Ok, so here is a new story. So each chapter will be based on a different song of my choice. Do not read if you are no into songfics. The of so great MYBIGBLUEBOX
was my beta.Any mistakes left are mine. I finially got Microsoft Word so the spelling mistakes should be at a minimum.
Sara sighed as she sifted through old things she had stuffed in her closet. 'God Sidle, you've only lived here for 6 years, how much crap can you have?' she asked herself. She was reaching up on the top shelf to get yet another box when something fell crashing to the floor. She looked down, afraid something had broken, but it was just a shoebox, it's lid still attached.
She slowly bent down to open the box, afraid of what she might find. She lifted the lid even more slowly, checking for bugs before she stuck her hand into the box. Inside there were various objects, a thin photo album, a jewelry box, and a few other knickknacks. She picked up the photo album and opened to the first page. What she saw made her heart skip a beat.
Postcards and letters
And pictures made to last forever
To be boxed up and tossed away
Knickknacks and souvenirs
In an afternoon, they're out of here
They'll disappear without a trace
But what they mean to me
Can never be replaced
A much younger Grissom was standing with a much younger Sara in from of one of Harvard's many buildings. Her long hair was blowing in the breeze, his arms were wrapped around her shoulders and neck, giving her a backwards hug. They were both smiling for the camera, but while Sara was looking into the lens, Grissom was looking at her.
Sara was frozen, remembering back to the day it was taken: the day had been perfect, a light breeze blowing in the spring air, birds chirping, students walking the campus. Gil Grissom was at Harvard for 2 weeks, teaching a mini course in entomology. Sara had decided to take the class, 'To pass the time,' she had told herself. Upon walking into the class, the most gorgeous pair of blue eyes had met her at the door. She was so lost in those eyes that she didn't even recognize he was speaking to her.
"Hello, I'm Gil Grissom."
"Er, sorry," she said, quickly darting her eyes away from his. "I'm Sara Sidle."
"It's nice to meet you, Sara. Please take a seat, we will begin in just a few minutes."
She felt his eyes upon her more than saw, she knew he was watching her as she took a seat and pulled a notebook out. The 2-hour class flew by for Sara. First classes were mainly used to introduce the text and maybe some homework, but with Grissom it was different.
He walked towards the front of the room and instantly everyone was quite. "My name is Gil Grissom, I am a CSI for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I was asked to come here for these two weeks not only to teach this class, but also to speak at many seminars. I will not assign any out of class work, but when I ask you to do a project in class, I expect you to do it.
"I know that you are here because you wish to be. This is not a required class and it will certainly not mean much to your future employer, but entomology is a fascinating subject. I am a self-taught entomologist and although I do have a PhD, I have never taught a class. I am fairly easy to get along with and all I ask is that you respect the collection of insects that I will be bringing in to show you. Are there any questions?"
Sara raised her hand on instinct.
"Yes, Miss Sidle?"
How could he remember her name? "What type of projects will we be required to complete?"
"Well..." he paused for a moment. "I was thinking that perhaps next week we could travel around the campus, collecting insects and identifying them. This week we will mainly be learning about the different insects in this area and about the proper ways of identifying them."
"Thank you, Mr.Grissom."
Sara was still frozen in memory. She had first met the love of her life at an entomology class, it was too weird. She remembered how she had cornered him after class and asked him to tell her more about his work in Vegas.
"It could take a while," he said. "How about we discuss it over coffee. I'm suffering from jet lag and I could use some right about now."
"I'd like that."
There was a small coffee shop on the other side of campus. They walked slowly, talking. She told him that she was here on scholarship and that she wanted to be a scientist. He told her that it was a fascinating field. The coffee shop closed at 10 and it was 9:30 when they arrived. They took their coffee out into the brisk night air, sitting on one of the many benches littering the campus. Their discussion ranged from work to daily life and carried into the early morning hours.
"Oh my god!" Sara said, looking at her watch. "It's 2am."
"You're kidding?" he said, not really surprised.
"No. I have class in 4 hours, I need to get some sleep."
"Let me walk you back to your dorm, it is late after all."
"OK, it's just a few minutes away, though."
"I insist."
They walked in silence, Sara had her arms crossed against the cold.
"Are you cold," he asked, slipping off his brown leather jacket and handing it to her.
"Thank you, I didn't think I would be out this late," she gave him a smile, which he returned.
I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you
Sara entered the CSI lab carrying the shoebox. She wanted Grissom to have some of these memories that they had shared so long ago. She walked into his office, closing the door behind her.
He looked up at her from his paperwork. "You're early," he stated.
"I wanted to give you something." She set the box on his desk.
He tilted his head to the side to read the box. "You're giving me a pair of size 8 heals?"
Sara couldn't help but smile. "No, look inside."
He did as she said, taking the lid off of the box and picking up a picture album that lay on top. He opened it to a page somewhere in the middle and was amazed by what he saw. There was a dried butterfly on one page and a picture on the other. He recognized the butterfly immediately. Actias Luna, the Luna Moth. The green moth had four small eyes looking dots on its back and was gorgeous when it flew.
On the other page there was a picture of him and Sara, taken years ago at Harvard. She was standing under an oak tree, the moth resting in her hand, its wings alert and ready to fly, he was standing beside her, his hand held out beside of hers ready to let the moth walk into his hand.
He merely looked up at her, his mouth slightly ajar, wondering why she had kept this. He looked back down at the book and turned the pages, more pictures of him and her taken during the two weeks he had spent at Harvard, teaching a class. He looked back at the picture with the moth and let his mind drift back in time.
"Here," he said, placing a large jar type object in her hand, letting his hand graze over hers softly.
"What is it?" she asked in an almost whisper.
"It's for keeping butterflies in, Silly."
"Well how was I supposed to know?" she pleaded, smiling at him.
He returned her smile. She was so beautiful when she smiled. He loved everything about her, her smile, her hair, her intelligence, the list was endless. She was constantly smiling when she was around him, constantly making him smile.
His thoughts were interrupted by another student. "Mr.Grissom, what is this one called?"
"Duty calls," he left her to walk to another student. "Mr. Dawson, that is a leaf."
"Oh, it looks life a butterfly."
"Yeah." He left to help the other students, Sara's face in his mind. A moment later he heard her squeal in delight, he hurried toward her.
"Look!" A moth had landed on her shoulder.
He approached her slowly, gently removing the moth from her shoulder and placing it in her hand, his hand beside hers in case the moth decided the move. "It's a Luna Moth," he told her. "They're my favorite."
Other students gathered around Sara's moth, examining it. "I'll place it is the jar for you," he gently swept it into the jar.
"Thanks Mr.Grissom."
"Please," he said softly as the other students wondered off to find their own insects, "call me Gil."
"Okay...Gil."
He smiled. "Would you like to have dinner tonight?" he crossed his fingers behind his back.
"Sure, the coffee shop again?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of the French place just off campus."
"Well, I suppose," she seemed unsure.
"We'd be going as friends," he reassured her. "My treat, I owe my best student something for helping me out so much this first week."
"I'm not your best student," she said.
"Yes, you are. You're the only one who actually listens when I talk and you also take notes."
"It's because I have a problem, I'm obsessed with taking notes. I have a post-it note collection," she said seriously.
He laughed aloud. "I wouldn't be surprised it you did. So, I'll pick you up at 9 if that's okay, I'm sorry about it having to be so late, I have to speak tonight at a seminar."
"It's fine, what should I wear?"
"I'm wearing a suite, if that helps."
"OK, I'll see you at 9."
Grissom came back to reality. "Where did you get all of these?" he asked in a whisper, still looking through the pictures, there were around 20.
"There was a kid in the class who also took photography, he gave these to me after you left."
"Oh." he paused for a moment before continuing. "Why did you bring them here?"
"I thought you might want some of them. I had forgotten about them, I was cleaning out my closet when I found this box full of things."
He laid down the photo album and looked into the box at the other objects. The jewelry box caught his eyes first. He picked it up and opened the lid. Inside was a piece of jewelry he had long ago made himself forget.
Interstates and old songs
Like time they go on and on
I guess I could learn to do the same
I could wake up without you
These two arms not around you
Tell myself it's meant to be this way
No matter how I try I can't change
He was nervous about the date he had asked his student out on. He cursed himself for loving her. Love? Was love what he felt? It didn't matter anyway, he was too old for her, she had her whole life to look forward to, and he had the lab. Was his job enough for him anymore? It would have to be.
He hadn't meant to buy her the necklace, it just sort of happened. Walking through Boston that day, something in the window of the store caught his eye. The silver chain was short, but it was the butterfly charm on it that made him stop. It was not large, but it seemed to be the perfect size. The wings were baby purple while its body was silver. The butterfly was beautiful with small diamonds littering its wings.
He walked into the store and asked to see it. The woman smiled and retrieved it from the window; it was even more beautiful up close. It was expensive, but he wanted her to have it. He knew he shouldn't, she would get the wrong impression about his feelings for her, but then again, maybe he wanted her to. "I'll take it," he told the clerk.
"Would you like it in a box?"
"Yes, a velvet one if you can."
"Sure."
He walked out of the store a little while later, his credit card screaming bloody murder at him. He spoke at the seminar a little while later, more nervous about his date with Sara than presenting in front of 600 people. The ride to her dorm building seemed endless to him, he couldn't wait to be with her again. He hadn't felt this way about anyone in a long time, had he ever felt this way about anyone? Even the new blond on his team didn't make him feel this way. Maybe it was because she was an ex- exotic dancer?
He hurried to her door, not wanting to be late. He knocked three times, trying not to make it sound like he was nervous. A moment later she emerged, dressed in a silken red dress coming to around her knees and showing off a great deal of her chest.
"Is it too much?" she asked, sounding worried.
"Not at all," he reassured her, taking her arm through his and headed slowly down the hall. They walked the short distance to the restaurant, talking about various things. She had let her shoulder length hair curl, her makeup was light, her lips painted red. She wore red sandal heals, not too tall because she was already tall. In her heals she was the same height as him.
The restaurant was beautiful, its walls were a soft yellow, the tables lit with candles. He had made the arrangements so that they wouldn't have to wait. They were seated quickly, he pulled out her chair for her, then took a seat across from her. "Thank you for coming with me tonight."
"I'm happy to be here."
"You look lovely."
She blushed, turning her head to the side, trying to hide a smile. "No I don't."
"Don't underestimate yourself," he reached across the table and took her hand in his. "I have something for you," he pulled the box from his breast pocket inside of his coat before placing it in her hands. "This is a 'thank you' for doing so much this week to help with the class and also for putting up with me talking about my boring job."
"Oh, I find your job fascinating." She opened the box then and gasped. "It's too much," she pleaded.
"No, it's not even half of what I truly owe you."
"But...why?"
"Because...because," IT'S NOW OR NEVER! "Because I care for you Sara."
She sat, her mouth slightly ajar from the shock of what he had told her.
"I-I'm sorry. I should have never said anything," he turned away from her.
"No," he heard her say. "I-I care for you too. I was afraid to tell you because I thought you could never feel the same."
15 years later he still cared for her. He let himself fall in love with her all those years ago, but he wouldn't hurt her again, not the way he had back then. "I didn't think you still had this," he said, holding the box in his hand.
"I didn't either. I wore it the day I came to Vegas, I guess you didn't notice."
"I suppose I was busy." They were silent for a minute. "I'm sorry for how things ended back then."
"So am I. But you know things don't have to be like that, we could try again, it could be different."
"I know, but it couldn't work. We're too different, we work together."
"Gil, we're more alike than you care to think."
She left then, taking the box with all of their memories with her. She headed toward the break room, fighting back the tears. Once there she threw the box into the trashcan. "Screw him! Screw everything that we had, everything he threw away!" she yelled. She fell onto the couch, crying softly, not caring if anyone saw.
I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you
It was Catherine who found her 15 minutes later, still sobbing on the couch. She asked no questions, just sat down and held her. She had never seen Sara this emotional before, was something really wrong? The tears stopped a little while later. Sara sniffled and looked at Catherine. "Thanks."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just...just a hard case, that's all."
"Well, if you're sure..."
"I am, thanks Cath." She dried her eyes and straightened her shirt. "How long until shift starts?"
"About half an hour."
"I'm gonna grab something out of my locker, I'll see you later," she headed toward the locker room.
It just so happened that Greg had decided to make his special brew of coffee that day. He cleaned the old coffee filter out of the coffee maker and was about to throw it away when he noticed the box. Curiosity killed the cat, or Greg for this matter. He reached into the small trashcan and picked out the box before discarding the coffee filter with soggy coffee grounds in it. He opened the box and picked out the photo album.
He found the picture of Grissom hugging Sara on the first page, a picture of them holding hands under a tall oak tree on the second, after a few minutes of flipping he found the moth and the picture of them, it was only on the last page that he realized how serious their relationship was. On the last page there was a picture of Grissom kissing Sara full on the mouth, their arms wrapped around each other. The picture was taken at nightfall, a few people were standing in the background, not paying any attention.
Greg was confused, they both looked younger in these pictures, and they were taken at Harvard, he knew. Was Sara a student there when these pictures were taken? And why was Grissom there, kissing her!
He looked through the rest of the box, looked at the necklace in the blue velvet box, and at the business card that had Grissom's name and information on it, he also managed to find a piece of paper, folder about 4 times tucked in a corner of the shoe box. He unfolded the note slowly, looking around to make sure no one was there.
My Dearest Sara,
It is not an easy task for me, writing this letter to you. My feelings for you are strong, but let us face it; I'm too old for you. You deserve someone your own age, someone who can make you happy, someone who could give you the life you deserve.
These past two weeks have been some of the happiest of my life. I love being with you. I love everything about you, your smile, your intelligence, even the small gab between your teeth. I can only hope that I do not hurt you by saying my goodbye this way; I feel this was the right way of doing it. I hope that perhaps one day you will forgive me for leaving like this but I am needed back in Vegas. Will you came to visit me this summer? I hope you will, I am already missing you.
Sara, oh Sara. I just want to say that I will miss you and that...that I love you.
Always Yours,
Grissom
Greg gawked at the letter he had just read. Had Grissom just said that he loved Sara!
"Hey Greg, any coffee ready?" Nick asked. "What are you reading?"
Greg silently handed him the letter.
Nick read it quickly, having the same look as Greg when he had finished. Warrick walked in and Nick handed him the letter, and then Catherine came.
"Hey boys. What are you all staring at?"
They handed her the letter. "WOW!" she said after reading it. "Where did this come from?"
Everyone stared at Greg. "I found it in this box which was in the trash. Check out these pictures," he passed around the pictures.
"Wait, I think I know where these were taken," Catherine said.
"I know they were taken at Harvard," Greg said mater-of-factly.
"Well duh. No, I mean, when I was a rookie, Grissom went to Harvard for two weeks in the Spring. He went to teach a class and speak at some seminars. When he came back he was really depressed, he never told me what was wrong."
"Well," Nick said. "I figure he and Sara had some sort of love thing and then he left early or something and left her this, but why couldn't he just tell her good bye in person?"
"Yeah," Warrick chimed in. "And why did they never pick it up again?"
"You know," Catherine said, a devilish smile on her face, "we could always...help them."
Sara sat on one of the benches in the locker room. She had been so stupid, back then and now. He didn't love her, he never had. Why had he led her on in Boston? Why had he said that he cared for her when he never had? She wished that she had never met him, it would have been better that way. He had toyed with her heart; she wondered if he had even felt anything for her so many years ago. He had just left one day, leaving her that stupid letter.
The second week of his visit had been even better than the first. They had admitted their feeling for each other and now spent much of their free time together. Sara would meet him at his hotel room and they would order room service and stay awake, him holder her. She loved being in his arms, she felt like everything in the world was right, if only for a moment.
She hadn't told him about her family, she had been afraid to. He hadn't mentioned his family either, they preferred to talk about the present instead of the past. "You know I'm leaving tomorrow?" he asked her.
"I know," she whispered into his neck.
"I'm going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too, I wish I could come with you."
"You could come this summer, you know? I'm sure I could get you an internship or something so we could be together."
"Really?"
"Sure, I don't know if my boss would approve of us showing public displays of affection, but we could work on that," he watched her smile.
"I love being with you," she leaned farther into him.
He wrapped his arms tighter around her skinny form. "I love just having you here."
They stayed like that for a while, Grissom just holding her on his hotel room bed. Today his class had ended. Sara was going to miss it, she was going to miss him more though. She had never been in love before she had met him. She had only dated a handful of guys in her life, most were idiots in collage, but Grissom was different. He was kind, intelligent, caring, and he listened to her, something that no one had ever fully done in her life. Her mother and father were always too busy arguing to pay her much attention.
He was to leave tomorrow evening. She was planning on coming to the airport with him, watching his plane take off. She left his room late, telling him she wanted to walk home alone. He kissed her passionately at the door, his hand traveling the length of her back, his other was in her hair. She wrapped her hands around his neck, urging him to give her more. He pulled away after a moment, though, much to her dislike.
"Good night," he whispered.
"Hey Gris," Catherine said, sitting down on the edge of his desk.
"Hey Cath, what's up?"
"Nothing, just wondering when you're planning to give assignments out?"
"In a few minutes, there are only two so far anyways."
"Would you mind if I worked with Sara, I haven't been on a case with her in a while?"
"No problem."
She was watching how he reacted when she said her name. She noticed that he had stiffened ever so slightly. "OK, thanks." She walked out of his office.
Sara felt bad about trashing the box full of memories. 'Just because he doesn't love you doesn't mean that you still can't love him,' she told herself. She decided that she would retrieve the box, just in case he ever did decide to love her. The break room was empty, everyone was off doing something else. She looked around, just to be sure no one was watching, before she went to the trashcan. She looked inside, the box was gone! The only thing in the can was a used coffee filter.
Tears threaded her eyes again. Why would someone want her box? It was just full of things that were useless to anyone but herself. Sure, the necklace was worth something, but why would someone take the entire box? She decided to ask around.
She found Greg in the lab a few minutes later. "Hey, I accidentally threw something away in the break room, but when I went back to get it, it was gone."
"What was it?" He was busy at a computer.
"Just an old shoe box with a few things in it. Have you seen it?"
"No, but if I see it I'll be sure to give it to you."
"Just don't go through it please. It's kind of personal."
"OK."
Greg was more curious now than ever. Was Sara still in love with Grissom? Greg had always liked her, but most of all he wanted her to be happy, even if that meant losing her to his boss. He knew that Grissom probably had some sort of feelings for Sara, but did he care about her enough to love her. In the letter he had written her 15 years ago he had said that he had loved her. Did he still?
Grissom sat at his desk, his head in his hands. He couldn't believe that she had brought that box full of old memories to him, but even more he couldn't believe that she had kept all of those things. He knew that he had done wrong by her, but why did she have to be so beautiful, so tempting. He had worked too hard to be where he was now, how could he give that all up just for her? But the thing was, he wanted to. His heart, or the part of the brain where love came from, told him that he should take a chance for once in his life, but the reasonable part told him to get over her, she was just a woman.
Growing up, Gil had always told himself that he didn't need anyone else in his life. People couldn't be trusted, the only one you could ever trust was yourself. He never wanted anything to do with other people, he wanted to be by himself. In high school his mother had forced him to attend his senior prom; he had hated it. People danced with each other, drank alcohol they had snuck in, and most even got high. He had refused to let himself get caught up in the music, or even to stare at the pretty girls in their gowns. He had simply sat at a table by himself the entire night, thinking to himself that he was above all of that.
He had allowed himself to love once though, before Sara. Her name was Christy Moore, she was in his English class his freshman year of college. She had beautiful, long blond hair and green eyes. He had asked her out and she agreed. 2 months after they had begun to date, she was killed in a hit and run accident. The police couldn't find out who had done it, so he took over looking for her killer. He used the labs at the collage to run samples, eventually his search led him to some punk drop out who had been high on cocaine when he had hit Christy. He had thought that he had loved her, but when he met Sara, he felt something so powerful that it was impossible to describe. Christy would always hold a special place in his heart, but Sara was the true love of his life.
He remembered the long nights they had spent together, just talking while holding one another; they had been younger back then. He had let himself care for her, something he knew he never should have done. He had been her teacher, someone she looked up to, he was not supposed to fall in love with his student. He had though, fallen in love with her that is.
"So what's the plan, Boss?" Nick asked Catherine after shift that night.
"I'm not sure yet. Anyone have any ideas?"
"Well," Warrick said, taking a swig of the beer in his hand. "I think we need to find a way for them to remember all the good times they had."
"Me too," Nick said.
"Sounds good," Greg said.
They had all gathered at a small bar after shift. They were seated at a table in the back, each nursing a beer or 2. "It looks to me like they were pretty close back then," Nick said.
"They had to have been. We're CSIs, we've all seen the way they look at one another," Catherine stated, taking a long swig from her bottle, finishing it off.
"Remember the case where the woman looked like Sara?" Greg asked.
"Yeah," Warrick said. "I don't think Grissom left that scene for days."
"He didn't," Catherine said. "I had to practically force him to even eat. He was obsessed."
"I don't know if you guys know this, but Brass let this slip after Grissom interrogated that doctor guy who we know killed Debbie." Nick started. "But he said that Grissom just started talking about how he and the guy were so much alike. Middle aged men, alone. Said that a young woman came into their lives, offering them relationships, a happier life. Grissom said that they would have to give up everything to be with them, said he couldn't do it, but the other guy could. Brass said his eyes were like glazed over or something, like Griss wasn't really even there at all. Of course we know he was talking about Sara, who else could it have been?"
"You're right, Nicky," Catherine said.
"Grissom scared to give up his career for Sara. I think, with all the horrible shit we see, that he's afraid that if he gets close to Sara, that he could lose her." Warrick drained the last of the liquid from its bottle.
"I'll get more beers," Greg said. He walked over to the bar.
"I think Griss and Sara are lonely. I mean, think about it. Grissom's went out with women since Sara came here, nothing serious but he's dated. Sara's went out with one guy since she came here."
"Make that two," Nick said.
"Two?"
"Yeah, we went out for a few months a while back."
"What!" Warrick was in shock.
"Yeah, but that was like 2 years ago and it was totally innocent."
"Way to go man, Sara's pretty hott," Warrick slapped Nick's hand.
"Come on guys, cool it," Catherine was a bit upset about how they acted when one of them got a girl.
Greg returned with 4 beers. "Dude, I just got carded," he said happily.
"No way," Nick said.
"Oh yeah."
"You look young, but not that young," Catherine said.
"Come on, I think I look pretty good."
"Did you know that Nick went out with Sara for a while?" Warrick asked.
"No! So everyone gets to go out with her except for me, that is so unfair!"
"Guys! Chill!" Catherine grabbed a beer and took a long swig. "Let's get back to talking about Grissom and Sara, please?"
They all agreed.
"So what's our plan?" Greg asked.
"I don't know yet," Catherine was beginning to get upset.
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you
I already have the next chapter written but I'm not going to post it until I get some reviews and until I get the next chapter written. I've been super busy lately with sports starting up for my school and all. I have really super bad writers block on my story Never To Forget so if you have any ideas, please let me know. Been having computer problems too.
Please please leave a review, it really makes my day after all the crap I put up with at practices. Thanks lots, new chaptr will be up soon, it's based on the sone I Would Have Loned You Anyways by Trisha Yearwood. It's Sara's POV.