TITLE: Torn and Tattered
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Shannon asks Sayid to take her to the plane that crushed her brother. Takes place after Born to Run.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
Shannon hadn't moved from her spot on the beach for hours. She sat with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. She rested her chin on her knees as she watched the crashing waves. She felt like an empty shell, drained of all feelings or thoughts.
In an attempt to think something, she had started to count the waves as they crashed against the sandy shore. She felt as if her whole world had been a snow globe that someone shook but never placed back in the right position. She was in freefall with nothing to hold on to.
An image of Sayid came to mind then: his dark eyes, filled with sadness, as he asked her what he could do to help to help with her grief. He hadn't done what she had asked, causing her to push him away. She knew she should miss him, but she couldn't. She couldn't feel anger either. She was numb to all emotion.
She jumped when she heard voices behind her. Didn't anyone realize that she wanted to be left alone? Even Sayid knew that.
She didn't even have the energy to turn and tell them to leave her alone. Yet she was surprised when she realized they weren't even talking to her.
Shannon sat unmoving as a conversation about Locke and Sayid took place no more than ten feet away from her. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to scream and curse at them both, but she couldn't. Anger wasn't something she could feel anymore. A part of her wished she could. She was tired of being numb.
She overhead someone, it might have been Hurley, telling another castaway that they had heard that Locke had showed Sayid where Boone was injured. And that Sayid, Locke and Jack had gone back out into the jungle earlier.
A sob lodged in her throat. She wanted to see the site where he was hurt. She wondered if Sayid would take her. She remembered when Sabrina and Boone had refused to take her to the place where her father had died. She had needed so badly to see where the car crash had happened. She needed to see the tire tracks that told the police officers how fast the drunk driver had been going. Instead, she was left with nothing but her imagination to fill in the details; her anger had boiled over until she had to run away from it.
She ignored the part of the conversation where she found out that Sayid was out in the jungle with Locke. Or mainly she wanted to ignore the fact that the feelings she knew should be there weren't. She wanted to be mad at him and she wanted to worry about him for being with Locke, but she just felt nothing. They weren't together anymore, so it didn't matter what he did. Still, she thought it would be a good idea to find him now, just to be sure that he was okay. She hoped he would agree to take her to the plane.
Shannon stood slowly, stretching her stiff muscles. She didn't move for a moment as she tried to gain her balance on legs that felt as if they were made from pins and needles.
She walked gingerly to his tent, which was closer than she had thought it was. She hadn't realized that she had been sitting so close to Sayid this whole time.
He sat with his shoulders slumped, working on the transmitter. She wasn't sure what to say to him. She hadn't spoken to him since the incident in the jungle. In fact she hadn't spoken to anyone since then.
"Sayid," she said, her voice cracking from lack of use.
He looked up, surprised. She didn't want to remember the last time she had seen that look in his eyes, when he was surprised and hopeful that night on the beach when she had told him she wanted a new life. If this was her new life, she didn't want it anymore. She didn't want to remember what it felt like to be happy. He reached for a water bottle and handed it to her. She unscrewed the lid and took a few sips. Sayid knew it was exactly what she needed to soothe her throat.
Placing the bottle on the ground, she asked softly, "Can you take me to the plane?"
He was silent for a moment, his eyes resting on the transmitter. She crossed her arms across her chest, prepared for him to say no. She could always find someone else who would take her.
"If that is what you need to do," he said, his gaze remaining fixed on the ground. "I will take you."
"Really?"
Agreement was the last thing Shannon expected. She had been prepared to stamp off in a huff. She should have known better. Even after everything he still would do anything for her.
He looked up at her, and she was shocked to see sadness in his eyes. "I will take you there in the morning when we have more light."
She wanted to go right then, but she didn't want to be in the jungle at night if she didn't have to be, even if she was safe with Sayid.
"I'll see you in the morning," she said turning to leave.
"Shannon," he called out. "You should wear pants. There is a lot of underbrush."
She continued to her tent. She just wanted to sleep. Tomorrow would be a rough day.