Garrus clenched his teeth together, standing back from the seating and looking down the path that led to the glade of trees. It was one of the few places unscathed by Sovereign's destruction, though in the distance the dark edges of crumpled walls and debris scattered through the idyllic façade of the Presidium.
Where was she?
His formal attire was stiff, suitably so. A touch on his unarmoured arm drew his eyes down.
"Garrus. I'm glad you're here."
Ashley looked up to him, her eyes heavy with fatigue and haze.
"Of course. I didn't really ask. But… they weren't going to say no." His voice grumbled, almost whispering to match the quiet space. Crew he knew from the Normandy were coming down the white path. There were faces he didn't recognize. They must have known her somehow. The public service wasn't for a while yet.
Ashley nodded, linking her hands together behind her, posture stiff in her formal uniform. Her lapel was decorated with commendations. He recognized the insignia of the Council, the star granted to those who'd been part of the defense of the Citadel. His own sat on a shelf in his new apartment in the wards. The flourish of medals on her uniform was a human curiosity.
"Shep – Shepard said you rejoined C-sec?"
Garrus nodded, eyes turning away from Ashley as he scanned those arriving to pay their respects.
"Yes. It seemed the right thing to do." His mouth was dry. The strength of his grief surprised him. Her death was honourable, and her crew had been faithful of her orders till the end. But thinking he would never see Commander Shepard again…
Clearing his throat, Garrus crossed his arms, swallowing his thoughts as his expression softened. He looked to Ashley.
"How are you holding up, Chief?"
Ashley's shoulders stiffened and she forced a smile, "Doing the best I can. Ask me again after I speak."
Garrus looked back to where she turned. Councillor Anderson and his assistant, Udina, were by the white podium. There was no casket or pod containing her remains. They had never been found. A simple holo of the Commander stood before the podium on a pedestal of its own. She was smiling with youthful exuberance. It tightened his chest.
"You're speaking?"
"Yea… a poem." Ashley's shoulders relaxed, her face down to the data pad she swung forward. "I think she was one of the few people that knew what I was talking about when I quoted Tennyson."
Garrus absently nodded. They'd never spoke much. He imagined if Shepard hadn't died they'd have never spoke again. He still was unaccustomed to the human delight for small talk.
Ashley turned as she saw Dr. Chakwas strolling down the steps with Joker at her side. Looking to Garrus, she nodded and briskly walked over to them. The turian hung back, one of the only non-humans in the quiet glade of trees. It kept his posture rigid, and his eyes swept over the growing crowd.
The discomfort of some of the human crew on the Normandy hadn't escaped him. But more of them had affected his opinions of humanity in good ways. Shepard truly represented the best of them. Garrus wondered where he'd be if she hadn't crossed his path and gotten him caught in her slipstream.
Sighing, Garrus' shoulders sank. The flow of attendees had dwindled, and looking at his omni-tool, noted the service would be starting soon.
Of anyone, he thought the young asari would have been the first one here. How could she miss Shepard's service? Maybe the talk on the ship had been just that – talk. Even if it had been, Liara was on the Normandy during the attack. She had stayed to help the Commander. She should be here.
Noticing he was one of the few people standing anymore, Garrus turned with an awkward step, slinking into a seat beside a familiar environmental suit.
Tali's head snapped his way as the empty seat beside her filled. Her shoulders sunk. She was in no mood for Garrus' odd brand of humour. Hopefully he knew better. She wound her fingers together.
"Figured us aliens better stick together."
"She wouldn't have cared." Tali's head stayed down, bright eyes hidden by the angle.
Garrus shifted uncomfortably. There was a gnawing anger growing where there should be grief. Liara not showing up was making it worse. He needed to stop.
"She'd be glad you came, Tali."
The young quarian's shoulders trembled, and she shook her head silently. Garrus shifted again. Maybe it was better he kept his mouth shut. He was terrible with turian women, let alone any other species. It shouldn't be happening like this. Shepard wouldn't have wanted anything special, her ceremony should have been with the other officers.
Anderson motioned Udina aside, looking over the seated crowd with a blank expression. Udina sat beside the honour guard of soldiers that flanked the holo of the Commander. It was only looking over them that Garrus heard the music playing. He didn't recognize it - of course he wouldn't. He was barely accustomed with human music. He wondered if it was something she liked. If she picked it. Or if it was standard fare at Alliance funerals. The refrain ended, the chord suspended and fading into the quiet of the Presidum.
Looking back at Tali, her head still hung down, Garrus patted her knee. She scarce moved, her hands knotted together in her lap.
The Councillor began to speak, detailing the life of Commander Jade Shepard; born on Mindoir, the tragedy that led to her place in the alliance, and all the lives she had saved on Elysium, of her rise to become the first human Spectre and her success defeating Saren and the geth; of her pivotal role saving the Council and the Citadel. It droned together, the list of achievements didn't make a person.
Garrus' eyes swung to the holographic presence of the council beside the honour guard, the anger inside stewing more. They couldn't even be bothered to show up in person. Despite all she'd done.
Councillor Anderson faltered, laying the data pad on the podium. He had conducted his share of eulogies as an officer in the Alliance, but never in his life had he felt so devastated.
"I can remember the day I first met Shepard. She was in the midst of her N7 training. A polite, but smart-assed young woman. With agility and accuracy like nobody's business." A few of the Normandy crew offered weak smiles as Anderson chuckled. Udina had a hand over his brow. Anderson's gaze kept down in the lingering silence.
"She was the best of any of us. The galaxy is a darker place with her loss. I only hope you never forget what she has done for you, and for all of us. If we forget our defenders... we forget ourselves."
Taking the datapad in silence, Anderson stepped away from the podium, eyes downcast as he walked to the holo of Commander Shepard. He unclipped something from his uniform, laying it down on the pedestal before nodding to Ashley. He turned and sat by Udina.
Standing up, Ashley Williams stepped up to the podium, resting her hands and looking over the dozens gathered before her. She recognized most of them. Almost all of the survivors from the Normandy were there. Looking back down, she swallowed her breath. She wasn't one to show emotion, but her voice shook.
"I didn't know the Commander for long - I think a lot of us could say that. But at the same time, you didn't have to know her long to have your life and view of the galaxy skewed." Ashley laughed nervously, eyes rolling and focusing on some distant tree.
"She made you want to believe - no, she made you believe - in something more then yourself. That you could be grand, that you mattered. That everything mattered."
Beside Garrus, Tali's hands pressed over her mask, curling forward.
"Oh Keelah."
The sound of her sudden sob broke the silence in between the Chief's words, and the crowd of mourners shifted with the acute discomfort it brought. The grief-stricken sound stiffened Garrus' posture, and he awkwardly patted her knee again, looking to her.
"I'm sorry." Tali's stuffy whisper barely reached Garrus, the reddened eyes of those beside them looking at her. On the spot, he let go of her knee, and tightening his jaw, wrapped his arm around the small quarian, sighing out the tension her unkempt emotion wrought.
Ashley's hand shook, and she gripped onto the podium to steady herself, looking down again. She could see the ashen, fallen faces of the doctor and Joker over the edge of the podium, reflecting the boring hole inside her chest. She closed her eyes.
"This is 'The Death of a Soldier' by Wallace Stevens."
Blinking rapidly, Ashley exhaled out to steady herself, fingers tracing over the datapad.
"Life contracts and death is expected, As in a season of autumn. The soldier falls."
Anderson's head dropped down, dry eyes unfocussed on his lap. It was this that brought the cruel reality of Shepard's fate.
"She does not become a three-days personage, Imposing her separation, Calling for pomp." Ashley hesitated, her throat choking, and she pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth to keep the sound away.
Tali crumpled into Garrus, the sound of her weeping clear through her suit. The turian looked up, breathing in deep. The clouds moved across the false sky, wispy traces of serenity. He rolled his head aside, unable to look at Chief Williams. He saw Wrex at the back of the crowd, his arms crossed and expression emotionless.
"Death is absolute and without memorial, As in a season of autumn, When the wind stops," Ashley exhaled out, trembling again, her eyes down to the pad. "When the wind stops and, over the heavens, The clouds go, nevertheless, In their direction."
Dr. Chakwas held her lips against a closed fist, head down and eyes closed. Tali was quiet, leaving only the soft burble of water filtering through.
Walking down the few steps with jerky motions, Ashley stood by the holo of the Commander. She unclipped the Citadel star from her uniform, adding it beside Anderson's medal. She touched the edge of the podium.
"We'll never forget you, skipper."