New Girl Spec Script "Zombie" takes place after events in my other script "The Two Foot Rule"
FADE IN
INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – MORNING
Jess wakes up in Nick's bed, under the covers, in her pajamas. She is alone and is surprised she is alone. She hears a sound and looks over at Nick sitting at his desk working at his computer.
JESS
Hey.
NICK
Morning.
JESS
What're you doing up? It's Saturday morning.
NICK
Fixing my novel.
JESS
'Z is for Zombie'?
NICK
What other novel have I written? V is for Vampire? Actually, that's not a bad idea for a sequel.
He takes a pen and writes the title down.
NICK (CONT'D)
So, you inspired me with your pep talk last night about, you know, fixing my spelling mistakes, putting dialogue in quotation marks, you know...really taking it to the next level.
JESS
(smiling)
That's great, Nick. Let me look it over when you're done.
NICK
Well, it might be a while. It's a work in progress.
JESS
I can wait.
She lies back on the bed.
JESS (CONT'D)
Your bed is so comfortable. I don't want to leave.
NICK
I think that bed has a lot to do with my laziness.
JESS
Yes! I can see it now!
SCHMIDT (O.S.)
Nick, come on. Time to go!
He knocks once on the door and then starts to open it. Jess dives under the covers and Nick shoots for the door but he is too late as Schmidt enters the room.
NICK
Stay out, man!
SCHMIDT
What? Entertaining a lady friend?
NICK
(quiet)
Yes! She's still sleeping! Get out!
He pushes him out the door.
INT. LOFT, HALLWAY – MORNING
Schmidt looks in suspicion to Nick's door.
SCHMIDT
Who is that? I thought I saw a mess of black hair. Is it Jess?
NICK
(flustered)
What? Jess? Why would Jess be in my room? In my bed? No, she's in her room. Isn't she?
He and Schmidt look to Jess' room. The door is open, the bed empty and made, as if not slept in at all.
SCHMIDT
No Jess. Bed not even slept in.
NICK
She's a neat person, you know. Makes her bed every morning. Are we playing basketball or not?
Winston comes down the hall with basketball in hand.
WINSTON
We are definitely playing. Come on, get ready. Game time is at 11 AM.
As they talk they move to the living room.
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM - MORNING
NICK
Why so early?
WINSTON
It's the only time Charles is free to do this charity game. He has to go do some interviews later today on another radio show.
SCHMIDT
(scoffing)
More interviews. He just plays semi-pro ball. It's not like he's in the NBA!
WINSTON
He was a hero in high school in LA. Everyone still loves him.
NICK
He was great in college, too. You guys were pretty good in your senior year.
WINSTON
Yeah. Until we lost the final game.
FLASHBACK – INT. BASKETBALL COURT
Winston dribbles down court weaving in and out of players, the crowd going nuts.
ANNOUNCER
Winston Bishop has the ball! His team is down one point! A basket will win it! Just four second left on the clock!
Then he gets blocked by a very tall player.
Charles Robinson is Winston's teammate. He is near the basket, wide open. He is tall and black and very athletic looking.
CHARLES
(very loud)
PASS THE BALL!
OTHER PLAYERS, FANS, COACHES
(screaming)
PASS THE BALL! WINSTON! PASS THE BALL!
Winston takes the shot instead of passing. The ball is tipped by the player guarding him and ends up in Charles' hands. He goes for the shot but the buzzer sounds before he can score.
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – MORNING
WINSTON
If only Charles had scored with that last shot.
SCHMIDT
(confused)
I never saw that game but Nick said you...
Nick quickly shakes his head at Schmidt.
NICK
Had a great game.
(to Winston)
So...What happened to Charles anyway? Thought he'd go pro.
WINSTON
Just didn't work out. He played ten games with the Clippers and that was all she wrote. More than I got.
SCHMIDT
Latvia...the basement level of the minor leagues of b-ball.
WINSTON
(aggressive)
Still dance circles around you!
SCHMIDT
It's on!
NICK
Hey, guys, we're on the same team. And it's for charity. Let's just have fun.
Winston gets this intense look in his eyes.
WINSTON
Fun? I'm not playing for fun Nick! I'm going to beat Charles' team! Are you with me? Are you with me?
SCHMIDT
(excited)
YEAH!
NICK
No.
ROLL CREDITS AND THEME SONG
INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – MORNING
Nick enters the room, starts to pull on sneakers.
NICK
(quiet)
It's safe.
Jess sticks her head up from under the covers.
JESS
We'll have to start locking our doors.
NICK
Yeah. I gotta go do this basketball thing. You coming later?
JESS
(grinning)
Why? Want me to watch you play?
NICK
No. I'm terrible. But it's for charity. And Winston is great and so is his old teammate Charles.
JESS
Maybe I'll come. If I can get out of this bed. Sure you have to play basketball? We can hang here all day and...you know.
NICK
Sounds great but I promised Winston I'd help him out.
Jess looks disappointed for a second but then forces a smile.
JESS
Okay. You working tonight?
NICK
Saturday. Bartenders always work on Saturday. It's in the rule book.
JESS
Then maybe I'll call Cece and do something with her tonight.
NICK
Okay.
JESS
(frowning)
You don't mind?
NICK
No. I'm working. Why should I mind?
JESS
So...I can go get drunk and wild and dance naked on a bar and drag some boy toy home to my bed?
NICK
Sure. Just so you know I will kick his ass soon as I get home.
Jess laughs. Nick bends down and gives her a kiss. She tries to pull him down to the bed and he seems willing but then Winston yells.
WINSTON (O.S.)
Come on, Nick!
Nick gives her one more kiss and then he starts to head out. Jess dives under the covers once more as he leaves.
EXT. PARKING LOT, NEAR OUTDOOR BASKETBALL COURT – DAY
The guys are walking from Schmidt's car toward an outdoor basketball court. There are some stands with many people there, waiting to watch the game. There is also a big sign that says "LA ANIMAL SHELTER CHARITY SPORTS DAY".
SCHMIDT
You left a strange girl in our loft, alone? What if she's a criminal?
WINSTON
What girl?
NICK
Some girl I met at the bar last night. No big deal.
WINSTON
Really? No big deal? Does Jess know?
Nick freaks out and mouths 'shut up' to him. Winston catches on as Schmidt looks in suspicion to Nick and Nick puts on a straight face again.
SCHMIDT
Why should Jess care who you sleep with? It's not like you two are dating or anything. Is it?
WINSTON AND NICK
No. Not at all.
WINSTON
Come on. Let's get into our game mood.
(loud)
Who's going to win?
SCHMIDT
(enthusiastic)
WE'RE GOING TO WIN!
Nick sees three very tall men approaching, two black, one white. One of them is Charles Robinson.
NICK
We're not going to win.
Winston turns around, breaks into a grin, approaches Charles
WINSTON
My man, Charles!
They clasp hands.
CHARLES
Little Winston Bishop! Hey man, thanks for coming out with your...team?
He's looking at Schmidt and Nick in puzzlement.
CHARLES (CONT'D)
Who are these guys?
Schmidt takes offense.
SCHMIDT
The guys who are going to put an ass whooping on you!
CHARLES
Damn, Bishop, I told you to find two guys who can play ball. Guys who at least played ball in college.
WINSTON
They can play...some.
Charles shakes his head.
CHARLES
Maybe we should mix up the teams...to make it fair, give the fans a real show.
NICK
Sounds cool. It's for charity after all. Can I sit on the bench?
WINSTON
(intense)
Not a chance. This is my team! Let's get it on!
CHARLES
Still gotta do everything your way, huh, Bishop?
WINSTON
That's right! Get your ass on the court.
Charles shakes his head, laughing a bit.
CHARLES
Still bringing the intensity. Come on then, show us what you got. If you still got it.
WINSTON
Oh, I got it!
Charles and his two teammates head out to the court. The fans cheer wildly.
WINSTON (CONT'D)
Now listen. There is only one way we can win. This is three on three basketball so there is a lot more room out there. They may be tall but I know I'm faster than them. Just get me the ball and let me do all the scoring.
NICK
Okay.
SCHMIDT
(angry)
We'll do it your way, Ball Hog Bishop. But if Cece shows up, you better pass me the ball so I can show her my killer hoop moves!
They head out on the court.
INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – DAY
Jess is sitting at Nick's desk, looking at his computer, reading his novel. She is still in pajamas and has a cup of tea in hand.
JESS
(to herself)
This story is so terrible. He should really take my class. For real this time, not as Pepperwood.
Just then she hears the front door open. She panic jumps out of the chair and runs for the door.
CECE (O.S.)
Jess!
INT. LOFT, HALLWAY – DAY
Cece and Jess meet by Nick's room doorway.
CECE
You guys have got to start locking the front door.
JESS
Yeah. I know. Burglars.
CECE
Are we going to the...game?
Cece looks at her oddly.
CECE (CONT'D)
Hanging out in Nick's room today? In your pajamas?
JESS
What? No, just...he left his novel open on his computer so I was reading it.
CECE
Schmidt told me it was terrible.
JESS
The worst. You have no idea.
She moves to the living room and Cece follows.
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY
They sit on the sofa as they talk.
JESS
I'm trying to help him fix it. You know, some advice from a teacher. Someone who knows grammar...and how to spell. It'd be really good if he could somehow publish it. Someday.
CECE
Why not today?
JESS
What?
CECE
Self-publish it as an e-book. It's so easy. Everyone's doing it.
JESS
You know someone who did it?
CECE
Nadia. She got one of her 'boyfriends' to write it up. Called it 'Russian Model's Adventures in LA'. Put a sexy pic on the cover and uploaded it. That thing has sold almost 500 copies in three weeks.
JESS
No way!
CECE
Yeah, but I bet it's all pervs who think it's an erotic tale.
JESS
Knowing Nadia it probably is.
CECE
True. Come on, let's do this. He'll be really surprised.
JESS
Maybe not. Nick is the kind of guy who's not really into surprises.
FLASHBACK - INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
A bunch of people are waiting by the door, including Schmidt, Cece and Winston. They wear party hats and a sign over the door that says "Happy Birthday Nick!". The door opens and Nick and Jess come in. Everyone jumps and yells. Party streamers pop.
EVERYONE
SURPRISE!
SCHMIDT
Happy birthday!
Nick's eyes go wide and he faints. Jess bends to him, distraught.
JESS
Nick! Nick! Someone call 911!
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jess and Cece sit on the sofa.
CECE
Yeah, I forgot about that. Okay, so no surprises.
(beat)
So...why all the interest in helping Nick anyway? What happened after your date in the restaurant?
JESS
(flustered)
Nothing.
CECE
(shock)
Oh, my God! You slept with him!
JESS
No!
CECE
Come on, Jess, tell me!
Jess is very flustered now.
JESS
No! He...oh, man...he...yeah. He just kissed me and then he picked me up in his arms and carried me to my bed and I felt like a frickin' Disney princess and he was my Prince Charming.
CECE
(surprised)
Nick did this?
JESS
Yeah.
CECE
Nick Miller?
JESS
YES! Do you want me to tell you what happened or not?
CECE
Tell me it all.
JESS
You can't tell Schmidt! He still thinks nothing is going on and Nick wants to keep it that way.
CECE
No, of course not. So...how was it?
JESS
(sighs)
Amazing.
CECE
So he's really good?
JESS
Yes...I mean. Yeah. I...don't know. I mean...he's not...no, I shouldn't compare him.
CECE
To who? Sam?
JESS
I didn't say that! No...with Sam it was all...physical...and fantastic...but...with Nick...I feel more of a connection...you know what I mean?
CECE
(sighing)
God, yes. I miss that so much.
JESS
He just holds me and looks in my eyes...and I just melt.
CECE
Stop. You're killing me.
JESS
So. You and Shiv. Nothing going on below the belt yet?
CECE
(exasperated)
Of course not. We are being a proper Indian couple who don't love each other and are planning to get married and start a family. After we get married.
JESS
No love yet? Even after all that happened at the Tinfinity party?
CECE
That was sweet. But...love...oh God. Jess. I think...I...the look on Schmidt's face when Shivrang proposed. And I said yes! He looked...I never knew how much he cared for me. He talks and talks, like he always does. But that look...I knew it then. He does love me.
JESS
And I think you love Schmidt, too.
Cece looks about to protest this but then her body just sags and she closes her eyes and falls back on the sofa.
CECE
God, Jess. What am I going to do?
JESS
I don't know. I'd tell you to marry the man you love but...it's complicated.
CECE
Too complicated.
JESS
Yeah. Sometimes I wish we were fourteen again and no boys even looked at us.
CECE
Really?
JESS
No. Fourteen was hell.
(beat)
Come on. Let's go to the game.
CECE
Schmidt will be there.
JESS
You can't avoid him forever. Maybe it's time you just...confronted him. Tell him you're getting married, for real, that you are going through with it no matter what. Maybe he will be a gentleman and wish you happiness.
CECE
(surprised)
This is Schmidt we're talking about, right?
EXT. BASKETBALL COURT – DAY
The game is in progress. Nick has the ball and passes to Winston. Nick looks beat, is flagging. Schmidt runs by him.
SCHMIDT
Come on!
Nick sucks wind and moves up court. Suddenly he is wide open under the basket. He looks to Winston who still has the ball, trying to be fancy. He is guarded by Charles.
SCHMIDT (CONT'D)
Nick is open!
NICK
Pass the ball!
SCHMIDT
Pass the ball!
CHARLES
Still can't pass the ball, huh? You never were a team player, Bishop!
WINSTON
Oh yeah?
And then he passes the ball...just as Jess and Cece show up.
JESS
Hey, Nick!
Nick turns and smiles and waves to them. Meanwhile the ball is coming for him.
SCHMIDT
NICK!
WINSTON
OH DAMN!
Nick turns back and...SMACK! Ball to the face. Down he goes.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY
Nick lies on a gurney in the hallway, his eyes black, his nose big and red, his eyes very unfocused, awake but not in the best of shape. Jess, Schmidt, Winston and Cece are at the reception desk nearby, talking to a nurse.
NURSE
Your friend is fine, the doctor looked him over. He might need an X-ray or an MRI, just as a precaution, make sure his brain is fine. He will definitely have a headache and two black eyes.
JESS
(worried)
Oh, God.
As the nurse's desk phone rings and she answers it Jess turns on Winston and smacks his arm.
JESS (CONT'D)
This is all your fault!
WINSTON
What? Me? I didn't tell him to turn. You yelled his name! It's your fault!
SCHMIDT
The one time you pass the ball all game and look what happens! Nick is a delicate flower! And you damaged him!
WINSTON
That's what comes from passing the ball! Someone gets hurt!
JESS
He never should have been there in the first place. If only he had listened to me and stayed home! We could still be...
SCHMIDT
Still what? What, Jess? You and Nick...still in bed, perhaps? That was you!
JESS
(flustered)
What? No...you...you should have stopped him! You're his best friend! You know how terrible shape he is in!
CECE
Come on, it's no one's fault, Jess. It's just one of these things that happen. He'll be all right.
They all turn to look at Nick and...he's gone.
JESS
Nick?
EXT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT – DAY
Nick is walking all discombobulated. His left foot is dragging behind and he is stoop shouldered. He has two black eyes and a large nose and his eyes are unfocused. He looks like a...zombie!
NICK
No...MRI...no money...brain OK. Brains...brains...
A woman sees him.
WOMAN
Are you all right, sir?
NICK
BRAINS!
The woman screams and runs away.
NICK (CONT'D)
BRAINS!
And then he walks on and is soon going down the street. As he walks in his zombie like way, he screams 'BRAINS' and people run away from him.
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The door opens and Jess, Schmidt, Cece, and Winston come in.
JESS
Nick!
She runs to his room and then comes back. Her face is fallen.
JESS (CONT'D)
No Nick.
WINSTON
He's not answering his phone, he's not in the bar, not here, not...well...where else would he be?
JESS
(miserable)
Nowhere.
Cece gives her a hug.
CECE
We'll find him.
SCHMIDT
That's it. I am calling the police.
He takes out his cell phone, hits numbers.
SCHMIDT (CONT'D)
Yes. I want to report a missing person...Nick Miller...Caucasian, with a little bit of Native American thrown in...about 5'9"...185 pounds...
JESS
He is not 185!
SCHMIDT
Sorry...180...31...short brown hair...messy, kind of like a bird's nest. He never uses product. Brown eyes...someone once described them as poo eyes. Broken nose...actually he's had that for awhile now. Most likely two black eyes as well. He had an accident and left the hospital unsupervised...What? Are you sure? Okay, thanks.
JESS
What did they say?
SCHMIDT
He's in jail.
INT. JAIL CELL
Nick sits on a bench, still all zombie like. Other prisoners are huddled in the far corner, away from him, fear in their eyes.
NICK
(mumble)
I just...brains...you know...brains are good.
CELLMATE
(fearful)
It's all good man...brains, arms, legs...
Other prisoners freak out and tell him to shut up. One small guy gets up and yells out the bars.
SMALL CELLMATE
HEY! Get me outta here! I'll plead guilty! Just get me the hell out of here!
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
The gang is next to a counter talking to a police sergeant.
SERGEANT
Nick Miller? Oh yeah, the zombie. Got his name out of him. That's it.
WINSTON
What?
JESS
Zombie?
SCHMIDT
I knew he would be mistaken for the undead one day.
CECE
Can he go free?
SERGEANT
Nope. Holding him for 24 hours for a psyche evaluation.
JESS
Why? He's not crazy! He's not a zombie!
SERGEANT
Lady, he chased an old woman in the park and kept screaming he wanted to eat her brains.
Jess smacks Winston.
JESS
This is all your fault! Do something!
WINSTON
All right!
(to sergeant)
He's not a zombie. He just got hit in the head with a basketball and he's a little mixed up right now. It's all my fault so...can't he be released to us? We'll take care of him.
SERGEANT
Are you family?
JESS
That's an interesting question. We are roommates actually, so we are kind of like his family...if you know what I mean.
SERGEANT
No, sorry, can't release him to his roommates. Family only. Or if one of you ladies was his wife or fiancée, maybe.
CECE
(points to Jess)
She's his fiancée.
JESS
What? Ah, yes..we are getting married in the spring. Big wedding...you're invited...if you let him go. Know what I mean? Open bar and all.
She winks at him.
SCHMIDT
Yes...a spring wedding. The theme is love is blossoming all over.
Sergeant eyes them all, sighs.
SERGEANT
Okay. The medic checked him out and says there is no permanent damage. But he needs to be at his court hearing next week to face the charges. Disturbing the peace. You need to pay his bail and fill out this form.
Jess starts to fill out the form. Schmidt takes out his wallet and pulls out a credit card. The sergeant shakes his head.
SERGEANT (CONT'D)
Cash only. 500 dollars total.
Schmidt rolls his eyes and starts pulling out bills as the others look wide eyed at him.
SCHMIDT
What?
WINSTON
Nothing. It's all good.
SCHMIDT
The Bank of Schmidt is always open.
Jess starts getting out money from her purse, as does Cece.
JESS
We can't let you pay it all.
SCHMIDT
No. Put away your money. You'll never let him pay you back. Not me. This time Nick is going to pay his own debts.
WINSTON
It's bail, stupid. You get most of it back when he shows up for the hearing.
SCHMIDT
Well, excuse me, Mr. Criminal. I'm not so experienced in such matters. Apparently you are.
WINSTON
Is this a black thing? Cause if it is, this home boy is going to whoop your cracker ass good!
Winston bitch slaps Schmidt and then they get into a bitch slap fight and fall to the floor. Jess looks at the Sergeant.
JESS
You can have these two as well. But keep them. For a long time. A long time.
She winks at him.
JESS (CONT'D)
Know what I mean?
INT. POLICE STATION LOBBY – NIGHT
The gang is sitting around waiting. Schmidt is sitting next to Cece.
SCHMIDT
What's taking so frickin' long?
She puts a hand on his arm.
CECE
Relax.
He looks at her hand.
SCHMIDT
The hand of a goddess. The forbidden fruit I can never have.
CECE
(sighing)
You've had it plenty of times.
SCHMIDT
Once you're married to Shev...Chevy...what's his name...
CECE
Shivrang.
SCHMIDT
Whatever...once you say those words, the Schmidt is off the table. No more will you eat at this fine buffet.
CECE
Schmidt...we need to talk. About us.
SCHMIDT
Us? What us? I gave you my heart and you and your Indian boy toy ripped it open by stealing my tender moment I was supposed to have with Nick.
CECE
Are you serious? Look...
But just then Nick is led into the lobby by an officer.
JESS
Nick! Thank God! Are you all right?
Nick is still walking funny and talks oddly.
NICK
Jess...can you see my brains?
JESS
No...no brains.
NICK
Good. Brains...no...good.
Schmidt and Winston take Nick under the arms.
WINSTON
Come on buddy. Time to go home.
NICK
(mumbling)
I love you guys. Especially you, Jess. I love you...all of you.
Jess looks shocked and so does Cece.
SCHMIDT
(to Nick)
Come on. Car is just outside.
They carry him out. Cece and Jess look at each other.
JESS
Did he just say what I think he said?
CECE
He's not himself.
JESS
Yeah...I suppose so.
She looks and sounds a little disappointed. Cece wraps her arm around Jess' shoulders.
CECE
Come on. Let's get your zombie home.
INT. LOFT, KITCHEN – MORNING
Schmidt is eating breakfast, Jess is at the stove cooking scrambled eggs.
SCHMIDT
Cooking breakfast for your boyfriend?
JESS
He's not my boyfriend and he's hurt, so yeah, I'm cooking for him.
SCHMIDT
Why the charade, Jess? Why can't you and Nick just come clean? He told you he loved you yesterday.
JESS
That...that was for all of us. And he was not himself.
SCHMIDT
Deny it all you want. What a man says when he is near death is what he means.
JESS
He wasn't near death. He was just...undead. And there's nothing to come clean about. We are still just friends.
SCHMIDT
Fine. Whatever.
Winston enters the kitchen wrapped in lots of toilet paper.
WINSTON
Don't say a word.
JESS
Toilet training not going well?
WINSTON
It's going. I mean he's going...but the paper part he didn't get at first. Now he understands...I hope. Damn zombie!
JESS
Don't call him that!
WINSTON
I can't do this anymore!
JESS
You hit him!
WINSTON
(sighs)
Yeah, I know.
There is the muffled sound of a phone ringing. Schmidt shrugs 'not me', Jess does the same and then looks to Winston.
JESS
It's coming from Winston.
Winston struggles to unwrap the toilet paper to find his phone. Jess and Schmidt help him rip away the paper. Finally he gets his phone out of his pocket.
WINSTON
Hello?...yes, this is Winston Bishop...Hi...sure...That sounds great!...Thanks...I'll be there!
He hangs up.
WINSTON
(looks up)
Thank you Lord!
SCHMIDT
Daisy back in town?
WINSTON
What? No. That was the coach for Charles' semi-pro team. He saw me play yesterday. Said I was great...seeing as I had limited help. They want to give me a try out next week!
JESS
That's great! Congrats!
(sings)
Back in the b-ball world!
SCHMIDT
(scoffing)
Limited help! You wouldn't let us help you! Just remember to pass the ball.
Winston suddenly has fear in his eyes.
WINSTON
Yeah...pass the ball.
FLASHBACK – EXT. BASKTEBALL COURT - DAY
Nick's accident from Winston's POV.
SCHMIDT
Pass the ball!
JESS
Hey Nick!
Nick's head turns just as Winston passes the ball and then he gets it in the face.
INT. LOFT, KITCHEN – DAY
WINSTON
NOOO!
Jess and Schmidt stare at him.
JESS
You Okay?
WINSTON
(cool)
Yeah. Me. Yeah. Cool as ever. I got a try out!
INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – DAY
Jess sits at Nick's computer, working on his zombie story. Cece comes in and flops on Nick's bed.
CECE
Where's Nick?
JESS
Schmidt dragged him to the hospital for a check up. But he's fine.
CECE
No more zombie?
JESS
Nope. He can now feed and clean himself once more.
Cece stretches out on Nick's bed like a cat.
CECE
My God. You're right. It is comfortable. What are you doing?
JESS
Nick's had a rough time. I thought I'd do something nice for him. I'm putting his book on this website.
CECE
He hates surprises.
JESS
I don't care. Life is all just one big surprise anyway. It's time the world gets to read 'Z is for Zombie'.
CECE
Okay.
(beat)
Jess...I tried to talk to Schmidt about it and couldn't.
JESS
I know. I heard. At the police station. What are you going to do?
CECE
(sighs)
Get married to a man I don't love.
JESS
I'm sorry.
Cece sits on the corner of the bed near Jess.
CECE
Well, at least you're with a man you want.
JESS
It's so crazy. It's just...Nick? Go figure.
CECE
Still wish you were fourteen again?
JESS
No way!
They laugh a bit and Cece's face falls and she is sad but Jess doesn't see it as she is looking at the computer screen.
JESS (CONT'D)
Hmmm...should I just send it out as is or maybe, I don't know, try to fix it more.
CECE
No, don't fix it too much. He'll get mad. Just..the basics. Spelling, some grammar...you know.
JESS
Okay. Then it's ready.
CECE
You need a picture for the cover. Something...zombie like.
JESS
I know! From when I worked in the haunted house.
She runs out and comes back in a hurry with a camera in hand. She connects it to the computer and uploads a picture of her as Zombie Woody Allen.
JESS (CONT'D)
Okay...set...and...hmmm...better use Nick's e-mail address for replies from the publisher since it is his story. Wait. What's this?
Cece leans in to look.
CECE
You have to set up an account so he can get paid if anyone buys the book.
JESS
(shrugs)
Okay. But no one will buy this thing. It's awful.
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY
Title card – THREE DAYS LATER
Nick and Jess sit while Nick works at his computer. Nick looks much better and is no longer a zombie.
JESS
Are you sure you're all better?
NICK
Yes! You don't have to take care of me anymore.
JESS
But I want to.
NICK
I'm fine, Jess. No more zombie. In fact, I hate zombies. I'll never watch a zombie movie again or...I know...I'm going to delete 'Z is for Zombie'. I'm starting fresh.
Jess is wide-eyed in surprise as Nick looks back to his computer.
JESS
But...but...you worked so hard on it.
NICK
No, it must be done. I didn't realize how horrible the life of a zombie is. I won't exploit them anymore!
JESS
Nick...zombies aren't real.
NICK
Tell that to them!
(beat)
But first I haven't checked my e-mail in days.
Looks in surprise at the computer.
NICK (CONT'D)
What the...60 e-mails...almost all them are saying "Purchase Notification" from a website called "Pub It". What's that...a pub's website?
JESS
(excited)
No, Nick. It's a publisher of e-books. It's your book! People are buying it! When you were hurt I thought it would be a nice surprise to publish your book as an e-book.
NICK
Surprise! You know I hate surprises, Jess.
JESS
I just wanted to do something nice for you, Miller! Can't you understand how I felt when you got hurt!
His look softens.
NICK
No, tell me, how did you feel?
JESS
Terrible...scared...worried...angry...at Winston, not you...relieved when we found you...shocked when you...no...nevermind.
NICK
What? Shocked when I what?
JESS
Nevermind!
Schmidt and Winston come in the front door, both in sweats and Winston has a basketball. They look like they were just playing.
NICK
Hey, guys. What did I do to shock Jess when I was a zombie?
WINSTON
Tried to eat her brains? I don't know.
SCHMIDT
I know. You told us you loved us all, especially Jess. You actually said "I love you." It was clear you meant it for Jess.
Jess is embarrassed and angry.
JESS
SCHMIDT!
NICK
I said that?
JESS
You don't remember?
NICK
No.
Jess is angry and just gets up and storms to her room.
WINSTON
Schmidt! Why do you always have to open your big mouth?
SCHMIDT
It's a test! To see if there is something going on between them. Now if Nick follows her, I'll know there is.
Nick has started to stand up but sits down quickly.
NICK
No, nothing going on...nothing.
Schmidt is eyeballing him
SCHMIDT
Come on Nick. I know you want to run after her. Tell her how you feel. Come on...you can't stand it...you have to go to her...
NICK
DAMN IT!
He gets up and runs to Jess' room.
SCHMIDT
I knew it! Damn. Loft dynamic is ruined again!
WINSTON
Great. You're a genius. You finally figured out Jess and Nick have feelings for each other. Congratulations.
He claps sarcastically with the basketball under his arm.
SCHMIDT
You know what we have to do now? We have to stop them again.
Winston brandishes the basketball.
WINSTON
How would you like to become a zombie? I've got the power!
INT. LOFT, JESS' ROOM – DAY
Nick comes in. Jess is lying on her bed, face in her pillow.
NICK
(soft)
Jess?
JESS
(muffled)
Go away!
NICK
No.
He sits on her bed.
NICK (CONT'D)
I'm sorry I said that.
She turns over and glares at him.
JESS
(angry)
Why, Miller? Because you didn't mean it?
NICK
No, because I didn't want to say it like that...when I was a zombie, when I couldn't remember it. I wanted it to be special, a thing we could both remember as...you know...a time...when something nice, something great happened between us.
JESS
(misty eyed)
You mean you meant it? That you wanted to say it?
NICK
Yes.
JESS
Then say it.
NICK
Now?
JESS
Yes. Say it Nick. Tell me how you really feel about me.
NICK
Jess...you make me smile in the morning, you make me happy all day, you make me better when I am a zombie...
Jess laughs.
NICK (CONT'D)
...you make me want to be a better man. How could I not feel this way for you? I love you.
She lets out a little cry and leaps at him. They kiss and hug and Jess holds him tight and whispers in his ear.
JESS
(whisper)
I love you, too.
WINSTON (O.S.)
Yeah!
He's in the doorway and he's crying. Schmidt is standing beside him, misty-eyed.
WINSTON (CONT'D)
That was so damn beautiful.
SCHMIDT
(sniffing)
It was...no, sorry. I can't.
He tears up and leaves.
WINSTON
He'll be all right.
Winston leaves as well.
NICK
So much for privacy.
JESS
I don't care. Come here my zombie.
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The gang is all sitting on the sofa and staring at several different laptop computer screens.
JESS
Listen to this review. "Z is for Zombie - So bad it's good."
NICK
Here's another one. "The worst novel - ever. I laughed, I cried, I was zombified!" Zombified! I love it!
WINSTON
"Z is for Zombie is the new cult e-book. A must buy." Who are these people buying it?
SCHMIDT
Suckers, that's who. Here's a good one. "Nick Miller is the worst writer in the world...so why is everyone buying his book? Because they can't stop laughing at it." That was from Time Magazine. Unbelievable.
CECE
Speaking of unbelievable, look at the sales!
NICK
Now the money is rolling in!
Schmidt holds out his hand
SCHMIDT
You owe me...big time.
WINSTON
I think I'm owed some cash as well. All the times I covered for you here and there over the years.
NICK
What? Are you guys kidding me? After all the things I've done for you and the loft. All the times I repaired the plumbing. Yeah...I think plumbers get what, fifty bucks an hour?
SCHMIDT
Then just let me hire a real plumber so we can fix it all properly!
Nick stands up and Schmidt does too.
NICK
Are you saying my plumbing skills suck?
SCHMIDT
I've been saying that for years!
Nick bitch slaps him, Schmidt returns it and then they fall to the floor. Jess looks at Cece and they both roll their eyes.
CECE
What happened to us? Why are we here?
JESS
We're not fourteen anymore.
INT. BASKETBALL COURT
Winston is on the court with Charles and a bunch of other players, taking turns shooting hoops. Nearby are several men in track suits, the coaches.
COACH
Okay, guys. Warm up is over. Let's play!
They form two teams and the ball is tipped off by Charles and another player. It lands in Winston's hands and he dribbles up court, but is hemmed in by two players.
CHARLES
Pass the ball!
ANOTHER PLAYER
Pass the ball!
Winston freezes. His eyes go wide.
FLASHBACK - NICK'S ACCIDENT
SCHMIDT
Pass the ball!
Nick gets the ball in the face, in slo-mo. He falls. Then Nick gets up and he is a zombie! He starts to come after Winston.
NICK
BRAINS! I want to eat your brains!
INT. BASKETBALL COURT
Winston loses it.
WINSTON
(yells)
Get away from me all you zombies!
He drops the ball and screams like a little girl and runs from the court with everyone staring at him in disbelief.
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Schmidt and Jess sit on the sofa looking at the TV, Jess with tea cup in hand. She keeps glancing over at Schmidt, as if she wants to say something to him.
JESS
So...me and Nick. Something, huh?
SCHMIDT
You know, I'm happy for you guys. Truly. At least someone is happy around here.
JESS
You have to let her go.
SCHMIDT
I can't. Could you if the same thing happened to you and Nick?
JESS
No.
SCHMIDT
That's what love means. But know this Jessica Day. If you ever break his fragile heart, you'll have me to answer to!
JESS
Got it. No heart breaking.
She looks at the TV.
JESS
Oh! He's on! Turn it up!
INT. TV STUDIO
A local LA TV station. Nick is dressed casual as usual, being interviewed by a woman host.
INTERVIEWER
Karen Murphy here in our LA studios with Nick Miller, author of the runaway success e-book "Z is for Zombie". Nick, tell us what inspired you to write "Z is for Zombie".
NICK
It just came to me, Karen. I don't know how. It was just there.
INTERVIEWER
Some reviewers are calling it a bad version of "Twilight", and that you ripped off the whole plot.
NICK
(mad)
It's not the same thing, Karen! That was vampires. This is zombies. Read the title, Karen!
INTERVIEWER
Okay. I guess you have a point. So...can you tell us about your arrest just before the book was published?
NICK
(calm)
Well, Karen, for a brief time I was actually a zombie myself.
INTERVIEWER
What?
INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jess and Schmidt are still watching the program on TV.
JESS
(worried)
Oh, no. He's lost it.
SCHMIDT
No, this is great! It's great publicity! Nick the zombie!
Winston has entered the house and has heard this last part.
WINSTON
NO MORE ZOMBIES!
He screams and runs to his room.
SCHMIDT
He blew the try out.
JESS
Ya think?
ROLL END CREDITS
INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM - NIGHT
Nick is in his room, sitting at the computer. He's looking at words on the screen, thinking and staring. Jess comes up behind him, wearing her pajamas.
JESS
How's it going?
NICK
(frustrated)
I got nothing. Pepperwood is trapped in the warehouse. I think he's going to die!
JESS
Jessica Knight should save him. To prove her love for him.
NICK
(excited)
Yeah...and then they'll have sex!
Jess gives him a sexy look. She lies on the bed.
JESS
(sexy voice)
Time to do research, Detective Pepperwood. Your secretary is waiting.
Nick is writing.
NICK
Just a minute...
From off screen Jess' clothes starting coming at him, first her pajama bottom, then her top, it landing on his head.
He pulls it off, turns, looks, does a double take, closes the computer.
NICK
Yeah, I'm done.
He starts taking off his clothes, then jumps on the bed.
FADE OUT