A bead of sweat trickled down Blaine's face, tracing a salty trail from his forehead to his chin. He stood in the shadowy wings of the stage, listening to the shuffling sounds of his friends filing into the auditorium. His hands shook, rustling the sheet music he was staring at. The notes blurred across the page, melting into each other, and he had to keep blinking so he could focus back on the notes again. He had never been this nervous for a performance. Of course, there was a lot riding on it…
It was "Guilty Pleasures" week, which had been partially his idea, and he needed to live up to the challenge. Unfortunately, the week seemed to be more than just sharing musical shame. Sam had shown him his secret passion, his macaroni portraits, and he had challenged Blaine to reveal his own guilty pleasure.
But did Blaine have it in him to reveal his true guilty pleasure? He wasn't sure. After all, it was one thing to sing songs you wouldn't normally sing in public to a group of misfit show choir members. It was quite another to go around revealing deep, dark secret crushes.
Yes, Blaine could admit to himself that he had a crush on Sam. It was hard not to stare at his plump, Chapstick-covered lips as he spoke and wonder just what flavor Chapstick he was wearing… But it was a pointless crush; he and Sam were just friends. And besides, Sam could never replicate his feelings. No, it was better to keep this crush a secret, hidden away, where it couldn't jump out and scare away their friendship.
Still, Sam's challenge hung in the air: "You're only as sick as your secrets. What's yours gonna be?"
Did he dare? The song he had chosen revealed exactly how he felt. But he wasn't sure he was ready to show Sam this other side of him, the side that wanted nothing more than to… No, no, he couldn't do this, not today, not ever. Screw the assignment.
"Sam's voice came to him again: "You've been talking the talk, now I need you to walk the walk…"
Blaine sighed and ran a hand across his gel-slicked hair. He had to do this. If glee club had taught him anything, it was that he shouldn't be afraid to let out his true feelings, no matter how scared he was. He needed to show Sam that he could "walk the walk," even if that walk was likely to turn into a trip and stumble.
Blaine released his death grip on the sheet music, reached for his guitar, and headed out onto the stage, tentatively meeting the gazes of his fellow glee clubbers sitting in the audience.
"For my guilty pleasure song, I would like to sing a piece written by Darren Criss. Darren's music is my guilty pleasure because not many people are familiar with his work, but I feel that it really speaks to me."
"Oh, who cares? Just sing," Kitty ordered.
Blaine nodded and strapped his guitar across his chest. "Sami," he said quietly.
I've seen her face, I've heard her name
I've lost my place and she's to blame
And I can't stand it when I'm staring in her eyes
And she's not looking back, it's not a big surprise
But Sam was looking back, watching Blaine curiously as he strummed the chords on his guitar.
I've heard music, I've heard noise
I wish that she could hear her voice
The way that I do when I go to sleep at night
And dream my life away but she's gone when I awake
Blaine did dream of Sam, and he was embarrassed at himself for it. After all, he was just getting over his break-up with Kurt. If anything, he should be dreaming of Kurt, not Sam.
Sami, Sami...
Why can't you see
What you're doing to me?
The way her hair falls in her eyes
Makes me wonder if she'll
Ever see through my disguise
And I'm under her spell
Sam did have him under a spell. The boy captivated him in so many ways, from the way he helped his family when they were struggling to make ends meet to his gorgeous voice that set Blaine's heart fluttering…
Everything is falling
And I don't know where to land
Everyone knows who she is
But she don't know who I am
Sami, Sami...
Why can't you see
What you're doing to me?
Blaine ripped his gaze away from Sam as he felt hot tears prick at his eyes, stinging and burning like acid, like fire, like the pain in his heart when he looked at Sam and knew they would never be together. When he sung "Sami," what he really meant was "Sam E." Sam Evans, the boy Blaine had fallen unrequitedly in love with.
I see you singing on that stage
You look just like an angel
And all I do is pray
That maybe, someday you'll hear my song
And understand that all along
There's something more that I'm trying to say
When I say
There was so, so much more Blaine was trying to say to Sam, but he couldn't make himself speak the words. He could only hope that this song was enough.
Sami, Sami...
Why can't you see
What you're doing to me?
What you're doing to me.
Sami, Sami...
Why can't you see
What you're doing to me?
What you're doing to me...
Blaine ended the song with a choked whisper and felt a few rogue tears slip out and trickle down his cheeks. He wiped them away quickly, praying no one had noticed.
The other kids were awkwardly silent before standing and clapping.
"That was really great, Blaine," said Tina. "You really put your heart into your performance. Any particular reason you chose that song to sing?"
Blaine smiled slightly. "Well, um, I guess I just like where it came from. See, it was written for this web series, and Darren Criss's character sings it to Sami when he finds out that she wrote it for herself because she thinks no one else would ever love her enough to write something like that about her. Only really, she didn't write it, this kid Kevin did, and he had a secret crush on Sami, and he was hit by a car and was in a coma, so the only way Sami knew about his crush on her was through his song. I think that's why I love music so much: music can reveal things that words themselves never can."
Blaine grew silent, afraid that if he continued to babble that he would say too much, afraid that he already had said too much. The glee kids stared at him, puzzled looks on their faces. Sam finally broke the silence with a slow clap. "Let's give it up for Blaine Anderson."
Blaine accepted the second round of applause with a nod. As the kids began to trickle out, he turned and knelt to put his guitar away.
Sneakers squeaked across the stage, their sound echoing throughout the auditorium. Blaine didn't have to look up to know they belonged to Sam. He busied himself by picking non-existent lint from the inside of his case.
"So, uh, great job on your guilty pleasure song. You seemed to get pretty emotional singing it."
"Well, you did challenge me to reveal my guilty pleasure, and that song was the only way I knew how." Blaine could feel a flush creeping onto his cheeks, but he hoped Sam didn't notice.
Sam picked up the sheet music, which must have fallen out of Blaine's pocket, and skimmed it, humming softly. Then he looked at Blaine. "So, is there something more that you're trying to say?"
Blaine could definitely feel the flush now. "Um…"
"Look, I get it, man. Your… your guilty pleasure is me. I'm your Sami."
"Um…"
"It's cool. I'm flattered, actually."
"So… you're not freaked out?"
"No, it's fine. And this doesn't change anything. We're still best friends. Okay?"
Blaine finally had the courage to look Sam in the eyes. "Okay."
Blaine flipped the clasps on his case closed and stood.
"So," Sam said as they walked off the stage. "Tell me more about this Darren Criss guy. He sounds really talented…"