Your Mom Wears Shoes!

by Da Dysfunctional Duo

This is a tribute to the thing most commonly overlooked in lemon fanfiction - shoes! The setting: FFX. Main character: RIN! ...and Rikku. Shoes are a part of our daily lives, yet writers everywhere omit them. Da Dysfunctional Duo is here to change that!!

YOUR MOM WEARS SHOES!!!
by Kelsey Martin and Blaze Eklipse

Edited by Blaze

Completed Monday, February 18, 2002

Category: Games Final Fantasy X Humor/Parody

Rating: R – Restricted: Not suitable for children under 17

Full Summary: This is a tribute to the thing most commonly overlooked in lemon fanfiction - shoes! Taking place in the lands of FFX, the main character is everyone's favorite merchant: RIN! Oh, and Rikku bit, too. Shoes are a part of our daily lives, and yet writers everywhere omit them from their works. So now Da Dysfunctional Duo is here to change that, FOREVER!!
Yes indeedy! Now remember, this is not for the kiddies or the idiotic flamers. So enjoy! And beware any shoe shine that may be entering your shoes. Off we go, flying on our brooms! Or sweeping mops!

Opening "Disclaimer"

Haw hew! I can't believe it, I'm the first person to write a story about RIN! And yes, this is a randomized parody lemon. PARODY LEMON. That is RANDOMIZED. Don't flame me and say "ewwwwwwww." IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY. Get over it! Stop whining!

The thing the I can't believe, is that we actually made another lemon-parody-thing! Over half our inside jokes infect this, and refrences to about most of the quality movies and games are mentioned as well. Have fun, readers! Anyways...

Standard text by Haruka, bold text by Blaze.

Final warning: Rated BI for Blatantly Immatureish.

* * *

One happy day Rikku was broadly walking along the Sanubia desert when she saw Rin. She looked at his shoes. Rin had sexy shoes.

Rin said, "Look at me sexy shoes. They are sooooo sexy, no?" Rikku replied, with compassion, "They are veeeeeery sexy shoes, Sir Rin, very sexy, indeed....." "They are also quite strong shoes, too. They are INVINCIBLE! Feel my sexy, strong shoes." Rikku began to feel "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh........" she sighed as she began to caress his shoes. "They are very sexy strong shoes. May I........" Rikku was too shy to know how to ask what the shoes were telling her to do to them. "You may ask me of anything, my dear Rikku" Rin said, softly. "May I fondle and stroke your shoes, then?" Rikku asked cautiously. "Why, certainly. Do to my sexy strong shoes as you wish." So Rikku began to quickly and vigorously pluck at the shoestrings to remove the flaps. As the shoes were exposed, she began to vigorously caress, fondle, and stroke the shoes. Rin began to groan with blissful delight as his shoes were pleasured. "Ohhhhh, you work shoes like no other woman before you, Rikku.........." Rikku looked up. "I really am that good?" Rin replied, "Yes, you are..... now...... suck on the toe of my shoes....." Rikku obliged and began to feverishly suck and lick the ends of Rin's sexy, strong, and invincible shoes....

Rin got excited as he thrust out his shoes at Rikku's shoe. He held Rikku's shoes and began to thumb them. Rikku yelled from the pleasure as the two played with their shoes. Rin bent down, and began to suckle Rikku's small shoes. Then Wakka came along. He had boots. Sexy boots. Even though he was supposed to hate Al Bheds, he didn't seem disturbed at all when he saw Rikku and Rin fingering and playing with each other's shoes.

Rin and Rikku both looked up at Wakka's thick, heavy, sexy boots. Rikku instantly felt the urge, the desire, the YEARNING to do to Wakka's boots as she and Rin were. Rin himself was beginning to feel the evil magic that is PARODY LEMON affecting him, and motioned Wakka over. "Come play with our boots.....!" they moaned to Wakka. Wakka shouted back, "Ya know what? ........Your MOM WEARS SHOES, YA!!" Wakka leaped in with them and they commenced a threesome. It was boot and shoe orgy bliss, this threesome. But, to make things even sexier with da shoes, Tidus and Yuna approached, drawn by the cries and moans of pleasure. That, and the evilness of being forced there, drawn there, by the power of the LEMON PARODY, a power that shares with it's cousin, the RING from the Lord of the Rings, ya know, that evil sense of controlling mortals like puppets to get them to go places and---- oh, you know, back to the EVIL FINAL FANTASY X SHOE LEMON PARODY. Tidus and Yuna don't say a thing, and let their actions do their talking, they jumped into the orgy. Tidus then suggested they use the Blitzpool as their orgyland! Wakka agreed, and invited the rest of the FFX gang, plus the Besaid Aurochs!!

The Al Bhed Psyches came along as well, and joined in the fun. Auron's bloated corpse was floating dully along the surface, as an all-out shoe, sandal, and boot orgy ensued. Rin shot some shoe shine into Rikku's shoe, and she let out a scream of joy as it entered her shoe. Wakka licked Seymour's sandal. The Psyches and the Aurochs were playing around with each other's Chinese slippers. Rikku felt her first shoe string coming on, As more shoe shine was being sent into her by Rin's sexy shoe. Kimahri licked Lulu's sneakers and Yuna was stimulating Tidus' socks.

It was maddening Shoe Orgy Bliss. Everyone was having the sexiest, most fun time of time of their lives. Rin kept pumping Rikku's shoe full of shoeshine. In fact, the thick, white, murky, gooey fluids were almost overfilling Rikku's shoe! But, the Al Bhed kept on pumping on. Rikku began to have almost too much joy. "Heyyyyy, Rinny," she said between pumping, "is it possible to have too much sexy shoe orgy joy? I mean, I'm practically already overflowing down here!" Rin chuckled sexily, "No, no, no, of course not!" Rikku giggled with orgy-induced glee. "Great! Then I'll add my own special, magical, orgy-licious joy my shoe's concoction!" With that, Rikku pulled an Al Bhed potion out of her pants, along with a Pineapple Bomb to make things REALLY sexy, and hot hot HOT! She added the Al Bhed potion, and Rin reached into the shoe, and felt his hand in the warm gooey concoction. Then he proceeded to eat out Rikku's shoe. The concoction tasted quite sweet, yet sour. Then Rin began to hallucinate under the shoe shine's influence. He began to see Rikku and company, as they continued a shoe orgy, as a bunch of.................................................

....Ronsos! Yes, that's right -- Ronsos! Big, blue, cat people. O'aka came across the madness, and dove in. Then off in the distance, Stinky began to masturbate as the authors poked him in the LU BU POKING GAME! Rin saw the incredibly sexy Ronsos, swimming around and having shoe orgies. He floated there in a daze, and Rikku knocked him upside the head. "Hey! I want more sweet Al Bhed lovin'! What're you waiting for?! I WANT MORE OF YOUR HOT SHOE SHINE!" Rin was still in his Ronso daze, floating, and thinking about the sexy Ronsos. "Hey, any of you guys? Don't you wanna buy condoms? IUD's? Birth control pills?" O'aka asked as he paddled around trying to sell his goods. Nobody answered him. "Fine. I also have erotic farm implements. All at the bargain price of 1000 gil!" Nobody in this massive shoe orgy saw, cared, or listened to him.

Rin continued to float towards a "Ronso", which turned out to be actually the floating carcass of Auron. O'aka saw the opportunity, and swam towards them. "I have just the thing for this! Even though you are my competitor, I can sell you a NecroCondom, that will protect you from contracting any of those nasty little undead viruses you can pick up from corpses! Even you don't carry these, I bet, old chap! They aren't the most expensive thing I peddle, so here, take them at the bargain price! Only 5000 Gil each! Oh, and sorry, but there is no warranty or guarantee on their performance.... so whattaya say, eh?" But of course, O'aka was in for the disappointment that we all realize should be expected from him by now, as Rin completely ignored O'aka as if he wasn't there. To distract him, by chance, Stinky the REALLY masturbating cat swam after O'aka in the Blitzpool and began to bite and swipe at him, from utter rage after being tormented by Ryan and Kelsey's Lu Bu Poking Game, and then continued to masturbate as O'aka swam for the benches, weeping like a schoolgirl, random potions floating aimlessly out of his backpack as he swam hastily and carelessly away. Meanwhile, Auron really couldn't do much to resist, and Rin went to work, polishing Auron's shoes, which is pretty strange for this kind of orgy, for, in reality to Rin, Auron is a Ronso, and Ronsos don't WEAR shoes, do they?! He continued to polish the shoes, vigorously, until the Shoe Shine cream burst from the long, firm tube that encased the warm, gooey fluids. The Shoe Shine continued to burst forth in powerful spurts, as Rin continued to piously pump and shine Auron the Ronso's BareFeet, as in reality he was Polishing Auron the Corpse's rotting yet surprisingly sexy Shoes. The massive orgy energy was powerful enough and SEXXY enough, it made Rin howl as if he was uttering a Ronso War Cry in the middle of Ronso Mating Season. The Al Bhed's attempt at it was loud and horrifying, yet SEXXY enough to wake the dead. In fact, Auron awoke from his slumber of death right as Rin was back at work, finishing off the rest of the Shoe Shine still to be excreted from the Shoe Shine Tube. The first thing Auron did in response to the strange rapist was...

...explode! Well, bloated corpses DO explode when left out for a long while. Even WHEN they're brought back to life. Auron's entrails were everywhere, and his burst-open carcass floated listlessly again, only in a more disgusting, unpleasant package. Rin cried as Auron's exploded body floated away and to the bottom of the Blitzball sphere. There he landed to the concrete in a sickening "THHHHHWOCK." A disgruntled janitor hobbled out. "DAMMIT TO HELL! I just cleaned that shiny-clean! Grr...." the janitor mumbled to himself angrily as he took his GIANT HALL BROOM and swept up Auron's remains into the trash can. "Damn it, it left a blood stain!" The janitor took out his mop and angrily began to mop up the rotting blood. Meanwhile from a cloud floating high above Spira, CHARLIE TUNA watched the whole ordeal! "Oh, my, oh my. Those people are eating CANNED TUNA when they should be eating it in the FRESH DRY PACK!" Charlie leaned over to get a closer look. "Oh, my, look at all that tartar sauce gone to waste. Pity, pity." SPAM Man, from the same cloud, observed Auron's corpse being swept into the trash. "HOLY SHEET! That diddly-dang corpse wadda dang waste ta throw in tha trash! That coulda been used for a couple HUNDRED BEELION CANS O' SPAM! Maw would be so proud if I brought dat dang body to her SPAM factory."

After SPAM man popped out, then came Mr. Twinkie. He shook his head, troubled. "I can't BELIEVE how much cream filling these mortals are wasting on each other! I could have used all that cream to fill at least 10,000 Twinkies AND 6,000 Ho-Ho's! What a waste, oh, what a waste," said Mr. Twinkie. Then, Mr. Whipple of Charmain's TP factory popped out of the cloud. He began to ponder why Rin wasn't selling the TP rolls he entrusted Rin with to topple O'aka, for TP is the magical bathroom accessory that is an absolute NECESSITY Spriawide! Then the Great God of TP himself sprang from the cloud's white cottony surface. His name: BEAVIETHEOUS. His mortal apprentice, the Great Cornholio, was charged with going from dimension to dimension, spreading the miracle and blessing that is TP. He waved his hand, and mystical bands of magic TP streamed down to the Blitzpool below. They stroked Rin, healing him of his Shoe Shine Intoxication. Then, out of nothingness, on the bottom of the Blitzpool, right next to where Auron's GIBBS fell, a TP stand appeared with a POOF! A sparkling stack of TP rolls appeared behind the counter, with a great big neon-lit sign over it all, reading: "RIN'S GREAT AND MIGHTY TP STAND"!!!

Rin instantly knew what he needed to do. He swam over to the stand, sat behind it, and patiently awaited customers with great courtesy awaiting them, as was Rin's sales philosophy. Rikku, now out of shock from the healing powers that is TP, swam over to Rin to join him in his sales. To pass the time, they continued to Shine each others' Shoes with Shoe Shine, since their potential customers were quite the busy at the time. Regardless of the delay in customers, Mr. Whipple was very pleased, and thanked Beavietheous, asking where he would be without him. Beavietheous chuckled a familiar chuckle, and said, "Heh heh heh. You started out as a butt! You would have nothing without me! Heh heh heh." Then traveled back to his Kingdom of TP and Nachos, not to mention HOT CHICKS! "Heh heh, yeaaaaah! Boing-oing-oing-oing-oing-oing!!" Then, just as suddenly as Beavietheous traveled off, a cliché from a Simpson's episode sprang to life, as more heads suddenly popped out of the cloud in rapid succession. Darth Vader: "Luke, I am your Father." CNN Reporter: "This is CNN." Bleeding Gums Murphy: "Hey! Where's Lisa Simpson?!"

Then, out of all the confusion, next to Mr. SPAM, a crowd of Mr. Saturns popped out and fell to the ground, where they began swimming (as proved in Super Smash Brothers Melee, Mr. Saturns are quite resilient, and come in large numbers) about the pool, unscathed (as proved in Super Smash Brothers Melee, Mr. Saturns are quite resilient, and come in large numbers). Then, to top it off with small pink creatures, next to where the Mr. Saturns emerged, a small army of hairy JOHNMEN appeared and began to attack the orgiers with their PooFling, TurdSpit, CrapLauncher, and ShitThower attacks, while chanting their theme song, "Hair, Hair, Everywhere!" The Cloud was in disarray, while there was bedlam below. All were either Shoe-Orgying with Shoe Shine, peddling TP rolls, as well as other valuable goods (all MUCH better than that wimp salesman, O'aka, that insults people's clothing style when he first meets, and then asks for money donations!) swimming as a Mr. Saturn, attacking with poo, whining on a bench, masturbating with their tongue, grumbling about have to scrub extra work, drifting about aimlessly in a trash bin as a bunch of assorted GIBS, relaxing in a tub of cheesy nachos with a bunch of TP rolls and chicks, or being in a state of bedlam up in a cloud.

The Johnmen began to attack the poor, defenseless Mr. Saturns, as all were too preoccupied to do anything to help, as stated above. Mr. Whipple saw what was occurring below, and decided to aid the cute Mr. Saturns. He called for the Mighty Beavietheous to aid him. Beavietheous returned as summoned, but was a bit disturbed for being interrupted with his 'work.' Mr. Whipple apologized and told of the crisis. "I'm very sorry to disturb you from your duties as God of all TP, but we have a dire situation that only you can help turn back for us!" Beavietheous looked intrigued. "Heh heh heh. Uh, I mean, *ahem,* WHAT WOULD THIS BE, MR. WHIPPLE? Heh heh heh." "Observe," Mr. Whipple said as he waved to the chaos below. Beavietheous speaks, "Heh heh heh. Orgy! Violence! Cool!! Uh, I mean, I SEE YOUR PROBLEM. VERY WELL, I SHALL AID YOU IN THE DEFEAT OF THE SACRILIGIOUS, AND QUITE DISGUSTING, JOHNMEN, AND THEIR VILE POO AND BUTT-ROTT. WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST? Mr. Whipple replies, "I propose that the Mr. Saturns be armed with your Holy TP-Cannons. Do you agree?" "No way! Those are my personal toys!! Uhm, I mean to say, *ahem,* "VERY WELL. YOUR MR. SATURANS' SHALL BE OUTFITTED WITH MY PERSONAL HOLY TP-CANNONS, TO FIGHT THE EVIL, AND REVOLTING JOHNMEN, THE FILTHY BEINGS WHO TAKE THE INFAMOUS 'JOHN-SHOWERS."

So, the Mr. Saturns' were all outfitted with potent Holy TP-Cannons, given to them by Mr. Whipple himself, who was loaned them by The Great Beavietheous. He told them the situation, and how only they can fight the revolting Johnmen. They asked how to use them, "But, how do you, boing! How do they work? Ding ding!" Mr. Whipple said, "I know not, my pink friend. Consult the Book of TP! Chapter 6, verses 2 to 31, page 231." Mr. Twinkie pulls out the Book of TP. "...and St. Crapper did raise his cannon up high on his shoulder saying, "O Beavietheous, Bless this thy Holy TP-Cannon of Beavisville, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits of paper, in Thy mercy.' And the great Beavietheous did grin... and the people did feast upon the waffles, and pineapples, and GIBBS, and Shoe Shine, and spatulas, and polish sausage, and Canadian Maple Syrup--" "Skip a bit, Mr. Twinkie." Mr. Whipple urged. Mr. Twinkie continued, "And Beavietheous spake saying, 'First shalt thou take out the holy TP roll cardboard center... Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then fire thou thy Holy TP-Cannon of Beavisville, towards thy foe, who, being revolting in My sight, shall snuff it.'" Then Mr. Whipple said, "Great TP." "Great TP," returned them all. Suddenly, Mr. Hanky appeared out of the cloud (Leaving a streaking trail of Holy Poo...) and shouted, HOWDY HO! LET THE FIGHTING BETWEEN THE GREAT TP WIELDERS OF GOOD VS. THE REVOLTING POO WIELDERS OF THE NAUGHTY!!
All the Mr. Saturns, like the chime of a boxing match, chanted their classic, "DING! DING!"

The first wave of Mr. Saturns with TP cannons barreled towards the troop of Johnmen. They counted in unison, "One! Ding - Two! Ding - Three!" The TP flied through the air gracefully and in slow motion as it knocked over the frontline of Johnmen. More TP flew and pummeled the Johnmen! Rikku was still jacking Rin's shoe as they sat at the TP stand, when all of a sudden...GREG THE GRIM REAPER STEPPED OUT OF A MAGICAL VORTEX FROM THE UNDERWORLD! He held his chin and looked at the cacophony around him - an orgy in a Blitzpool turned sphere-shaped toilet, an army of assmen and Mr. Saturns with cannons on their backs, and a TP stand where an Al Bhed girl was jacking off her boyfriend's shoe, and an assortment of gods and advertising legends. "What the hell is going on?" the small Reaper inquired. Everyone ignored him. The shoe orgy was still going on, and the Mr. Saturn / Johnman war was still waging, and Rikku was still jacking Rin's shoe. And there was the disgruntled janitor, sweeping, mumbling, and plotting to kill whoever started this. His plot was gruesome, and cruel. Many things worked in the janitor's mind. IN FACT...that very janitor was Eustis from Courage the Cowardly Dog!! Rikku was still jacking Rin's shoe, and Rin was overcome in pleasure. So much in fact, that he didn't even notice there was a customer standing there, impatiently ringing the service bell. This happened to be the 231st Dalai Lama (that guy is so cooooooooooool ^_^), named LU BU!

Rikku finally stopped jacking for a moment, and spoke, "Uh.... dear? You have a customer....." Rin looked up at Lu Bu, then back at Rikku. "Right," he said, "I'll make this quick." He stands and turns to the ever impatient Lu Bu. "Welcome to Rin's Travel TP Agency! How may I help you?" Lu Bu gruffly replied, "My men, who are stationed outside the Hu Lao Gate, have run completely out of TP, which we Chinese invented, myths suggest. We are sick and tired of using Bamboo Leaves, and the enemy has squandered our nearest TP market. So, I am here to make my purchase." Rin chuckled. "Fascinating story. Whelp, you have come to the right place! How much TP are you needing? We have an endless supply, like any cliché RPG, yet we are always eager to take you Gil, like the greedy salesman I am! Just, don't deal with O'aka. They say he's even greedier. ANYways, the TP rolls are 231 Gil each, how many are you wanting?" Lu Bu said, "I need exactly 231 rolls to supply my army. But, I have not what your currency is called, Gil. I DO, however, have Meat Buns. An endless supply of Meat Buns, ones that I have collected from all the soldiers I have slayed in my combat." Rin blinks while the gruffness of Lu Bu is changed, as he puts on a chef's outfit, complete with the fluffy hat and an apron that says "Kiss da Chinese Cook!" on the front and "Captain Chef China" on the back. "Now, how would you like your meat buns cooked, Mr. Rin?" Lu Bu asks in a very pleasant tone. Rin stutters, "Uh, uh, can you make them barbequed, while rare AND well done at the same time??" Lu Bu merrily responded, "I can cook it ANY way you wish!" and set forth, using his mystic patented Barbeque Shish Kabob Mousou Attack (Mark 231) on a bucket full Meat Buns, freshly procured from a cast of defeated warriors. He cooks them to perfection, then serves them to Rin. Rin loved them on the first bite. "These are great! This is the best tasting food I have EVER had in my life! Thank you for your inspiration! In fact, this inspires ME to try to cook! Show me how!" Lu Bu thinks about it, "I will take you in as my apprentice, only under one condition, and that is to sell me the 231 TP rolls, free of charge." Rin jumped and shouted, "Oh, certainly, take as much as you like!" Meanwhile, Rikku is whining the entire time, "What about me?! Rin?! Have you forgotten your little Rikku?! Rin?! RIN?! YOU BIG MEANIE! ........FINE! I'll just SIT HERE and Shine mySELF, my OWN shoe! I'll masturbate my shoe withOUT you, and wait for you to crawl back to me!!" Rin ignores her, and asks Lu Bu where he could get his training Meat Buns. Lu Bu frowns and says, "Alas, I cannot waste any of my Meat Buns on a trainee. You see, they are delicacies, and you will have to acquire your own meat buns. Anyways, that is the code of the Musou Chef." Rin finally says, "Fine, so be it......." He looks around, at the Shoe-Orgies, the midget Reaper, the plotting janitor, the Gods and Commercial Icons, and then, finally, the war. He looks right past the Mr. Saturns, for he would never hurt those that use the almighty TP, but instead, sees his target. The JOHNMEN, with their TWIN MEAT BUNS for a head!! Rin begins to drool, already tasting his own Al Bhed Meat Bun Casserole Surprise! He tells Lu Bu his plan. Lu Bu agrees, and sends Rin on his way. Rin grabs a secret supply of Holy TP Hand Grenades, hidden behind the stack of normal TP rolls. He then races through the water to tackle a Johnman hard, and then pulls out the Holy TP Hand Grenade Paper Roll Center, counts to three, "One....... Two......... FIVE!!!" A nearby Mr. Saturn corrects him, "Three, BOING! Three!!" just as he is clobbered with a turd shot by a Johnman as he was distracted. "THREE!!" Rin shouts as he tosses the Holy TP Hand Grenade, and plugs a Johnman RIGHT between the Cheeks of Filth!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The Johnman is blown to tiny bits, in Beavietheous' mercy, and Rin merrily collects the Meat Buns (which are also GIBS here), and returns to Lu Bu.

Rin threw the meat buns in the skillet, and turned on the stove. The flabby meat of the buns quivered as the heat simmered, and after a while Rin tasted a small bit. "Crap!" He gagged on the toxin that was in the flesh of the John-man. "I forgot those things were poisonous...someone give me an antidote...gag...."

Suddenly, Wantz jumped up in front of the dying Rin. "What the hell are YOU doing here?" choked Rin. Wantz, O'aka's brother, said snidely, "I was watching you cook John Meat, and I KNEW you'd be dumb enough to poison yourself by eating it, so I've come to give you and Antidote!" He holds the Antidote just out of Rin's reach. Rin grabs for it, and Wantz pulls it further out of reach, bobbing it around. "Ah, ah, ah! It'll cost you, Rin dearest, rival of all O'akas!" Rin was desperate. "HOW MUCH, DAMMIT?!" O'aka smirked. "Only for the low, low, LOW price of...."

"231 gil. Take it or leave it," Wantz sneered. "Gyp! It's supposed to be 50 gil!" Rin protested, for not even was greedy enough to sell a potion to a dying person, rival or not, at THAT price.

Rin feels his HP dropping perilously to zero, one fourth of his life per turn. He decides to spare his own life for now, and remove O'aka's privilege of his life at a later time. That is, after scamming him out of every last Gil he gypped from him, and then some, by making it TEN FOLD. He forks over the cash, nabs the Antidote out of O'aka's hands, and gulps it down. He immediately begins to feel the effects working, stands, and to O'aka he thanks him by...

Taking out his loyal copper pipe and bashing O'aka on the head with it. O'aka dropped dead, and Rin took not only the gil he was forced to pay, but all the other gil left on O'aka's body. He proceeded to inspect O'aka's sack of items, and pulled out......

"Woah, what's a wuss like O'aka doing with some quality shit like THIS?!" exclaimed Rin, as he procured ten 'Thief's Pineapple Grenades.' When thrown, they damage enemies a wee bit better than a standard Pineapple grenades. Plus, on top of that, they also do the equivalent of the "Mug" ability, by retrieving nifty crap from the enemy. Rin smirked, "Think of all I could do with THESE babies!" He greedily hugged his find, and put them in his Rin Travel Agency bag.

However, he didn't notice the objects in the more darker recesses of O'aka's bag. Headless blow-up dolls, used butt-plugs, dead hamsters, oh, all that other fun stuff. Rin was disgusted, and hurled the bag into the Blitzpool. Maybe the shoe orgiers may come up with a use for them. Rikku was calling for her mate, in a shrill and irritating tone. "Rin! Come over here and.....

get Tidus off of me! He's trying to videotape me shining my shoes!" Indeed, Tidus was caught grinning sheepishly with an sphere-recording device aimed right in Rikku's face. Rin became irritated, and shooed Tidus away with his trusty copper pipe, that has faithfully aided him thus far. "Bout time! And, thanks, Rin," said Rikku, pleased. Then, in Al Bhed, she said, "Cu frah yna fa kuhhy kad pylg du dryd emmicdneuic cruacrehehk?!" Rin replied, "Yhodesa oui fyhd, so tayn." So, they began to...

Play with each other's shoes some more!! Tidus scurries back to the Blitzpool to the awaiting Yuna.

Rin and Rikku began to fondle each other's shoes, and quite passionately, at that. In fact, everything you do in a lemon is passionately. It's the ultimate lemon cliché, the word 'passionately.' Can't have a lemon without it! So, Rikku took her role and began to pleasure Rin's Shoeshine tube. She began to stroke it, slowly at first, and quickly and strongly after awhile. After working it long enough, a small shiny dot of shoeshine appeared and began to ooze down the tube. Rikku licked it up. The then began to vomit it back up from the horrid taste. She recovered and began to pleasure Rin's tube some more, while Rin began to roar with pleasure. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he roared as he jetted a squirt of Shoeshine from his Shoeshine tube. He was in pleasure bliss. The stream of shoeshine arced perfectly through the Blitzpool water, and landed in Rikku's shoe. She then said...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Well, actually, she roared. Whatever. Little did ANYONE know, but the Luca Goers and the Kilika Beasts wanted to play a game of Blitz. The two teams had to do something about this conflict. They saw the Aurochs and the Psyches, and decided there already was a game in progress. Or a post-game riot. So, the two team captains shrugged and left, the players following them.

Except for two players that remained, for their contracts expired at that moment in time. Sure, a game was never played, but their lawyers would take care of it in court later on. IF they live that long. HOWEVER, they have to be revived every five minutes after enduring an extenuating list of exotic deaths. Yes, it's them, Biggs and Wedge, the infamous Final Fantasy and Star Wars duo that always, ALWAYS, ends up dying somehow, some way. So, they begin to loiter outside the Blitzpool, wondering what the hell is going on. After gazing through the watery surface for a few minutes, spying on the chaos within, their five minutes of living time expired, when suddenly...

Jaws, yes, that's right, JAWS, DA SUPER BIG SHARK, came out of the Blitzpool (what the hell was he doing THERE?!) and chomped down on Biggs. Biggs died a horrible death. Then Wedge was mauled by a tiger that was infused with Jenova cells. Wedge died a horrible death. Then, for no reason at all, came Aeris, Galuf, Tellah, and Auron came, and a swarm of killer bees followed them and stung them. They, too, died a horrible death.

Greg, the (Midget) Grim Reaper, from the underworlds of Conker's Bad Fur Day, regretted his staying too long, the moment he set sight on the arrival of Biggs and Wedge. For you see, he has been assigned the task of reviving all video game characters from elaborate and exotic deaths. He is irritated by feline and squirrel (like Conker) characters, for they have 9 lives, and that's 8 more times that he has to work overtime, compared to 'normal' characters. Now imagine his weariness when he met Biggs and Wedge. These guys die exotic and horrible deaths all the time, like just a few minutes ago. And yet, they ALWAYS are found alive again (Either in the next Final Fantasy, or even later in a fanfic!)! "Damn those two idiots, always getting killed after breathing five minutes..." grumbled Greg, as he waved his bony hand, replacing the souls of these short-lived losers back into their bodies. Greg also had to deal with Aeris, Galuf, Tellah, and Auron, for fans ALWAYS have him revive them for their fanfics. In fact, Greg himself is the reason why you can have DEAD characters, killed for plot reasons, RETURN to life, BACK to their companions, for more story! AND YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD MAGIC POWERS TO MANIPULATE VIDEOGAME CHARACTERS WITH WORDS!! FOOLISH HUMAN MORTALS!! Anyways, within the 5 minutes it took to type this, Biggs and Wedge were both killed and revived when...

A giant anvil fell on their heads and they all died.  Then stuff happened.  This is what happens when I'm sleep-deprived.

Then Biggs and Wedge were revived and killed off many times over while Haruka sleeps...

...Wakka walked up with a razor and shouted, "I have to shave!" So then he tried to shave and his razor slipped out of his hand, flying across the Blitzpool and decapitating Wedge. A plot hole then opened up and INVADER ZIM popped out. "Stupid humans!" Zim said as he took out his blaster and.................

Blasted away mercilessly at Biggs. He could have blasted the filthy Spiraling all day, for Zim has quite the anger pented up against humans. In the end, Biggs looked like the Cheese Weapon: Full of holes. Zim then gleefully cackled, as he showed all that "My blaster was even set to MINIMUM power output! That's how WEAK this human is! Watch as I crank it to FULL POWER!!" He does so. "To mothership: I need more power. Bunghole," Zim said to his "dog," Gir, back on his ship. He received his power, and VAPORIZED Biggs instantly. He also took out Wedge's body. Greg groaned and brought them back to life. He hated disintegration and vaporization the most, for it's the messiest to try to put back together from particles spewed over such a large area. Biggs and Wedge then became guards to the Blitzpool in Luca, where they can still be found today, in 5 minute sequences.
So then Rin kicked up his imaginary sitar and began to play a tune. The horrid smell of burnt popcorn filled the air when none other than the Pineapple Weapon sat down in the bleachers and began to watch. He poured some pineapple juice on his popcorn and pleasantly listened to Rin's ballad. This drew a crowd of Aeons and several famous fiends from previous FF games as they cheered on for an encore performance. Zim, too, was entranced by the Al Bhed, and an impatient Rikku pushed through the crowd and......

she threw an imaginary PINEAPPLE GRENADE at Rin, which became lodged inside the equally imaginary Sitar! Rin yelled and threw the imaginary sitar at a random direction away from himself. What would you know, but that random direction just HAPPENED to be the front gates. "Hey, Biggs, look! A free imaginary Sitar!" said Wedge. Biggs looked at the sitar in delight and said, "Now who would throw away a perfectly good Sitar?" He picked it up and started to play it. Wedge got closer to it when he heard a strange hissing sound. "Hey Biggs, what's that strange hissing sound?" Wedge replied, "I don't know, must be badly tuned or someth--"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Biggs and Wedge died yet again.
Greg complains.
Yay.

Rin sighed and searched his pockets for another imaginary instrument, but not before Rikku dragged him off to the locker room to whip his shoes. And so, Biggs and Wedge magically appeared again!! A tiger and an Oompa Loompa just happened to see this, and they were instantly at work eating the duo. Meanwhile, lonely Kimarhi sat in the bleachers without a partner. He sobbed his little Ronso heart out as the crowd of Aeons surrounded him to hear his tale.

Kimahri took out a reed flute, that was made of bamboo PIPES! Had Rin been there, he would have joined by blowing on the neck of HIS pipe like a bottle. But alas, angered Rikku was practically RAPING his shoes. Oh well.
Suddenly, under the influence of Kimahri, the Aeons all decided to make a RANDOM BAND! They formed together as DA ANGRY RANTING AEONS! The first thing they did was...

...play a polka tune! Everyone in the Blitzpool suddenly stopped to watch this amazing spectacle as Anima played the harmonica, Wuzzle the Ifrit played the bagpipes, and Otsby the Bahamut played the accordion, all donning cute Polka suits. The Blitzpoolers all stopped their orgying and listened to the cacophony emanating from the Angry Ranting Aeons.

But the madness didn't end there! Kimahri continued on his reed pipe flute, Shiva began to yodel into one of those SUPER long horn things from Germany, Valefor provided wind effects, while hoisting the audio and visual recording equipment on his chest-hooks, Yojimbo pulled out a REAL Sitar, and Ixion supplied the power to three electric rock guitars that the Magus Sisters, Cindy the Ladybug, Sandy the Mantis, and Mindy the Bee all jammed to.
The Blitzpool Orgiers all got a strange sensation to all do THE TURKISH MUMBO AND THE WILD PUTANG!!

Greg went berserk and started to blindly run around with his scythe. And then! THE DISGRUNTLED JANITOR CAME OUT WITH HIS PLOT FOR REVENGE. He rolled up in a giant wooden Blitzball with bottle rockets attached to the sides. He was about to attack, when the sensation of polka reached his ears. He, too, joined the dancing! The Blitzpool somehow magically turned into a dance floor as everyone danced the Turkish Mumbo and the Wild Putang, even though they WERE naked as a jaybird and there WAS quite a nasty draft!! Meanwhile, in the locker room...............

Rikku chains Rin to the bench, so that he cannot escape again. She then strips before him, but before Rin could begin to shine his shoes in bliss of the strip tease, she quickly dons.... A DOMINATRIX OUTFIT. That's right, the whole black leather and chains, complete with a WHIP. Rin began to whimper as she brandishes the whip in the air. CRACK. "Rikku! Why are you doing this?!" Rikku cackled, "I always WANTED to be a dominatrix and whip your sexy shoes!" Rin didn't know if this was the kind of pleasure he wanted or not. The Lemon Parody essence wasn't clear to him. Without giving Rin time to think it over, she begins to WHIP Rin's helpless shoes. Rin moaned as Rikku said...

"For the sexier ass, my beloved." Rin just howled in pain as the whip snapped on his bare shoes. "You're fifteen years old!!! You shouldn't be doing this," he whimpered as Rikku's intimidating whip brought down on him again. Rin pleaded for mercy, and Rikku ceased the whipping; but NOT for the reason he was thinking. Rikku came around to the front and duct taped his mouth shut. "How do you like that, bitch?" she said cruelly and the whipping continued. Meanwhile the dancing continued when suddenly the dance floor went dark. The band went silent as an unspeakable horror floated down to the stage. Yes, THAT unspeakable horror. Yuffie, Rinoa, Garnet, and Selphie's rap group. DUN DA DUNNNNNNNNNN! The rap group burst into a horrifying shriek of a song as the dancing immediately stopped. Biggs and Wedge SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED like the people in Parasite Eve as the eerie song drifted over the party. So then a pack of girl scouts walked up and demanded that someone buy their cookies. The evil band disintegrated upon all the sugary cuteness. So, Eiko, Relm, and Marlene the girl scouts...........

Got pissed that the evil band wouldn't buy their cookies. They raided the clothes left behind for money. However, they only found Materia from Yuffie (Useless in the FFX dimension-- it uses Spheres, NOT Materia Orbs. Scientifically tested by Professor Daravon, so it HAS to be true! Must be! Gotta be. Uh....... yeah.), a pop gun duct taped to a butter knife from Rinoa (who was carrying it for a certain faggot), an annoying recording of Selphie complaining about her food, and GARNET'S BUTT!! Eiko throws the 'gunblade', which actually manages to make a kill: Wedge. Marlene gets mad and throws the, useless to her here, materia, which ALSO makes a kill: Biggs. Relm then walks to the tape recording and innocently eats it, swollowing it whole. Then, they all hold Garnet's bum high above their heads, and proclaimed, "GARNET HAS A BUTT!" They then began to auction it off to the highest bidder.

However, they couldn't find anyone in the right mind who'd want Garnet's butt. But then again, the auction house in FFIX *did* sell assorted body parts. Maybe they could get a good deal in Treno, so they were off. So then, Stumpy the one-armed Moomba mauled and deformed Biggs and Wedge as the music and dancing resumed.

Rin continued to moan under the duct tape as Rikku mercilessly continued to whip his exposed shoes, now beginning to show the strain. Rikku was taking great pleasure from her actions. Rin just hoped she would wake up soon...
Meanwhile, the Girl Scouts were just about to leave, when a Used Butt Plug floated by. Then came a few headless blow-up dolls, and a REALLY pathetic, small crying penguin by a dead hamster. The girls got an idea. They went back to the Blitzpool to try to give the FULL auction there. Besides, we all hate Treno anyways. Nothing more than a rich, stuck up town of pricks and assholes that is ITCHING to be leveled by some super eidolon one of these days. Well, needless to say, because of all the resumed orgying and dancing, the girls weren't successful in the least. Suddenly, Eiko got an idea. She looked from Garnet's butt, to the Used Butt-Plug (Labeled Dan-San for some reason...), and got an idea. She performed the JOINING between the Used (Garnet's) Butt and the Used Butt-Plug. Strange light emanated. The still at large, hairy-yet-bald Johnmen gaped in awe. They were soon after clobbered with TP Rolls sent by the Mr. Saturns, still at war. Upon the magic, the Blitzpool floor was filled with lit squares that flashed. A DISCO FLOOR! But that was just the START of the magic. A mysterious voice boomed forth from the Plugged Butt. "I AM THE GREAT AND MIGHTY PLUGGED BUTT. I SHALL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES." The girls think. "One wish for each of us!" they proclaimed to themselves. So, they wished for..

A pony, complete control of www.neopets.com, and an Aeris revival. The pathetic penguin still cried over a hamster she only knew for a minute, and how her online RPG family dumped her. Then off in the distance Stinky the masturbating cat fell asleep and then N*STYNC came. Since boy bands are evil, they got eaten by the Powerpuff Girls as they blatantly tried to rip off anime in every way. "I AM MOJO JOJO!" a voice boomed as a green-faced chimp loomed over the crowd. However, Bubbles heard a familiar voice, and went towards the locker room as her sisters battled Mojo Jojo.

Rin was ever grateful to see someone, ANYONE, enter the locker room to stop the Dominatrix of a wife he had whipping him. But NOTHING prepared him for what he was about to see: A small girl-like figure, with HUGE blue anime-ish eyes that covered her ENTIRE head, more like an insect's than anime. It had stubs for arms, no fingers, that came from a blue square that had a black rectangle in the center; her shirt. A line for a mouth. And two tear-drop shaped yellow blobs for pigtails. Yes, Rin was looking at Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls. But that wasn't what REALLY shocked him to horror. It was when she SPOKE. He heard RIKKU speak from her mouth. "What's going on here?!" Bubbles AND Rikku said at the EXACT same time. "Who are YOU?!" they both said in unison. "I asked you first!" "Fine! DON'T tell me!" "Stop saying what I am saying!" Rikku wipped her in a anaconda-like bind with her whip. She then mugged Bubbles of her shoes. Bubbles used her heat vision and broke free of the bindings. They then entered an all-out catfight.
Rin was COMPLETLY confused. Their voices seemed the SAME. It was almost as they BOTH had the SAME shared voice! Then...

...a missed shot of a heat ray from Bubble's burnt the ropes tying down Rin's body, freeing him. He used a potion on himself and pulled the duct tape off his mouth. He pulled up his khaki pants and amidst the madness, he shouted, "What in hell's name IS going on?!" The massive fight between the sluttish Al Bhed and the deformed child continued as they were clawing at each other, shouting things in their freakishly similar voice. This shouting attracted the other two Powerpuffs, and........

Bubbles started to cry and whine to them. Rikku also cried and whined to Rin in the SAME voice, with the SAME words. "Help me help me this bad bad mean girl hurt me and called me bad names! Help me kick her butt!" they both said. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup zipped over to the corner of the locker room to hatch a plan to defeat Rikku and Rin, who are now reunited. Rin said, "Fine, but I'm taking this out of your pay!" Rikku whined, and Rin instantly hatched his plan, much faster than any crew of wanna-be anime stars. He pulls out his trusty copper pipe, and approaches the girls. Just then, Mojo Jojo, who ALSO heard the shouting, dashed in, ray gun ready. He sees the girls plotting, and Rin and Rikku getting ready to Pipe Smash and Claw them. "Well, I see I was right in time to take on the Powerpuff Girls, for I, Mojo Jojo, always has the upper hand in planning, and this time, luck takes me forward, for I, Mojo Jojo, am the best villain in all of Townsville, and shall finally rid me of the girls once and for all. I shall take my Evil Mojo Ray Gun and zap the girls to oblivion, for only a superior criminal mastermind can handle such equipment, and I, Mojo Jojo, am that superior criminal mastermind." Rin and Rikku look at the green chimp in a daze after all this quick talk. Rin puts on a Mr. T act and says, "What was all that jibba-jabba I heard out of you?" Mojo Jojo cackled, "I am Mojo Jojo, and I am here to rid the world forever of the Powerpuff Girls, and I, Mojo Jojo, shall do it now, and there is nothing, NOTHING you humanoids can do to stop me! (*Evil cackling*)" Rin and Rikku looked at each other, and Rin says, "Uh, sure, go ahead, kill them, fine with me." Mojo Jojo stops cackling, "Uhm, you really mean it?" Rikku nods, "Sure, we'll even HELP you kill them! That bitch owes me one." So, the three new allies approached the now evenly matched Powerpuff Girls, STILL trying to think of a plan.

They moved in for the kill. Rikku, who drilled some holes in a Blitzball, stuck a few lit TNT sticks in the holes and rolled it over to the three. Mojo Jojo used his patented MANGO GUN OF DOOM, and Rin with his trusty copper pipe. They strolled over and listened in on their enemies' plans....

"...and then after we sweet-talk them into thinking our way of evil is actually GOOD, we trick them and send them to jail. Any questions?" Blossom finishes. Bubbles raises a hand and asks, in Rikku's(?) voice, "Do we get to draw ponies and have cookies and milk when we are done?" Buttercup scowls and Blossom nods. "Yaiiiiiiiii!" Bubbles exclaims.
Rin, Rikku, and Mojo Jojo all look at each other. Mojo Jojo exclaims, "See?! THIS is what I have to deal with!" Rin says, "I see. Let's end this, so I can go get something to eat." Rikku agrees, "Yeah, the sooner the better. This sharing-a-voice thing is freaking me out, so let's just get rid of HER. (Points to Bubbles)" They all then..

Use their weapons. Mojo fired his mango gun, shooting bursts of yellow laser beams at Blossom. Rim pummeled Buttercup with his pipe. "This bitch's mine!" Rikku shouted as she hurled the Blitzbomb at Bubbles. Rikku and the other two ran to the other end of the locker room and plugged their ears as a massive explosion occurred. After a few minutes of silence, the three walked over to inspect and assess the damage. They found......
Three pairs of shoes, three shirts, a red scissor-shaped hairclip, and three vials of Chemical X that the evil girls originated from. "Hey, I could sell this crap as limited edition Powerpuff Stuff!" Rin proclaimed, and instantly swept up the limited edition Powerpuff Girl Gear into his bag labeled "STUFF" and whistled merrily. Rikku took a poop on the pile of ashes that was once was Bubbles, and then found a glowing aura. She picked it up, and felt her get full control of her voice again. She breathed a sigh of relief. Mojo Jojo thanked them for helping him be rid of the menace that is Powerpuff, FINALLY, and gave Rin a random assortment of high-tech weapons. He also offered Rin an upgraded pipe, DA COPPER DEATH 3000, but Rin only took it to sell. "Me and this pipe has been far together, I cannot use any other weapon... But I WILL use it to help me get more money!" so Rin greedily ripped the new pipe from Mojo Jojo and stuffed it in his bag. Mojo Jojo said his goodbyes and teleported back to his lab in peace. Rin and Rikku then set out again, and...

...walked out to the dance floor! Rin pulled out a DJ booth (how the hell he fit one in his bag I do not know) and began to play 80's music! Now the Aeons were enticed to dance as they dropped the Polka suits and slipped on some retro 80's duds, ya know what I'm sayin'? They all danced to the beat as Rin the DJ played some tunes by Poison. EVERYONE this time was wearing clothes - all retro 80's hip hop cool rad shit. Or something. I don't know much about 80's slang. And then..........

Rin continued to jam at his DJ booth, which was really his TP booth granted by Beavietheous and Mr. Whipple. He began to rip on the records, which were actually TP rolls! What talent to record music on the grooves between 2-ply toilet paper! Eustis the Janitor jumped out of his wooden Blitzball and started breakdancing for no apparent reason. He then broke his tailbone from osteoporosis. Then, the MILK GUY from the Got Milk commercials came out in his Milk Carton costume. He said, "Hey, if you wanted strong bones, you should have drank more milk, that prevents osteoporosis with it's great supply of calcium! Now, who's got the milk! Milk, milk, milk (Taps the side of his carton 3 times)! Milk, milk, milk (Taps the side of his carton another 3 times).

It was a mad 80's um...extravaganza...no...blowout...no...hell, let's just call it a party. Yeah. It was a mad retro 80's party. People were dancing, having fun, and...um...doing all that other 80's stuff. Then the authors appear - "Hey! I thought this was a parody lemon! What the hell happened? It's some funky 80's dance fest!" The hep cats on the dance floor.............

Grabbed the authors and threw them in the midst of the madness. Blaze began to snarl and chitter like a small winged demon. "*Snarl!* *Chittering* ......... wait, what IS going on here?! This was supposed to be a LEMON parody! Then it became a Lemon ADVENTURE Parody..... Now it's some blast from the past 80's retro-style funk hippie crap what the French call a certain "I don't know what"!!" Blaze is now forced to dance the Wild Putang. "Haruka! The hell is going on here?! And how can we breath underwater and talk and stuff? I don't have gills!" Haruka says...

"FUNKAY EIGHTIES SPUM! WHOO!" and began to dance the Turkish Mumbo amongst the others. "Hey! Wait! This is starting to become a self insertion! We gotta do something! And disappear when it's done! Quick!" Haruka shouted as she tried to stop dancing.

Right! Who knows WHAT would happen to us if trapped in a LEMON ADVENTURE PARODY! I've got a plan. (*Tries to resist dancing the Wild Putang, as fun as the dance is.....*) I can't resist it! (*Thinks of something NOT fun..........*) "Having to wait on John during an infamous JOHN-SHOWER!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (*Is freed from the grip of the Lemon Adventure Parody, and ends the dance.*) Now all I need is some dry ice, a few smoke bombs, a couple of flash grenades, a film projector...... and some hidden microphones! (*Quickly sets up the scene, while dodging flying shoeshine jets and rabid dancers.*) Oh yeah, and I'll use these, too! (*Takes the bottle rockets from the wooden Blitzball.*) Pyrotechnics!
Ready....... and ACTION!
(*The dry ice is added to the Blitzpool water, and makes a dense fog. The projector makes an image from Joe Dirt appear, from the desert scene. A atom-bomb is sticking out of the sand. Blaze takes a few bottle rockets and gets ready to light them at the atom-bomb.*)
Wait wait wait, BEFORE I do this....... Lemme borrow this for a minute.... (*Borrows Rin's trusty pipe, runs over to Wedge, and SMACKS him on the head, killing him instantly with a 99,999HP KO that the Pipe entrusts to its wielder.*)
Hey, Haruka, you try this!

*takes out a GIANT HAIRPIN OF DOOM and impales Biggs on it* Job done!!
Right-o! (*Returns to the Joe Dirt pose, ready to shoot the bottle rocket.....*) Wait, I could use this pipe as a bazooka with these bottle rockets! (*Puts bottle rocket in pipe. Rin is too busy with Rikku to notice or mind.*) Here we go! (*Fires bottle rockets at atom-bomb. Then throws smoke bombs and flash grenades EVERYWHERE, as the projector depicts a MUSHROOM CLOUD. The microphones make a giant FAWOOOOOOM explosion, and Biggs and Wedge are hit with the grenade's shrapnel just after being revived, being killed a second time. Blaze quickly tosses back Rin's pipe, hitting Biggs and Wedge on the way, killing them a THIRD time, then uses a Teleport Sphere to open a PLOT HOLE back to the safety of the author's bench!*)

Then Kimahri, in the middle of the '80's flashback dance, noticed the Blitzpool was made of water, and what did water make? JELLO. So, he told the Aeons and they got a truckload of Jell-O and made the Blitzpool a giant lime Jell-O sphere.

Attracted to the luminescent green glow of the lime Jell-O Blitzpool, the entire team of the Ronso Fangs showed up and dived in. Basik Ronso said, "It is Ronso tradition for Ronso to have massive orgy in pools of lime Jell-O. It very fun. Big party! It what Ronsos like best is massive orgies in lime Jell-O." Then all the male and female Ronsos began to have passionate lemony fresh orgies, as Rin began to feel queasy and perspire. Then, suddenly, to make things worse, ALL the Johnmen/assmen began to shout things like "Hey! I just had a DREAM of having sex in a giant pool of lime Jell-O!" as the Ronsos continued to screw each other, using BOTH ends of their tails to stick up their shoes. The Johnmen all hid together behind shower curtains that mysteriously appeared, and they ALL proceeded to have JOHNSHOWERS in the warm liquidy green goo..... that was surprisingly like a WARM, GOOEY APPLE PIE. Then, suddenly from this, VIVI appeared from our LAST lemon, STILL unfing an apple pie! The first thing he noticed was that he and everyone else were able to breath like having gills like fish in this strange floating sphere of....... green Jell-O. Then, he thought...

'Ooooooh, lime Jell-O!' So he and the apple pie jumped in. Rin started feeling queasy from the lime Jell-O sex (as aforementioned in the Search for Boomba). He keeled over, and the music stopped. The angry 80's dancers walked up to his stand and demanded for the music to go back on.

Rin began to el vomito, and chunks began to float about the Jell-O, much like in the Tom Green episode when he goes snorkeling and gets seasick, and they record him puking underwater. The 80's dancers become enraged that Rin defiled their dancing atmosphere, and the Ronsos for him having sacrilege to the green Jell-O. It turned a small part of the pool to YELLOW JELLO! Rin needed help. He was DESPERATE, as he floated in the fetus position, while an angry mob was forming. Biggs and Wedge both got shocked by Jell-O eels. JUST THEN, to SAVE RIN FROM CERTAIN BEATING FROM AN ANGRY MOB, a mysterious plot hole emerges, and out comes on of TPH's most BELOVED ROLE MODEL, none other than, MR. T!

"Yo, foo'! What dis problem be goin' down here? You know my buddy Rin ain't takin' none o' dat JIBBA JABBA so you pitiful foo's better leave 'im alone! An' what wit' dis crazy music? Let Mr. T set things straight! I PITY DA FOO' WHO MESS WITH MY PALS!" The T-man leaped into the Jell-O-filled Blitzpool and swam with his Supah T Powah and grabbed the shivering Rin out of harm's way, setting him down on the bleachers. "Yo, what happened back there, little foo'?" he asked as he wiped Jell-O chunks (amongst others) out of Rin's face.

Rin was feeling AWFUL to his stomach, and let loose EVERY last thing that has made him queasy. Mr. T knew the problem right away. "It seems as you got a super-exposure to dis here lemon parody, foo'! My best remedy to dis is to let me mama tell ya a bedtime story, foo's, so's you can get back to a warmer side 'o life, rather than dis here lemony shi', foo'!" All Rin could do was nod enthusiastically. "Alrighty, my little pal, helps comin'," Mr. T coaxed to Rin. Then, he shouted, "MAMA! WE'S GOT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE LEMON VICTIMS! A BAD CASE, TOO!" Mr. T's mama began to scold him for interrupting her from her soap opera, "Now what did I tell you's about interrupting me from my soap opera, foo'?!" Mr. T didn't have time for small talk. "I won't be takin' your jibba-jabba mama, we've got the worst case of lemon poisoning since Clinton became president! I need ya to settle him while I fix up this here foo' army of an angry mob!" Mama T sighed, "Fine fine, okay, but you made me miss a great episode, foo'!" Mr. T turned back to the shivering Rin, "You're gonna be okay now, mama'll take care of ya," he turns to the mob, "and now to take care of these foo's! I PITY THA FOO' WHO MESS WIT ME!" and summons....... DA VAN! He jumps in the driver seat, buckles up for some HELLUVA fast driving, drinks his daily glass of milk, saying "Dis milk's helluva GOOD!" and drives into the Blitzpool. The back of DA VAN springs open to reveal it's also a FULL FLEDGED DISC JOCKEY stand, ready to go, wit da crazy tune, DA GAT!

So Mama T put Rin in a foofy, warm crib and opened up a story book. "Once upon a time, dere was dis guy named Mario. Mario was da biggest kicka of all da foo's in Fooville. One day dis big sucka named Bowser came to Mario and said, 'You a big foo', I can take ya on any day!' So Mario rounded up all his foo's to fight dat sucka Bowser," she read. "What happens next?" Rin asks innocently as he paid close attention to Mama T's warming tale.

Mama T smiled at Rin's innocence now. The remedy was working wonders, as usual. "Why, dat's simple! From there, Mario and Bowser bust each other up, but in's da middle of da fight, dis SUPERFOO' sword busts on in, stealing Bowser's castle, and says, "You's ALL's a big foo', and I can take ya BOTH on any day OR night, foo'! Well, Mario and Bowser both ask for dis superfoo's name, "Who dat?! WHO DAT?!", and da swordfoo says, "I'm Exor, sent by yo' superior, Smithy, yo'! I'm here to lay da smackdown upon yo' silly foo's ass!" Mario and Bowser decide to team up agaisn't dis here foo', and run to give dis here foo' a HELLUVA beatin' for callin' them a foo' and dissen' em'!"

Rin looked up at Mama T with wide eyes, radiating innocence like a certain radioactive cat leaks radiation. "What happens now?" he asks sweetly from his place in the crib. "Well, Exor got busted up by Mario and Bowser together, and then Mario and Bowser became super foo's to protect Foosville from any big mean suckas to invade the town. The foo's lived happily ever after. The end!" Mama T shut the book. "Yaaay!" Rin squealed. "Now, you want some cookies?" Mama T asked; and Rin cheered with joy.

Then Rin thought for a minute, and then asked, "What about dat ULTIMATE foo', Smithy?" while snacking on a homemade chocolate chip cookie, courtesy of Mama T. Mama T replied,
"Oh, Mario and Bowser busted him up, too!" Rin smiled widely and took another cookie. Then he asked...

"Mama T, what ever happened to Luigi? Why didn't HE get a part in the story? I hear he only got a part in the instruction manual and the ending parade! What's up with that?!" Rin eats a snickerdoodle to simmer down and awaits Mama T's response...
"Uh, I don't know. Perhaps Nintendo knows, so ask them foo's why! But at least he be in Paper Mario," she explained. "Paper Mario? Read me that one next!" Rin said, smiling. Meanwhile, Mr. T...........

Was crankin' some phat-ass songs. "Listen to dis here, ya dilly-yo foo's! I pity tha foo who does not like da new beat! It HELLUVA cool, foo'!" Everyone got into the beat, and Eustis cleansed the disco floor of green Jell-O, and EVERYONE, human, god, assman, Saturn, Aeon alike, stopped their current business, and jumped on. All the females donned STILETTO HIGHHEEL SHOES, and all the guys put on BUCKLEBOOTS! They all looked incredibly sexy (except the Johnmen..... uugh...) and began to dance THE TURKISH MUMBO for the ladies, and THE WILD PUTANG for the guys. Mr. Whipple, Beavietheous, and Mr. Hankey all begin to breakdance wildly, while Ifrit provided the pyrotechnics. A couple of rogue Johnmen and Mr. Saturns were still duking it out behind the scenes, and Biggs and Wedge ran across the stage, chased by an enraged Greg. They trip on some anthrax-laced banana peels and break their necks when the fell off the stage. Greg revived them, and they ALL joined the dance, EVERYONE from the cast began to dance in unison. EVERYONE, except, for Rin and Mama T.

Loud rumbling could be heard over the music. A familiar cry rang out as the giant beast Sin approached the dance floor. "ME JECHT. ME LOVE TO DANCE. ME WANNA PLAY TOO!" The crowd gasped as he loomed over the crowd. He stepped in, and didn't get too warm a reception when he crushed Biggs and Wedge under his mighty fins.

Meanwhile, back in the tranquil setting of Mama T and Rin, Mama T explains Paper Mario in a minute. "Well, in Paper Mario, Bowser becomes da mean foo', and goes against the MIGHTY MARIO." Rin laughs, "What thuh FOO'!" Mama T chuckles, "Yep, I PITY THAH FOO' WHO GOES AGAINST MARIO WIT HIS HELLUVA TOUGHNESS!" Rin begins to nibble on a M&M cookie. Mama T continues, "Well, afta that, Bowser thinks he's all helluva cool and steals da Star Rod, and captures da ho Princess Peach. Well, Mario, with his Helluva Toughness, gets da Star Spirits back, BUSTS UP dat there SUPERFOO Bowser, gets back da Star Rod, and all is safe. Luigi gets to lead the parade yet again. The end." She shuts the book, while Rin cheers a "Yayyyy!" Mama T takes Rin's hand, "Here, lemme walk ya back to your friends. I bet they're waiting for you!" Rin smiles, "Okay, let's go, Mama T!" Mama T leads Rin back, past a minefield of Anthrax-laced Banana Peels, to see Sin attempting to Break Dance...

Amidst all the chaos, Sin tried to break dance, stepping on Biggs and Wedge in the process. He slipped on one of the anthrax-laced banana peels, sliding over and crashing into Bevelle, flattening it into a beyond pancake state. Rikku pointed and laughed, "Take that, Yevon!" Rin burst into uproarious laughter as the bedlam surrounding the "holy town" escalated.

So Mama T went to Mr. T and helped him DJ, while Rin rejoined with his friends. Now, EVERYONE ever mentioned in this story is now present, dancing away on the Blitzball stage. Then, Eustis works his janitor magic! The Blitzball water went from part water, part lime Jell-O, to PINEAPPLE JUICE! All the walls and podiums of the arena were instantly painted with a sparkly, shiny, glittery array of colors. Then, suddenly, there was a dull implosion, and the entire Blitzpool lurched. The whole dancing platform began to lift into the air. As it passed the outer edge of the Blitzpool sphere that made its ceiling, it passed through the membrane separating pineapple juice from the air outside. Everyone gasped for air, as they have been underwater the ENTIRE time, yet somehow able to breathe and talk. Instantly, 231 balloons, popfree bubbles, confetti squares, goombas, koopas, used butt plugs, (insert every last item here), and lots and lots of stuff filled the sky above the arena. Disco balls hung from the tall spires, with plasma globes and spotlights providing special effects. Everyone begins to sing and dance in unison, as the camera pans dramatically about the performance. WHEN SUDDENLY: "Heh heh heh heh heh..." Everyone gasps as SEYMOUR arises from the shadows of the Blitzpool. All the singing, dancing, and the music, ALL stop. Silence. Seymour's ominous theme replaces the dead sound, and he yells, "I AM HERE TO TAKE MY REVENGE ON ALL YOU MORTALS!" as everything becomes dark and colorless. Chaos reigns. Darkness sweeps. Little children cry while everyone huddles from fright. Rin looks to Mama T, who urges him on to stop the undead demon. "Use da toughness, Rin! Use da helluva toughness, like Mario and Mr. T!" Rin nodded, said, "Okay, I'll try!" and approached Seymour from behind, holding his trust pipe ready. Seymour begins to maniacally laugh like a lunatic. Rin innocently taps him on the back. Seymour wheels around, and sneers, "And just what are YOU, a mangy Al Bhed, a race that us Guado eat for breakfast, supposed to do to ME, the future GOD of all of Spira?! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Rin concentrates on using Da Helluva Toughness, and exclaims, "THIS!" He wields his pipe high above his head, and for a brief moment, it shines with DA HELLUVA TOUGHNESS, POSSESSED BY FEW! "What's THIS?!" Seymour exclaims, just as Rin brings Da Pipe CRASHING down upon Seymour's messed-up looking forehead. Seymour's dead corpse of a body begins to melt, the explodes like any other dead bloated corpse. Everyone shouts "YAYYYY!" and Mama T wipes a proud tear of joy away. The singing, dancing, color, and music all resume again, and even more forceful than ever.  Everyone was here now to dance up a GRAND FINALE! The camera quickly pans by the ENTIRE cast, showing Rin, Rikku, Wakka, Tidus, Yuna, Kimahri, Lulu, Auron, Jassu, Datto, Botta, Letty, Keepa, Eigaar, Judda, Blappa, Kakkam, Berrik, Nimrook, O'aka, Stinky, Eustis, Charlie Tuna, SPAM Man, Mr. Twinkie, Mr. Whipple, Beavietheous, Great Cornholio, Darth Vader, the CNN Reporter, Bleeding Gums Murphy, the Mr. Saturns, the Johnmen, Mr. Hankey, Greg the Grim Reaper, Lu Bu, Wantz, Brickson, Doram, Abus, Balgerda, Graav, Raudy, Larbeight, Kulukan, Isken, Deim, Vuroja, Nizarut, Biggs, Wedge, Jaws, Jenova-Tiger, Aeris, Galuf, Tellah, Killer Bees, Invader Zim, Gir, Pinapple Weapon, Anima, Wuzzle the Ifrit, Otsby the Bahamut, Valefor, Yojimbo, Ixion, Cindy, Sandy, Mindy, an Oompa-Loompa, random fiends, Yuffie, Rinoa, Garnet, Selphie, Eiko, Relm, Marlene, Stumpy, Dan-San, a Pony, Penguin, a Dead Hamster, N*sync, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Mojo Jojo, Milk Guy, Mr. T, Mama T, Mario, Bowser, Exor, and the remains of Seymour.  Just as all the singing climaxed, huge explosions of fireworks filled the sky. Finally, like the cliché used, and like the end in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, in which all the characters sing and dance with fireworks, a giant whale flies out of the water. And, of course, this whale is none other than: SIN!! Sin/Jecht comes splashing up from the destroyed remains of Bevelle, flies over the Luca Blitzball Stadium. While everyone continued to dance and sing, they also gawked at the beautiful (*snicker*) sight of Sin flying overhead, a rogue Johnman and a Mr. Saturn continued to run back and forth in the background, exchanging flying turds and TP, and Biggs and Wedge, having being fed up with dying every five minutes, decided to escape their high death rate by rowing away from the Luca stadium in a rowboat. Then, as everyone gasped from astonishment, Sin crashes into the water on the other side, sending up a dramatic fountain of water, and tearing through Biggs and Wedge, killing them instantly. The finale scene ends when water splashes forcefully towards the camera, then blacking it out, and the story, finally, comes to a happy end.

* * *

The morning after, everyone was pleased, happy, and rather tired from the massive dance party. They all woke up slowly but surely, and they noticed that the Blitzpool was frozen over and it was starting to snow. Tidus wiped the sleep out of his eyes and watched the frozen little particles of ice drift down to the ground. Immediately, the Blitzpool split in half horizontally, making perfect grounds for a hockey rink....and the half that fell off crushed Biggs and Wedge.

Biggs and Wedge died a horrible death as the huge chunk of Pineapple juice ice that cracked under the stress of the sudden and mysterious temperature change fell on them. They were revived, but only a little ways away from their deathmarks. The ice continued to slide, and pinned them underneath them, but not killing them right away. Instead, they died a horrible death of freezing to death. Meanwhile, everyone sat on the cold, hard, smooth ice that marked the lower half of the Blitzpool. They pondered on what to do instead of Blitzball. Suddenly, an incoherent PLOT HOLE opened up, and the Amberia Raycs and the Mundi Nocterm Shavelles hockey teams tumbled out of it like dice from a Yacht-zee cup!

Immediately, the two rival teams skated over center ice, ready for the face-off, staring at each other intensely as the puck dropped out of nowhere. Gunburn Atrophos, star player of the Raycs, intercepted the puck and skated off towards the Shavelles' goal, with the green-uniformed Shavelles chasing him hot in pursuit. The ex-dancers took to the stands, watching this new sport. Hell, it was MUCH more exciting than Blitzball because it was fast-paced and people didn't suddenly WARP BEHIND YOU TO STEAL YOUR PASSES!

Gunburn continued on toward the goal, and passed the puck to another Raycs player. A Shavelles player intercepted the puck. Gunburn rushed into the damned Shavelles and checked him, SMASHING him into the goalie. He laughs, and gracefully hitting the puck into the net, scoring a goal. The crowd in the stands go wild. The puck continues through the net from the force, breaks THROUGH the net, flies through the air, and decapitates both Biggs and Wedge.

Then out of nowhere an anthropomorphic llama stepped out on the ice in a referee suit! He was.... MISTER ZAMBONI, the president of the Az'K'Lon Hockey League! "What is THIS?! A game going on with no significance at ALL?" Mr. Zamboni shook his head and herded the two teams back into a plot hole. The crowd sighed in depression as the game went to a sudden end. They wondered what to do next...

Suddenly, O'aka, who was until now keeping a low profile, jumped up and began his peddling speech. "2x4 swords! Come up and get your 2x4 swords, made from genuine balsa wood! 10,000 Gil each! No? Then how about some used butt plugs! 3,000 Gil each! No? How about a shoe pregnancy tester! That's right, even SHOES can get pregnant! I tested MY shoes last night, and they were PREGNANT! Don't go another minute in life walking around in what could be pregnant shoes, without knowing it! Only 300,000 Gil!" With that, ALL the female cast of the Lemon adventure parody began to feel anxiety towards their shoes. Everyone felt the urge to buy one. and stampeded to O'aka. Biggs and Wedge, who were innocently looking over O'aka's selection of balsa wood swords, were trampled death by the ladies in despair. Rin became FURIOUS by O'aka's sudden popularity, and instantly devised a plan to steal ALL the shoe pregnancy testers for HIMSELF, and sell them for only 231,000 gil each. So, he...

snuck behind the counter in a cheap disguise, robbing O'aka of all his goods. He dashed over to his booth before O'aka could notice, and began boasting his wares. O'aka reached under the counter to get the merchandise, only to realize there WAS no merchandise to speak of. The mob grew angry and demanded a refund. O'aka gasped, and frantically tried to devise a strategy.

However, O'aka couldn't think of anything of quality, for he WAS all crap. So, he just resorted to running for his life, loot in hand. That is, until Wakka saved the day by using the ability, "Mug," thus knocking O'aka unconscious with his Blitzball, AND returning the money to the customers. Money, that went directly to Rin, who was selling the testers at a reduced price of 23,100 Gil, only because he was feeling nice and generous that day... (and he also stole a huge satisfying sack of Gil from O'aka, that O'aka scammed off Auron's helpless corpse). The ENTIRE stock was bought up, and all the female cast members had a shoe pregnancy tester, or SPT. They all went to work, testing their shoes. Everyone, except Rikku.

Rin wallowed in his money, and then realized that Rikku needed an SPT as well. Rikku was losing her temper again when she demanded one, and Rin had none left in stock. He chose O'aka's path and ran away from her, carrying his money, merchandise, and everything he owned, sprinting over the horizon, leaving Rikku in the dust to find her OWN SPT.

So Rikku went off on her mini-quest to learn the truth of her shoes, after all that shoe shining from Rin the previous night. She passed all that had one, and the more people she saw with them, the more she wanted one. She kept thinking if it was okay just to nab one from an unsuspecting victim, or to bribe someone, or what. Then, she passed by Yuna and Tidus, who BOTH had a SPT. Rikku was surprised and outraged at the same time to see TIDUS with one. "What the bloody hell are YOU doing with a SPT?! You're not even FEMALE!!" Rikku shouted at Tidus. Tidus flipped his hair back and replied, "Maybe not, but I sure am pretty enough to be a chick! Mmmmm, I sure am ADORABLE! Right, honey?" Yuna said nothing, and just drooled. Tidus kicked her. "Eh? Oh yeah. Of course, you are quite the sexy beast....." she said before going back into a retarded state of mind. Rikku was furious. "Gimme that! You don't need it, and you probably didn't even GET any!" Rikku shouted and nabbed the SPT from Tidus, who began to cry on Yuna's drool-stained shoulder.

"Yah, I like chicken," Yuna sighed as Rikku ran off to the ladies' room to test her shoes. Of course, it was packed with the other female characters in this lemon / dance party / whatever. She waited impatiently, then lost her temple once more, pushing through the crowd. Lulu walked out of a now-empty stall, sobbing to herself. "I don't get it," she said, "I didn't even get MY shoes shined by anyone...my shoes aren't ready for this." Rikku ran for the stall, but was cut off when Lakkam pushed her way through with her body, throwing Rikku aside. Rikku roared angrily, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" which caused quite a stir.

Rikku waited outside of Lakkam's stall, semi-patiently, but everyone knew she couldn't stand it much longer. The ONLY reason why she kept her sanity is the satisfying sobbing she heard coming from Lakkam, which told her that Lakkam was doomed. Finally, Lakkam emerged from the stall. Just as Rikku was about to hop in, Naida, another Al Bhed Blitzballer, rushed up and tried to take the stall. "No way, not THIS time Blitzball BITCH!!" Rikku shouted, and with that, bitchslapped Naida and went to the stall without competition. She initialized the SPT, a miniature machina device, to do its job...
 "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rikku's wailing shook the building's weak foundation, and the roof started to crumble. "OH MY YEVON! THE BUILDING'S COLLAPSING!" shrieked Yuna as a chunk of cement smashed on her rock-thick skull. Shiva tried casting ice on the roof, to no avail. Rikku barely had her shoes back on before the ceiling caved in...
Biggs and Wedge, who snuck into the bathroom's air ducts to get a overhead peep show, fell with the collapse and died a horrible suffocating bone-crushing death. Everyone else escaped intact with their lives. Yuna lost 2HP due to the cement. By now, everyone knew that their shoes were pregnant. All the Ronso females didn't know WHAT to do, for they HAD no shoes. They wondered if their FEET were pregnant, and began to ponder such a thing. Beavietheous, for a moment, THOUGHT he was pregnant (like in the Beavis & Butt-head episode, "Pregnant Pause"), but only had to take a big dump. He realized he sat down without there being any TP, and began to panic. He then realized who he was, and waved his hand, took the TP that magically appeared, and did his business. Haruka managed to escape the fic quickly enough to have clean shoes.

Haruka: So in I came again and decapitated Aeris with a hockey stick!
Haruka: *does so*
Blaze: Eh? Where did THAT come from?
Blaze: Are you making this self-insertion AGAIN? Shame on you.
Haruka: After Aeris' demise, I walked back into a plot hole, tail between legs, in shame for making yet another self-insertion appearance. Oh, and unlike our friend Ace Hall, I've only got ONE tail. So there.
Blaze: And, only ONE end!
Haruka: Yeah!
Blaze: Like some foxy individuals...
Haruka: *cough* Trunks' fic. *cough*
Blaze: Uh, wait a minute.... AHHH! This is becoming self-insertion again!!
Haruka: I already sulked back to my plot hole.
Blaze: Um...... (*Follows suit, wondering how I got self-inserted again...*)

A great big weeping party ensues. Tidus laughs at Yuna's pregnant shoes. Yuna gets mad and shoves her SPT into Tidus' shoes. The SPT beeps a "POSITIVE." Tidus blushes bright magenta while Yuna demands what the hell is up with that. Several people hear, get ideas as to what happened, and began to vomit, a la the ending to Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The weeping continued afterwards. Rikku found Rin hiding in a cardboard box like Solid Snake, and totally bitched him out. Greg and Eustis began to talk about the weather like nothing ever happened. Then, suddenly, Biggs and Wedge jump out of the shadows, wielding AK-47s. "Enough of this! We will now finally exact revenge on all of you for not dying every 5 minutes like us, and not caring for our fates!" Shouts Biggs. Wedge continues, "That's right, Biggs, we're gonna shoot the life out of EVERYONE that gets in our way! AND, we're gonna do..... THIS!" Biggs and Wedge press the "DANGER! NEVER PUSH!" button on a cage containing rabid wombats and giant evil cockroaches. Biggs and Wedge begin to laugh maniacally as they shot up Aeris, Tellah, Galuf, Auron, and the remains of Seymour. Mr. T realized the crisis and shouted, "Oh no, those foo's! I gotta find a way to make my pals safe from dis here helluva problem!"

Da T-man circled around the group, herding them out of the area. Biggs and Wedge shot up the minor characters, then a plot hole opened up and UNSPEAKABLE HORROR stepped out. It was SATAN! Uh, I mean...Britney Spears.

Spears said, "Uh..... am I too late for that massive orgy my client was telling me about?" Biggs and Wedge just screamed and started to shoot her. Like Saddam Hussein in South Park the movie, the bullets just bounced off her with no effect. She just said, "Hey, that kinda hurts! You're gonna ruin my makeup, not to mention my new hairdo! It's allllll the fab! Ow! Like, you made me break a nail!" Biggs and Wedge ran out of ammo at that point. In unison, they said, "I can't stand this anymore! JUST MAKE IT END ONCE AND FOR ALL!" With that, they took their backup pistols, pointed them at their heads, and committed suicide. Their remains were devoured by rabid wombats and evil giant cockroaches. "Well, I guess I won't be able to ask them out now..." Their seemed to be a scream emitted from the wombats' and roaches' stomachs... Suddenly, Red XIII jumped out of the plot hole Britney Spears came from. Red spoke with unimaginable rage, "Ever since you got yourself digitized as a game for PS2, God damn this fact, you've been making yourself an unwelcome guest on all the gaming worlds!" Spears whined, "Well, I can't help it that I'm so popular everywhere!" Red XIII cringed with that and said, "Well, I am here to destroy you, once and for all." "Well, what do you have against little me, kitty?" Spears said. "What do I have against you?! I CAUGHT YOU IN BED WITH MY GRANDPA, VILE DEMON!!" Red roared, followed by an "AHHHHHHHHHH!" Spears recoiled, and then remembered. "Oh yeah, THAT guy, uh, what was his name? Oh yeah, Bugenhagen. He was a horny old man, demanded it from me. Paid in cash, very nice guy." Red XIII couldn't stand it any longer, did the ENTIRE universe a favor, lunged, and mauled Britney Spears. Wombats and roaches devoured her body as well.

The world over cheered, but depressed kindergarteners over their idol's demise committed a mass suicide. But all in all...no Spears, no vile little children...the world was a better place. A much, MUCH, better place. Now, we just needed to eliminate the boy bands and the world would be PERFECT. Oh, well. At least we got rid of ONE unspeakable evil. Indeed, I have to say this again that the world is a safer place now.

"Oh, why the hell not? Let's have our cake, AND eat it, too! Look what I can do as author!" The author, Blaze, waves an arm and plot holes appear, and the entire cast and crew from the Backstreet Boys, Aaron Carter, N*sync, AND 98 Degrees ALL fell out. They all began to wonder where the hell they were, for they were either being smothered by teenage girls, or having sex in their dressing rooms with each other before winding up here. They were surrounded by wombats and roaches. Aaron Carter cried to his brother from the Backstreet Boys. They were ALL eaten shortly afterwards. All the annoying prissy valleygirls the world over became depressed and ALSO committed mass suicide. The others shouted, "Oh darn... TIME FOR A HO DOWN!" and began to party the night away...

Rin and Rikku looked each other, and said, "Oh, shit... Here we go again!"
Blaze and Haruka looked at each other, and began to moan, "NOT AGAIN! MAKE IT STOP!!"

~The End.......Hopefully~

* * *

CAST (In the order of appearance)

Rin

Rikku

Wakka

Tidus

Yuna

Kimahri

Lulu

Auron

Jassu (Besaid Aurochs)

Datto (Besaid Aurochs)

Botta (Besaid Aurochs)

Letty (Besaid Aurochs)

Keepa (Besaid Aurochs)

Eigaar (Al Bhed Psyches)

Judda (Al Bhed Psyches)

Blappa (Al Bhed Psyches)

Kakkam (Al Bhed Psyches)

Berrik (Al Bhed Psyches)

Nimrook (Al Bhed Psyches)

O'aka

Stinky

Eustis

Charlie Tuna

SPAM Man

Mr. Twinkie

Mr. Whipple

Beavietheous

Great Cornholio

Darth Vader

CNN Reporter

Bleeding Gums Murphy

Mr. Saturns

Johnmen

Mr. Hankey

Greg the Grim Reaper

Lu Bu

Wantz

Brickson (Luca Goers)

Doram (Luca Goers)

Abus (Luca Goers)

Balgerda (Luca Goers)

Graav (Luca Goers)

Raudy (Luca Goers)

Larbeight (Kilika Beasts)

Kulukan (Kilika Beasts)

Isken (Kilika Beasts)

Deim (Kilika Beasts)

Vuroja (Kilika Beasts)

Nizarut (Kilika Beasts)

Biggs

Wedge

Jaws

Jenova-Tiger

Aeris

Galuf

Tellah

Killer Bees

Invader Zim

Gir

Pinapple Weapon

Anima

Wuzzle the Ifrit

Otsby the Bahamut

Valefor

Yojimbo

Ixion

Cindy

Sandy

Mindy

Oompa-Loompa

random fiends

Yuffie

Rinoa

Garnet

Selphie

Eiko

Relm

Marlene

Stumpy

Dan-San

Pony

Penguin

Dead Hamster

N*sync

Blossom

Bubbles

Buttercup

Mojo Jojo

Milk Guy

Mr. T

Mama T

Mario

Bowser

Exor

Seymour

Amberia Raycs

Mundi Nocterm Shavelles

Gunburn Atrophos (Amberia Raycs)

Mister Zamboni

Blaze

Haruka

Rabid Wombats

Giant Evil Cockroaches

Britney Spears (a.k.a. "Satan")

Red XIII

Bugenhagen

Backstreet Boys

Aaron Carter

98º

***"Welcome to the pointless post-fic author's comments!***

Blaze: Damn, did we REALLY get off topic of that lemon bit! I typed too damn much of this...
Haruka: Hm, "All flames will be ignored! Hatten ar din!"
Blaze: Except for the fact that we will take them, chew them up, spit them out, and post our reply just to make you all look bad!
Haruka: YEAH!
Blaze: Don't play with flames around us, as you're likely to get BURNED!
Haruka: FIRE IS FUN FOR THE LITTLE KIDDIES!!!!
Blaze: FIRE! FIRE! UWEEHEEHEEHEEEEE!
Haruka: Run, run, or you'll be well-done!
Blaze: Well, that's all the time I feel like wasting on you miserable people, so as part of Da Dysfunctional Duo, I'm Blaze...
Haruka: And I'm Haruka. Whoop-de-screw. Oh, and Balto II is not worthy of Balto. Aleu must DIE.
Blaze: Until next rant/flame/fic/story/random thing, LATAZ DUDEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Haruka: Do0O()d!1

~END~