The Awesomely Wicked! Life, Before Ballerina Boy
Part 1
One day, the Witches of Pooka went to Kohl's for the afternoon. They were trying to find a beautiful tiara for the oldest of them, Lexi, the Good Witch of the North.
"Dude," said Mac, "How about this one?"
"No," said Lexi, "orange diamonds shaped like monkeys just doesn't suit me very well."
"Fine, your loss," said Mac putting the tiara on her head and looking into a mirror. "It's even fit for Madame Malicious Monkey."
"Then get it," Amber said.
"I will!" sand Mac, who was now leaping around showing off her tiara.
"I found it! I found the perfect one!" yelled Fiona.
The others rushed over to see. Fiona was pointing to a large black tiara, set with bright rubies.
"Why is it so big?" Amber asked Mac, whispering.
"Of course it's big; it has to fit her fat head!"
Amber doubled over laughing.
"Oh...My...Goodness," said Lexi, "it's perfect!'
"It is?" asked Mac and Amber together.
"Not that one, you idiots, that one," said Lexi, pointing over their heads. She skipped over to where she had pointed and picked up a beautiful tiara with canary yellow diamonds.
"Oh," said Mac, "sparkly."
"It's pretty," agreed Amber.
"But what about me?" whined Fiona.
"In case you haven't noticed," said Mac, "we don't like you, sooooo we don't care about you."
"No Mac, that's just you!" said Fiona, "Right guys?" She looked at Amber and Lexi, hoping to gain support for her statement, but, Lexi stared at the ceiling and Amber started at the ground, neither saying a thing.
"Well, fine then I'm leaving?" yelled Fiona, as she disappeared in black, smelly smoke.
"Man," said Mac, waving her hand in front of her nose, "she better lay off the perfume for a while."
"Mac," said Lexi, "you probably shouldn't have done that."
"Yeah," said Amber, "but I'm glad you did!"
"Oh, don't worry, she'll just go off hunting for a few days then she will be fine."
"Hunting? Do you mean like in a forest? For animals?" asked Lexi.
"I didn't know she hunted," said Amber.
"Not animals, guys, you the 'come get me' pose," said Mac, demonstrating.
"I did know that," said Amber.
"Well, it's time to go," said Lexi. Then they disappeared in their colored smoke.
It seemed as though Mac's prediction was correct. Fiona came back to the Funnel Cake Castle after four days. She had finally cooled off, or so it seemed...
One morning, about a week after Fiona had returned, Mac stumbled down the starburst stair for breakfast. She was so tired that she almost didn't notice the paper that was tacked to the pop tart wall. Mac did a double take and then took a closer look. It said:
I, Fiona, Wicked Witch of the East, petition to remove Mac, the Wicked Witch of the West, from residence at Funnel Cake Castle, Land of Pooka, Norway.
Mac, now wide awake ran back up the stairs to Lexi's room and burst in.
"Lexi, Lexi, Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!"
"Uh, na way!" Lexi mumbled.
"What was that?" Mac asked.
"GO AWAY!" Lexi yelled throwing her pillow at Mac.
"But you have to see this."
Lexi sat up and rubbed her eyes as she took the paper from Mac.
"This time she has gone too far!" Mac exclaimed.
"Why would she do that?" asked Lexi. "She knows we like you better."
Mac took the paper back and went across the hall to Amber's room. "Amber, A-A-Amber, A-A-Amber!" yelled Mac.
"hmph?" asked Amber.
"Look."
"Oh My God."
"Amber, can I borrow your spork?"
"Anything to get her out of here."
Now as if even all that weren't enough, when Mac went down stairs, sitting in the chocolate fountain was Mac's favorite stuffed monkey.
"Nooooooooooooooo! Not IO! Anyone but IO!"
Fiona came down the stairs. "What is all this noise?" she asked.
"You!" yelled Mac, brandishing the spork, "you killed IO!" she cried (literally). "You know what? I hope a flying house lands on you and squishers you to death!" Then after angrily glaring at Fiona for a few seconds Mac began chasing after her with the Spork. Mac landed a few solid pokes before Fiona disappeared.
"Mac? Are you okay?" asked Amber.
"IOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Is that a no?"
"Didn't she know IO was you favorite? The on Agravaine gave you?" asked Lexi.
"She knew!" yelled Mac, "That fat anorexic cow knew!"
Both Lexi and Amber gave Mac a huge hug.
"Hey," said Amber, "you...uh...you, slave! What's your name again?"
"Brian," said the servant.
"Yeah, you. Wash this monkey."
"Noooooo!" yelled Mac, "I don't trust anyone with my IO!" Mac hugged the chocolate soaked monkey and ran upstairs, leaving a chocolaty trail behind.
"You know," said Lexi looking around the dining room on day at lunch, "We really need to redecorate the castle..."
"Yeah!" said Mac, "I want giant orange gummy bears in my room."
"Okay," said Amber, "As long as I get a green one."
"I want my walls to be funnel cakes!" said Lexi.
"I," said Amber, "want a mint theme!"
"Well, we better get shopping," said Mac.
And they left.
Meanwhile, Jack and Gilligan were getting ready to set sail on their boat tour. They set sail. When they got out into the middle of the ocean, a sudden storm blew up. A whirlpool formed from nowhere right underneath them. Gilligan jumped overboard and swam to the shore of a nearby island. However, Jack wasn't so lucky. He was sucked down into the whirlpool. Coincidently the whirlpool connected to Munchkin Land, the beginning of the Fuchsia Brick Road...
"Hey!" exclaimed Jack, "where is everyone? Oh! Look at that pretty fuchsia brick road! I'm going to follow it..."
And so he did.
Jack walked and walked until he became very tired and lonely. He stopped by a tree and looked around.
"I think I'm lost," said Jack to the tree.
"Well, that sucks," said a voice.
"Who said that!" said Jack looking around frantically. "Who are you?"
"A tree. What are you, stoop?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" yelled Jack as he tore off down the road.
And he didn't stop running until the road ended in a field of candy flowers.
"Man, look at that castle. It looks like something straight out of Disney."
Jack crossed the field and found himself on a peppermint walkway. He made his way up to the door and knocked.
No one answered.
Ho looked around and saw that the entire castle was made of candy! His dreams come true.
He knocked again.
And again no one answered.
Finally Jack decided that he didn't care and just went in. He figured that anyone with a candy castle couldn't be all bad...
He pushed open the door and his jaw dropped in amazement.
In the middle of the entrance hall was a beautiful chocolate fountain. Not only was it spurting chocolate, it was made of chocolate!
"Dude, it's like Willy Wonka, or something."
And so it was. Everything in sight was made of candy!
"Oh," said Jack, "they won't notice if I take one bite."
And so they wouldn't have, of course, that meant he was only to take one bite. But after that first bite then came another and another and another until the whole thing was gone. In mere minutes the whole fountain, in all its chocolaty glory, was gone. Not a speck left except for the chocolate beard that had formed around Jack's mouth as he ate.
Jack lay on the ground groaning and clutching his stomach, when he heard a voice outside say, "I still think the fudge poptarts would look better than strawberry." The door handle turned.
Three women walked in and then stopped in their tracks.
"Um, I don't mean to be rude, okay it do, but anyway, who are you and why are you in our house?" asked a woman in jeans and an orange t-shirt.
"Uhhhhh," Jack said intelligently.
"Where is the fountain?" asked a woman in a yellow dress. "Huh? Where is it?"
"It uhhh...disappeared!" Jack said acting like it was the best answer to that question.
"Yeah, into your stomach!" yelled a woman in a green dress.
"You have no proof!" yelled Jack.
"Oh, Jack, honey," said Mac oddly nice. "You've go some chocolate on your face!" she yelled. "What are we going to do with him?"
"Death?" said Lexi.
"By spork?" asked Amber.
"How about enslavement? If we kill him we can only torture him once. If we make him our slave, well, then we could have a lifetime of fun with our new minion..." said Mac.
"I agree!" yelled Amber.
"Me too!" said Lexi, happily.
"Sounds good," said Jack.
"Oh minion!" yelled Mac, when she woke up one Saturday morning, "Minion!"
"Yes?" asked Jack as he burst into her room out of breath.
"It's bath day," she said.
"What!"
"Yep and it's your job to wash my monkeys, Amber's penguins and Lexi's poogles."
"You're kidding. I'm not doing that!"
"Would you rather be sporked and then do it?"
Jack just glared at her.
"Glare all you want, minion. You're still a minion."
Jack slammed the door.