Part One - An Overdue Conversation

Space the final frontier. A dark void filled the brim with shadows, disease and death. A darkness that only the cold light of dying stars could pierce, a light which although signified death also created life in its wake; whole systems filled to the brim with unique and utterly awe inspiring planets. It is the unknown mysteries of space, which inspire those to explore its furthest expanses. It is because of this passion for exploring the unknown, that the Enterprise and its crew exists.

Cruising through the void at warp factor four, the light of the stars slowly blurred into long white lines across the view screens which littered the ship's hull. The scenery on the other side of the thick panes of glass, contorting and bending as they travelled at the speed of light into unchartered space.

Basked in the blue tinged light emitted from one of the newly fitted warp pylons, two figures leaned over a tall glass chess board in the centre of one of the ready rooms aboard Starfleet's flagship. The lights in the room were dimmed to a comfortable darkness, shadows crept the walls behind the figures as only the soft glow from the glass chess board and its pieces highlighted the distinct features of the ship's Captain and First Officer.

"Jim it is your move."

Jim shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he tilted his head to the side in contemplation, his fingers rubbing the cold glass of the white pawn in his hands. "I am aware of that, Spock."

"It would appear that my previous move has disrupted your original plan." The Vulcan announced monotonously, his back ramrod straight and rigid as he eyed Kirk inquisitively.

Jim rolled his eyes in response as he leaned ever closer to the board before him, his hand; along with the chess piece, dangling above the spot he was considering to move to. "Believe that all you want Mr Spock-"

"I shall Captain." Spock interrupted, his posture shifting minutely as he proceeded to narrow his glare on to the pawn which was clasped within Jim's grasp. Slowly the Vulcan continued- "The past three years in space has shown me that your play style when it comes to chess is highly unpredictable. Therefore making you predictable."

Jim smirked as he paused in his movements, his mouth closing as he stopped biting his tongue playfully. "Then i am just going to have to change that aren't I?" The Captain commented in response.

With a gratifying sigh, Jim switched plans completely. Instead of going for the risky play he had been wanting to do, Jim opted more towards the safer more obvious play, resting his pawn down opposite Spock's knight. Kirk slowly glanced upwards from his lowered position, his eyes level with the board as he watched his first officer's reaction. Needless to say, a wave of success washed through his consciousness at the confused eyebrow quirk he received in response.

"I missed this." Jim sighed happily as he settled further into the leather chair, his clammy skin sticking to the material causing their silence to be filled with a soft crinkling sound. It was these moments which Kirk held on to the most, the days where there was no devastating mission which held countless lives in the balance. The days where he could rest and not walk about with the weight of countless worlds resting on his shoulders.

Spock tilted his head inquisitively as he ceased his strategic staring of the board, and instead addressed the Captain. "If you are referring to the activity of losing further games of chess to your first officer, i must agree that i to have 'missed' the interaction."

Jim chuckled softly as he shook his head, dispelling his previous thoughts. Sometimes he just couldn't get his head around Spock, other times he felt as if he had his book written. It was strange to think that this friendship they shared had blossomed out of something so violent. Jim's eyebrows creased inwardly as he remembered back to the comments he had made regarding the Vulcan's deceased mother, they were really times he wished he could forget.

The silence which followed was what alerted Kirk to his First Officer's troubles, only the gentle hum of the lights filled the room with any sort of sound. The Vulcan which remained seated across from him stared into an empty space before them, completely unaware of his move after only moments earlier egging the Captain on.

"Something on your mind Spock?" Jim questioned before he could even register that he had asked.

Spock seemed to snap from his trance, meeting Jim in the eye once more. Spock shook his head once before returning to the game at hand. Any other day Jim may have let the notion slip, but after everything they had been through he decided to press onwards.

"Come on. I can tell when something is bothering you" Kirk pressed, his attention no longer fixated on the game unfolding before them. Shifting in his chair once more, Jim leaned forwards his back arching as he clasped his hands together across his lap. He had hoped that his new posture would appear to be more inviting for the officer to speak his mind.

Spock refused at first to look at the captain, his deep brown eyes a turmoil of emotions as he considered his next words carefully. "Jim- If i may ask a personal enquiry regarding recent events."

If Kirk's interest hadn't already been quipped, then the use of his first name definitely had his attention.

"It is regarding your meeting with the commodore." Spock finished somewhat hesitantly.

'Shit' Jim inwardly cursed.

It had been an inevitable conversation he knew, especially after the brief moment in which the pair had touched upon the subject during his surprise birthday drinks. But, Kirk in all his obliviousness had hoped that by simply ignoring the subject, that the need for talks would not arise. It was a childish move he would agree, but it wasn't that he didn't want to talk, it was that he didn't know what to say.

Realising that it was his turn to end the silence, the captain coughed halfheartedly. "I assumed you knew-"

"Jim, you misunderstand." Spock spoke over him once again, their eyes meeting in the soft blue light of the room. "Although i am aware of the subject being for your application as Admiralty, i am unaware as to why you did not feel the need to inform myself or the crew."

"I-" Jim's voice faltered. Before him, the Vulcan appeared to be unwillingly displaying his emotions. It was subtle, and to the normal eye nobody would notice. But the years with the Vulcan by his shoulder had rubbed off on him, for Kirk it was slight changes in the way in which Spock addressed him and moved which revealed more than the Vulcan wanted to. Sighing, the captain finished. "I wanted to tell you Spock, I just couldn't find the time."

Spock nodded slowly for a few moments, his eyes travelling the room before coming back to lock with Jim's. "Was it that you could not find the time, or that you were hesitant in letting us know your feelings?"

Jim's face contorted into one of surprise and confusion, a look at which Spock sought to remedy as he continued.

"Doctor McCoy has since filled me in on a conversation you both divulged over Mister Chekov's Scotch."

A hint of bitterness hit Jim in the gut, his eyes averted from his Commander and instead taking up to staring at the blurred stars which spanned the width of the window. Their light never ceasing to amaze him. "Since when did you two become good friends?" Jim blurted unwarrantedly.

Oblivious to the bitterness intended, Spock answered the question truthfully as he continued to watch the Captain passively. "Time spent with the Doctor on the surface of the planet has certainly changed my perspective on his and I relationship, to which i believe we have been 'friends' long before the incident transpired. However this fact should not refrain from my initial question, Jim."

"Both. I couldn't find the time- or the words." Kirk finally answered, his eyes still adverted from his first officer. "I didn't want you all to feel as if it was your fault i felt that way, it's hard to describe. It was just becoming-"

"Episodic"

Kirk's eyes snapped back to his first officer as he rose from his chair instantly, his posture defensive as his mind reeled inwardly. It had not been his voice which ended his explanation.

"You listened to my log?" Jim muttered somewhat dejectedly.

Spock appeared surprised at the sudden movement, his own hands unfolding as he slowly rose to his feet to remain eye level with Jim. "When inside the swarm ship, I had access to the same federation archives as Krall. I needed to see how deep he had infiltrated the federation. Listening to your log was not what neither I nor Doctor McCoy had desired to do."

Jim's eyes slowly sunk to the floor as he took a deep breath. He was unsure on how to proceed with the conversation. There was still so much that his First Officer did not know about his past, hell even Bones didn't have a clue what he had been through before Pike had found him in the bar that night. The feeling of being lost was not something which was unfamiliar to him, however having his weakness and personal emotions speculated by the Vulcan only made him feel vulnerable. It was not a feeling that James Tiberius Kirk enjoyed, especially when he was their Captain.

"You are not lost Jim." Spock stated suddenly, as if he had an insight into what sort of emotional wave was washing through the Captain's mind. Jim noted that his tone was softer and less robotic than it usually was, once again highlighting the unwanted sympathy he was receiving.

"The crew of the ship respect you as both their captain, and their-" Spock stepped forwards as he considered the human before him, the man who had sent him into a spiralling rage at the scene of his death, the man who always seemed to make him express his emotions despite his heritage. His -"friend." Spock finished for both himself and the Captain to hear.

Jim looked upwards as he smiled in gratitude, it still surprised him when Spock referred to them as 'friends'. "I know that now. Thank you… Spock."

Allowing his emotions to pool for a few more moments, Kirk quickly got to grips with them and buried them beneath his usual cheery facade. Biting away at the inside of his cheek the Captain turned and slowly wandered across the room away from their chess game and towards a desk which sat in the corner. "What about yourself then? There must have been more to what you wanted to tell me in the turbolift."

Spock tilted his head, noting the sudden change in Jim's emotions. "Captain, I do not-"

"Spock-" Jim turned slowly as he leant against the desk, his hands clasping tightly to the metal edge. "-you don't expect Bones to tell you of my conversation and not inform me of your own?"

Raising an eyebrow in consideration, the Vulcan wandered across the room slowly to meet Jim. "It would appear that i had not factored in the Doctor's lack of discretion for my own part."

Jim laughed briefly as he shook his head in disbelief. However his cheery mood was quickly dampened as he reflected on what Bones had briefly mentioned to him while drunk on the night of his celebrations. "Would you have left?"

"I had planned to. However like you i could not find the time to inform you of my- decision. Therefore the lack of time in consolidating my resignation is somewhat of a benefit, as i doubt i would still be present if we had spoken before the transgression with Krall"

Jim nodded slowly as he pulled himself away from the desk and approached his first officer, reaching his hand upwards, Kirk clasped the Vulcans shoulder giving it a tight squeeze in affection. "Well, If it's any consolation- I'm glad you stayed. I honestly don't know what i would do without you Spock."

Spock bared the contact on his shoulder with a brief glance before nodding once. "A phrase of which you have repeated throughout this whole ordeal Captain."

"Don't think i didn't noticed your lack of answers to! Besides, i say it so much because it's true-" Jim paused as he smirked mischievously -"But also because i was fishing for an answer. Come on Spock, no compliment for me?"

Spock's expressionless lips tightened at the ends in what could have been interpreted as a smirk. "I am also unsure of what my position in this universe would be without your presence captain."

Jim shrugged as he dropped his hand away from Spock's shoulder and moved around the desk to one of it's many draws. Clasping at the metal handle, Jim threw the first one open as he began to rifle through its contents. His bright blue eyes narrowing as he looked for a single item among the mess. "I'll take that" he muttered in response.

Spock however, had not finished. "In fact it is something of which i have been considering since Ambassador Spock's passing."

Jim froze in his searching as he slowly pulled out a bottle of Saurian Brandy, placing it on the glass desk with a soft 'chink' sound, the Captain frowned. "Oh-"

Leaving the brandy, Jim stepped to the side slightly taking up his initial position of standing before Spock. "Spock i'm sorry, i should have said. It must have been hard dealing with that on your own, i can't begin to imagine."

"The situation was… most dissatisfying." It was Spock's turn to stare into space, his eyes glistened with what Jim imagined was unfallen tears. However he was acutely aware that the Vulcan would deny their presence when confronted about them. "Ambassador Spock left his possessions in my name. An action of which i was both expecting but thoroughly surprised at. On the day of your birth celebrations, i took the time to visit the ambassadors storage box."

"You did?" Jim's eyes widened in response, while he had been meeting the commodore discussing the events with Krall, his friend had been fighting an emotional war. "Spock how comes you didn't say anything!"

"The situation at the time was one of celebration. Seeing as the day already represents such dark times for yourself, Jim, i did not mean to 'dampen the mood' further as the doctor would say." Spock stated simply. It was almost as if he had rehearsed his speech, only the brief moments of hesitation where the Vulcan opened his mouth before promptly closing it revealed to Kirk that his First Officer was speaking his mind freely.

"Spock you would never do that." Jim expressed as he shifted uncomfortably at the thought of his next words. "How did it… go?"

"I am fine, Jim, If that is what you are implying from your question."

Kirk frowned at the response he received, although he didn't know what he had expected in the first place. Afterall, who could say that they had experienced their own passing. "No i didnt- Nevermind."

Spock tilted his head as a notion of his enquiry before proceeding regardless. "The majority of the ambassadors belongings were relics of this world. However there were also some of his past world, the universe timeline in which he belonged."

Feeling the conversation wander into potentially unwarranted territory for Spock, Jim raised his hands in defense. "Spock you don't need to tell me what was-"

"I do.-" Spock continued, his tone hard. Kirk noted not to interrupt again as the Vulcan paused for a moment, his head dropping in thought. "As I believe you should see this… Jim. I believe that it is an artefact of which Ambassador Spock would have shared with his own-"

Spock met Jim's gaze again. "-Captain."

Slowly Spock's hands moved to behind his shirt where he unclasped a small storage box. Moving slowly towards Jim, the Vulcan pushed the metallic case into the Captain's hands. The metal box was warm to his touch, something which he attributed to Spock's naturally higher body temperature than his own. Its surface was a prismatic pattern, repetitive but beautiful in design. It was a pattern which Jim would also have linked to have represented Vulcan heritage.

Noting the presence of the strange object in his hands, Jim began to spin it around in his grasp. His mind wandering back to the conversation he had with Spock mere hours before their meeting. "Something tells me that you didn't just want to play chess anyway."

Ignoring Kirk's comment, Spock reached over and righted the small box into its original position before his fingers slowly slid the lid upwards causing the image inside to lighten drastically. Kirk's reaction was instant, leaning inwards his eyes narrowed before realisation dawned across features. Before him was an image, a collection of Starfleet officers dressed in a uniform of which he did not recognise. They all appeared to be aged and standing on an oddly familiar bridge.

"Is- Is that-"

Spock stepped away from the Captain, providing him more space. "I believe that it is the crew of the Enterprise, from the timeline of which Ambassador Spock belonged."

Kirk couldn't stop staring at the image, a soft white noise ringing in his ears as he slowly brought his hand up to stroke the picture. His actions did so with unjustifiable care, as if the image within his grasp was the most important object which belonged to him. Him? It wasn't his picture to keep, so why was the belonging of the Ambassador's stirring such thoughts from his own mind.

"Captain?"

Spock's questioning comment went unnoticed as the buzzing inside Jim's head seemed to grow louder. Jim frowned inwardly, the sound was reminiscent to tumbling waves as a barrel of emotions suddenly hit him again. Faint images, thoughts and smells seemed to reign his consciousness of which he did not recognise. It was as if he couldn't remember who he was anymore, and instead someone was filling his mind with their own presence. The last time he had experienced such a moment was years back, when he had been abandoned on-

Gasping for air, Jim reeled away from Spock, his eyes watering in response. He could feel his officer's gaze fixated on his back as he tried in vain to control his breathing. He had always been good at controlling his own emotions, especially when he took great care in hiding his experiences on Tarsus IV, but this- this wasn't his own emotions and they were too deep to reign in. "I recognise this. I- "Argh"

Jim's knees buckled as he fell to the ground, his hands clasping at his head tightly. The images were slowly gaining in clarity, however there still seemed to be a shimmering veil of shadows which hid them from him.

"Jim?"

Spock's worried tone cut through the darkness as Jim noted that the Vulcan's hands clasped at his shoulders. Turning to meet his gaze, Jim swallowed a dry lump which had formed at the base of his throat.

"Spock" Jim paused as he considered his next words carefully. "I remember this being taken."