supposed to feel or if I'm just weird . So I finally got it
through my astoundingly thick head that I'm in love with you .
So everything is just peachy , right ? WRONG !! What the hell
make me think -even for a damn second- that my life could be
that simple ?!
I even tried to tell you a few times . HA ! As if that could
ever work ! The last time ended with me getting jumped by my
false fiancées .
Am I going to give this to you ? No . While writing this I
realized that the worst that could happen would be you
rejecting me for the freak I am . Now how often does the worst
happen to me ? Always , Akane , always !
The letter trailed off , unfinished and unsigned . She refolded the letter
with her unsteady hands and retrieved another at random this time .
Dear Tendo Akane ,
I write this on the roof with only three things up here with
me . A ink set and paper , Nabiki's cell , and the family
tanto . Why ?
Because I've just had a very horrible day , even for me . Do
you want to read about it ? Because I'm sure I'll get this
letter to you .
Today I had finally resolved to tell you how I feel after
Ryouga taunted me about my inability to tell you my feelings
despite my resolve to face death himself for you . So I waited
until I thought I could have a quiet moment with you to talk .
I headed to your room tonight . Guess what I found ?
I think I stood at the door watching you writhe on top of
Ryouga for nearly a minute . To be fair I guess it was only a
few seconds , but I heard my heart tear itself apart for what
felt like an eternity .
If it had been him pressing himself onto you I would have
killed him . I would have rushed in there and tore his throat
out . But it wasn't . It was you , Akane , you , the girl I
love . He wasn't pressing unwanted advances on you , YOU were
the wanton . What would I have seen if I had stayed ? Are you
making love to him as I write this ? How long has this gone on
, weeks , months ? Or was it a sudden explosion of passion ?
Never mind . I don't want to know .
So I ran . I left the house and ran . Only to be stopped by
a stranger . A older teen in a white trench coat . He said he
had been looking for me . There's only one reason I wanted for
a guy to be looking for me , a fight . I lashed out at him
with all the pain and rage I had in me . I tore apart Saffron
last time I fought like that . I never even touched this guy .
He waited until I had exhausted myself before talking more .
He told me of a quest I was needed on , and of it's vast
importance . I told him to fuck off . He told me that a
substitute for me could be found , but it would take valuable
time to do so . I thought about spending some time away from
you and your lover . So then I told him that if I was still
alive tomorrow I would go with him . We talked a little more
before I returned here .
I've written my will , I got everything in order . All that's
left is to write this . I don't know if this is going to be my
suicide note or a farewell letter .
Remember the cell and tanto I mentioned earlier ? The tanto
is for an obvious purpose . The cell is to call you from here
and tell you what I could never say in person . I love you .
I never asked to love you . I never asked to be the heir to
a stupid school of martial arts . I never asked for anything
in my life , but I sure got a lot . None of it I want .
I don't WANT to love you DAMNIT ! But I do . I just want to
have a life of my own . No stupid duty to family , to the art
, to dojo , to my betrothed , to anyone but me ! I just want a
life that's not decided for me or written by fate's hand
instead of my own .
So what do I do now Akane ? Disembowel myself or call you
just to get rejected by you . Both maybe ?
I stopped writing this letter for nearly an hour just to
think about that . I've come to a decision . I'll do as I told
that guy . I'll go along with him on that quest tomorrow . At
the very least it'll give me time away from here to think .
I'll give you this when I get back .
-Ranma
She had to fight the urge to tear the letter into shreds . It was so unfair
! It was all a misunderstanding ! She had fallen on Ryouga and panicked when she
realized her lips had touched his . She had thrashed about trying to get off of
him without touching him . It had all been a misunderstanding !
But that was what had happened to Ranma , wasn't it ? In the video , even in
just twenty minuets he had been caught up in so many situational
misunderstandings it would have been comical to anyone else .
So she finally got caught up in her own misunderstanding and had been too
oblivious to realize Ranma's emotional state until he had gone off and gotten
himself killed .
Had it been suicide ? Had he seen a chance to save everyone and himself and
not taken it just because he thought she loved Ryouga ? It was her fault he left
for the quest , was it her fault he died on it ?
She didn't realize she had been crying until she looked down at the table to
see only a watery blur . After wiping her eyes she examined the envelope . It
was labeled 'Read last' .
This time she took the letter 'Read Second' .
Dear Akane ,
It's kinda funny , but I can talk to you in a letter in ways
I never could in person . I guess it's a catharsis . (Yes I do
have a dictionary beside me .) I've never been good with words
but this way I have the time to put thoughts into words . It
sure takes a lot longer , but it gives me a lot longer to get
words that I know mean what I want them to .
I know that I love you , but I thought that I knew what that
meant . Now I'm sure that I don't . I thought it meant that I
was supposed to protect you , provide for you , and so much
more . But then I realized that all of that had come from my
Pop . So that's out the window .
I love you , Akane . I want to just be with you . I don't
really care how , I guess . I just want to feel your presence
, to know you're there . I don't know how much of this is from
love and how much is from loneliness .
I know it's going to freak you out , hell it freaked me out
until I logiced the idea to death . But here goes ... I have to
take back what I wrote in my first letter to you . I have been
in love before . Remember when Ryouga somehow got that weird
fishing pole that made any girl he hooked with it fall in love
with him , and he hooked me ? After it was over I did my best
forget the whole incident out of revulsion . But , now that I
look back on it and compare my feelings for Ryouga then and my
feelings for you now . It was love , a magical , overpowering
love , but the real deal .
My love for you and what I felt then is different . My
emotions then were so overpowering . But my emotions now are
so much more deeply ingrained and unstoppable . It's like my
induced love for Ryouga was a Tsunami , but mine for you is a
glacier . So vast and unceasing .
Back to the question : So what do I do ? Do I confess to you
and face up to the consequences ? Or do I just wait ?
Do you love me ? Would you want to ? Or am I the thing you
say I am ? Am I what you scream that I am ? Pervert , Freak ,
Idiot , Asshole , and the thing ruining your life ?
In the face of that how can I even have a glimmer of hope
that you might like me even if you can't love me ? I can
because sometimes , just sometimes , you give me a smile that
makes the entire world wondrous to my eyes . Wondrous , simply
in that it can have someone like you in it .
All my love to you
-Ranma
She left the letter on the table as she threw herself onto the bed and cried
until the tears wouldn't come any longer .
* * *
" I'm home ." She called wearily as she slipped on her house shoes .
" Akane !" Kasumi rushed out of the living room . " We've been so worried about
you . You've been gone since yesterday where have you been ?"
" Getting this ." She hefted the box under her arm .
" What , pray tell , is 'this' ?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow as the two entered
the living room together . The entire family was gathered about the table for a
meal that had yet to be set .
She stood before the table and passed out items like a card dealer .
" His will , a letter to you , Nabiki , a CD of information he willed to you , a
letter to Daddy , a letter to Uncle Saotome , and one to you Kasumi ."
Her family gaped at her . She continued .
" I know I'm not supposed to , but I've already read his will ."
She looked at Genma .
" His wish for you is to reconcile with your wife . Or divorce , one or the
other . Just make her happy ."
She turned to Nabiki .
" He wanted someone to say this to you for all the times he should have but
didn't . Fuck off bitch ." She waited until Nabiki had wrapped her mind around
that statement . " But for the rest of the time he gave you the CD and this
letter ."
Now she turned to he father .
" To you he willed that you get this ," She produced a gold coin from her pocket
and held it up . " if you never bind your daughters or grandchildren to any sort
of promise or contract ."
" Why didn't I get a gold coin ?" Nabiki practically drooled at it .
" It's the only gold coin he had ." She answered truthfully . The rest of the
gold had been melted into small bars .
" I knew the ungrateful boy had been holding out on me !" Genma growled .
She fought the urge to kill the stupid man . Instead she pocketed the coin
and turned to Kasumi .
" He wanted me to give you this ." She walked over to her eldest sister and
hugged her before giving her a light kiss on the cheek . " The rest is in your
letter ." She pointed to the thickest envelope of the group .
She dropped the letters to Ranma's Mother , Ukyo and Ryouga on the table .
Then she turned around and headed up to her room before she started crying once
more .
* * *
She looked down at the orchids that she had laid on his grave . She had
gotten them because while she knew that he hated roses because of the Kunos ,
she didn't know what kind of flower he liked .
Ranma had no remains to lay to rest . The man called Vell , had written to
say that Ranma's entire body had been more or less reduced to ashes . So a grave
marker by the Saotome tomb was all that there was left of what could have been
so much . A husband , an adventurer , a world class fighter , so much
possibility .
She didn't cry . She had cried so much that no matter how much it hurt ,
seeing the grave , seeing the evidence that he was just as gone as her mother ,
she could not cry anymore . So she turned and started to leave the sea side
graveyard . Only to feel that she was being watched .
She looked up to see a short figure standing on the cliff overlooking her
section of the graveyard . For a heart stopping instant she thought it was
Ranma's female form . Until she saw the free flowing hair whip in the sea breeze
where a pigtail should have been .
It wasn't Ranma , just some woman visiting a grave on the cliff above her .
Ranma wasn't coming back .
If only she could have told him , just once , how she loved him . She had
heard somewhere once that 'now is forever , and eternity lasts an instant' . So
maybe she could wait her life if he could wait an instant for her .
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By Kyokukou
Dear Akane ,
If you are reading this then either you are snooping where
you should not or I'm dead . If you're snooping then put this
down and turn around and pray Kasumi goes easy on you . If not
, then I've finally gotten myself killed , damn .
Well , I guess that it had to happen sometime , I mean , I
was good and all , but with my luck I knew it was only a matter
of time before something or someone finally killed me . Or did
I kill myself ? I suppose that had to be another eventual fate
for me ...
Forgive me for digressing , but I've had to write this
particular letter late at night over the course of weeks . I
don't get much privacy to write .
Anyhow , if you've gotten this far then I guess I'm dead and
I'd better get on with this stupid thing . Read ALL my instruc-
-tions before you do anything !
First : Go to my room and look under the tatami mat in the
northern corner .
Second : Take the key there and head for the attic . Yes ,
you read right , Happosai's lair . Bring protection .
Third : Proceed ONLY if you've gotten rid of Happosai . Look
under the tatami mat under the freak's pile of
panties and bras . You will find a thick glove with
runes all over it , take it , but don't put it on .
Fourth : Now go to the park and up to that smallish shrine
with the naked guy . Put the thick glove on his
outstretched hand . Around back of the pedestal you
will find two key holes . Insert the keys but do NOT
turn them . Go back to the front and turn the hand
to your right until the palm is down . A box should
fall out of a hole in the side of the pedestal . Take
it then turn the hand back . Take the keys then the
glove . Don't do anything out of order or you'll get
a real nasty booby trap sprung on you .
Done all that ? Then open the parcel in a private place ,
alone . In it you'll find a couple of things . A few videos ,
a few more letters , a CD , and my will . From here on out it's
up to you . Read the letters or not , watch the video or throw
it away . But please give my will to a lawyer (NOT NABIKI) .
-Saotome Ranma
P.S. Oh yeah , you'll also find about a kilo of gold
in there . It's from a dragon's lair . I was planning
on using it to fund four years of collage . But it's
yours now .
She stared at the heavy parcel in her hands . She had checked into a hotel
for the night in order to guarantee her privacy . It had been hours since she
had returned from the park with the parcel , but she had yet to screw up enough
courage to open it .
Instead she stared at it and remembered the last time she had seen Ranma .
It had been only a month ago . She had been so wrapped up in untangling a
romantic misunderstanding with Ryouga that she was fuzzy on what Ranma's exact
quest had been . She guessed it had something to do with a possible cure for his
curse , but she also understood that it was more than that . Whatever it was
that Ranma had gone after meant more than a cure for him ...
******
" We're coming with you !" Soun chortled . " Saotome-kun and still have a
few quests left in us !"
" Right Tendo-kun !" Genma agreed .
" Sorry ," Ranma shook his head sadly . " but it's not possible for you two to
tag along ."
" Are you saying we can't cut it anymore ?!" Genma growled at his son .
" Nope , I'm saying it's just impossible . You got the wrong kinda curse , Pop .
You don't even have a curse , Uncle Tendo ."
" I don't understand , Ranma ." Soun began , restraining his friend with a hand
on the shoulder . " How can your curse qualify you , yet you father's curse
disqualify him ?"
" Vell just told me that I could come , and that Pop couldn't ." Ranma sighed ,
shouldering his pack . " It's got somethin' to do with the arch of fragments and
probably the gate too ."
" Ranma where you're going ," Nabiki sidled up beside the young martial artist .
" there's going to be treasure , right ? And you're going to be taking some ?"
" Well ... no ." Ranma blinked at the middle Tendo .
" But I thought you were going to loot some ancient temple for some thingie that
would cure you ."
" It's not a thingie , and I wasn't told about any temple ." Ranma said .
" But isn't that how these things go ?"
" Um...usually ." Ranma agreed . " But not this time ."
" No treasure ?"
" Don't think so ."
" Never mind then..." Nabiki sighed and walked off to her room .
" So how long will you be gone , Ranma ?" Kasumi asked .
" I dunno ." Ranma thought for a moment . " I guess only two weeks at the most .
It's not the distance that's the problem it's that you have to have the right
people . Vell made it sound like we've got a lot to do just for preparations ."
A figure dressed in a billowing stark white trench coat slid the front door
open and took a step inside .
" It's time to leave ." He told Ranma in serious tones .
Ranma nodded and turned to face them . " Well , I gotta be going . I'll be
back in no time !"
" Goodbye Ranma ." Kasumi bowed slightly and waved .
" Come back soon , boy ." Genma grumbled .
" Akane , don't you want to wish your betrothed goodbye ?" Soun prompted .
" Uh , bye Ranma ." She said absently . The entire time she had been wondering
how to convince Ryouga that she had not been moaning about him in her sleep ,
and that she did not mean to kiss him last night . She had tripped on him as he
laid in the dark hallway and the rest had been further accident . But how to
make him believe her ?
Ranma had said goodbye to her and left without her looking directly at him
even once .
******
...The following week they started to receive letters from Ranma .
Apparently they had bounced from Japan to Australia , to China and back to Japan
in just that week alone . Ranma's letters were always short and optimistic .
Apparently , they had to fight everything from monsters , demons , border
patrols , and even Japan's own police . However , Ranma always managed to avoid
stating why they were fighting so many different opponents .
His last letter said that they were near their final destination . The next
letter they received was written by the man Ranma called Vell , and it was
addressed to Genma instead of the Tendo Dojo .
She still remembered each word of that letter .
To Saotome Genma , Father of Saotome Ranma ,
I deeply regret I have to inform you that your son has
died . Ranma was one of the best comrades I have had the
privilege to travel with and fight alongside .
I know it to be no comfort , but I feel that it is needed
to tell you that Ranma died saving us all . Because of Ranma's
ultimate sacrifice more than our few lives were saved . Ranma's
actions may have prevented a tragedy that would have cost the
lives of millions .
I am afraid that I have nothing to offer for your loss save
my condolences and the knowledge that Ranma's memory already
becomes legend among those privy to the world beyond the mundane .
-Vell , the Wanderer
None of it made sense , they didn't even know how Ranma had died . Genma had
slumped into a lethargic depression . Nabiki had seemed to take the news in
stride . The middle Tendo stayed in her room more now , but otherwise seemed
unfazed by the loss of Ranma . Soun had to be kept from all alcohol and nearly
cried himself into dehydration daily . Kasumi seemed depressed , but made sure
to be supportive to everyone else . She still felt like she was in shock .
Ranma's death still seemed so unreal to her . Even though she had had weeks
for the fact to sink in . But the concept that Ranma was gone refused to become
more than an unreal abstraction to her .
Shaking her head she set her hands to the task of opening the box before her
mind could stop them .
When the deed was done she reached in and retrieved a video tape . It was
labeled 'A Day In My Sucky Life' . She set the box aside and walked over to
insert the tape into the room's VCR . She sat back down on the bed as a blue
screen resolved into Ranma sitting in his room looking at the screen .
" Akane , I'm making this tape to try to give you some understanding of what my
life is like ." His words sounded practiced , but the pleading expression he
wore was genuine . " 'Cause I know you'd never believe me if I just told ya .
Hell , I'd never believe myself , 'cept I'm the one livin' it ."
A brief flash of static and the scene had changed to a wobbly picture of
Nabiki's room .
" You sure it's working ?" Ranma's voice asked .
" Perfectly ." Nabiki walked into the picture smiling at something just to the
right of the camera .
" And it'll record up to five kilometers from here ?"
" Give or take a few hundred meters . It's top of the line ."
" Cool , howz the shock resistance ?"
" I took your usual beatings into account ..."
" Can I take a hit from Ryouga ?"
" Um... maybe ..." Nabiki looked at the camera uncertainly . " It's really hard
to make hidden cameras tough , but it should make it through the day ."
" I did pay in advance ."
" Why'd you think I made you ."
The view shifted rapidly to Nabiki's open window . " Well , I'm off !"
For the next twenty minuets she watched a Ranma go about his day , but
through his eyes . He hadn't tried to spy on her , his mother had told him the
bath was empty . He wasn't trying to kiss Ukyo , she really did get a eyelash in
her eye . He hadn't run off with Kodachi , she had happened upon him while he
was fighting Happosai . Who had actually managed to hide from her sight while
she beat Ranma for his alleged betrayal . She camera finally broke after one
last mallet strike to his head .
The rest of the tape was blank . After switching the television off she
returned to the letters . When she picked up the one labeled 'Read first' she
noticed for the first time that her hands were shaking .
Fumbling with the envelope she moved to the table so she could spread out
the letter .
Dear Akane ,
I don't know exactly when I'll give you this . I don't know
if I'll ever work up the guts to give you this . Hell , I don't
know what the hell I'm going to say in this damn thing . Maybe
it's just self therapy to get the words out of my mind before
I go nuts .
I love you Akane . There , it's out . I still can't say it
to you . Maybe I never will , but I do .
Would you believe it took me nearly a month just to realize
that ? I kept expecting something earth shattering and dramatic
. Like the kami of love to come down herself and proclaim the
news to me .(Hey, with my life can you really blame me ?) I've
never been in love before so I don't know if this is how it's
supposed to feel or if I'm just weird . So I finally got it
through my astoundingly thick head that I'm in love with you .
So everything is just peachy , right ? WRONG !! What the hell
make me think -even for a damn second- that my life could be
that simple ?!
I even tried to tell you a few times . HA ! As if that could
ever work ! The last time ended with me getting jumped by my
false fiancées .
Am I going to give this to you ? No . While writing this I
realized that the worst that could happen would be you
rejecting me for the freak I am . Now how often does the worst
happen to me ? Always , Akane , always !
The letter trailed off , unfinished and unsigned . She refolded the letter
with her unsteady hands and retrieved another at random this time .
Dear Tendo Akane ,
I write this on the roof with only three things up here with
me . A ink set and paper , Nabiki's cell , and the family
tanto . Why ?
Because I've just had a very horrible day , even for me . Do
you want to read about it ? Because I'm sure I'll get this
letter to you .
Today I had finally resolved to tell you how I feel after
Ryouga taunted me about my inability to tell you my feelings
despite my resolve to face death himself for you . So I waited
until I thought I could have a quiet moment with you to talk .
I headed to your room tonight . Guess what I found ?
I think I stood at the door watching you writhe on top of
Ryouga for nearly a minute . To be fair I guess it was only a
few seconds , but I heard my heart tear itself apart for what
felt like an eternity .
If it had been him pressing himself onto you I would have
killed him . I would have rushed in there and tore his throat
out . But it wasn't . It was you , Akane , you , the girl I
love . He wasn't pressing unwanted advances on you , YOU were
the wanton . What would I have seen if I had stayed ? Are you
making love to him as I write this ? How long has this gone on
, weeks , months ? Or was it a sudden explosion of passion ?
Never mind . I don't want to know .
So I ran . I left the house and ran . Only to be stopped by
a stranger . A older teen in a white trench coat . He said he
had been looking for me . There's only one reason I wanted for
a guy to be looking for me , a fight . I lashed out at him
with all the pain and rage I had in me . I tore apart Saffron
last time I fought like that . I never even touched this guy .
He waited until I had exhausted myself before talking more .
He told me of a quest I was needed on , and of it's vast
importance . I told him to fuck off . He told me that a
substitute for me could be found , but it would take valuable
time to do so . I thought about spending some time away from
you and your lover . So then I told him that if I was still
alive tomorrow I would go with him . We talked a little more
before I returned here .
I've written my will , I got everything in order . All that's
left is to write this . I don't know if this is going to be my
suicide note or a farewell letter .
Remember the cell and tanto I mentioned earlier ? The tanto
is for an obvious purpose . The cell is to call you from here
and tell you what I could never say in person . I love you .
I never asked to love you . I never asked to be the heir to
a stupid school of martial arts . I never asked for anything
in my life , but I sure got a lot . None of it I want .
I don't WANT to love you DAMNIT ! But I do . I just want to
have a life of my own . No stupid duty to family , to the art
, to dojo , to my betrothed , to anyone but me ! I just want a
life that's not decided for me or written by fate's hand
instead of my own .
So what do I do now Akane ? Disembowel myself or call you
just to get rejected by you . Both maybe ?
I stopped writing this letter for nearly an hour just to
think about that . I've come to a decision . I'll do as I told
that guy . I'll go along with him on that quest tomorrow . At
the very least it'll give me time away from here to think .
I'll give you this when I get back .
-Ranma
She had to fight the urge to tear the letter into shreds . It was so unfair
! It was all a misunderstanding ! She had fallen on Ryouga and panicked when she
realized her lips had touched his . She had thrashed about trying to get off of
him without touching him . It had all been a misunderstanding !
But that was what had happened to Ranma , wasn't it ? In the video , even in
just twenty minuets he had been caught up in so many situational
misunderstandings it would have been comical to anyone else .
So she finally got caught up in her own misunderstanding and had been too
oblivious to realize Ranma's emotional state until he had gone off and gotten
himself killed .
Had it been suicide ? Had he seen a chance to save everyone and himself and
not taken it just because he thought she loved Ryouga ? It was her fault he left
for the quest , was it her fault he died on it ?
She didn't realize she had been crying until she looked down at the table to
see only a watery blur . After wiping her eyes she examined the envelope . It
was labeled 'Read last' .
This time she took the letter 'Read Second' .
Dear Akane ,
It's kinda funny , but I can talk to you in a letter in ways
I never could in person . I guess it's a catharsis . (Yes I do
have a dictionary beside me .) I've never been good with words
but this way I have the time to put thoughts into words . It
sure takes a lot longer , but it gives me a lot longer to get
words that I know mean what I want them to .
I know that I love you , but I thought that I knew what that
meant . Now I'm sure that I don't . I thought it meant that I
was supposed to protect you , provide for you , and so much
more . But then I realized that all of that had come from my
Pop . So that's out the window .
I love you , Akane . I want to just be with you . I don't
really care how , I guess . I just want to feel your presence
, to know you're there . I don't know how much of this is from
love and how much is from loneliness .
I know it's going to freak you out , hell it freaked me out
until I logiced the idea to death . But here goes ... I have to
take back what I wrote in my first letter to you . I have been
in love before . Remember when Ryouga somehow got that weird
fishing pole that made any girl he hooked with it fall in love
with him , and he hooked me ? After it was over I did my best
forget the whole incident out of revulsion . But , now that I
look back on it and compare my feelings for Ryouga then and my
feelings for you now . It was love , a magical , overpowering
love , but the real deal .
My love for you and what I felt then is different . My
emotions then were so overpowering . But my emotions now are
so much more deeply ingrained and unstoppable . It's like my
induced love for Ryouga was a Tsunami , but mine for you is a
glacier . So vast and unceasing .
Back to the question : So what do I do ? Do I confess to you
and face up to the consequences ? Or do I just wait ?
Do you love me ? Would you want to ? Or am I the thing you
say I am ? Am I what you scream that I am ? Pervert , Freak ,
Idiot , Asshole , and the thing ruining your life ?
In the face of that how can I even have a glimmer of hope
that you might like me even if you can't love me ? I can
because sometimes , just sometimes , you give me a smile that
makes the entire world wondrous to my eyes . Wondrous , simply
in that it can have someone like you in it .
All my love to you
-Ranma
She left the letter on the table as she threw herself onto the bed and cried
until the tears wouldn't come any longer .
* * *
" I'm home ." She called wearily as she slipped on her house shoes .
" Akane !" Kasumi rushed out of the living room . " We've been so worried about
you . You've been gone since yesterday where have you been ?"
" Getting this ." She hefted the box under her arm .
" What , pray tell , is 'this' ?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow as the two entered
the living room together . The entire family was gathered about the table for a
meal that had yet to be set .
She stood before the table and passed out items like a card dealer .
" His will , a letter to you , Nabiki , a CD of information he willed to you , a
letter to Daddy , a letter to Uncle Saotome , and one to you Kasumi ."
Her family gaped at her . She continued .
" I know I'm not supposed to , but I've already read his will ."
She looked at Genma .
" His wish for you is to reconcile with your wife . Or divorce , one or the
other . Just make her happy ."
She turned to Nabiki .
" He wanted someone to say this to you for all the times he should have but
didn't . Fuck off bitch ." She waited until Nabiki had wrapped her mind around
that statement . " But for the rest of the time he gave you the CD and this
letter ."
Now she turned to he father .
" To you he willed that you get this ," She produced a gold coin from her pocket
and held it up . " if you never bind your daughters or grandchildren to any sort
of promise or contract ."
" Why didn't I get a gold coin ?" Nabiki practically drooled at it .
" It's the only gold coin he had ." She answered truthfully . The rest of the
gold had been melted into small bars .
" I knew the ungrateful boy had been holding out on me !" Genma growled .
She fought the urge to kill the stupid man . Instead she pocketed the coin
and turned to Kasumi .
" He wanted me to give you this ." She walked over to her eldest sister and
hugged her before giving her a light kiss on the cheek . " The rest is in your
letter ." She pointed to the thickest envelope of the group .
She dropped the letters to Ranma's Mother , Ukyo and Ryouga on the table .
Then she turned around and headed up to her room before she started crying once
more .
* * *
She looked down at the orchids that she had laid on his grave . She had
gotten them because while she knew that he hated roses because of the Kunos ,
she didn't know what kind of flower he liked .
Ranma had no remains to lay to rest . The man called Vell , had written to
say that Ranma's entire body had been more or less reduced to ashes . So a grave
marker by the Saotome tomb was all that there was left of what could have been
so much . A husband , an adventurer , a world class fighter , so much
possibility .
She didn't cry . She had cried so much that no matter how much it hurt ,
seeing the grave , seeing the evidence that he was just as gone as her mother ,
she could not cry anymore . So she turned and started to leave the sea side
graveyard . Only to feel that she was being watched .
She looked up to see a short figure standing on the cliff overlooking her
section of the graveyard . For a heart stopping instant she thought it was
Ranma's female form . Until she saw the free flowing hair whip in the sea breeze
where a pigtail should have been .
It wasn't Ranma , just some woman visiting a grave on the cliff above her .
Ranma wasn't coming back .
If only she could have told him , just once , how she loved him . She had
heard somewhere once that 'now is forever , and eternity lasts an instant' . So
maybe she could wait her life if he could wait an instant for her .
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