…A walk in the park. Holding hands in the cold, crisp air of a November night in Maine. Drinking hot chocolate, holding hands. Hiding under cover of an almost full, harvest moon. Whispers and laughs. Sweet nothings. Lingering looks and passionate kisses. Overcome by overwhelming feelings of love. Like giggling tees naïve enough to think no one's ever experienced these kind of feelings before. Full body reactions to simple words.
I love you.
A touch leads to holding hands. Holding hands leads to an embrace. An embrace leads to kissing, kissing leads to touching. Touching leads to racing hearts, hot skin. A fire inside. The fire inside leads to the bedroom. The bedroom leads to, confessions, secrets whispered in the dark…
Ruby smiled timidly at her soon to be lover. They were well on their way to having sex. The wolf inside her howled impatiently, ravenous for flesh but not to consume. It spurred her on, urged her to continue, but the human inside her begged her to stop.
It's your first. It's OUR first time.
She took a deep breath, a desperate ploy in the battle for self-control. Sparkling sapphire eyes gazed at her inquiringly. Expectantly.
"How did we get here so fast?" She wondered breathlessly, those eyes like gravity pulling her down. She settled her weight on her knees and elbows, brushing her lips over a cute button nose.
"Do you want to stop?"
She smiled hesitantly at Belle. "Belle, I… I've never done this before… I've never made love to anyone."
Belle visibly deflated. Her relief was palpable. She had been thinking all kinds of horrible things as to why Ruby had stopped. "Oh!" A strained laugh blew past her lips… "Um…" Her lashes fluttered, teeth tugging on her bottom lip. Ruby's head tilted to the side above her, intrigued by whatever she had to say. "I've… never done it either." Belle admitted meekly, a hot blush on her cheeks. "I—I mean I've read about it—"Her eyes widened, darting to gauge her girlfriend's reaction.
She needn't have worried. Ruby was through the roof with relief, excitement, and a new kind of fear. A good kind of fear. The kind that makes your gut twist and skin tingle. Like sitting on a rollercoaster, slowly climbing to the highest hill, that feeling of your stomach dropping right as gravity takes over and pulls you down.
She leaned down to kiss her, pouring her emotions into it. "I want this to be perfect."
Belle's hands tangled in her hair. Her eyes round and bright, like little glowing full moons. They possessed special power over the wolf.
"If it's with you, everything is perfect, Ruby."
Ruby was overpowering hovering so close. Belle wanted to touch her smooth, soft face, and her wonderfully green eyes made her feel they could reach inside her.
"Ruby," She said softly, not really knowing what else to say. The wolf's desire and intentions were clear to read. It was both flattering and terrifying to see just how much Ruby wanted her.
"I'm here." She smiled, but Belle only knew it because her eyes showed it; glassy, bright, sharp.
Belle's body reacted to her words. She saw her bend closer, then put her mouth on hers, and she felt the weight of her body carefully settle on her own providing wonderful pressure. Oh, she knew Ruby was there. She felt every inch of her pressed into herself, was acutely aware of every part of their bodies that connected; legs on legs, hips against hips, breasts on breasts. Lips on insatiable lips.
Ruby kissed her again, gently exploring her lips, the roof of her mouth, the bottom of her tongue. Then her mouth traced Belle's jaw. She found her ear, breathed her warm breath in it, nibbled her lobe, and then covered her throat with kisses and a questioning tongue.
Belle shuddered. She felt like she had a fever. Her body felt overheated, particularly her face. Her chest burned. Ruby was doing glorious things to her body, and she hadn't even touched her yet. A sharp tug in her abdomen made her twitch. At this point, she was beyond aroused.
Ruby kissed Belle once more. She liked kissing her. If her body were a fire, then Belle's lips were the tools to stoke it, and right now, pressed together, lips moving sensually and slowly against each other, Belle's encouraging fingers curled in her hair, she did feel like she was lying in a bed of flames. Her own hands slipped down Belle's side and caught on the hem of her shirt. She tugged on the material once, silently asking for permission to remove it. She loved this slow burn romance, but her desire to explore every inch of the woman beneath her thwarted her patience despite that brief moment of hesitance.
Her breath caught as she pulled the shirt over her head and discarded it. "You're gorgeous." Her voice was husky with need and every muscle beneath her waist contracted in a pulse. "Fuck, you're so gorgeous, Belle." She kissed her mouth fiercely, then buried her face in her neck and made a trail with her tongue.
Belle shivered, a tiny, breathless gasp pulled from deep within her chest. She jerked as if she'd been electrocuted when Ruby replaced her tongue with sharp but gentle teeth. Her hands clenched into fists in the wolf's long, luscious mane, pulling and pushing, wanting her closer while simultaneously straining away. It just felt that good.
"Oh, Ruby," She half sighed half moaned, eyes slamming shut at the sensations the young woman caused her to feel. A part of her was ashamed at how easily she gave herself over, especially considering this was their first time, but she wanted this beautiful, strong woman so badly it hurt.
The wolf swelled, and for a moment Ruby had to back off, pushing herself up to arm's length. The wolf wanted to mark its territory, stake its claim. Fast and hard. She fought for a measure of self-control. We're taking this slow. We're going to enjoy our first time.
"What's wrong?" Belle asked, brows creasing in concern.
Back off, she warned the animal once more.
The wolf acquiesced with a whine. Ruby breathed a sigh of relief, feeling some of the tension evaporate from between her shoulders as she hovered over Belle. She didn't expected the most stubborn part of her to give in so easily, but she was grateful all the same. This experience was intense enough without adding a spiritual battle for self-control into the mix. She smiled at her girlfriend.
"Only that I want you too much. I want to take this slow but… I don't know if I can. You are so beautiful."
Belle's frowned smoothed into a smile. Ruby's words were like blows to her heart, making it beat faster, harder. She hooked her hands around her slender neck and pulled her down for another kiss. "Come here."
Ruby sighed into the kiss, this time settling the upper half of her body to Belle's side while her legs remained tangled up with her own. Her itchy hands caressed the side of Belle's body, feeling the fullness of her breast, the dip of her waist, the smooth curve of her hip, the taut muscle of her thigh. She touched everywhere and still wanted more. Instead of satisfying her, Belle's semi-nude state left a gaping hole in her abdomen. It needed to be filled with more Belle.
Her hands brushed against the waistband of Belle's jeans and stilled. She craned her neck, seeking her girlfriend's eyes, asking the silent question. Belle's cheeks flushed, turning a lovely shade of red that ran all the way down to her heaving breasts. Her nod would have been imperceptible to the untrained eye, but not to Ruby's keen wolf senses.
With a smoothness born from the experience of repeating the same gesture every day, Ruby flicked her thumb across the button then tugged the silver zipper down. The wolf positively howled, bristling in triumph as a wave of warmth assaulted her hand.
Down, girl, Ruby had to remind the animal. She wasn't sure if it was just the wolf getting too excited. Belle was obviously willing, and more than ready. The encouraging looks the woman sent egged her on, were meant to goad her. The thought of Belle wanting this as much as she did made her clench hard, and she slammed her hips into her girlfriend's side.
They both groaned. Belle smiled, amused.
"I'm getting all worked up." Ruby said thickly.
"YOU are?" Belle asked pointedly, her voice a raspy, harsh whisper. "I'm practically swimming."
Ruby moaned, and with one hard jerk managed to pull Belle's jeans all the way down to her knees. The scent of Belle's arousal, finally liberated from its pesky confines, overwhelmed her at once. Her body tensed painfully, eyes slamming shut as a quiet snarl tore past her lips. The human parts of her were intrigued and wanted to test their power over the other woman's body, the animal part of her had much baser instincts: it wanted to fuck Belle senseless. Ride her until her legs gave out. Scream until her throat grew raw. Mark her, and in doing so ascertain everyone knew who this woman belonged to…
So primitive, so primal.
Mine!
Belle held Ruby's neck, keeping her in place. She wanted so badly to feel her lips on her again, to feel her hands exploring, but she resisted pushing her. She knew Ruby's self-control was waning, the wolf exerting its power over her. Her thumb rubbed small circles on the brunette's nape, taking this small intersession to catch her breath.
Dear Gods was Ruby doing amazing, wonderfully excruciating things to her! She briefly wondered if this heightened sensitivity to her partner had something to do with the fact that Ruby was a wolf. Or it could just be that this is what it felt like to be touched for the first time by someone she cared for so deeply and who cared deeply for her in return.
In any case, it was something to think about at another time, when she was in her right mind. Right now all she could think about was Ruby's hand hovering dangerously close to her center, just a hair's breadth away. It might as well be a hundred feet away!
A little whimper worked its way up her throat as she arched her back, hooked her foot into her pants, and tugged the offending object the rest of the way down her legs. They snagged on her ankles, but she hardly noticed. The cool air brushing her engorged womanhood almost felt like a lover's caress. She needed Ruby so badly.
"Love?" She ventured, tone needy, shifting her weight around so she no longer lay completely on her back but at an angle facing Ruby. She gasped when the girl's lids snapped open and instead of their usual clear, light green they glowed an unnatural, muddled yellow. She stared at her soon to be lover's eyes, bewildered but enticed by the desire simmering in them.
Ruby blinked slowly, coming out of a lustful haze. She'd lost control for a moment, and feared she might even hurt Belle in the wolf's haste. Fortunately, tempering the wolf's excitement grew easier with practice. None the less, it was still difficult.
"Do you have any idea what you're doing to me right now?" She asked, her voice strained. Fighting the animal's overwhelming instinct was tricky business.
Belle slid her hands down to her face, grasping both sides. "I have a bit of an idea. Your eyes are glowing." She giggled. "If it's anything like what you're doing to me, then I feel sorry for you, love."
Ruby blinked, then laughed at the vixen. She still marveled at the way Belle seemed to know exactly what she needed at exactly the right time.
The wolf's tension broken, Belle risked pulling the younger girl in for a kiss. She loved talking with Ruby, could spend the rest of her life just lying in her arms conversing about everything and nothing at all…
But not right now. Right now she needed more. She needed Ruby to sate the primal hunger churning in her gut. To put out the fire setting her soul and body ablaze. She'd felt lust before, felt turned on, but never to this extent. She never knew her body could come so wonderfully alive for someone at the barest touch, the lightest kiss.
This is what love feels like.
Yes, lust. But also love. Love unlike any she'd ever experienced. Earth-shattering and revelatory and passionate and all-consuming. The kind of love William Shakespeare writes about. All for Ruby. All for her…
True love.
"Ruby?" The soft inflection in Belle's voice commanded the wolf's attention immediately. She gazed into those eyes, eyes bluer than the sky, eyes filled with so much emotion they might burst. "Will you make love to me?"
Ruby's heart thrummed, straining against her chest. Her mouth went completely dry. They had been half way home before she pulled away, but the actual request, asked reverently, breathlessly…
Belle sucked in a sharp breath as Ruby's hand brushed the soft curls at the apex of her thighs and then moved across her stomach to the swell of her breast, her nipple hardening against her palm. Ruby's fingers were calloused and a bit rough, but her hands were surprisingly soft and gentle. Ruby leaned down and kissed the base of her throat, then sought out the other breast and sucked her nipple into her mouth.
"Ah—!" Belle strained against Ruby's mouth, her body torn between pushing for more and pulling away from the exquisite torture. Ruby swirled her tongue, and she nearly broke apart at the seams. "Ah! Ruby!" She pressed a hand to Ruby's shoulder, and the gentle pressure prompted the younger girl to release her.
"Do you want me to stop?" Ruby panted, glazed eyes searching. That moan! Fuck, that moan nearly pushed her over the edge! She hoped Belle indeed did not want to stop. She was going crazy imaging all kinds of sounds she could draw from the former princess.
Pervert, she thought with a twitch of her lips.
Belle managed to get her heaving chest under control and shook her head. It just felt so wonderful! It broke whatever little self-control she managed to maintain. The emotions swirling in her chest coupled with the sensation of Ruby's lavishing tongue was almost too much.
"I didn't want it to be over too soon." She explained after a brief pause. "I want to feel everything you have to give." Yes, it was that, but also a small, lingering doubt at the back of her mind that kept her from giving in completely.
What if she doesn't love me as much as I love her?
That was the worst kind of fear in Belle's opinion. She didn't voice her concerns. She didn't have too. Ruby could read the concern in her eyes as easily as she saw the desire.
Instead of comforting her with words, Ruby took her hand and pressed it above her left breast, letting her feel the erratic staccato of her wild heart thumping against her chest. The young waitress looked at her, a wild fire burning in her yellow eyes. They were dilated, deep and soft, glowing. Filled and full and ready to overflow. Ruby adored her, was madly in love with her. Would do anything for her.
"This is what you do to me. This is all for you."
Tears burned the back of Belle's eyes. She flashed Ruby a watery smile, chuckling at how girly she was acting. "What are you doing to me Ruby Lucas?"
"The exact same thing you're doing to me."
"And what is that?"
Ruby shrugged. "Making you fall."
Belle watched with adoring eyes as Ruby sat up, and with deft fingers quickly unbuttoned her shirt and tossed it aside. She'd seen Ruby naked before, had even allowed herself an indulgent touch now and again, but this was entirely different context, and her heart hammered at the sight of the girl's creamy, bare skin, at the small, but ample breasts with straining nipples begging to be touched. Belle couldn't wait to touch. Taste. Ravish. Ruby made her feel more than she ever imagined her body could feel, yet awakened an inexpressive yearning deep inside of her that she wished to explore.
"The things I want to do you…" She muttered distractedly.
Ruby flushed beneath Belle's intense stare. She had been the object of many a wanton stare in her day, but none made her feel as magnificently empowered and vulnerable all at the same time.
She lay down beside Belle, letting herself truly enjoy the sight of the naked woman; her hair, soft, luxuriant. Her eyes, brimming with expectation. That stunning, magnificent body—this beautiful woman waiting for her touch.
Belle quivered as once again Ruby paid rapt attention to her neck and throat. On some subconscious level she understood this was the wolf's way of asserting its dominance. She didn't mind. The stinging nips and soothing licks did crazy things to her. She more than welcomed it. Ruby's lips pressed lingering, light kisses to the base of her throat then followed the path between her breasts to the underside of the left one where she paused to lavish her with an open mouth. She gasped when playful teeth tugged on her sensitive nipple, sending a gush of heat between her legs and tingles up and down her spine. Ruby's hand tugged and pinched the other nipple, brushed her palm against the hardened nub, then let it fall down to her stomach, to her hip, to her inner thigh… Over her throbbing center, not touching. Back up to her hip.
Belle mewed her distress as Ruby refused to touch her where she needed it most, positively squirming now.
"Ruby, please." She begged, her voice cracked. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath.
Ruby smiled ruefully. It was nice to know she wasn't the only one struggling, but Belle's begging body was getting hard to ignore. A light sheen of sweat developed on her flushed skin over the last minute, her chest now constantly heaved, thrusting round, eager breasts at her face. The scent of her arousal permeated the air, making Ruby's head swim and glutes squeeze.
She leaned down and kissed Belle slowly, softly…
A soft sigh burst past Belle's lips and Ruby swallowed it as she allowed a finger to slip between her silky, wet folds. Mother Nature's own lubricant instantly coated her finger and part of her hand. Belle had been right, she was practically swimming. Ruby's heart sputtered; Belle's own body was testament and verification to the love she professed.
"Oh—oh, fuck…" Belle gasped, dropping her hands from Ruby's face and letting them fall above her head. Her fingers sought purchase at the head of Ruby's bed but slipped on the smooth mahogany. She settled for planting her hands against the wood in an attempt to keep herself grounded to this plane of existence.
This was something magical.
Ruby dipped her head, leaving a smoldering trail of kisses up and down Belle's flushed chest as she added a second finger. She slipped and slid in her girlfriend's arousal. The pad of her thumb pressed against Belle's swollen clit—Belle gasped, her hips jerking violently. Ruby chuckled, repeating the motion. Another gush of liquid heat. She trailed her fingers down, allowing them to get good and wet before moving down, curling a finger, and coming head to head with a ring of tight, contracting muscle. She paused, searching Belle's eyes for any sign of hesitance or doubt.
All she found was love, adoration, and burning anticipation.
How did they get here? One minute they were taking a walk through the park, holding hands and sharing a cup of Henry's favorite variation of hot chocolate to fight off the winter chill. They were talking, joking, holding hands. Two lovers out for a midnight stroll. The next, they were struggling to get inside her room, clothes ripping and buttons flying and pounding hearts yearning.
"Do you trust me?" She asked, her voice just above a whisper.
Belle did not hesitate. "With all my heart."
She slipped in.
Belle's body arched to impossible heights. For a second Ruby wondered if she was about to levitate. They lived in Storybrooke after all.
No such thing happened.
Her own breathed hitched as her girlfriend's tight walls clamped down greedily on her fingers, sucking her in with surprising strength. She pressed her head to Belle's shoulder with a throaty groan as her hips immediately began driving against her hand.
Harder, the wolf chanted, making its presence known once again. Faster.
For once Ruby complied. She pumped into Belle gently at first but the pace quickly grew punishing. Belle matched it with enthusiastic thrusts of her wide hips and breathless, cracking moans and gasps. Ruby had never seen a look of such pleasure and such abandonment on her face. It was intoxicating. She ignored the protests of straining tendons and ligaments in her wrist, employing the wolf's strength to drive harder still just to see that look linger. She groaned, her own hips grinding roughly against Belle's hip.
Belle was close. So damn close already. Her entire body tensed in preparation for what she knew—felt—would be a life altering experience. Ruby's vigorous pumping drove her closer to that reckless abandon her body desperately craved.
"Ru—Ruby-"
Just as she neared the edge, teetered dangerously on the precipice, Ruby's face disappeared from her line of sight. Moments later she felt the flat of a tongue on her most sensitive spot take a long, loving taste. At the same time, Ruby's lithe, strong fingers reached new depths, curled inside her as she jerked them once. Twice.
And Belle exploded.
She arched her back and cried out, and Ruby tasted a new kind of wetness on her tongue. Belle's hands clenched and unclenched convulsively in unconscious motions that matched her frantic breaths.
"Oh, Go—Ruby!"
With a final thrust of aching hips, Ruby followed suit, the wolf's mental and emotional link to its mate supplying her with the push she needed to come. For an eternal moment, her deeper but no less feminine cries matched Belle's breathless sobs chanting her name religiously. They were suspended, floating in a thick haze of inexpressible pleasure. Then with a synchronized groan, they collapsed, spent. They had given their all to each other, and even though they never wanted the moment to end, they knew it was over as they struggled to catch their breath and calm their pounding hearts…
Belle finally managed to pry her eyes open a minute later, and a deliriously happy smile tugged lazily at her lips. She was stupid happy, completely relaxed, and oh so acutely aware of Ruby's heaving body pressed against her side. She felt her arm draped across her stomach, her fingers caressing her lightly. She could hear the wolf's strong, steady heartbeat, smelled the warm, musky scent of her skin and their sex.
She'd never felt as loved as she did in this moment.
"Are you okay?" Ruby's tired voice broke through her thoughts.
Belle cocked a quizzical brow at the brunette, smiling adoringly at her. "You're the one who did all the work. I should be asking you that."
Ruby took a moment to gather her thoughts. She could finally think more cohesively, string a full sentence together rather than the monosyllabic, interrupted thoughts. Courtesy of the very single minded wolf.
"I… I felt you." She said quietly, then frowned. That's not what she meant to say. She licked her lips, "I don't know what happened. It's like… Like I could feel what you were feeling."
Belle racked the foggy recesses of her mind for an answer. She wasn't completely back to one hundred percent. "Maybe it's because we've bonded." She suggested.
Ruby shook her head. "My wolf bonded with you, but that does—"Her eyes widened with sudden understanding. She gawked at Belle, forgetting all about her exhaustion and pushing herself up. She slipped her hand into Belle's, giving it a firm squeeze. "Belle… Did… Did you…"
"Accept you?" She asked casually, though her eyes shone with a combination of excitement and fear. "I did." She said quietly.
Ruby couldn't believe her ears. She didn't much understand the ways of the wolf, but she got the gist of what bonding meant. The wolf had chosen Belle as a mate long before Ruby ever acknowledged any feelings for her. When her human half finally came to terms with those feelings, the wolf jumped the gun and marked her, bonded with her. Bonding was a sacred thing for the wolf. It meant it trusted Belle implicitly, that it loved her unconditionally, pledged unyielding loyalty to her, and that it would die to protect to her. All it asked in return was that Belle acknowledge its love for her, and that she love it in return.
Ruby knew Belle loved her deeply, but she'd never known to what extent.
This was that extent: Belle loved her enough to spend the rest of her existence magically connected to her. She didn't just love Ruby, with her sometimes brash behavior and overbearing attitude; she also loved Red with her insecurities and sensitive disposition. She loved the wolf in all its feral, passionate glory. Belle loved every aspect of her, and she wanted to spend the rest of her life proving it.
"I love you." Ruby, Red, and the wolf said at once.
Belle beamed, accepting Ruby's gentle kiss. She wiped tears from her eyes as she pulled away, chuckling. "I love you, too." She said, her voice cracking with emotion.
They gazed lovingly at each other, completely enraptured by the emotion each girl saw swirling in the eyes of her lover… Ruby could have stared into Belle's eyes forever…
Those eyes… Those gorgeous, gorgeous eyes…
"Where are you right now?"
I blink slowly and the image of those eyes fades. Mine is the far away expression of someone torn violently from a pleasant dream. My features twist into a grimace that suck the light out of my eyes, reach down to darken my very soul. The hand on the alley wall twitches, curling into claws, fingertips embedding themselves into the rough brick. I smell blood. My blood.
My mind reacts violently to being ripped away from the pleasant memories, and the reaction only proves more severe because of the blood and because of what, or rather, who, caused that lovely image to go away.
It's those same haunting blue eyes.
But not…
"You're thinking about her, aren't you?"
Lacey's harsh tone gives me the final pull to send me crashing back to reality. She cranes her neck, looking over her shoulder at me with a furious scowl. Her eyes-hauntingly familiar yet total strangers to me- shine with some strange, internal light. She looks deranged. Unstable. Crazy. Words that I have never associated with Belle.
She shoves her hips backwards, her ass smacking against my pubic bone in a silent demand. I brace myself against the wall with one hand, flexing and extending the fingers inside of her before pressing my body against her, bending her over once more. I rest my chin on her shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut.
"Nowhere." I mutter, and resume fucking her.
Lacey.
The woman who stole my fiancé, and my life.
The woman who killed Belle…
And me.
"Yes!" She hisses, "Like that! Just like that! Fuck!"
My stomach churns, acid rising in my throat. I hate her.
I try to reconcile my feelings for Belle with Lacey but it will never happen. Lacey is not Belle. She never will be. And I think my heart is finally giving up on the hopes of ever getting her back. It's been almost two months, and there's still no signs that my fiancé, my soul mate, is emerging.
My thoughts leave me feeling angry. Empty. Hopeless. I deal with it the only way the wolf knows how. Physically.
"Fuck!" Lacey curses, throwing her head back so that it rests on my shoulder. Her hips buck back and forth to meet every harsh thrust of my hand, ass grinding against my center roughly, coaxing a gush of heat from between my legs. It's repulsing. I disgust myself. And yet-
I'd rather feel this than the suffocating loss, the ache in my chest, the hole in my heart. I feel Belle's absence acutely, like a part of myself is gone, too.
It's all because of Rumpelstiltskin. That damn little lizard of a man just couldn't accept the fact that Belle wanted nothing to do with him. He might have been her first love, but he wasn't her true love. I am.
Was.
So he took her from me. He took her from me in the worst way imaginable. He took her memories, in essence taking everything that made her my wonderful, beautiful Belle, and left this hallow, sickening shell in her place. Her body is here. Her voice is the same. Those eyes still haunt me. But Belle is gone. My mate is gone.
It's the worst kind of torture knowing the person you love is trapped inside her own body, that you will never get her back, that you will be forced to see her every day for the rest of your life, watch her move on, become something so wrong, defile your memories.
Tear your heart to pieces with every single glance.
I knew Rumpelstiltskin was evil… But this? This is on a whole other level…
She calls herself Lacey.
And I hate her.
"Fuck! Yes! Just like that, baby!" Lacey encourages. She's everywhere all at once. On my body, in my head. Like a damn snake slithering its way into every nook and cranny.
I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I fucking hate you!
"Fuck..." I snarl as she manages to bend her arm behind her and slip a non-too gentle hand into my jeans. She cups me roughly before hooking three finger inside me. There's no transition with her, no gentle guidance. She immediately matches my own tempo, fucking me hard, fast. Relentlessly.
"I love it when you talk dirty." She taunts, straining against me, trapped between the wall and my body. "What were you doing with a stuffy little girl like Belle, anyway? I bet she never made you feel this way."
Her words crush me, her voice kills me. It's Belle's lovely voice corrupted by Lacey's vile taint. One big, cosmic joke. She's right here, right in front of me, touching me… but she's never been further out of my reach.
"You need a real woman, baby." Lacey continues to torment me. She spotted my weakness and now she's latched on like a damn viper and won't let go. She's here to draw blood. To hurt me for hurting her. "Someone that can bring out the real you."
Something inside me breaks. I shove Lacey face first into the wall, ripping our hands out of each other. She gasps, her cheek smashing into the hard, prickly edges of brick. "What the fuck!" She yelps, obviously not expecting such aggression from me. We've argued, we've put our hands on each other, but a part of me always held back, my mind screaming, Don't hurt Belle!
Not anymore.
"You don't fucking know the real me. You never will." I spin her around, take in the dazed, weary look in her eyes and sneer. She's scared, and I like it.
I grab her hips and pick her up with ease, smashing her back against the wall before settling myself between her legs. For once I'm glad Lacey has such trashy tastes. The barely there dress she's wearing hikes up revealing her quivering thighs and swollen, glistening lips. Easy access for the big, bad, wolf. Her legs wrap around my waist instinctively, talon-like fingers curling into my shoulders shredding flesh. She gives as good as she gets. She'll hurt me just as much I hurt her.
"You're sick." Lacey's hooded eyes beckon me. As much as I would like to disassociate this woman from Belle, I can't. Not completely. She has her eyes, her nose, her lips. She looks like Belle all flustered like this, with her rouge-tinged cheeks, kiss-swollen lips parted for breath, her entire body hot, heaving, and straining for more. There's a strange look in her eyes.
…When she's not talking, not trying so damn hard to remind me that she's not Belle, I can almost convince myself that she is…
An inkling of remorse breaks through the anger. I lean forward, capturing her lips in a quivering kiss.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I miss her so much. Too much. It's excessive. Humiliating. Wrong.
Belle would never want you to touch her like this. You're defiling her memory. You're fucking a cheap knock-off of her. You're betraying your mate. This isn't right.
"Lacey…" I try to choke her name out, but it catches in my throat. I shake my head. What am I doing?
Whatever magic overcame Lacey and compelled her to silence loses its hold on her. Her lips curl back into that awful, contemptuous sneer of hers as she swipes the back of her hand across her mouth. "I'm not her. Do you understand me? I'm not her! I'm not Belle! You're not fucking Belle right now! You're fucking me! Lacey! I'm Lacey!"
She screams, growls, and bangs her fists on my chest and shoulders. She's losing her shit. You're in good company. She thrashes wildly in my arms, threatening to throw me off balance and knock me on my ass.
"I'm not her, do you hear me? I'm not her!" Lacey continues to howl in a shrill voice, still beating me. "You're such a fucking bitch!"
A wayward kick to the groin sends us plunging to the ground. I end up on my knees, arms still wrapped around her waist, her hands pressed against my shoulders. Her face is buried in my neck, hot tears falling on my skin. The pain of the blow brings reality into focus with sharp clarity.
What the hell is happening?
"I'm not her! I'm not Belle!" She keeps repeating, but her voice is losing that hard edge, becoming more and more desperate. "I'm not her."
My head hurts. I'm drunk. I haven't slept in days. Wolf's time is coming. I'm starting to lose my hard fought hard won control over the beast again. This is too much. Not enough. This is not what I expected. Not what I wanted. I came here to hurt Lacey, to use her then lose her. She's just a temporary fix to a not so temporary problem. I didn't expect her to react like this. I didn't expect her to break.
And I sure as hell didn't expect to care.
Heaven help me, she looks just like Belle. She IS Belle…
"I'm not her." Lacey whimpers, her frantic shouts simmering to hiccups. I'm not so certain I know who she's talking to anymore. I thought she was being a bitch reminding me that she isn't Belle, reminding me of what I lost.
"I'm not her."
So broken. So lost. A warning.
I can't help myself. My heart is twisting in agony, my fuzzy mind seeing things that can't be there. I lift a twitchy hand to her face, hooking my fingers under her chin and tilting her face towards me.
God, those eyes…
"I know." I whisper, and kiss her. She resists only for a brief moment, then her body slumps against me, her lips parting to receive. Finally giving in. But who is giving in? Her? Or me?
I know you're not her. You never will be.
And this is the single most painful experience in life: To miss someone so damn much, to want nothing more than to wrap your arms around them, hold them, all while knowing that it is impossible.
Knowing that it will never happen again.
This is how we break. How I break.
Knowing I will never hold her again.
AN: Hello kids. Long time no see :D
First off, let me apologize for being a total asshole and misleading you with the title and summary of this story. I've no excuse. And I've never read 50 Shades Of Gray. Official is officially an asshole. Don't hurt me! In my crazy ass brain this fits in a very roundabout way.
So I went on a soul searching journey. I didn't find my soul. But I did find a substantial lack of awesome femslash fiction. After months of happily sitting on the sidelines reading rather than writing I came to the conclusion that there is definitely not enough Flight, Splashley, Fuffy, Joniss, and most definitely not enough RedBeauty in the world! It's killing me! So here I am paying my dues and giving it the good old college try.
As always, I did my best to proof read and edit, but a few mistakes may remain. Feedback is much appreciated. Let me know if this is something worth pursing because I'm iffy on it. FYI- two songs by In This Moment inspired this entire thing. "Beast Within" and "Sick Like Me" Check them out.
CHEERS, KIDS!