A/N: I had abandoned this fic due to writer's block, but after the recent manga chapter the inspiration and the need for a happier fanfic made me resume it and here we are ;) Hope you'll like it, guys, it's dedicated to all of you Potato Girl fans and all JeanSasha shippers :D
Pairings: JeanxSasha (my adorable dorky babies) and hints of LevixHanji (my second favorite ship, I simply love these two)
The story contains SPOILERS, mainly for Chapter 72 of the manga (which features one of my favorite scenes in the entire manga series, hehe)
The title is taken from the title of the song "Last night on earth" by Delta Goodrem, one of my favorite songs ever (and considering the latest manga chapter, ironically fitting)
Disclaimer: I do not own the Attack on Titan universe and characters
Sasha can't stop feeling rather odd as she sits at a table in the middle of the huge main hall of the royal residence in Mitras. The scenery around her, the musicians playing vivid or soft dancing melodies, the smiling people talking, the dancing pairs, even the familiar faces of the military superiors seem out of place in this context, in Historia's coronation feast in the capital of Wall Sina. After experiencing the terrors of war for such a long time…after witnessing friends and comrades being devoured by Titans…and after almost seeing the Recon Corps being disbanded due to false charges, this joyous atmosphere is something that is almost like a dream…like the dreams she has once in a while between all those nightmares, the dreams about a peaceful society and a happy life.
It's weird, really…She's smiling and laughing as she watches her friends having fun after so many hardships; even Mikasa looks slightly more relaxed despite the way she looks around as if expecting an ambush. It's heartwarming and refreshing, this moment of joy, like a break between the chaos surrounding them. Although maybe she's just silly and she only has this impression because of her changed appearance, something she owes to Historia and her endless pressure. Instead of her trademark ponytail and military uniform, half of her hair is braided and tied at the back of her head, the other half is falling on her shoulders and she's wearing a forest green dress with a white collar and flowing sleeves that reach her elbows. She has to admit she likes it, the color reminds her of her home in the woods and of the Scout Regiment cloak.
At the same moment, though, there's something else beside the joy and peace overwhelming her, something eating her up…like a feeling of upcoming changes and conflicts. Sasha doesn't know if this is due to Historia taking her rightful position as queen, but she can almost feel it with every fiber of her being; it's like she had felt before the 57th Expedition, the feeling of change and a new air in the walls. Now that the time of the false monarchy is over, now that the ruler is someone who knows everything that's transpired, it's as if this night, this feast, marks the end of everything they've known until now and the beginning of a new era.
She shakes her head almost frantically, trying to tell herself to forget all this for the moment. Who knows when she'll have such a night again—whether she'll have such a night again—and she deserves to enjoy it, just like the veterans, just like her friends, like the always combative Mikasa for instance, or like Connie and Eren, who drink and dance non-stop, constantly changing partners and their laughter echoing across the room. Tomorrow she'll be forced to fight again, to be strong, to return to the uncertainty of the world around her…just for one night she needs to forget all this and focus on the present.
It's the last night on earth before the great divide
My hands are shaking, time was never on our side
It seems, though, that she's not the only one who has this odd impression. Jean sits on his own, without taking part in the festivities, only exchanging a few words with anyone who happens to pass by, serious and emotionless as ever. Sasha hurts almost physically seeing him like this; ever since Marco's passing, joining the Survey Corps, witnessing all sorts of monstrosities and being forced to kill other soldiers, Jean always has this expression, rarely opens up and only seems to lighten a little when he finds a chance to tease her about her love for food or mock Connie when he tells a joke. As she observes him now, an idea starts taking form in her mind and a wide smile appears on her face…because it might actually work…
No, no, no, absolutely not! She's stupid! Jean has never given any signs that he would agree to such an idea! She's crazy! He'll strangle her! Yes, that's right, she's a bigger suicidal maniac than Eren and that's saying something!
But she can't help but wonder how it would be like…if Jean relaxed just for a while…became cheerful and forgot all that's hurt him.
Oh, well, to hell with it, she'll give it a try even if it's not enough; after all, Sasha knows too well that only an explosion will truly wake Jean from this trance of stubbornness…that he's stopped believing in positive emotions long ago and only holds on thanks to the cause the Scouts serve and thanks to the fact that all of them stick together. It's been like that ever since the night they burnt the bodies after the sealing of Wall Rose…when he had broken down because of his grief…when she had tried to hug him and he had pushed her violently away and she had hugged him anyway, caressing his back as he trembled and sobbed in her arms. Rejecting tender gestures and pushing her away every time she tried to comfort him and actively tell him that he's not alone in this fight.
It's never enough
No matter how many times I tried to tell to tell you this is love
"Not feeling like dancing, Jean?"
"Nah…I want to spare everyone the sight." Jean chuckles as Sasha takes a seat next to him. "How about you, Potato Girl?"
"Oh, well, you know, I thought that, since neither one of us is dancing at the moment, we might as well do it together. You can't dance to this music on your own, anyway."
Jean almost chokes on his drink at her spontaneous and honest words and at the way she playfully smiles and winks at him. And at the same time he can't stop the wild blush from painting his face; after all he's not used in moments like this, ever since he was twelve years old he's used in harsh training, battles, losses and betrayals, not feasts, happy moments and dances. Not to mention that Sasha's idea creates a pleasant warmth in him that makes him smile automatically.
Truth be told, he's been discretely watching her the whole night, how she's been laughing with Mikasa or teasing Connie when he takes a break from the chaos of clumsy movements the guy calls 'dancing moves'. She looks so different tonight, with her braided hair and the dress she wears…so different from the brave soldier he knows…and he can't deny it, so much more beautiful than he has ever seen her, with her hazel eyes shining in the light of the room and the carefree way she moves that contradicts how she fights and is restless and sometimes sullen in the hellish war this damn world has thrown them into.
"What? What is it? Crazy idea, eh? Or do I have something on my face and you stare at me like that? Is it those stupid braids?" Sasha misinterprets the way he looks at her, thinking that she's embarrassed herself in front of him and now her blush rivals his. "I knew it, I told Historia I'd look ridiculous, but she didn't listen."
"Hey, hey, hey, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you…in fact, that hairstyle suits you a lot." Jean assures her, chuckling goodheartedly when he sees her look, as if she doesn't believe him. "Sasha, when was the last time I said something I didn't mean? Relax, I'm honest here, you really look great like that."
"Th-Thanks, that's…that's kind of you to say."
Really, Sasha? Going back to the exaggerated polite way of speaking, huh? The fifteen-year-old boy thinks and fondly shakes his head as he observes her blush that makes an interesting combination with her brunet hair. "Now, about that dance…shouldn't you be expecting some nice guy to ask you for it, eh?" He teases her with a wink of his own, laughing when she forgets her embarrassment entirely and bursts into fits of giggles.
"Rules are boring and meant to be broken, Jean. Now come oooon," she urges him while pulling his arm, making him follow her with a huge grin on his face, her good mood actually affecting him as well and helping him forget his pessimistic thoughts for a while.
Connie winks at them when they get on the center of the hall, which is free of any tables to serve as a dance floor, resulting in him stepping on his dance partner's feet. Chuckling at their friend's clumsiness, Jean and Sasha share a small smile as the former takes the girl's hand and playfully twirls her around, mentally thanking his mom for dancing with him when he was a child and therefore teaching him how he should move without tripping.
They both lose themselves in the music, the dancing and how comfortable they feel around each other in this relaxing moment. The rest of the room is spinning around them, like the war outside has ceased, like time itself has frozen. Sasha can't help but smile, marveling at the fact how she hasn't stepped on poor Jean while they dance; not to mention that he leads her as if she's been dancing all her life.
When the song comes to an end and the musicians gently stop playing their instruments, the last tones fading softly until it's time for the next song…when Jean bows and Sasha curtsies…when they spend some moments only looking at each other…it's like they've landed back to reality after what seemed to be hours and they actually feel a stab of sadness. In a sudden, Sasha steps towards him, wrapping her arms around his chest in a tight embrace and resting her head on his shoulder, as if thanking him silently, as if she's glad that he managed to get rid of his worries for a while.
"Sasha…what—?"
"Shhh…Don't." Sasha whispers and Jean shudders at how her soft breath tickles his face. "Just this once, don't resist."
And if tomorrow falls asleep,
Can you hold me first?
Like compelled by a force he can't explain, Jean doesn't resist the hug; quite the contrary, before he can realize it, he's hugging her back, cherishing the dance of emotions overwhelming him, making him feel stronger than ever.
Things around them are changing, shadows are looming over the lands inside the walls, but right now they don't care.
"How are you feeling?"
"About the feast, about my hand, which you bit, or about the battle? Be more specific, Potato Girl."
"I guess about everything…about the fact that this might be our last on earth."
Jean's amber eyes widen as they meet Sasha's hazel ones, fearful and determined at the same time. It's another feast, but under different circumstances and, despite the joyous atmosphere, this time they can't bask in the feeling like they did during the celebrations for Historia being queen. This time, the sense of upcoming changes, of upcoming horrors, the fear for tomorrow, is evident, creating a fierce mix with the laughter that echoes all around.
It's the night before they march to Shiganshina with the goal to finally reach the infamous basement of the Jaeger house and Jean knows that Sasha is right. It's just like the eve of their previous expedition…this night could really be their last one and he knows he should make amends, say what he has in mind. He needs to be prepared for every possible outcome because so many things can go wrong…and as he stares at the girl in front of him, he's taken over by a wild protectiveness, a wish to stay by her side during the battle in order to make sure that she won't get hurt.
And there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye
As an ordinary day I prayed for you a thousand times
"I…I can't, I…" Sasha stutters and lowers her head, unable to look Jean in the eyes and the way he stares at her, with such compassion and gentleness, much gentler than she's used to; and feelings she thought she had suppressed in the mess ensuing come back to surface in all their might, just like when she first understood what said feelings meant and it felt like everything had changed for her. "I…I know it will be awkward for you, b-but…I can't h-hide it anymore…"
"What is it? What's on your mind?" Jean wants to know, his voice holding no curiosity, only concern and kindness as he frowns, taken back by how confused she is, how troubled, something that doesn't suit her at all and he immediately realizes what she's afraid of. "Sasha, please, tell me whatever you want to tell me, I won't be embarrassed, I promise. It's like you said it, this might be our last night on earth, don't…don't hold back."
"I-I'll try, it's…it's not easy for me, you know? B-But I guess you deserve the truth. And after everything we've lived, after…after all these hardships…after you showed me your friendship and after I almost saw you die…" Sasha makes a small break, shivering as she remembers the terror of that day, when she saw Jean at gunpoint, unable to rush and help him, "let's say that I…I stopped seeing you as a friend, Jean, and I started to…to really like you as something more."
It feels as if Jean's heart has stopped after hearing Sasha's confession, an unexpected admission of feelings coming from a shy girl who's afraid she won't come out of tomorrow's mission alive. It's a mess, but, for once, it's not a negative one, it's a mess of hope, protectiveness, love, gratitude, which defeat the fear of possible loss and urges him to reply to her. She leaves a startled gasp when he lifts one hand to cup her cheek, although she moves automatically, covering his hand with hers, a gentle caress, eyes not leaving his.
"Why would I be embarrassed for that?" He tells her with a somewhat teasing tone in his voice to help her feel more comfortable, smiling when he sees her eyes widening. "Yep, me too…ever since Historia's coronation, where you showed me that happiness can exist even in the hell we live in. But I'm such a coward, I was afraid of the upcoming loss…If you hadn't said anything tonight, I don't know whether I'd find the courage to talk to you."
"Oh, I think you would. Because, no matter what you think, you're anything but a coward."
Jean is taken aback by her assurance, by the faith she places in him. Sasha senses that and grins goodheartedly as she closes the distance between them, stands on her toes to be of equal height and presses a feather-light, adoring kiss on his cheek, fluttering and making huge smiles appear on both teenagers' faces, softening Jean's features and giving Sasha an almost glowing beauty.
"Heh, now I'm more confident about tomorrow, knowing that you believe in me so much." Jean comments, although this time his voice isn't teasing, only honest and tender as he wraps an arm around her and kisses her cheek as well before leaning his head against hers and looking at her like she's his whole strength, smiling happily when he notices her gaze, so gentle and affectionate, like she has a reason to come back alive from tomorrow's battle.
I'm gonna love you
Like it's the last night on earth
"Aww, look at the kiddos, Levi, finally happy for once!" Hanji exclaims joyfully from a corner, discretely noticing the young couple in each other's arms, a wide smile on her face.
"Tch…as long as they stay focused tomorrow and don't lose their courage, they can get married and have five brats for all I care." The Captain of the Survey Corps rolls his eyes and doesn't turn around to follow Hanji's gaze, although the woman turns towards him with a slight smirk when she hears the hidden amusement in his voice.
"Look at you, not condemning emotions for once! Are you going soft on the recruits, Shortie?"
"Oh, shut up, Hanji!" Levi shakes his head and pushes away the arm she wrapped around his shoulder, now back to his usual annoyed expression. "Go bother some other poor bastard and leave me the hell alone!"
The scientist isn't offended by his choice of words, used to have him snap at her, and so she only giggles and goes to bother poor Moblit, who looks absolutely terrified at his superior's excitement and exaggerating predictions about what they'll find in Eren's basement. And still, as he secretly observes her, how she throws her arms in the air, how she laughs, how spontaneously impatient about tomorrow she is, Levi finds himself shaking his head fondly.
"Damn you, Four-Eyes."
The next morning, when Sasha and Jean are assigned their final positions—at the front, together with the rest of their friends and the veterans of the Recon Corps—they don't join the others immediately, wanting to spend just a few more seconds only in each other's company. They've reached the point of the great twist now; they both know that this mission won't only lead them to the basement and the answers they seek, but it will also determine the very future of the Survey Corps.
"So, this is it, then." Sasha sighs and locks eyes with him, scared and worried for him. "I know I can't ask you to promise me to come back, but—"
Her sentence, though, is cut off before she can finish it due to Jean pulling her towards him and softly pressing his lips against hers in an innocent kiss…their first kiss, it might be their last, but he forces himself not to think about that possibility as they both cherish the loving moment, thinking that this isn't goodbye between them.
"Be careful out there, Jean."
"We'll talk when we come home, Sasha."
A/N: Sooo, another one-shot has come to an end, my lovelies :) Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it, it was fun featuring our characters back when they were fifteen-year-olds. Stay tuned, more stories shall follow :)