Author's Notes
Yes, I know I'm supposed to be writing SoBSoR, but all RinHaru is good RinHaru, right? Just... shhhh. And enjoy this self-indulgent crybaby!Rin fic.
Actually, it's just an excuse for me to write a drowning scene. And the aftermath. Because drowning scenes are obligatory in this fandom and there aren't enough in fanfiction! ):
Warnings: Swearing? And medical things towards the end. Glossary in end notes. Oh, and emotional breakdowns, but yeah. Pretty mild oneshot.
Please enjoy!
The first time that Haruka told Rin not to cry was a very long time ago. Back before competitive swimming. Back before Australia. Back before the fallout. Back when they were good friends, great friends, and that was all there was to it. And the first time that Haruka saw Rin cry, it had been for something so trivial that Haruka remembered being annoyed with Rin for crying in the first place.
"It's just a quiz," he huffed as he sat next to the redhead, who was trying so hard to keep his expression straight.
"It was an important one," Rin sniffled, wiping at his eyes before the tears could fall on the paper he clutched tightly in both hands. In red at the top was scribbled the number "34/100" and a note was written underneath to inform Rin that the teacher wanted to see him later on.
"You should've studied harder," Haruka replied, unfazed.
"I studied hard already!" Rin protested. "And besides, I don't scare about this stupid subject... I just need a good average."
"If you studied like you swam, you'd probably have a good average," his friend shrugged.
"But swimming is fun. Studying is not," the redhead pouted. "And now I have to go see the teacher... My mom is going to be so mad when she sees this..."
"You'll just have to do extra well on the next one, then," Haruka reasoned, and it really was no comfort. But Rin somehow found the reassurance in his tone, and he nodded, unable to keep the tears off of his cheeks any longer.
"I just don't want my grades to keep me back from reaching my dream," he sniffled, eyes and cheeks and nose red and wet with tears and snot. He really did look rather pitiful.
But Haruka put a hand on his head and ruffled his hair, as impassive as ever, and when Rin looked up at him in confusion, Haruka just turned his gaze away.
"They won't. Just... Don't cry, Rin."
...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Rin cried a lot, Haruka learned, but at least when he did, he was easy to comfort. Most of the time, he stopped crying in minutes. That's why Haruka never remembered those times. What he did remember were the times when Rin would be too hard to console, and would leave Haruka confused as to what to do other than hold his hand. These moments didn't happen often, thankfully. But the one time where it happened, and that it actually mattered, Haruka knew that it was his responsibility to be a friend for Rin and a shoulder for his tears.
"I wish I'd told you earlier," said boy mumbled, clutching Haruka's hoodie tightly. "I didn't want to upset you."
"But now you're upset," Haruka remarked, but it went both ways since Rin's sadness was also his. "You didn't have to keep it in all this time."
"And what would I have told you?" Rin lifted his gaze, leaks still falling from his red-rimmed eyes. "That I'm moving an ocean apart and I don't know when, or if I'll return?"
"Well, yes," Haruka cocked his head, ever as simplistic. "We would have made plans to spend more time while we still had some. We could have swam more often."
"I didn't want to hang with you and Makoto and Nagisa if all of us knew that it would be our last time together." Rin's words were slurred, and no matter how much he rubbed his eyes, he couldn't stop crying.
"It won't be the last time. You'll come back someday, I know it," Haruka comforted him, though he wasn't sure who he was trying to comfort at this point. "If your parents don't want to come back, you can save up when you get a job and you can take a plane back here. You can stay at my house, too, so then you wouldn't have to go back."
"It'll take too long until then," Rin shook his head, rejecting all of Haru's attempts to comfort him.
"But you'll be training to be an Olympic swimmer, so time will pass by really quickly," Haruka reasoned. "You'll be living your dreams, Rin."
"Well I don't want to reach my dreams if you're not there with me." He raised his gaze, quieting some, as if embarrassed. "You, Makoto, Nagisa... You're all a part of my dream, too."
"Oh." And suddenly, something had become red hot inside of Haruka, and the cold winter air didn't bother him anymore. "Well. In that case, you'll just have to work hard in Australia. And us, we'll wait for you whenever you come back." He patted Rin's arms and then stood back. "Go. I bet your mom is waiting."
Rin stepped back as well, just enough to look into Haru's eyes, collected as ever, and he tried to wipe his face clean of his own tears.
"Come on, Rin. You don't have to cry," Haru sighed, and yet Rin's eyes still burned, even when the tears stopped flowing. "There. You'll be okay. Now don't cry, and have lots of fun in Australia."
"Mhm," Rin nodded, and let a watery smile touch his face. "I won't. And I'll train hard, so you better train hard, too!"
"I only swim free, silly," Haruka rolled his eyes. "You should go."
"I'll see you, Haru," Rin grinned widely though his heart visibly wasn't in it, and then he turned around.
"See you, Rin,"Haruka called to his retreating back, face falling into a frown.
And Rin heard him, and hot, silent tears ran down his face again, but he couldn't stop despite Haru's pleas because he was now crying for two.
...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
One year later, Rin returned. They raced. Haru won. Rin lost.
Rin cried.
Rin left.
And Haruka never had a chance to tell him that he didn't have to cry.
...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
They rolled around in the dirt, and something had changed between them, something big. Not the resentment that Rin seemed to have in tons, not the annoying impassiveness that Haruka broadcast in his expression, but something else, something that neither of them could see but that both of them could feel.
Rin's hands were twisted tightly in his shirt, and Haruka was a split second away from putting his own on his friend's fevered skin to try and pry them off. And then, Rin's eyes went elsewhere, and as his gaze turned away from Haru, the bitterness in his expression faded as well. And then, Haruka was looking at a sight he had sorely missed, but hadn't at the same time.
"Why?" Rin was asking over and over again, in a hundred different ways, but the message was still clear. It was clear like the teardrops that streamed down his face and that drip-drip-dripped on Haruka's cold cheeks, warm and soothing and terrifying as they slid down the sides of his face as if he had been crying as well.
He looked at Rin's face, contorted in pain and regret and sorrow, and he figured that he may as well have been.
He moved a little to try and comfort him. Words were largely a part of it, but he ached to reach out and wipe his tears away, hold his hands, and steal away all the bitterness that he'd been bearing on his shoulder for such a long time. Rin did everything he did for the team, but never once did he stop to think that maybe he deserved some individuality, too.
Haru would have held his hand if Makoto and the others had not shown up. Instead, they stood up and brushed themselves off, and the look they exchanged was silent, but meaningful.
Rin stopped crying and began moving forward just because Haruka had told him to.
...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Rin realized after a while that there were only two people in the world who could get him to stop crying; himself, and Haruka.
Really, he cried at the drop of a hat. Any time he got even remotely emotional, tears would well up in his eyes, and it'd take everything he had not to let them roll down his cheeks.
And now, he wasn't sure if the water on his face was that of tears, or rain. Both, perhaps. Both that were swept away by the waves as they periodically dragged him under, into the angry, stormy sea.
He tried to call out and swallowed a gulp of sea water, and it made him want to vomit it back out.
"Haru!"
The sea ate up his cries like a desperate, savage beast. The black waters swirled around him, and Rin dove again to avoid a large wave that was heading right past him. He could see nothing in the depths, and his eyes burned from the water and the tears of undiluted terror that escaped into the sea.
"Haru!" he cried again, hope filtering out of his system like all of his body heat, and he wondered if he was cold because he'd lost Haru to the waves or because he was losing himself to the waves.
And then there was light. A lightning bolt lit up the clouds, yes, but more than anything else, there was a hand on his wrist underwater that sent shocks of warmth rippling across his skin and dissipating into the cold water. Rin screeched out of instinct, his mind conjuring a thousand different sea monsters that could have grabbed him to drag him down to the depths, but then a body weakly hauled itself out of the water to hold onto him, and he prayed to every god he could think of that the body wasn't exactly just that- a body.
"Haru!" he cried again, securing his arms around the black-haired boy tightly. His legs kicked relentlessly to keep them both afloat as Haru had become dead weight in his arms.
"R-Rin." Haru coughed, salt water running all over both of them, and Rin was so so so so so so so relieved-
"Can you swim?" Rin asked urgently, taking Haru's face in his hands. He was so cold to touch, shivering and pale, even in the darkness. Rin doubted he looked any different, but the adrenaline was keeping him alive- for now.
He didn't even wait for Haruka to respond to start swimming them to safety. He didn't know where safety was, but the abandoned lighthouse was not too far off, and surely they could find blankets and a phone to call for help there. It was as safe as they would get.
The waves fought against them, and Rin fought back, swearing in Japanese, in English, with every swear word he'd ever even heard in passing, because he was afraid, so afraid of what he would find when they got on the island.
A gigantic wave crashed into them, and Haru slipped off of Rin.
"Haru!" Rin was definitely crying now, chest heaving to catch his breath and control the panic that was at its peak. He didn't even wait to catch his breath before diving again, and blinding feeling around for something, anything-
He found nothing, and so he surfaced for another brief second, and dove with renewed fervor. He would not lose Haru. Not like this. Not ever.
So when he surfaced the second time with the now totally-limp body in his arms, there were tears of relief and terror running down his face, rivaling the raindrops dripping in his eyes. He was sobbing, loud and scared, and yet his legs never stopped pushing, one kick, another, another, another, until his toes landed in sand, and Rin let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.
He didn't even know how he was still alive.
He didn't even know if Haruka was still alive.
The black-haired boy had become substantially heavier now that they weren't in the water anymore, and Rin's mind flashed with panic as he imagined not being able to pull Haru out of the water despite having gotten him to the shore. But he couldn't give up now. Not now, not ever. Rin swam for the team, and Haru needed him to keep pushing right now.
He dragged them both onto the sand, and then dropped like a fish out of water. His frantic breaths burned on the way down, and he felt lightheaded, but even through it all, he rolled painfully to Haru's side and put his face close against his lips.
There was no breath on his cheek, and no movement of his chest, and a whole new kind of cold grabbed Rin by the throat and choked his newly-found breath right out of him.
"No, no, no, no, no," he shook his head in disbelief, putting three fingers to Haru's carotid to feel for a pulse. It was there, but it was weak, and Rin had learned about this in Australia, when they taught every swimmer on the team their techniques for aquatic first aid, but that was such a long time ago, and Rin didn't even know if he could save Haru anymore.
But he still had a pulse. For now. He wasn't breathing, but a pulse could go miles, and Rin would take anything he could get now.
Painstakingly, messily, he took Haru's arms and put them around his neck, and then pushed all of his body weight on his back. Rin's legs shook with effort as he rose, but his grip on Haru was firm. He never let go, even when he slipped in the wet sand, even when his knees gave out and he stumbled forward, and especially not when his bare feet scraped against the stone steps up to the lighthouse.
The abandoned building had an open door, and Rin was so grateful for that. For the second time, he stumbled to safety and then dropped them both, panting hard. Any moment now, he would lose consciousness... But then, Haru-
"Haru," he whimpered, crawling to his friend, his best friend, his everything, and he turned him over. Water was leaking out of his mouth passively, but he made no movements. Rin pressed his fingers to his pulse and listened for a breath, and a choked cry escaped him when he found none.
He should have seen it coming, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight of Haru, cold and dead in front of him.
Dead.
Cold.
Free.
Dead.
No.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, not yet, not yet, just one more chance to save him just one more-
"Wake up," Rin pleaded, looking at the sky for some kind of answer. "Please, Haru, please don't do this!"
The sky gave him no answer, but his eyes landed on a landline hooked on the wall.
Rin's tears never stopped, and yet they were justified as he limped to the phone and picked it up.
It was functional.
He let out a loud cry of relief, a new sense of vigour instilled within him. With stability he didn't think he still had, he punched in the number for emergency services, and then dropped the phone all the way to the floor. Then, he knelt by Haru's head, and took a deep breath.
He would need it.
The operator answered as he reached the sixth compression of his first cycle of CPR.
"Emergency, what service do you need?"
Rin did not answer. Instead, he counted out loud.
"Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve-"
"Sir, are you performing CPR?"
"Fifteen, sixteen, YES!, eighteen, nineteen-"
"Please give us a location and we will send emergency services immediately."
"Twenty-three, twenty-four, the old lighthouse, twenty-five, no, twenty-seven, twenty-eight? Ah, fuck!"
He growled and took a deep breath, tilting Haru's head back and pinching his nose. Then, he put his lips over Haru's, and prayed for a rise in his chest as he exhaled. And then, he prayed that Haruka did not have mononucleosis, or there would be hell to pay when he woke up.
When he woke up.
The thought brought a smile to Rin's face and he quickly dove in for the next breath.
There was no rise of his chest, and Rin frowned, returning to his compressions.
"No breathing, no pulse," he grunted as he began.
"Sir, do you know how to use an AED?"
"Six, seven, eight, YES, ten-"
"The old lighthouse has a functional AED in the lifeguard office. After this cycle, go and get it," the operator instructed calmly.
Rin nodded, knowing she couldn't see him, and finished his cycle with a respiration that left his lips tingling. And then, he was on his feet, running to the lifeguard office.
The AED stared at him right in the face, and Rin had never been more grateful in his entire life. He grabbed it and ran back out, legs shaking and jello under his body weight.
"I'm setting up the AED," Rin announced shakily, sliding back next to Haru and scraping his knees. He threw the pack open and almost tore the machine out, quickly drying the water droplets on Haru's chest, and sticking the pads on his chest and his ribcage slightly messily. No amount of training could have prepared him for the day when he'd have to use an actual defibrillator on an actual person. Especially since that person was his best friend, clinically dead in front of him at the current time.
He turned the machine on, and stepped back. Haru was laying on a dry surface and the water dripping from him wasn't enough to make a puddle. He would be safe.
"Analysis in progress," the machine recited, and Rin held his breath. "Shock recommended."
"Okay," Rin took a shuddering breath, moving away from Haru and to the machine. His breath was shaky and his chest hurt from trying to control his breathing, but if he couldn't breathe properly, who would breathe for Haru? "I'm gonna be okay," he nodded his head to clear it, and then, as he put his finger on the button, he added as an afterthought. "You're going to be okay, Haru".
Haru made no noise when the shock was administered, but his chest made a jerk upward that looked rather painful on the way back down.
"Initiate cardiopulmonary resuscitation if necessary," he machine recited, but Rin was way ahead of it and was kneeling over Haru again even before it finished.
He pumped, hard and fast. Beneath his fingers, he could feel crackles, and bile rose up in his throat as his vision began to tunnel.
"No, no, no," he whispered. "I'm okay. We're in the lighthouse right now. We are safe. The paramedics are on their way. I'm okay. Haru. Haru, you're okay." His tone escalated with every confirmation of his surroundings, and he let out small gasps of exertion with every pump. The darkness creeping on the sides of his vision receded, and Rin let out a shaky breath.
And then, he realized he was crying.
"Please, Haru," he sobbed softly, bending down to give him two respirations. "Please wake up... Please don't do this..."
The heel of his palm hurt like a bitch from pushing against Haru's chest, and Rin jerked when a sharp crack disturbed the otherwise silent atmosphere. Even the operator had gone silent. Rin wondered if she'd hung up.
"It's just the cartilage, Rin," he told himself in a shuddering breath, hesitating a split second before returning to his rhythm. He couldn't break it anymore. Haru's life was quite literally in the palm of his right hand. "It's not his ribs. He's okay. It's just cartilage snapping. You can't puncture a lung like this. You're okay. He's okay."
The coaching seemed to help, because despite the horrible pain in his hands, his shoulders, his lower back and his knees, Rin pushed with renewed vigour.
"Sir, the rescue chopper is getting ready to lift off from the beachside. They will be with you in ten minutes." Ah, so the operator had not hung up. Rin felt guilty, like he ought to put more faith in her.
"Twelve, thirteen, thank you, fifteen, sixteen-"
He kept going, and only after the end of the cycle did he realize what the woman had just said.
"Ten minutes?" he panted between respirations to catch his breath. He didn't know if he could go on like this for ten minutes. He couldn't do it. But then again, he couldn't leave Haru to die, either. He wouldn't.
"Sir, prioritize your health over that of your patient," the operator told him in a smooth, professional voice. "If you feel that you are unable to continue-"
"No!" Rin interrupted her, growling as he plowed harder into Haru's chest. Another piece of cartilage snapped with a disturbing crack under his hand. "I won't let him down! And I won't let him die!"
Water dripped onto Haru's chest, and Rin realized that he was crying again, and the realization made him work so much harder. He was hitting the limits of his adrenaline and felt lightheaded from the panic growing inside of him in every second that Haru did not wake up.
"Analysis in progress," the machine spoke again, and Rin immediately stopped, having forgotten that the AED was still there. He held his breath, and a little noise escaped his mouth when the machine recommended another shock.
Rin gave it, and his own heart stopped as Haru remained unconscious.
"Initiate cardiopulmonary resuscitation if necessary."
"Fuck!" Rin swore in English, and then returned to pumping Haru's chest. He was exhausted already, and the operator's advice was ringing truer and truer in his head with every second. He should stop or else his own body would fail him.
But he couldn't fail Haruka. Not Haru. Not the wonderful boy who'd saved his life more times than he deserved. Not the incredible young man who'd shown him an entire world that he'd chosen to be blind to. Not Haru. Not his best friend.
Rin could do nothing but count out loud, his arms and legs and core and voice shaking with exhaustion.
He began crying again, when, two minutes later, the machine re-analyzed Haru's heartbeat, and did not recommend a shock. Rin would take anything he could get. He began pumping again.
Two cycles later, at the seventeenth pump, Haruka's body finally jerked, and he vomited.
Rin was astute enough to turn him to the side as soon as his chest gave a violent shudder, and his heart soared with hope as Haru's entire body seemed to contract to expel what must've been a litre of saltwater and the remnants of his lunch out of his system.
"Haru?" Rin asked in a shuddering breath, afraid to touch him again after laying him back down on his back.
"Has there been a change in the patient's condition?" the operator asked, always as dutiful.
"He threw up water," Rin stammered, finally at a loss of what to do.
"Verify pulse and respiration. If they are still not present, and you feel like you can continue, please re-initiate CPR," the woman on the line told him, but the only answer she got was the sound of the young man's voice breaking under the weight of unshed tears as he began counting to thirty again.
But Rin was glad. A change in Haru's condition could only mean that he was not alone in this fight anymore. Haru was fighting alongside him, and he couldn't give up now.
"How long has it been?" he asked during the next set of respirations, panting harshly as he breathed into Haru's lungs. His chest now rose and fell visibly and Rin was so glad to see that the air was passing through better than before.
"Five minutes since the chopper lifted off. They should be there soon."
"Five!?" Rin cried out, desperation rearing its ugly head and gripping his heart in its cold claws. He was exhausted already, and he was only halfway through. This was impossible.
But he looked down at Haru's peaceful face, and gritted his teeth, because nothing was impossible if he was doing it for Haruka.
"You can do it," the operator encouraged him. "Please hold on."
"Hell yeah I will," Rin choked, and then bent over Haru again.
The machine analyzed Haru's heartbeat again two minutes later, and contraindicated another shock. Rin sighed out in relief, and then began pumping again. His fingers were numb and his legs were tingling, but he couldn't move now, and he certainly could not stop now. Haru was counting on him to be strong. The black-haired boy had saved him a hundred times over; the least he could do in return was save him just this once.
But then there was a crash of lightning outside, and Rin jumped from the sheer proximity of it. There was the sound of a generator powering down. And Rin's heart leapt in his throat because he didn't even want to know what had happened?
"How much time?" he asked again to the darkness, pumping as hard as his sore, cold, shaky limbs would let him.
Nobody answered.
"Hello?" Rin choked out, briefly interrupting his maneuver to look around, as if he'd find the answer in the air.
Still no answer.
A strangled sob escaped Rin's throat, and he took his hands off of Haru's chest to bury his face in his arms.
"Damn it..." he cried, fat tears wetting his face. His heart ran a thousand beats per minute. "Damn it! Haru, you can't do this!" His voice broke, and the realization of his own powerlessness crashed into him harder than any other wave they'd faced in the sea itself. His loud, unashamed sobs echoed on the lighthouse's walls, and he let out a noise of frustration when he realized how useless everything had been all along.
But Haru...
"Haru," Rin sobbed his name almost reverently, wiping his face one last time before bending his aching spine over again to set his hands on his chest. The skin was smooth, reddened by Rin's maneuver, and cold, so so cold, and Rin missed it when he put an arm around Haru's shoulder and felt the incredible heat emanating from the impassive boy. He didn't want to let go. Not now. Not ever. Even if Haru didn't make it through this one, he didn't want to lie awake at night thinking that he hadn't tried everything he could have to save him.
And he began anew.
Despite the darkness, despite the silence, despite the rolling waves crashing against the rocks outside, Rin continued, and there was nothing more comforting than the fact that he was trying everything in his arsenal to keep his best friend alive.
Another cartilage snapped under his fingers, and Rin's heaving breaths hitched before evening back into their tired rhythm.
"Please, Haru," Rin cried to nobody but the darkness now. "Please say something. Do something. Fuck... Please don't be dead..."
There was no answer from the body under his fingers, and Rin was crying all over again. When he bent down to give Haru his respirations, tears dripped all over his face, and Rin felt like Haru would tell him not to cry if he were awake.
"Don't cry, Rin," he told himself instead, and his breath hitched when he realized that it was exactly what Haru would tell him. "Don't cry."
But it only served to make him cry harder, heart clenching at the thought of losing Haru forever. With nobody to tell him to stop crying anymore, Rin would spend the rest of his life drowning in his own tears.
"Don't cry!" he exclaimed harder, his voice shattering under the weight of another sob, and the next respiration he gave was more wail than air. Rin bit his lip so hard he drew blood, and grunted with exertion as he returned to keeping Haru alive.
There was a loud noise outside that broke through the darkness clinging like film in front of his eyes. There was a ringing in his ears all of a sudden, all sound filtering out, and Rin let out another cry, of pain and confusion this time. What was happening to him? He felt lightheaded. Was he going to faint, too?
"Not here, not now," he sniffled, head hanging as he literally put all of his body weight behind each pump of Haru's chest. A desperate cry tore out of his throat, and his tears suddenly felt cold, freezing on his cheeks.
He did not register the people who ran into the lighthouse, shining a flashlight directly at him. He had closed his eyes at that point, mechanically performing CPR as if he'd lost faith in himself as well.
"Sir!"
"Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen-"
"Sir, can you hear us!?" A voice broke through to Rin, but when he opened his eyes, he could only see Haruka, laying cold and dead on the ground, and his voice rose a pitch higher. More hysteric.
"Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one-"
"Okay, sir, we're here to help." There were footsteps and Rin finally lifted his red, teary eyes to look at the newcomers.
The two paramedics set their bags down in a hurry and began unpacking.
"Please keep going!" one of them encouraged him, and Rin didn't need anything else. The ringing in his ears was receding, but he could hear the world through a glass wall at this point.
"Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven-"
"You're doing great!" the other paramedic added, pulling out a bag-valve mask whilst the other safely began prepping the oxygen tank.
"He's dead," Rin sobbed, his voice cracking as he bent his shaking frame to give Haru the last breaths he could manage. "He's dead," he repeated his words, and then repeated his maneuver.
"You've kept him alive all this time. Please don't give up!" the paramedics told him, approaching with the mask and the oxygen tank.
"Eight, nine, ten, eleven-"
"After this cycle, we'll ventilate, and then take over," the paramedic kneeling on the other side of Haru's body informed him, and Rin numbly nodded. However, the realization that they were safe was not registering, and the faces of the paramedics blurred in the darkness that flashed in front of his eyes.
"Please," he whimpered softly, hanging his head.
Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen-
"Please save him." His voice shook with tears that wouldn't come anymore. His chest hurt badly, very very badly, and it wasn't sure if it was his lungs or his heart that were slowly killing him.
Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six-
The paramedics placed the oxygen mask on Haru's face.
"Please!" he cried one last time.
Twenty-nine, thirty.
The paramedics jumped into action as soon as Rin lifted his hands from Haru's chest. The redhead could only fall back on his butt as the two professionals opened the oxygen valve on the tank and ventilated Haru. His best friend's chest rose and fell twice, much higher than Rin had achieved with his respirations, and he was suddenly so grateful, and so thankful for the fact that he hadn't given up.
He cried loudly, his body overcome with violent tremors now that he was away from Haru. He was cold, and his vision was tunneling black, and he couldn't see a thing or hear a thing, down, down, down, perhaps it was his turn to drown now-
Something heavy fell on his shoulders, and Rin screeched, weakly pushing it away.
"Please, sir, you're going into shock!" It was the paramedic, and Rin looked up. He still couldn't see the man, but he could tell he was there, and so he let him wrap him up in a warm blanket.
"Haru," he whispered weakly heart thundering as he went limp in the paramedic's arms.
"Your friend will be alright," the man assured him. "What's your name?"
"Rin," he replied, his eyes searching for Haru in the dark. "Where's Haru?"
"He's alright," the man repeated. "What can you see?"
"Black," Rin's voice caught, and he tightened the blanket around him. "I can't see-"
"Alright," the paramedic soothed him, helping him wrap himself up. "It's okay. It's normal. You're experiencing tunnel vision and you're coming down from an adrenaline high."
"I'm gonna throw up," Rin whimpered, and the paramedic didn't question him. A second later, he had been turned to the side, and he vomited both salt water and bile all over the floor.
"Good?" the man asked him, pulling him back into his arms.
"Gonna faint," Rin mumbled back, leaning against him.
"Did you hit your head?"
"No."
"Okay. Can you get up? One last effort. If you can walk, we'll go to the chopper."
"Can't see," Rin repeated numbly. "Where's Haru?"
"In the chopper. Let's go," the paramedic softly coaxed him.
With his help, Rin limped out of the lighthouse, into the rain again, soaking the blanket that had begun warming him up. His vision cleared a bit when he got some fresh air, but he couldn't enjoy it at all. He still felt like he would fall any moment now.
"Patient is secured and hooked to oxygen, 7 litres via non-rebreather. Satting at 88%, 8 resps per minute, pulse 46, BP 74/42, temp 33.2 degrees Celsius." Another voice reached Rin, and then he was being helped up blindly into the chopper.
"This one's in shock and moderately hypothermic. Vitals to be determined. I'll get in the back, you pilot," his paramedic answered with all the professionalism of a man who'd done this several times before, and Rin was both grateful that they were in good hands and terrified for Haru's condition.
"Haru," he whimpered once he was sat down and given a new blanket.
"He'll be alright," the paramedic assured him. "He's alive and breathing on his own. His vitals are low, but he'll hold on until we get to the hospital. Now you have to stay with me, too, alright Rin?"
"Wanna sleep," Rin insisted, shaking his head.
"No, don't sleep. You're very cold right now and you could go into a coma if you fall asleep now." Something was being wrapped around his arm, and another device was going on his finger. Something cold prodded his lips. "Open up so I can get your temperature."
Rin did as he was told, barely noting the numbness of his arm once his cuff inflated. The paramedic removed all the equipment once he was done, and pulled out a marker. Rin felt the paramedic scribbling something on his abdomen.
"What?" he asked weakly, eyes unfocused as he tried to discern what was going on in the darkness.
"Your vitals," the paramedic responded.
"What are they?" Rin asked softly, as if he didn't even want to know.
"Oxygen 95%, 28 shallow resps per minute, pulse 114, blood pressure 144/96, temp 28.8 degrees Celsius."
"That's low," Rin mumbled. "I'm cold."
"You'll be alright. Keep the blanket on you. I'm going to put heating pads under your arms and between your legs, okay?"
"Haru's numbers are lower," Rin reasoned somewhere in his muddled mind. "Please look after Haru."
"I have to look after you, too," the paramedic explained patiently, slipping packets of warmth between his armpits, and then, cautiously, on his groin. "Put this mask on. It's warm air."
Rin let the man put the mask around him, and then turned his head.
"Haru?"
"On your other side. Can you see anything at all?"
"Haru," Rin just whispered again, his eyelids drooping as he fought to stay awake. The last of his tears escaped him as he stared to where he guessed Haru was lying. How did he look? Was he pale? Was he shivering? Would he be okay? "Haru would tell me not to cry right now."
"You can cry if you like. What you did tonight was not an easy task." The paramedic was shuffling around with something, probably paperwork, and Rin let his eyes close. "You saved your friend's life. Not many people would have been able to do what you did."
At this point, the ringing was back, and sound was sucked out of Rin's ears spontaneously. He didn't fight it. He was too exhausted to do anything at all.
"Haru..."
He slumped in his seat. There was frantic movement to grab him and someone called his name. It wasn't Haruka. So Rin let himself go under.
...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
Haruka woke up to white walls and a beeping machine next to him. He didn't even need to turn his head to know where he was. Things were a bit blurry in his mind, but he could recall almost drowning, and then holding onto Rin like a lifeline...
Rin!
He sat up slowly and looked around him, hearing the hustle and bustle of hospital workers outside his curtain-delimited space. Slowly, he reached down and pushed the call button tied to his bed rail, and waited.
A kind looking nurse came to see him about five minutes later, walking in with a notepad and heading for the vitals machine by his bedside.
"Hello," she greeted. "How are you?"
"Where's Rin?" Haru asked immediately.
"Your companion?" The nurse thought a bit. "If he's the redhead, then he's in the bed next to yours. You two came in here with some nasty troubles, you know."
"I want to see him," Haruka immediately jumped to the point, but the nurse laughed and approached him with the machine.
"Slow down, there, Mr. Nanase. I'll just get your vitals, and if you're doing fine, I'll open the curtain so you can see him. He's probably sleeping."
"If he alright?" Haru asked, giving his arm to the nurse so she could wrap the BP cuff around it.
"He's alright now. Almost thought we lost him, honestly. The poor boy was badly hypothermic right off the bat, and then he went and performed 20 consecutive minutes of CPR. So not only was he in shock, but his system crashed after the adrenaline wore off, and his body didn't respond to the paramedics' attempts to warm him up. His temperature was 26.9 degrees Celsius when we received him in the ER," she explained, jotting down all of his vitals one after the other.
"It's my fault..." Haru sighed, opening his mouth for the thermometer and letting the nurse take it back quickly after. "I... I don't remember what happened, but he saved my life, and he wouldn't have been like this if-"
"If he'd let you die?" the nurse interrupted his self-deprecating talk, and smiled at his surprise. "No, he wouldn't have been. In fact, he'd have been much worse. You two saved each other out there." She walked to the other side of his bed, Haruka following her every move with wide eyes, and she grabbed the curtain. "I can tell you mean a lot to one another. So here."
She pulled the curtain open, and Haru's breath caught in his throat.
Rin was looking right at him from the other bed, eyes widening just as big as Haru's.
"Haru..."
"Rin."
And Rin was trembling again, except this time, there was a huge grin on his face under the mask strapped over his nose and mouth.
"Can I go see him?" Haru asked hurriedly to the nurse, who was watching the exchange with a smile of her own. She nodded and put the bed rail down, then checked Haruka's IV pump before disconnecting the tubing from the port inserted in his arm.
"You're ready to be discharged, so I'll go fill out your documents, alright?" she informed him, and Haru nodded, gingerly taking a step off the bed. The nurse made sure he could bear his weight, and then let him go to Rin, closing the curtain behind them.
"Hey," Rin greeted him as he came closer. "You're okay."
"You saved my life. Of course I'm okay." Haru frowned as Rin pushed himself up.
"No complications? I didn't break your ribs or anything?" he tried to laugh it off, but Haru could see how scared he had been, and he still was.
"No. I feel fine. You?"
"I'm fine, too. Actually, I'm well enough to leave bundled up in a blanket. I'm only still here because they're giving me warmed fluids intravenously," Rin pointed to the IV bag. "But once I'm done, I'll be okay. Whatever they gave me got me right back up on my feet."
"I'm glad." Haru nodded, and with some degree of hesitation, put his hand on the sheets, next to Rin's.
Rin laughed and without saying a thing, slid his hand into Haru's.
"I kissed you at least fifty times back there, Haru. The least you could do in return is hold my hand," Rin quipped, interlacing their fingers together, feeling the warmth that he thought he'd lost forever. The gesture wasn't romantic in itself, but more like something to ground him down and remind him that Haru was okay, that they were both okay, and that they'd made it through.
"I'll even have you over for supper," Haru quipped right back, a small smile twitching on his lips.
"Mackerel, I bet. Can't you make steak, just this once?" Rin laughed, squeezing Haru's hand before letting it go.
"You ask so much of me."
"Come on, I saved your life."
"And for that, thank you." Haru's tone suddenly became lower, and Rin stopped laughing to look at him.
"You okay?"
"It just... I never thought the water would ever reject me like that," Haruka mumbled, as if lost in his own thoughts.
"There you go spinning that nonsense again." Rin rolled his eyes. "It's okay, Haru. Shit happens. Nothing was your fault, alright?"
"What if you'd died?" Haru looked away, guilt swimming in his eyes.
"What if you'd died?" Rin echoed right back at him, crossing his arms. "Don't go into what ifs, Haru. You're okay, I'm okay, and we're both alive and well without much lasting damage. Just... take things as they are, alright?"
Haru thought about this for a second, and then looked at Rin's hand, limp and lying on the sheets.
"You... You say my name a lot," he remarked out of the blue, and Rin snickered.
"It reassures me," he admitted, and then let the grin fade into a quieter smile. "That you're still around to hear me say it."
And then, Haru was in his arms, and Rin was struggling to untangle his IV tubing to pull him closer as well. The position was awkward for both of their spines, but somehow, the ache didn't even compare to the relief of being alive and well and in each other's arms.
There was sniffling, and Rin realized that it was himself. Damn, he'd always been such a crybaby. But, he figured he deserved it. His tears now were nothing like the ones that had rained upon Haru's corpse back in the lighthouse. They both deserved these tears. And if they didn't, Haru would be telling him to stop crying anytime now.
"Rin..." Rin laughed, knowing what he'd say next. "Don't cry..."
"Yeah," he grinned, and squeezed Haru just a little bit tighter, as if afraid that if he ever let him go again, he'd lose him to the hectic ebb and flow of their lives for good. "You, too, Haru."
And Haru just closed his eyes and let the tears silently run their course down his face.
Author's Notes
This fic is also a self-indulgent opportunity for me to put my First Aid knowledge to good use. I'm actually a 2nd year nursing student right now, aiming to get into emergency trauma, and I'm taking side courses to become a First Responder (essentially a lower form of paramedic?), so medical things are right up my alley!
IDK I really wanted to write Rin giving desperate-sobbing-all-over-the-place-please-don't-die CPR to Haruka. This fandom doesn't have enough drowning people in it, it's so weird.
GLOSSARY
AED: Automated External Defibrillator. Administers a shock to the heart to make it stop and restart in a proper rhythm. Fun fact: Every minute over 4 minutes that you perform CPR without an AED use, your patient's survival rate drops 10%. Civilians with proper training can use an AED, which is now available in public places like malls, schools, etc.
CPR: Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation. Technique by which you manually pump someone's heart and ventilate their lungs to keep them alive until the arrival of a defibrillator. It consists of 30 pumps to the heart (at the rhythm of 100 bpm), and then two breaths into the lungs. Every cycle is about 30 seconds long (ish?) and it's an extremely demanding procedure from a physiological point of view. It works your cardio and your muscles and by 2 minutes already, it can be exhausting.
Tunnel vision: Psychophysiological phenomenon that happens in times of great stress. Basically, your vision goes black and white, or dark, and all sound filters out, and people could be talking to you and you wouldn't realize it, and things could happen to you and you wouldn't even feel it. To counter this, first response personnel often looks up, down, and around them, and repeats grounding sentences like "I am safe".
Hypothermia: Excessive loss of body heat that results in a temperature below 35 degrees Celsius. Until 32 degrees, it's light hypothermia. Then, down to 28 degrees, it's moderate. Then, down to 20, it's severe, and below 20 is profound. Haru had light hypothermia, and Rin had moderate hypothermia (became severe when he got to the hospital), which was exacerbated by the fact that he went on an adrenaline crash, and into shock (state in which your body loses heat very quickly). In moderate hypothermia and below, warmed air can be given to breathe for the patient, and warmed intravenous infusions can be given to warm the patient up from the inside out.
Vital Signs: Set of generic values that show how well a patient is thriving. Includes pulse rate, respiration rate, temperature, oxygen saturation, blood pressure, and pain level. When the paramedics got to them, Haru's system was on a decline (very low numbers) and Rin's system was in overdrive (high numbers), and both of these are worrying conditions, considering that one just got resuscitated from a cardio-pulmonary arrest, and the other is in shock.
I'd be glad to answer questions, if there are any! Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you'll be inclined to leave a review ^u^
-NPNG