It's so painful. The fact that everyone leaves me. My people. My companions. Everyone that ever mattered to me is gone.
Rose mattered the most. She was the one that made my eye linger. The one that helped me through the aftermath of the war. The feeling of loss, of pain. And she didn't mean to leave me. She was torn away. And I don't know if she knew. I pushed her away so much. I made the TARDIS send her home but she came back. Then I threw the ring around her neck and watched her vanish. But she returned again. And that meant something.
I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never gonna leave you.
And when she said those words, I knew I was home.
Then there was Jack. He was stronger than Rose. A rock. Something to lean on. He really did help me. One of the first I could trust to leave the Tardis in his care. I knew something was wrong though. He said he was a human time agent and that his memories had been erased. But I had been doing this for a long time and I knew when someone was lying. Rose liked him though, so I let him stay with us, just to make her happy. Over time though I came to think of Jack as a friend and my lingering doubts vanished, being replaced by trust.
See you in hell.
His mouth was laughing but his eyes were serious, deadly.
Next, Martha. She helped me get over Rose. She made me talk. I hadn't even told Rose that much about my home world. I shared secrets with Martha that I hadn't shared with anyone, ever. She also helped just by being there. When I was alone it was hard to be jubilant. I had no reason to be. But when I was with someone their energy livened me. I had never had a boring companion. They were no fun.
Oh my god, you can travel in time.
With those words I was able to push away my sadness and put on my mask. Dark replaced by happy. Because I had no choice.
But the most painful one of all. The one that was the hardest to accept was the one that wasn't even my friend. In fact, he was my sworn enemy. The one that had fought me down the years, in and out of time. He used to be my friend, long ago, when we were children. Before we had taken our names and replaced them. We had laughed at our choices and gone our separate ways. It was only years later, when I had got myself a life on earth that he returned. He was causing trouble. I went to him, expecting a joke but instead I got war. I told no one who he really was. How we were connected. I never thought he would try to kill me.
Stop this. Stop it now. We can leave. We can fight across the constellations if you want. But not here. Not on Earth.
Too late.
When he said that, my human blood boiled. I knew I was trapped. Caught in the fist of a madman. But I never thought he would destroy earth. Kill his own. We were the two outcasts of time lord society, half time lord, half human. I was proud of my blood. But he was ashamed.