TITLE: Feels Like Home
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Shannon realizes how much Sayid means to her. (An extension of the hug scene).
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
Shannon had thought things were over with Sayid. She hadn't spoken to him since the incident with Locke, and she had thought that he was avoiding her. But right when she needed him, he had appeared. She glanced over at the bags he had helped her carry, and to her surprise she had felt better after his help. She knew he didn't just want to help with her bags. She knew that she needed to let him in. Shutting him out was hurting them both; she had seen it in his eyes.
However, there was one major problem. She was afraid. After talking with him briefly on the beach, and again as they made their way to the caves, she knew that she wanted him. No, she realized, she didn't just want him - she needed him. She wondered if he needed her as well. She didn't know why someone like him would need someone like her, but she hoped he did. Even with that realization she still was afraid. Everyone that she had ever loved always went away. Her mother, her father, countless friends and boyfriends, and her brother. Now Sayid was running around the jungle trying to rescue a baby from the crazy French chick who carried a massive rifle. Would he make it back to her? More importantly, could she survive without him?
Vincent's head turned towards the caves a small growl coming from him. She paused, her hand lingering in the air over his head. Shannon then heard the commotion coming from the entrance of the caves. She was afraid to move at first. When she didn't hear Claire scream in agony, she knew that Aaron must have been found. She stood, anxious to see if Sayid had returned as well. Vincent looked up at her, and she swore the dog looked annoyed with her. She bent down and rubbed his head one more time, before making her way over to Claire.
She stood next to Claire and glanced down at the baby, now safe in his mother's arms. She felt relieved that he was safe, but the relief didn't last long as she realized Sayid wasn't standing with them. She looked up as she searched for him. She felt the panic building in her chest as her eyes surveyed the caves.
Finally she found him, standing by the waterfall washing his face. Her heart skipped a beat as she pushed between Charlie and Claire. She ran to him. She ignored the doubt and uncertainty on his face, and threw her arms around him.
She hugged him tightly, closing her eyes briefly as relief filled her body. She felt his arms tighten around her, and she knew she had made the right choice. She felt safe now knowing that he came back to her. She opened her mouth to tell him she was sorry, but she quickly closed it, deciding instead to stay in his arms. Words would just ruin the moment.
Shannon didn't know how long they clung to each other. She had found her lifeline, her safety net. And as she felt his fingers in her hair, she knew that she was the same for him. She realized that she hadn't ruined the best thing that had ever been in her life. With Sayid's arms around her, she felt as if she could make it.
Finally, Sayid pulled away. He caressed her face, tucking her unruly hair behind her ear. Shannon felt as if his eyes could see into her soul, and for the first time, she wasn't afraid. At least for the moment the fear was gone. Sadly, she knew it would return. She just hoped that next time it wouldn't do as much damage.
She placed her hand over his, intertwining their fingers. She tugged his hand gently. She needed to talk to him. She pulled him towards where Charlie and Claire sat holding Aaron. They were oblivious to them as they passed.
She turned to Sayid, a small smile playing on her lips. "You're the hero."
He looked down to the ground. "I am not a hero," he said sadly.
"I think Claire would disagree." When he didn't respond she continued to walk with him, over to where she had placed her suitcases. "You don't want to be Claire's hero?" she asked as she sat down.
Wearily, he sat beside her. "I'm no one's hero."
She took his hand and placed it in her lap. "You're mine."
"Shannon…" he began, but was interrupted by Vincent running up to them.
Vincent stood there looking first at Shannon and then to Sayid. It was as if he was trying to figure out the situation. Before either could react, Vincent lunged forward at Sayid licking him twice in the face before running off again. Sayid sat there in shock, grimacing at the slobber now on his face, as Shannon started giggling.
"I think he likes you," she said, barely able to get the words out.
She hadn't meant to laugh so hard, but the image of Vincent licking Sayid amused her. She snorted as Sayid wiped away Vincent's drool in annoyance.
Composing herself, she said," I haven't laughed in a while."
In fact she hadn't laughed since she had been walking back to camp with Sayid before she had learned of Boone's death. She couldn't even remember anymore what had been so funny, but she wished she could go back to that. Even though she felt a little guilty for laughing when her brother was dead.
He brought her hand to his lips, brushing a gentle kiss across her palm. "It is difficult to get everything back to normal. Guilt is something you learn to deal with."
She could see that he knew what he was talking about as his eyes glistened with tears. She wasn't going to push him. She had more important things to find out.
"Do you think we can try this again?" She started fidgeting with her sweater. "I mean us. I want to, if you do. You just need to know that I'm kind of messed up right now."
"We will move as slowly as you need," he said softly.
She looked down at her hands. He knew exactly what she needed. However, there was one more thing she needed to say to him.
"Sayid," she began, chewing on her lip. "I'm so sor…"
He cut her off by placing his finger gently against her mouth.
"You do not need to say that. I know."
She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. He didn't realize how much she really needed to apologize to him. She couldn't remember ever telling someone she was sorry before. It was fitting that Sayid would be the first.
"I have to," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I never got to say it to Boone." She breathed deeply, not wanting to cry again. "I never told him, and I don't want the same thing to happen with you."
He nodded in understanding as he took her hand once again. He squeezed it gently in support.
"I'm so sorry, Sayid." She felt the tears fall. "I'm sorry," she sobbed again.
He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She clung to him again, allowing him to comfort her. She cried into his chest, but this time she didn't feel completely helpless. She knew that Sayid would do what he could to help her. Even in all her grief she knew that it would be okay. With Sayid by her side, she felt like she was home.
The End