It's the night before the full moon, and I have been tossing and turning, unable to sleep. It's been like this since I was bitten- the anticipation eats me up inside, almost literally, those few nights before the full moon appears.
I groan and pull at my hair; sleep has not granted me her presence tonight, and I know I won't meet her again until after I've changed. I sit up, and retrieve my wand from the bedside table. "Lumos," I mutter, flicking my wand. The tip ignites, lighting the room, but only enough so I don't wake my fellow roommate. I slip on my round reading glasses and begin reading the novel I've been meaning to get to, though I've been, er... otherwise occupied.
As if reading my mind, Sirius Black wakes from his light sleep with a groan. He rolls on his side, now facing me, his gray eyes heavy.
"Remus?" he asks. My stomach flip-flops at the sound of his voice, deep and husky from sleep. "You're awake?"
I nod as he yawns, so dog-like; he whines as he does, just like I've seen the hounds at my cousin's farm do.
I chuckle to myself, and Sirius glares. "Stop making fun of my yawn."
"I'm not making fun!" I say, still smiling. "I think it's adorable." He wrinkles his nose and snuggles deeper into his quilts.
"Adorable is what you call the bloody cat that Longbottom bloke's got." I sigh and roll my eyes, deciding to get back to my book once again, but Sirius interrupts me."You want to know what really is adorable?" he asks, his eyes closed.
I notice how softly his long eyelashes brush his high cheekbones; they cast long, pointed shadows across his pale skin. I clear my throat awkwardly. "What's that?"
He opens a single eye and grins mischievously. "Your glasses."
I raise an eyebrow. "Er, thanks." I discard my novel in the drawer of the bedside table, and remove my glasses to inspect them. They're only wire-frame; I frown, obviously missing their attractiveness.
Sirius scoffs. "I meant on you, stupid." He leans up on his elbow, his hand holding his head up. I feel my eyes widen; even after the weeks Sirius and I have been together, I simply cannot get used to his complimenting me. He grins widely. "Aw look, Moony's blushing. Now that's adorable."
I stick out my tongue, which is childish, but I am just too tired to scrounge up a decent retort. I throw the glasses beside my book and close the drawer softly.
"So you're not putting them back on?" Sirius asks, pouting as I slip under my quilts.
"Nox," I say, flicking my wand, and the room loses its light.
Sirius sighs and I hear the creaking of his mattress. "I'll take that as a no. Pity."
"I think you'll survive, Padfoot," I yawn, wrapping my quilts tight around me.
"Ah, but will I?" Suddenly, Sirius is in the bed with me, squirming under my blankets.
"Oi!" I cry, his cold feet pressing against my legs. "Blimey, Siri, you could've warned me!"
His head pokes up from my quilts, his face visible from the rays the moon permits though the window by my bed. He kisses the tip of my nose. "Consider yourself warned."
I grin and feel myself blush yet again. "That was adorable," I say, and I forgive him for his cold feet. He grins as well, his teeth gleaming in the moonlight.
"Was it now?" His gray eyes twinkle. "Is this adorable?" He hovers above me slightly, and his eyes widen innocently, his mouth pouts; I groan.
"Sirius, if you only knew what your bloody puppy dog face did to me..."
He cocks his head to the side like he does when he's in his dog from, his hair falling in his eyes. "What's it do, Remy?" he asks sweetly. "'Cause I've no clue." I shift and clear my throat awkwardly. He leans down and licks just below my bottom lip, along the curve up to the corner of my mouth. "Does this do anything to you?" he asks, looking up through is lashes, his mouth still at the corner of my own.
I gasp in an embarrassing manner. "C'mon, Siri," I say throatily.
"Or this? Is this adorable?" He trails his tongue along my cheek to my earlobe; he nips at it playfully before taking it between his teeth and pulling.
"Sirius," I hear myself moan. His long black hair falls into my face and I can smell the pine and peppermint smell that is Sirius; I'm breathing him heartily. "Oh, and you'll like this, I'm sure…" His lips are at the soft spot between my jaw and my ear; his tongue flicks at that hollow space, and he's sucking at that sensitive skin and it feels amazing…
I squirm beside him, my leg finding its way up his own. "Pa-Pad… Padfoot… I-I… think…"
"Oh, yes, I think that's doing something to you," he hums, sucking my neck, nibbling at my skin. All of a sudden, he's straddling me, his hips dangerously close to my own. His fingers have found the buttons to my night shirt, and he's undoing them, slowly, his fingers trailing along my skin with each new opening; he winks, a wicked gleam in his eyes.
I realize right now that Sirius has never seen my without a shirt on; even when we swim at the lake, I'm always wearing an undershirt of sorts. But before I can button myself back up, it's too late and my shirt has been discarded to the floor.
"Oh," he whispers, the wicked, playful look about his face instantly gone as he takes me in; my scars cover almost the entirety of my torso, trailing from chest to stomach and around my side where they meet my back. "Oh…"
Blood rushes to my face as I watch the horror bloom across his features; I wrap my arm around me, embarrassed, and push Sirius off me; I grab my quilts in my hands and try to cover my torso. This shouldn't have happened… He was never supposed to see these, the signs of the monster within me. These damn blasted tears are suddenly blurring my vision, and-
"Don't," he whispers, resuming his place kneeling over me. He unwraps my arms from around myself and brings my hands up near my head. He shakes his head, his eyes somber. "Don't cry. I'm sorry, Moony." He kisses each of my hands and cautiously lets go of my wrists; I am breathing heavily, embarrassed, but I make no move to cover myself as he pulls the blankets gently from my body. I turn my face away from Sirius's and stare out the window, the damn moon staring right back; a pale, ugly eye in the middle of an inky black sky. A single tear slips along the curve of my nose, and falls from the tip where Sirius had just kissed minutes ago.
I feel pressure on my chest. Sirius's lips touch each scar that disfigures my body. He kisses every blasted one; the deep ones on my chest, the thin, long ones on my shoulder. I feel something well up in my heart; I think it's called "love" and I don't think I deserve it.
I gasp and Sirius trails his lips along the three largest of my scars, all laying side-by-side, all cursed there by one single swipe of my own doing on a particularly nasty full moon. They cover from the high left side of my chest, all the way down and across to below the seam of my pants, ending at my right hip.
He licks along the entirety of these wounds, so slowly, and he slips his fingers under the elastic waistband on my sleep pants, pulling them dangerously low on my hips to lick up the ends of my scars. It's not erotic… but instinct, I think; something a dog or wolf would do to their wounded mate. Intuition he acquired with his own transformation to the world of Anamagi, something I've not yet experienced…
He lets his tongue wet my scars, as if he could lap up my memories, and I let him, my hands still by my head, the tears still trailing down my cheeks.
"P-Padfoot," I whisper, my tears choking me.
His eyes flash to mine, and they are dark; darker than I've ever seen. "Oh, Moony," he chokes out, and he crashes his lips against mine.
I take his face in my hands and hold him closer against my lips. Our tears mingle and his lips taste of Sirius and salt and love and understanding. With the flick of a tongue, he is inside my mouth, probing and exploring as if this is our first time meeting in years.
Our tongues fight for dominance and I roll over, so that I am hovering above him now. He wraps his legs around my hips, and pulls me down on top of him, hard and painful.
We are all tongues and nails and teeth and fingers pulling at whatever we can get a hold of, get off, and I have never been so glad that it is only Padfoot and I left in this bloomy castle for Easter.
We are lying in my bed, separated only by thin pieces of clothing and we're sweating, tangled in each other's limbs. We won't go further tonight than these touches, but these touches simply are not stopping, even as the new day sun spills over the edge of my window, lighting Sirius's body. And then I see them… thin scars covering his arms, round burns spotting his thighs, ones I knew existed, but had never seen properly. Ones he gave himself.
"Blimey," I murmur, Sirius's lips at my neck.
"Mmm?" I untangle myself from his body and hold each of his hands in my own.
"Siri…" I bend my head and kiss his wrists, his pain. He sighs.
"Bloomy pathetic, eh?" He sounds self-conscious, embarrassed. I kiss his forehead, and bring him into a tight embrace.
"Don't do it anymore." I run my fingers through his soft, black hair. "Please. Promise me." I squeeze my eyes shut, a pain shooting through my heart as I imagine a world without Sirius.
He pulls back and looks into my eyes. "I Haven't done it in weeks, Rem." I just hold his gaze, my demand still in the air. "It's a hard thing to promise." He pushes hair from my forehead, out of my face; the tips of his fingers trace my ear.
"Please," I whisper. It hurts me, seeing how he hurts himself.
He bites his lips. "I'm trying, Remus. I am." I nod, and kiss him softly ; he touched his lips to my ear. "I wish I could ask you to do the same thing; ask you to not hurt yourself." I leans his forehead against my shoulder, and we feel each other's pain.
I can't believe that I've come to have someone like this beautiful, understanding, lovely Sirius Black.
"I'll help you with these if you'll let me-" I let my fingertips touch his arms "-and darling, you've always helped me with these." He traces a half-moon shaped scar on my stomach.
I lick the near-dried sweat from his jaw, and he takes my face in his hands, kissing my lips once before looking me in the eyes.
"You never told me, though," he whispers. "About any of these." He touches a gash on my chest. "I mean, I knew from the scars I could see-" his eyes flick to my face, where my most visible scars are located "-but I never thought…" His voice cracks and he winces. "You just never told me." I shake my head; I have not, nor did I plan to. "Why?" he asks, pained.
"I didn't want to trouble you. I didn't want to show you this part of me…"
"First of all, that's ridiculous." He stares me straight in the eyes; his love swims in his deep gray orbs. "I see that part of you every full moon, Remy." He licks his lips. "Second of all, you're mine. You know that, right?" I blink and nod. I do. "That means every part of you is mine. Even this." He trails three fingers along my three scars.
"Please don't keep these from me, Remus. Just let me help you." He kisses my swollen lips. "Let me heal you."
"We'll heal each other," I respond, leaning in to deepen our kiss.
This is my first ever to be published R/S fic. Was it good? I know it was cliche and hard-core fluff... but I'm pleased with it?
Oh, and a big, fluffy prize for whoever catches the hint I placed in here... it's super subtle, but it has to do with what's helped Sirius stop hurting himself... Which is cliche, I know. And a very very bad hint from me to you. Deal.
Was this all complete rubbish? R/R, loves.
-Rosie.