Hey readers! This is my first, so please be gentle. Review anything, even the bad, I'll just be happy someone is reading this. Wish me luck, because I am freaking out! I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters.
Ginny POV
I couldn't remember the last time that I had slept. When I closed my eyes they would be there, torturing me.
Fred
Tonks
Padma
Collin
When they weren't another set of eyes would be there, taunting me. Mocking my pain, making me feel filthy. That's what I was now, filthy.
Those that couldn't be saved now only exist in memories, gone forever. I feel obligated to group myself with those who were lost forever. Some gave their lives, others their innocence, for a cause that was greater than themselves. But there is nothing great about war. Harry Potter could tell you that. He would tell you that there are no winners and that everybody loses.
They tell me that I am lucky. Me having nightmares would make me inclined to disagree. I gave so much and the rest was taken. It was stolen. I wasn't lucky. If I had been lucky I would be with the others who were lost. With those who were simply mourned, rather than being waited for.
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"God, you're such a bitch," It came from Ron's mouth, but everyone was thinking it.
It was Dad's birthday and Mum was doing all she could to make it a normal day. As though a normal day could exist. I don't even remember what I had said or who I said it to. Cruel was all that came out of my mouth these days. Ron's words though, they acted like a mirror, forcing me to look at myself.
Then something happened, something I never thought would happen after that night. Tears fell.
"I-I am sorry. I'm so sorry," Sobs were coursing rapidly through my body as I ran as far away from the scene as I could. I faintly heard the sound of Mum and Hermione yelling at him for being insensitive. I couldn't help but think that he was right.
"Some of us didn't run away from our duty during the war, some of us didn't pack up and leave in the middle of the night when things got too hard"
I flung his mistake in his face. I was a bitch.
I went to the orchard and sat on the swing dad had built. I think of the little girl who sat there for hours on end, and I cry because she lost, probably forever.
"Ginny," my head snapped up, and there he was, surrounded by drying leaves of different hues. Despite the time that went by, and the walls I had put up, seeing him breathing took a huge amount of weight off my shoulders. The sight of Harry Potter breathing reminded me that I could breathe. As he kneeled before me, something in me crumbled. I launched myself into his arms. Giving into the promise of comfort I had denied myself since the war.
"I didn't mean it Harry. I didn't mean it, believe me I didn't mean it," I couldn't stop blubbering. Harry whispered sweet words in my ear, smoothed my hair, and best of all he held me. No one had touched me since I let Parvati rub my back as I vomited after the detention that took all I had had left.
"Shhh, Ginny, of course you didn't mean it, shhh." He believed me, he forgave me.
My heart rate increased as my "I didn't mean it," turned into "He wouldn't stop, I begged him to stop, and all he did was laugh, he said I liked it, but Harry I didn't like it. I begged him to stop".
I didn't realize what I had done until I felt Harry's arms stiffen. I had kept such a tight rein on my emotions that when I let go, I let go of everything.
"I-"My mouth opened, there were no words that could erase what I had said. I looked at Harry and my stomach dropped as I saw the tears well in his eyes. His beautiful green eyes, the ones that said everything his lips couldn't, didn't hold disgust. Instead I saw love, compassion, and pain.
I had one question, one I had been subconsciously asking myself for months, "Am I still me?"
"You will always be you." I believed him.
I see the little girl on the swing, she's broken and a tad scared, but she is still there. Most importantly she is healing.