As you have read on my profile, Once Upon A Time is back on TV... and the characters of Frozen are on! So, I hope you enjoy this parody of the premiere I will be updating very soon until it is finished. (if you actually watched the premiere, it will make more sense.) Also, when the 11-episode Frozen story arch ends, I will make a funny recap of random jokes I came up with during those episodes.
Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time or it's characters. They belong to Eddie Kitsis and Adam Horowitz. I also do not own any of the fandoms and songs I reference. Just the jokes and funny parts I made up, because, like Anna, I'm a real goofball sometimes!
A Long Time Ago… (in A Galaxy far, far away… Just kidding.)
It was one of the worst storms ever. Seriously, only Hurricane Sandy ever topped something like this. It was also a horrible time to be at sea… so, of course, you know there was some poor soul out there who scheduled a long earned vacation on a cruise ship, and then the weather decides to be totally uncooperative.
There was a similar yet different case that happened with the king and queen of Arendelle during this awful storm. They had decided that they needed to take a voyage to a top-secret location with top-secret plans and motives. Their daughters, Anna the Warm-Hearted Jumping Bean/Fan girl , and Elsa the Older One Who Won't Leave Her Room Because Somebody Told Her To Conceal Her Emotions, were left alone with the thought that in two weeks, their parents would come back with chocolate and foreign animation (a favorite of Anna's), and everything would be rainbows and butterflies again.
Yeah… that is not how it went down at all. What happened was the following: below the deck of the royal ship was already flooding with water, but that didn't stop the queen from rushing down there to finish her diary. You know, her will, her final thoughts to her daughters, advice to Elsa because she was going to become queen soon…
"WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE IN A SHIPWRECK AND YOU ARE WRITING IN THAT STUPID THING?!" yelled the king, also appearing below deck.
"Relax!" the queen shouted. "I'm just going to rip out these pages, put them in a bottle, and send them across the ocean!"
"Ain't nobody got time for that!"
"Our children need to know the truth!"
The king sighed. "Alright…" he muttered. He then started to sing "Message In a Bottle" by the Police until his wife yelled at him for distracting her. She finally finished, and the two went back above deck. The queen threw the bottle out into the turbulent waves and embraced her husband, for it was there final moments together. "I love you…" she whispered.
"I love you too…" murmured the king. Then his face lit up in thought. "Wait a minute… my magical hover board! We can use it to escape!"
"Great!" the queen exclaimed. "Where is it?"
The king's face fell. "Oops… I forgot it at home."
"We are going to a land with murderous sorcerers and you forget the magical hover board? You are such a- AAAAUGH!"
An abnormally huge waved crashed over the ship. Everyone died.
5 Years Later...
In a land called Arendelle, two women were holding hands and walking towards their parents' abnormally large graves. They both placed flowers in front of the tombstones and gazed at them sadly. "Anna, they'd be so proud of you..." the older of the two whispered.
"They'd be proud of both of us, Elsa," the younger one corrected with a sad smile. Elsa looked up and returned her sister's smile. She then sighed and took Anna's hand. "Come on," she grinned. "I have a surprise for you."
Anna's eyes lit up. "Ooh! Are you a firebender, too?" she guessed.
"What do I look like; the Avatar?!"
Not getting the sarcasm, Anna examined Elsa thoughtfully. "Well, now that you mentioned it..." she muttered.
Elsa rolled her eyes. "Anyway, that's not the surprise," she told her sister. She smiled. "The surprise is for your wedding."
Anna beamed, eyes bright with excitement.
Our World...
After turning the urn she was somehow trapped in to ice and then breaking it, Elsa was currently walking away like the total BA sorceress she was when she suddenly stopped. She realized she was not in Kansas anymore.
"That joke was so last season!" the audience yelled.
"Gosh, can't I make a Wizard of Oz reference?!" the narrator exclaimed. "Yeesh; I get NO appreciation!"
"H-hello?" called Elsa in a shaky voice. "Anyone there? Where am I?" I hope I'm not too far from home, she thought. "ANNA?! KRISTOFF?! ANYONE?!" she shouted, but her only response were echoes.
Elsa was extremely scared now, and the ice trailing behind her grew thick. "I... I guess I can walk down a little farther," she told herself. "Just to see where I am. Nothing dangerous should be going on in a seemingly deserted town at night..."
As she walked down further, she came to a sign. You'd think it would've reassured her, but it only made her more frightened.
"Storybrooke...?" Elsa read the sign out loud as her ice began to coat it. The theme music for Once Upon A Time then played.
Granny's Diner...
Regina, having just found out her boyfriend's dead wife was back, walked out of the diner, upset and stunned. Emma managed to follow her out. "Regina...?" she asked tentatively, trying to put her hand on her friend's shoulder.
"Not now, Swan," snapped Regina, pulling away.
"Hey, I'm trying to be a nice person and to make up for being stupid! I can't do that if you don't want my help."
"Yeah... you're 'help.'" Regina bit her lip, trying not to cry. "I don't need your 'help.' Because no matter what I do, I'm always the villain."
"Regina, don't make me do it."
The "Evil Queen" (the quotes mean that she's not really an evil queen) was confused. "What?" she asked.
"Stop calling yourself a villain, because you're not anymore. You've changed. Let me put my hand on your shoulder, or I'll start doing it."
"Doing what?" Just then, Robin Hood came outside with Marion and their son. He was trying to explain to his wife that Regina wasn't a bad person anymore, but the audience thought she didn't look too convinced.
"Regina, I want us to talk about this," he said to his "girlfriend." "This is Marion; Marion, this is Regina."
Marion stood shocked. "Wait... are... are you two together?!" she spat out.
"Yep!" Emma and the audience answered.
"SWAN!" Regina yelled.
"Hey, the audience said it, too!"
"Well, we're not supposed to interact with the audience. And how can you even hear them?"
"I AM the savior." About then, Mary Margret and David, along with their new son Neal, exited from the diner. "What's going on?" asked Mary Margret.
"No one's been burned, and no one's dead, so I think we're good here," David commented.
"Regina, are you okay?"
"What is WRONG with you people?!" Marion shouted. "Why are you being nice to her?!"
"Because we're decent human beings," replied David.
Henry and Hook managed to also sneak out of the diner and came to the scene. "Mom, what's going on?" Henry asked his adopted mother.
"I'll tell you what's going on!" interrupted Marion. "You're all crazy! This is the EVIL QUEEN! She's a MONSTER!"
Henry turned to Emma. "Mom, can I borrow your gun?" he asked.
"I think everyone wants to borrow it right now, kid," she replied. "But I'm kind of the sheriff, so..."
During her explanation, Marion had grabbed Rollan and walked away while Regina had stormed off in the opposite direction. "Regina, wait!" Emma yelled, but Hook held her back.
"Alright... YOU MADE ME DO IT!" Emma then started singing "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars at the top of her lungs.
On the Road...
Sleepy was driving Grumpy's car (the audience wondered whose genius idea it was to let Sleepy drive a car.) To be honest, I don't want to go into detail about what happened here. All you need to know is that the audience wanted to murder Aurora for texting Sleepy while he was driving, because he almost ran over Elsa.
After staring at the car that was speeding toward her for five minutes, she finally acted on her reflexes and just froze the car. Seeing her reflection in the car, Elsa began to sing "Reflection" from the movie Mulan. The audience face-palmed.