WHAT IF?

Keiichi felt the first stirring of an ache in his head. He had been at the computer design desk for almost 20 hours, but the design for the steering of the Whirlwind 2 still wouldn't work. When the computer mouse stopped working and the system locked up, he had the first real hit from the coming migraine and his body bent over in his chair. He started to move away from the desk when the second attack started. This one did make his body double over with nausea. He slipped from the chair cutting his forehead on the edge of the table. With blood starting to flow from the cut he fell to the floor but was able to grab the nearby trash can when the vomiting began.

He lay on the floor, eyes tightly shut, holding his head and trying not to move any more than possible. The cut was bleeding freely on the scattered design papers. With the next jolt of pain his body curled into a fetal position, his hands squeezing the sides of his head trying to force the pain away. Rolling on the floor with that unimaginable pain he had never felt before, Keiichi unknowingly shouted out trying to get the pain to stop.

Belldandy stepped through a wall mounted full length mirror with the tea tray in her hands. Her smile left her face as she was shocked seeing Keiichi rolled into a ball on the floor, his head smeared with blood. The tray fell to the floor, breaking the teapot and one of the cups as she started to run toward him.

Keiichi thought he heard footsteps and forced an eyelid to open against the brightness of the light. He saw a blurry Belldandy reaching for him. "Belldandy!" Another sharp pain, and he grimaced and his body jerked again. His next words weren't what he wanted to say. His shouting at the pain itself came out as, "Stop! Leave me!"

Belldandy had reached his side when he shouted the trigger word. Stopping her hand as it almost touched Keiichi, she stayed kneeling a moment before standing up. With tears in her eyes she looked down at her Keiichi. "Goodbye, dear." Her figure faded out from the room.

Keiichi's thrashing stopped and with a groan he fell into an exhausted sleep.

One:

Chihiro saw Keiichi's BMW still in it's parking space when she arrived. He had been keeping long hours since they started designing and building their own line of custom motorcycles, and this wasn't the first time he was here early. "This is getting ridiculous! We're supposed to be realizing our dreams, not killing ourselves." Turning the key in the door she stepped into the office area. The door to Keiichi's engineering office was shut but she could see light under the door. Shaking her head she called out. "Hey, Keiichi! Wake up, it's a new day and I need you to go over that steering problem."

Opening the door to the office, the first thing she saw was a broken teapot and cups lying in a wet spot in front of the wall mirror. Looking to the left she saw papers were thrown on the floor with what looked like blood on them. "Keiichi? Keiichi, are you in here?" In the shadow under a table was a body with blood on it's head. Fear started to set in and she screamed. "Keiichi!"

Running over and bending down to reach under the table she rolled his limp body over. "Keiichi! Are you okay? Come on, say something." A grunt at least proved he was alive. She pulled him out and verified he was breathing. "Keiichi! What happened? Did someone attack you?" She held him close and tried to wipe some of the dried blood from his forehead.

"Ow! Not so hard!" Keichi tried to open his eyes, but the light still hurt them. "What time is it?"

"What time is it? This office and you look like someone attacked you, and you want to know what time it is?" Chihiro tried to wipe some of the dry blood on Keiichi's forehead with her sleeve. "What happened last night?" She shifted him to a more upright sitting position. "Where's Belldandy? Did she do this to you?"

"Belldandy?" Keiichi gently shook his head in the negative. "I had one hell of a headache sometime in the night, and I honestly don't know what happened after that." Opening his eyes a little more he took in the papers, blood and across the room near the mirror the broken teapot and cup. He quickly shut his eyes again. "No one attacked me, and I'm sure it wasn't Belldandy. I just had a unbelievable monster headache."

Keiichi got to his knees and began to stand up. Chihiro held his arm to give him a boost up and steady him at the same time.

"Partner, I think you need to see the doctor before you do anything else today." She held him upright. "Think you can stand by yourself?" Keiichi nodded and she let his arm loose. He leaned on the desk with both hands, eyes still shut, taking a few deep breaths.

His mind began working again. Opening his eyes he turned toward the broken tea things laying in a damp spot on the carpet. It took effort but he started toward the mirror, a look of panic starting to form on his face. "Belldandy. My god, Belldandy was here I think! What happened?"

He stopped and shut his eyes trying to remember last night. "I was in pain, and she came in." He frowned and opened his eyes again. "She was here." He looked at the room again. "She was here and saw me. But she didn't help me!" Keiichi turned and looked at Chihiro sitting on his desk. "Why? Why didn't she help me! Where is she?"

"Hey, I don't know. All I know is I found my partner looking like he was beaten up and the office torn apart. Sorry, I don't keep track of girlfriends." Chihiro saw the panic on Keiichi's face. "Keiichi, slow down, why don't you go home for today. Check things out, and get some rest. Someone at the house will help you. Go on, get going. Or do I need to take you?"

Keiichi was already out the office door and heading for the open front door. "I can make it by myself." He stopped, turned and ran back to his office, fumbled on the desk for the BMW keys, grabbed his helmet, and ran back out again. He didn't shut the outer door.

Chihiro heard the BMW start and shook her head in wonder. Standing up from the desk she took a deep breath and stretched. "Right! My partner has a headache, his office is a wreck, and he is worried about a teapot and his girlfriend." Shaking her head she began to gather up the papers that were on the floor. Sniffing and making a face she instead picked up the trash can, held it at arms length, and headed outside.

Two:

Sometime during the night a misty rain had started. The wet road, coupled with traffic and not making any stop lights slowed Keiichi down. By the time he reached the shrine he was soaking wet, and the cut on his forehead had started to bleed again. Coming into the yard he could see that there were no lights showing in the windows. The BMW roared up to the front door and Keiichi jumped off before it stopped rolling. "Belldandy! Belldandy!" He was yelling as he slid open the door and skipped toward the hall trying to get his shoes off. "Belldandy! Urd! Skuld!" He stopped by Belldandy's door. "Anybody! Come on people, this isn't funny." As he reached for the door he noticed the sign for "Belldandy's Tea Room" was missing. His hand shook as he opened the door to a darkened room. "Belldandy?" His voice was almost a whisper. Down the hall to Urd's room, then to Skuld's lab. Darkness and emptiness was all he found in each. Passing the kitchen the oven was cold and nothing was heating on the stove top. "Belldandy?" The quiet was becoming worse.

Keiichi slowly walked toward his own room. Panic and fear had been replaced with exhaustion. As he reached up to slide the door to the room open he shut his eyes hoping the three goddesses were hiding there playing a joke. Even one of Urd's "love hotel" rooms would be welcome. As he slid the door open he opened his eyes on a dim unlighted room. Everything was in it's place, except his Belldandy and her sisters. Slowly he walked to the chair by his old desk and sat down. Without looking his hand reached toward a picture he had taken years ago of his beautiful goddess. The hand moved through the familiar spot without touching anything. He jerked around to look at the place on the shelf. There was no picture there. He patted his hand in the spot as if the picture and it's frame would magically appear. A whispered word, "Belldandy? Why?" His rain wet face started to become wetter with tears as realization began. The pain from the night before started to come back, but the tears weren't from the headache.

Three:

The heavily modified Whirlwind 6 rolled fast down the coastal highway. Although it was late afternoon there was little traffic on the road and pulling off at the ocean side town was no problem. The rider slowed down as he came to a wide walk with a railing by the water. He stopped, and held the cycle steady with both feet on the ground. Putting the stand down, he turned off the motor. Now there was only silence except for the seagulls flying overhead looking for an off-season handout.

Keiichi gave a grunt as he pulled off his helmet and shook his salt and pepper hair into a semblance of order. Looking around before getting off the cycle he snorted. "Hasn't changed much has it?" He lifted his leg over the seat holding himself steady with the handlebars. Placing his scratched helmet on the seat he stretched his back with a grimace. "Okay, I'm here. Now why in hell did I come?" He walked with a limp toward the railing on the water side of the walk.

Leaning forward he placed both hands on the rail and shut his eyes a second. "Damn leg! Temperature change gets it going every time!" He reached down to rub the area where metal now patched the bone on the shortened leg. "Damn!"

He watched the gulls flying over the water. He called out to them, "Come on! How about a hint why I'm here?" There was no one near to hear his words, nor was there an answer. "Fine then, if I'm the only one at this party let's get it going." He reached into an inside pocket of his jacket and brought out a small bottle of imported whisky. Opening it he took a drink and shouted. "Cheers! Hope everyone is happy and having a good time!" He wiped his mouth and looked at the bottle. "Guess I learned something from Urd after all."

Holding the bottle in one hand he looked along the rail and gave a laugh. "Yeah, I remember this place." He moved down the walk and put his hand on the rail. His voice was less rough when he spoke this time. "Yeah, I do remember this place." He stared across the water. "This is where Belldandy and I first kissed." A laugh started but was choked off. He took another drink as he watched the sun slowly moving toward the horizon.

A small movement of wind ruffled his hair and there was a slight sound behind him. He didn't turn around but he breathed in deeply, and closed his eyes. "Belldandy?" He breathed in again. "Yes, it is you isn't it, Belldandy? I'll always remember your scent." He heard a soft step and opened his eyes. Beside his left hand another hand that he once knew well was on the railing, close but not touching. He moved his hand away.

"Keiichi?" Her voice was as soft as he remembered. "Won't you at least look at me Keiichi?"

He finally turned to look at her. "Why? You haven't changed any have you? Goddesses don't ever change do they? Not like humans, because we do change don't we?" His tone was neutral. "Can I assume you brought me here, Goddess First Class Belldandy?" He turned away again to look across the water. "Maybe you would take the time to tell me why? At least tell me something before you disappear again." Keiichi gave a sharp laugh. "You're good at disappearing without saying why, aren't you."

Belldandy could see Keiichi's aura as it slipped through colors. Anger, bright almost a raging fire. Almost completely hidden, was the glow of love. "Keiichi, what can I say to you. It wasn't my choice to leave you." The anger glowed brighter.

His voice became harsh, but he still wouldn't turn toward her. "Not your choice! That's a good one." He glanced over at her with a crooked smile. "I suppose you'll say that I sent you away? Got to be my fault right?"

Belldandy reached for his arm, but he pulled away. "Keiichi, don't you remember that last night at the shop?" A slight glow of questioning lit up. "You don't, do you." She reached over again, and this time he didn't move away. "You were rolling on the floor yelling when I came through with some tea and rice cakes. Please remember that I came in."

"Okay, okay, I remember you came in." His eyes were harsh as he looked at her. "But I also remember that you didn't try to help me. Yeah, I lay there all night until Chihiro came in." He tried to look away from her blue eyes with tears forming in them. "I always have wondered why you left then." His voice took on a tone of sarcasm, "Couldn't stand seeing me in pain?"

Belldandy watched as the glow of love grew slightly along with the glow of question. Still the anger overshadowed everything. "Please Keiichi, won't you listen to me? I am still a First Class Goddess and I can not lie to you. Keiichi, I wouldn't lie to you even if I wanted to."

Keiichi closed his eyes to hide his confusion. He had forgotten that fact. Belldandy couldn't lie to him, so what she says has to be truth! He took a deep breath and his body shivered slightly. He opened his eyes and turned to face Belldandy straight on. "Okay Belldandy, then tell me what happened that night."

His aura colors of love and question grew greater, the anger subsided a little more. She slid her hand from his arm and held his hand. At first he didn't respond, but slowly his hand tightened on hers. "Keiichi, I was by you when you said my trigger word. You said to leave, and I had to do that immediately." Her face showed her own pain to him. "I had to leave you on that floor, bleeding and shouting, and I hurt as much as you did."

She pulled his hand to her face as she cried.

Keiichi felt the wet of her tears on his fingers. He couldn't help himself as he let go of her hand to wipe those tears away. "Still cry easily don't you?" His mind was totally confused, but old habits die hard, he pulled her to him and put his arms around her. "I've believed for twenty five years you left me on your own. Why? Why didn't you let me know what happened back then?" He buried his face in her dark blond hair as he always did. "Why Belldandy? Please, tell me why."

She spoke without looking at him, but she was where she wanted to be right then. "Because I was transferred and given orders by the Almighty himself to stay away from earth and humans. I couldn't talk to you." She wrapped her arms around Keiichi. "I have been placed back in the Goddess Help Line Office. That's why I can be here now." She sniffed and letting go of him stepped back.

"Oh come on. You aren't going to give me the 'one wish' thing again are you? I had my wish for a short time, and I ended up paying for it for most of my life." His anger rose again. "Besides what could I wish for this time?" He was interrupted by her fingers over his mouth.

Standing tall in front of him she bowed slightly. "Mr. Morisato, I am the Goddess Belldandy of the Goddess Help Line Office. My card." She held out a card to a very confused Keiichi. "I have been sent to grant you one wish. And of course that wish may be for anything you like." She smiled at him. His aura was showing love barely taking over from the anger.

"Any wish I would like is it?" His laugh was almost a bark. "I could wish for my leg to be whole? How about the broken jaw fixed so it doesn't show?" He shook his head. "Maybe all the drink I want, and that's a lot. How about a real home again, not just a futon in my office." The aura color was changing again to anger. "How about getting rid of my anger at everything. That would be a real good one." He tried to pull back from being near her, but she reached out and held his arms against his sides, holding him in place.

"Keiichi, isn't there something down deep in your heart that you need? Something that only I can give you? Remember, I have to give you what you want most. I can not tell you what you want most, you must tell me." She looked into his eyes hoping for a light of understanding.

He looked at her with no emotion. "Yeah, you want something deep down. How about that you never left me back then. How about if that night never happened." The barking laugh came again. "That would be a real good one for me. That night never happened."

Belldandy smiled and stepped back from Keiichi. The light of Goddess power glowed over the walk. "Mr. Morisato, I must grant your wish."

Four:

Keiichi thought he heard footsteps and forced an eyelid open against the brightness of the light. He saw a blurry Belldandy reaching for him. He tried to speak her name but her hand went across his mouth. She knelt with his head in her lap, and her other hand where the worst of the pain in his head was.

Her voice was soothing. "Hush my love. Don't move, just lay still." She rubbed her hand over his head and his pain disappeared.

He tried to sit up but she held him close to her, and he could hear her heart beating. Her hand was still over his mouth and he couldn't speak.

She whispered to him, soothing him almost to sleep. "Keiichi, my love, remember long ago you tried to do everything yourself to prepare for a race. You are doing it again. Remember you have me, and Skuld and even Urd to help you." She added a little spell to her words. "Dear, don't ever act this way again to me and your family."

Keiichi was asleep in her arms. She gave him a kiss. "And I never want to be sent away again either."