A/N: Warnings: infidelity, mentions of sex but nothing explicit, stalker-ish tendencies. A disclaimer: This is written for fun, not profit. I do not own anything except the plot.
"Something good tonight will make me forget about you for now."
- Something Good by Alt-J.
Rodolphus had always been prone to addiction. He used things - and people - that felt good, to escape the ones that hurt.
It was kind of funny how these little distractions first became the center of his life, then ended up as the next problem he needed to escape.
His first addiction was quite standard: Drugs. His father was a tough man, and when glares turned to insults and insults turned to casting Unforgivables on him, he started stealing some of his mother's Calming Drought.
He figured it should help him block out his father just fine - his mother always looked back at him with this glazed look in her eyes whenever he cried for her help and it had to be the work of the potion. No mother could be that cold, after all.
Right?
But soon, the potion blocked out everything, not just his father. It blocked out life. He couldn't feel. He was completely numb, and it didn't feel good anymore. He wanted to feel something, anything. Even the pain of his father's Cruciatus curse was preferable to this. This felt like death and death was one of the few things that scared him.
Considering that, his next choice of escape was ironic: He became a Death Eater. All he could think of was that if he couldn't feel pain himself, maybe causing others pain would be the next best thing.
As his nostrils filled with the smell of burning flesh and the Mark appeared on his charred skin, he knew he succeeded. Once more, he'd found his escape.
The screams of his victims, the heady sense of power he got at knowing that he could end their suffering - or silence them forever - with a simple flick of his wand, the scent of blood, even the pain of the Dark Lord's wrath… Rodolphus loved every single moment of it all. He couldn't get enough.
But with so much darkness consuming his heart and no light to keep him sane, he could feel himself slipping away to somewhere he wouldn't be able to come back from.
That's when he found his next escape - and thus, next addiction: Bellatrix.
Bellatrix - his Bella - was the one that felt best so far. She was dark yet more vivid than any color could be. Sinister yet hauntingly beautiful, bewitching every man she met with her deadly charm. Fragile with her delicate bones and skinny little frame yet wildly powerful with a wand, managing to outdo even Rodolphus himself who was praised as the most skilled duelist by the Dark Lord himself. She was uninhibited, wild and fun.
And Merlin knows, Rodolphus needed some fun.
She liked to be the dominant in all aspects of their relationship - including sex - and he gladly let her, tired of making decisions - "Do I kill them now or listen to their screams a little more?" - and taking charge all the time.
Then suddenly Bella became the first female Death Eater and she started having way too many private meetings with the Dark Lord, leaving Rodolphus alone with his bottles of Firewhiskey and filthy, twisted - yet probably accurate - imagination.
So when one night Cissy - his pretty, sweet sister-in-law who he thought to be somewhat boring with all her principles and properness - stumbled in the Lestrange Manor, soaked to the bone from the rain, crying, he knew he had a new way to escape.
He didn't bother asking what was wrong - Lucius was known for his womanizing ways and brusque treatment of his wife. He just poured her a glass and then two and then three. Knowing full well that innocent, inexperienced little Cissy could never hold her liquor well.
She was radically different from her sister, soft and pliable, ready to submit and willing to please. Which was exactly what he needed. He took everything he wanted, then he took some more just because he knew he could. He knew she enjoyed it too - he was confident that he was better than her husband. He had to be, to satisfy her demanding bitch of a sister.
He carelessly marked her skin, wanting Lucius to see, craving a fight, some form of adrenaline in his pitifully dull life.
He'd never been an honorable man, and whatever regret he might have felt disappeared months later, when she came back for more.
Finally, in their small circle of besmirched souls, he had found someone who was still somewhat pure. Pure enough for him to want to corrupt, at least. And it was addicting.
He enjoyed making subtle comments and throwing lewd glances almost more than the actual sex. He loved to watch her squirm and blush, see Lucius's eyes narrow with suspicion.
Bella figured it out, of course. Perhaps her precious Lord had told her. Her little punishment for him was rather enjoyable - she should have known he would enjoy anything of even a remotely sexual nature far too much for it to be considered punishment - and just how jealous she got was quite amusing. He was pretty sure Cissy got a similar treatment as well. There were no lines his dear wife wouldn't cross.
Contrary to what people might think, Rodolphus did care about Narcissa. He thought he might even have loved her, though in a much different way than the obsessive, all consuming love he felt for her sister. He loved her because she made him feel good. But not like how heroin makes a junkie feel good. It was more like the kind of love he had for strawberry ice cream when he was a little kid.
She even smelled a little like strawberry ice cream.
Over time, all impact Bella's betrayal had was reduced to a vague sting in his stomach and a slight tightening of his windpipe. Barely noticeable. And while Narcissa was engaging enough - some might even say she was the prettier of the two sisters, though Rodolphus wasn't sure if he agreed - she was hardly capable of consuming him.
She was the lesser of the two evils, a relatively safe thing to be dependent on. Her sweetness would always be his favorite distraction.
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