Disclaimer: I don't own anything; everything is property of S. Meyer.
AN: one-shot, it starts at the end of the battle, when Bella is going to see Jacob after he's been injured.
Back to Black
"What's the worst part, then?"
"The worst part is knowing what would have been."
"What might have been." I sighed.
"No." Jacob shook his head. "I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us, comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken. . . ." He stared into space for a moment, and I waited. "If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic..."
(Eclipse, excerpt from chapter 26)
Bella was driving her truck to La Push, the silence and the night were accompanying her. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. She was reflecting back to the kiss and what she had later told Edward, that in the end she loved him more.
However, was it possible to love two people who were so different and to love them so deeply? Because now she knew, she had finally admitted to herself that she was in love with Jacob Black too.
It hadn't been a conscious action for her to fall for her best friend, after all, the only love she knew was the one she had with Edward, strong, sudden, tormented and unquestioned. Yes, at the end of the day she never asked herself why she loved her fiancé, she just did.
But what about with Jacob? She had fought his feelings for her at every step, but Jacob had snuck into her heart slowly, day after day. She hadn't asked for it and she probably would have fought harder if she knew the outcome.
The hardest part was that Jacob was easy to love; everything with him was natural and healthy. The kiss that they had exchanged had just been the tip of the iceberg for her, she had known when she had agreed to marry Edward that her heart didn't belong solely to him, and it had been the reason for her delayed acceptance. But what could she do now? She wanted desperately the life that she had seen with Jacob, the kids and him. Because if she really thought it through, it was Jacob she wanted above and beyond anything.
Bella was startled out of her reverie when she saw that Edward was waiting at the treaty line. Why was he there? He had let her go with a kiss and a promise to come back soon. She stopped the truck and went out.
"Edward? Is something wrong?" Her fear had spiked up, was he there because… no, the thought was inconceivable. "Has something happened to Jacob?"
Edward's eyes darkened, but he shook his head. "Not that I know of, he's still alive. I'm here about something else, love."
Her heart stopped beating frantically, Jacob, her Jacob, wasn't dead. "What is it then?" She asked, confused by his sudden appearance.
"I was wondering if you could reconsider going there now, if you could postpone it until tomorrow." He whispered.
Bella was stunned, what was going on? "Why?"
Edward walked to where she was and took her in his arms. "I'm just worried that you're mentally and physically too tired. After a night's sleep your mind and body will feel better. That's all, love."
She gulped and while she still was hugging him back, her heart was throbbing painfully. Edward was lying to her again, it wasn't the first time but she knew that it would be the last. It was true that she loved him, but she had enough of his manipulation. Facing forever with someone who always hid important information about her well-being wasn't something she could face.
Bella shook her head; she couldn't really consider breaking it off with Edward. Not after everything she had done and given up to be with him. She cleared her throat. "Don't worry Edward, I'm okay. I'll just go there and see how he is. I'll be back before you realize that I'm gone."
He sighed and kissed the crown of her hair. "Are you sure, love?"
She nodded; no words were escaping her mouth. She had a lot to think about. He helped her into the truck and bid her goodbye, his eyes were sad and to Bella it looked like it wasn't a –see you soon- but a –I'll never see you again- goodbye.
When she parked the car in front of Jacob's house, his screams were the first thing she noticed and then she saw the pack and Billy waiting outside. She walked slowly to where they were. After a moment Carlisle came out and explained how Jacob was faring, but Bella wanted just to go inside and see him. "Bella, he's asking for you." Carlisle said and Billy nodded his consent.
She slowly walked towards his room, when she opened the door she saw him lying down in his too small bed with his broken side all wrapped up. "Jacob." She whispered.
Jacob opened his dark eyes and she could see he was in pain. He managed a weak smile and with his good hand called her closer. She shuffled her feet, hesitating. Why was she so scared to get closer to him now?
He chuckled. "Bells, I don't bite. At least not at the moment…"
She laughed; leave it to him to break the ice… in more ways than he'll ever know. She sat on the ground near his bed but after a moment she felt herself being lifted and she was lying on his good side in the still too small bed. "Jake!" His name was the only thing she managed to say, she was at a loss because if she was honest with herself she didn't want to be anywhere else.
"Bells!" He mocked her, knowing full well that she wasn't really complaining. "So… how did it go? Was he angry about our kiss?"
She bit her lip, talking about Edward was the last thing on her mind. Jacob's warmth and the feel of security were lulling her into sleep, maybe she was really too tired to be there. A yawn escaped her.
Jacob laughed and pulled her closer, after a moment of hesitation she put her head on his shoulder and her hand over his heart. "Sleep Bells, we'll talk about it tomorrow." He whispered while caressing her hair. Those were the last words she heard before she let herself slip into nothingness.
She woke up with a start, where was she? Opening her eyes she noticed that she was still holding to Jacob like her life depended on it… in a way, it did…
Jacob was snoring softly and she just watched him sleep. Her best friend, the man she had realized meant more to her than she ever thought was a sight to behold. Once, she had told him he was 'sort of beautiful' but at that time she had been clueless about her feelings, now she could see he was very handsome. The blush that spread through her cheeks confirmed that she was starting to have impure thoughts about him; it was definitely time to leave.
While trying to sneak out of bed she almost yelped when she was yanked back on his good side. "And where do you think you're going?" Jacob asked.
She sighed and put her head in the crook of his neck. "I was just…" She didn't know what to say, so she stopped speaking and enjoyed being close to him, his scent and his warmth.
"You know that we need to talk, I won't let you leave without answers." He replied while moving his hand on her back, the movement was causing her stomach to flutter and she knew that her heartbeat had definitely picked up. The thing she hated most was that he knew too.
"He wasn't angry; he knows that I love you but that in the end I'll stay with him." She whispered finally.
"He's good, I've got to hand it to him, and he knows how to play very well." Jacob growled.
She tried halfheartedly to move but when he kept her there she stopped struggling. "It isn't a game for him, he just loves me."
"I love you too, doesn't that count?" The sadness in his voice was unmistakable.
Oh Jacob! If only he knew how much it mattered! "Jake, I came here to check on you but I'm going back to him now."
His hold tightened, but no words came out. She snuggled closer because although technically her words were true she didn't really mean them. Not anymore, not after she chose to stay in Jacob's bed rather than go back to Edward.
She had known that something had changed when she didn't agree to go back with Edward last night when he had asked.
"Is there… is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?" Jacob murmured against her hair.
Her heart was pushing her to say the words that would make him happy and break the heart of her fiancé but they were caught in her throat.
Could she really do it? After all the heartbreak and the pain she had gone through, could she really live without Edward? And what about the Volturi?
She felt Jacob's hand leaving her back and the absence of its warmth hurt more than she ever thought. "It's okay Bells, I understand. I can't really say that the best man won, but if it's him that you really want… I can't do nothing but let you go."
At his words something snapped in her, she pulled her head up and met Jacob's sad eyes. "Jake… I came here to tell you goodbye… but I realized that I love you more, I'm in love with you and I can't really give you up, not now not ever. So I guess… what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry but you're stuck with me."
She couldn't really believe that she had told him that, but his warm kiss confirmed that she had actually chosen Jacob. His hand was pulling her even closer and the tears started to fall, she was crying.
Jacob stopped kissing her. "Bells, why are you crying?" His eyes were so dark and vulnerable.
"I'm happy Jake, but I have to go back to Edward to break off the engagement." Bella whispered.
"Do you want me to go with you?" He asked genuinely concerned with her.
"No, it's something I've to do on my own. I need to do it." She replied, knowing full well that it would break her heart. She checked again if it wasn't just Jacob's presence that had made her change her mind but her heart was finally happy. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
Jacob held her a bit more tightly. "Will you?"
Bella could taste his fear in the way he had asked her, and she knew that she needed to reassure him. "I am. I made my choice and it's you… and it's final." She then looked at him and he smiled softly.
"Okay." He whispered and let her go. "I love you Bells."
Bella walked out of his room wanting nothing but to go right back. She sighed; she needed to speak to Edward before starting her new life as a wolf-girl. While going out she met Billy's serious gaze.
"Are you leaving?" He asked, at her nod, he went on, "For good?" She shook her head and his eyes widened. "You're staying with Jacob?" At her nod, he nodded too. "That's good to hear."
Bella smiled at him and left. The drive until the treaty line was spent debating how she could have chosen Jacob over Edward; now that she had left his side she doubted everything again.
A shadow passed in her peripheral vision and she turned to see a grey wolf running along the road, her heart started to increase its beat again, she was a wolf-girl and the feeling of belonging crashed into her soul and warmed it.
She was losing the Cullens only to get the La Push pack. However if she had to be honest she had already been part of the pack, she had just never known how much it meant until then.
Edward was waiting for her at the treaty line, for a moment she wondered if he had stayed there for the whole night.
He might have, her mind whispered with a tremble. Once she thought that Edward's fussing towards her were sweet and showed her his love, but now it almost scared her. She decided to stop before passing the line.
Bella got out of the car and walked slowly towards him, his eyes were riveted on her and when she was close she saw him wrinkling his nose. She grimaced knowing that she smelled like Jacob, and at the same time she felt warm at the thought that she had his scent all over her.
"Love, why did you stop there?" Edward asked.
"Edward, I…" She gulped once, and then she took a deep breath. "I can't marry you, I want you to know that I love you, but I realized that Jacob… that he means more to me than I thought and for as much as it'll be difficult to live without you… I would find it impossible to live without him."
Edward was watching her seriously, he wasn't giving anything away. "Are you sure love? I know that you're upset and that maybe I pushed you too much with the marriage proposal, we can slow down, there's no hurry."
Bella sighed. "Edward… I love him, I didn't want to love him but it happened. When I left him to save you… it almost tore me apart, because when he asked me to stay for him… I almost did it. And all the time I pushed him away the only thing I wanted was for him to come back to me, to try again… the truth is that he never left me even when I deserved it and I'm sorry to say that it's more than you've ever done for me."
Edward's eyes showed the pain and the hurt that her words had caused, but they were true and she couldn't take them back. "I knew I shouldn't have let you go yesterday night… you disappeared from Alice's visions. She told me that if you stayed you would be a vampire, but if you crossed the line… then you would be lost to me… and I hoped that …" His voice broke and he wasn't able to go on speaking. It was sad to see this strong vampire brought down to his knees by a mere human girl.
"I'm sorry Edward." She knew that it would never be enough but there wasn't anything else she could say. "Please, apologize to your family… tell them that I… that I'll always love them but you all need to leave and never come back… you can't make the Quileutes phase again… please if you love me, do as I say…"
Edward looked at her with desperation written all over his face, but she could do nothing for him; she wasn't going to change her mind. She looked down and when she looked up he was gone.
That was it; she had just let him leave. Her knees gave away but she didn't fall, warms arms were keeping her up.
"It's okay Bella, I got you." Paul whispered gruffly. "Let's get you in the truck and back to Jacob."
Bella nodded, she thought that she was in shock. Paul pulled her in the truck on the passenger's side then he drove until they reached the Black's house. She felt Paul picking her up and taking her into the house, he arrived at Jacob's bedroom and after a moment of hesitation he placed her next to him. "Here, take care of her… I found her at the treaty line… I think she might be in shock… she broke up with the leech and well… I think you should do something Jake."
Bella heard Jacob asking Paul to leave, but she couldn't pull herself out of the breakdown she was having. Yes, she had let Edward go, but he hadn't fought or argued. He had just left her again like she meant nothing; Alice saw her disappearing so what? Couldn't he for once decide that she was worth more than a mere vision? Why didn't he fight?
"Bells." She felt a kiss on her forehead. "Bells." A kiss on her nose. "Bells." A warm kiss on her lips and she blinked. Her vision came back to see a worried still quite broken werewolf. "Are you here?"
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Yes… sorry… I'm here, I'm back." She felt tears starting to fall and he pulled her closer. The heat of his naked chest made her realize that she was with Jacob. "It was awful." She whispered still keeping her eyes closed.
He started caressing her hair. "I'm here for you Bells. I know how much it hurt you, but we'll get through this. I'm here; I'll always be here for you."
She closed her hands around his neck. "I know Jake… and from now on I'll always be here for you too." She opened her eyes then and smiled weakly at him. "I love you."
He grinned. "I love you too. Now what about some food?" His stomach growled hungrily.
Bella watched him for a moment and then burst out laughing.
Leave it Jacob to defuse a possible mental breakdown asking for food. The tears were still streaming down her face, she would probably cry for a long time, but she knew that she had made the right choice. She would stay with her sun, her protector, her best friend, all that she needed was being wrapped up in Jacob Black's love, and she would be forever grateful to that fateful moment when she chose to take the bikes to him.
Once she had told him that she wasn't a car that could be fixed, but he had shrugged his shoulders and grinned at her. Now she knew that she might never be completely normal, but neither was he. They had been through a lot but they had been there for each other, and what had started as a beautiful friendship had developed into a love so deep that not even the fairytale prince could break it apart.
Bella stood up and walked towards the kitchen thinking that even when she was a young kid she never really dreamed about marrying a prince anyway, a knight in furry armour was exactly what she had and she would never ask for more.
THE END