What He Was
He was Landon Carter, resident bad boy and all around wise ass.
But she changed him so irrevocably, and after her death, it was like the floor dropped out from beneath him. In the small amount of time they had been given together, she had managed to twist her way inside his heart. With her beautiful eyes and her shy smile and her disconcerting ability to see past his pretenses to what he truly was, she had woven her presence gently into every facet of his life. Enmeshing herself deeply within him without his ever realizing. And now she was gone, leaving behind a torn, gaping, unsealing hole inside of him – one that could never be filled with anything but her. He had changed so much he was barely recognizable as the person he had once been. All because of her.
At first, the depth of his love for her had scared him. Who was he, Landon Carter, to be in love with Jamie Sullivan? But in love he was. Still was, even though she was gone.
Their one magical summer together was the best time of his life. Even if he lived a hundred years, nothing would ever replace it. Her. It was all he would ever have of her, those few months of life, her every movement imprinted on his mind as though with a camera. During that summer he gained something he would never forget – and later, lost something he would never in this life get back.
So now he's putting himself through medical school, and every once in a while when he dozes off, exhausted from pulling all-nighters to pursue the perfection he so desires to earn for her, he could swear she's there. Just a shadow at the edge of his senses, a presence he can feel but not see – but it's enough to make him believe that maybe there is a God.
He's never given up on her, you see. Though it's been four years, and their marriage ended the moment she was pronounced legally dead, he still wears the ring. Because even though she's no longer there, their love goes on. It's like the wind: he can't see it, but he can feel it. He still keeps the vows they made, even though Death has parted them. He will not forget.
He is Landon Carter, resident medical student and husband of Jamie Carter, may God bless her soul.