Yet another story inspired by a song. I had had an idea for a different story when this one woke me up at 5 am! Being the hard-charging fanfic writer that I am, I rolled over and went back to sleep. So, the story punished me by taking it's sweet time to reveal itself. I have no idea where this story came from-perhaps all the research I've been doing to get into the mind of David Rossi is coming back to haunt. Oh to be haunted by David Rossi! I totally wish! I don't own Criminal Minds. Never have, never will. But I do owe a debt of gratitude to Bill Champlin for inspiring this fanfic. Thank you Bill. Love to you and Tamara always!
Come As You Are
Moonlight streamed thru the curtains in the darkened bedroom and cast a silvery glow across David Rossi's face. He had been in bed for a couple of hours, and yet he had been unable to sleep. It wasn't unusual that after a difficult case his mind refused to shut down and relax.
Images he found so easy to block out of his conscious mind always found a way to appear and occupy his dreams. Sometimes he let them come, and other times he gave in to the nightmares. He had learned long ago that the more he tried to prevent it, the more his brain would try to work thru it -with or without him.
But tonight was different -well, not entirely- it didn't have anything to do with profiling criminals, but with profiling his love life. Lost in memories, he let his thoughts drift off to the first and perhaps only time he lost his heart.
Emma. The love of his life. The first girl he had ever loved with his complete heart and soul. The woman he wanted to better his life for, and because of that, made him realize that he had to leave Long Island. In his neighborhood, Dave only had two options: join a life of crime, or join the military. He figured that he had a better chance at succeeding and surviving the military than he did roaming the streets in Commack. At least he could go to college and get a degree. There was no hope of that if he stayed.
One week before Dave was due to be shipped out, he asked Emma to come with him. To his disappointment, she turned him down. The more he pressed her to leave the vaguer she became about why she couldn't. Finally, with nothing left to lose, Dave proposed. He would never forget the look in her eyes as she tearfully turned him down. She told him that as much as she loved him, she couldn't leave Long Island. Everything she knew and loved was in Commack and if Dave really loved her, he would get a job in the city he was born and raised in so they could settle down and raise a family.
He knew what Emma was really saying: She didn't want him to join the military. And that broke Dave's heart. He had seen too much crime in his young life, and he wanted better. He wanted better for himself and his family. Plus, he had always had an itchy foot, and with the Marines, he could have the best of both worlds. He tried to explain that to Emma, but she countered back that the only difference between the Marines and the mob was that one wore a uniform and could legally kill the enemy. Dave tried to argue, but when he realized that he wasn't getting thru, he asked her to at least see him off at the bus station. Unable to meet his eyes, Emma only gave him a slight affirmative nod.
Dave left for boot camp on a bright sunny New York day, accompanied by his parents. He tried to assure his mother that he would come back safe and sound. His father, always reluctant with endearments, patted Dave on the shoulder and nodded in approval. Dave knew how difficult it was for them to let go, but he was an adult now, and he was ready to conquer the world.
As he stepped onto the bus, he saw his mother dab her eyes, so he looked away. Finding a seat near a window, Dave stared out and tried to find Emma in the crowd. Looking down at his watch, he counted down the minutes to departure. Each minute that passed still showed no sign of the girl Dave had hoped would see him off.
Finally, it was time to go. He would never forget the look on his parents' faces as the bus slowly pulled away. Emma had still not shown up. Right then and there he vowed to never go back to Commack-come hell or high water.
Boot camp was a breeze after growing up on Long Island. While in school, he tried to get over Emma's memory first by drinking, and then by getting married.
The first time it happened was because he was too young to know what marriage was. Fresh out of boot camp, and far away from home for the first time in his life, he was homesick and lonely, and upon a chance visit to the military base club, he had met his first wife. She was the daughter of a Navy officer, and Dave was smitten the moment he laid eyes on the petite brunette. A quick courtship and wedding followed right before he was sent out on his first unaccompanied tour.
It hurt to be away from his new bride, but through letters and an occasional phone call, they tried to make it work. Nine months after deploying Dave returned to help his wife set up their first home. But no sooner had they done that, and then he was transferred to Twenty-Nine Palms. Out in the middle of nowhere, and the closest big city over 40 miles away, he promised his wife that they would move off base and find a home closer to Palm Springs so she wouldn't feel so isolated.
But it never happened. Vietnam was still raging and with Dave being in intelligence, he was literally on call all the time. Although he was transferred to the NCISRA, he seemed never to be in the office. Traveling became his way of life as he accompanied investigators to crime scenes or aided in the transport of criminals wanted by the military for any infraction of the UCMJ.
His first affair had been a mistake. He was lonely, and nostalgic, and thinking about his wife, when a buxom blonde sat down beside him in the club. He only wanted to feel a woman's touch again. He figured that the saying: "Whatever happened overseas stays overseas" could be applied to this situation. So he went home with her. She made him feel alive again. And though he spent one night of bliss in her bed, Dave never did catch her name. However, he made sure he was out of the house before dawn. He vowed it would never happen again.
But it did.
He found that he liked sex without strings. And though he was not what anyone could label as a serial adulterer, he was far from the faithful husband he had vowed to be on his wedding day. He reasoned as long as they were willing, really, who was it hurting?
To his surprise, it wasn't an affair that broke up his first marriage, but the deployments and isolated military bases. As he walked thru the door after another long week away from home, Dave was confronted by an angry wife who told him that she could no longer be married to a man who had no problem leaving her at home all the time while he gallivanted all over the world. She missed her friends and family, and was going back home to her parents.
The divorce was a shock. As a Catholic, born and raised, Dave was taught that marriage was forever. Divorce was a sin against God. It took everything he had to listen quietly to his mother and priest counsel him about working it out. But when the divorce papers were sent to him via his commanding officer, Dave knew the only and best thing he could do was sign them and give his wife one good memory of him.
Determined to do better, Dave decided not to re-enlist when the FBI came knocking on his door. All his life he had dreamt of being a G-Man-especially after watching James Cagney portray the ultimate FBI agent who brought down the bad guys. One could say that Hollywood saved David Rossi from a life of crime. As he moved up in rank, he found himself longing for stability. Now in his late twenties, he figured he could give marriage a second try. Hence, marriage number two.
He would like to have thought that he knew more about what it took to make a marriage work and for a long while they were happy. Then it went wrong. Horribly, incredibly wrong. He was never sure what caused the breakdown-he had sworn off other women and tried to be faithful. Always a hard-charger, he had thrown himself into moving up in the FBI ranks and helping develop the Behavioral Analysis Unit and being a good husband.
Consequently, during that time she wanted to start a family. Dave wasn't sure how he felt about kids. He liked them well enough-if they were someone else's, but after all the crimes he had viewed personally or thru pictures, he didn't know if he wanted to bring a child into the world.
His failure to commit led to disagreements, fights, isolationism, and affairs. And ultimately his second divorce. Dave, usually a stickler for protocol, became known as the Lothario of the FBI. Word went around that David Rossi was cocked, loaded, and ready to go at a moment's notice-and not just his gun either.
With the divorce finalized and no ties other than alimony to hold him down, David was free to work himself thru most of the female population at Quantico. There were two things you could guarantee with Agent Rossi: he would always get the bad guy, and if you were a woman, he would lay you in a minute.
However as much energy as he appeared to put into conquests, it was doubly matched by his determination to be the best FBI agent ever. Quickly, he moved up in the department while creating a new way to catch criminals. The awards, the recognitions, and the accolades weren't why he did what he did; he did it because when he caught the bad guy, it made a difference. He did it for the kid in Commack who was afraid to play outside, or hid under his bed when gun fire erupted...and for every other kid in America, too.
Then it happened, an agent's worse nightmare: the one case he couldn't solve. Every agent has one. David did everything he could to solve it. He let it consume him until it was all he breathed. It was at that moment when he realized he was in too deep and it was time to call it quits. So he retired. Leaving everything behind but the memories.
All of the knowledge he gained and learned over the years wasn't going to rest silently, and suddenly he found himself writing his thoughts on paper. Long nights tossing and turning found themselves on sheets of legal pad paper. What started as one legal pad, graduated to a type writer and ultimately his first book. And then a second. By the time he started on the third, his publisher suggested that David buy a computer and come into the 20th century.
It was at a book signing he met his third wife.
Lovely with a contagious laugh, she had him before he had even signed her book. They went out to dinner that night, moved in together the next week, and were married before the year was over. And it was heaven. Or when you compared it to his previous two marriages, this one was as close to heaven as David Rossi was ever going to get.
Heaven doesn't last forever, and eventually his work got in the way. With the first two wives it was the Marines and the FBI. Now it was writing, lectures, and occasional book signings. At the beginning she was okay with arriving late to parties because he was trying to come in under deadline. Nevertheless her patience was stretched thin when lecture schedules interfered with holidays, vacations, and weekends.
But most of all, she was tired of coming in behind his obsession -his one unfinished case. The one thing which constantly haunted him when he wasn't writing. The one thing that kept him awake at night. She tried to talk to him about it, but failed. As a last resort, she gave him an ultimatum. When he didn't bite, she left. Her parting words were that she wasn't surprised that he became an author since he always did seem to have a flair for the dramatic.
For the third time, David Rossi found himself alone. Alone in a house, with his books, art work, and a computer determined to pick up where his wife had left off. So he bought a house in the woods. No wife, no schedule, just him, his gun, his dog, and nature. Life was good. For once.
Then that fateful call.
He had been called out of retirement; he was going back to the FBI. Although he had only been gone a few years, it amazed him how much and fast things had changed. But it wasn't lost on his ego to know that all eyes were on him as he walked the famous halls of the J Edgar Hoover Building. And deep down inside he relished in it.
After his reinstatement meeting with Director Erin Strauss (of whom he was very familiar with), he set about meeting the new team. When he retired, the BAU was still being worked out and compartmentalized to fit in with the regular FBI. Then 9-11 happened, and a war-two wars-followed and the ways of the old FBI no longer applied to a world in chaos. Now every agent had a cell phone, computer, and blackberry. The computer room that had been a couple of montors with Gateway computers hooked up to a printer the size of a VW bug, now was a series of flat screen TVs, computers, and GPS equipment.
It seemed every where he looked, there was another new face. He felt like the old guy at the high school prom. Until he saw Aaron Hotchner-the brilliant prosecutor turned FBI agent was now the BAU Unit Chief. At least it wouldn't be too awkward trying to fit back in.
And then he met her. Emily Prentiss. He saw the way she jumped up from her chair and greeted him. Her hand felt so warm and small in his. The electrical spark he felt at their touch was not lost on his subconscious mind, but he had a job to do. He had been called out of retirement to nail bad guys, not to nail the sexy, raven haired beauty with the killer smile and mile long legs.
He took the old retired cop's advice not to let his long haunting case reach twenty two years. Between cases he threw himself fully into solving it once and for all. But eventually it dawned on him that he was no longer capable of doing it on his own, and reluctantly he let the team in, and together they finally buried the past. No more nightmares. David Rossi could go home with a clear conscience.
Ironically, he found himself growing emotionally attached to the rag tag bunch of profilers who had been only a gleam in their daddy's eye when he was getting the BAU up and running. Now they were the ones in charge and showing the old fart the ropes. David found himself in the role of teacher and student, and he liked it.
Rumours still swirled about his wild past, but with three failed marriages and countless relationships under his belt, David Rossi was quite content to let go of the bachelor label and just stay single. He was satisfied to close cases, write, and hunt something other than bad guys on his days off.
Yet, somehow Emily Prentiss managed to get under his skin. When she stood too close, her perfume would weave itself around him and fill his senses. He was almost tempted to tell her to stop wearing that toilet water concoction while on cases, until that night he got home and hung his jacket up. Lifting the sleeve to his nose, he sniffed. And sniffed again. The third sniff was enough to make him head to the bathroom for a very cold shower.
That kind of reaction only made him determined to know who Emily Prentiss was. Slowly but surely he got the information out of her. And he liked what he heard. He liked it a lot.
When Prentiss and Reid went undercover at the compound, he was dead set against it. But Hotch overrode his objections. It was all he could do to sit and listen to her get beat up and not rush in. However, Prentiss was tough and she managed to walk out in one piece. His respect for her doubled over night.
After that incident, whenever he could, David made sure he was always near her. And one evening he surprised both of them and asked her out. It wasn't what they could call a date, David Rossi's past infidelities and reputation made sure about that, so they deemed it a chat between co-workers.
He forgot the how and why, but after walking Emily back to her apartment, he decided to move in and kiss her. It was light, brief, sweet and left him wanting more. As he pulled away, Emily looked up at him, smiled, and replied, "Nice." Then she unlocked the door and went inside. Alone.
Nevertheless that kiss lead to many more. Some stolen, others freely given-and always willingly. He craved more, but didn't want to push her, even though the strain was nearly killing him. Then one night when David thought he might have to really name a beneficiary for his estate, Emily let him inside in every way that mattered. And for the second time in his life, David Rossi fell in love.
Then the news came that Emma had died. It shouldn't have hurt since they hadn't seen each other in nearly forty years, but his heart wept at what could have been. Never one to be able to express his feelings, he pushed everyone away. Even Emily. She told him that she understood and let him have his space.
Then "The Reaper" struck. With Hotch critically wounded, it was up to David and Morgan to keep the team together and help their friend recover. Somehow they managed to hold it together even though life was falling apart around them.
When it seemed that things couldn't get worse, Hailey was murdered and Hotch had killed Foyet. And the BAU was in complete chaos. The night before the funeral, David went home, turned off the lights and sobbed like he hadn't done since he was ten and his grandfather had passed away.
Seeing what Hotch had lost made David regretful of what he had thrown away in his arrogance. So, he started to woo back the love of his life. The one woman who had never asked questions, or held his failures against him. The woman who managed to embarrass herself even while she was apologizing for embarrassing herself. The woman who had let him in, let him leave to find himself, and then let him back in again. Perhaps because she knew what it was like to have to live up to a standard someone else had set.
The chirp of a bird brought David back from his memories. Rubbing his eyes, he watched as the dawn started to break. A soft noise caught his attention as a warm body snuggled up next to him. Automatically his arm went around her.
"Good morning," Emily greeted her voice still thick with sleep.
"Good morning," David replied and kissed her. Satisfied, Emily broke away and rested her head on his chest. David idly stroked her hair. "Emily."
"Hmm?"
"Thank you." Emily didn't respond. She didn't have to. David closed his eyes and basked in the moment.
Some men get lucky, grab it, and hold on for all it's worth. Some men get lucky and throw it away. It took a while, but Dave finally got his brass ring.
It was definitely worth the wait.
Come As You Are
(by Mark Portman)
Shelter my feelings, stand by my side
You need no alibi.
Show your emotions, give me a sign
Let me know that you're mine.
Be my lover, be my best friend,
Oooo baby, save me when I fail.
'cause I have always loved you; I promise
I'll be true to you, if you…
(Come as you are)
Don't change a thing.
(Here is my heart)
Just walk right in.
(Come as you are)
Don't tell me lies, and I'll be yours
Til do us part.
Now there is a heaven
It's in your eyes;
Where I have no disguise.
Please , please don't mislead me
Rescue my pride
Show me you're really mine.
I want you for me, no questions asked;
Don't need to know 'bout your past.
I will always love you
I promise I'll be true, to you. If you...
(Come as you are)
Don't change a thing
(Here is my heart)
Just walk right in
(Come as you are)
Don't tell me lies
(And I'll be yours)
'Til do us part.
(Come as you are)
Don't change a thing
(Here is my heart)
Just walk right in
(Come as you are)
Don't tell me lies
(And I'll be yours)
'Til do us part.