Comments: A one-parter. This is set several years after Lucy and Amy first met. As the title tells, this is taking place on New Year's. I don't want to give away the concept, but you'll understand once you've read it all the way through. A song has influenced this story, only partly though. The song is New Year's Day by U2. Anyways, here it is.
All is quiet on New Year's Day
A world in white gets underway.....
Quiet. Quiet? It's weird that it's both quiet and extremely noisy. I mean, there's an insane amount of noise and sound and music on New Year's. The air is filled with talk and laughs and excitement. They're are all these New Year's Eve specials. Everyone's all happy. Everywhere you go, it's pandemonium. Every year I go out, to a party, a bar, somewhere where there's tons of people. They're faces are all smiles and they dance and sing because the new year is almost here and they think this year is going to better than the last. But I know better, it never gets better... well for me, that is. I know it and it tears me. Over the ear busting racket, it's so quiet though; in my head. So quiet and all I can hear are my own thoughts tormenting me. My thoughts are crystal clear. Here comes another New Year's and I just want it to be over.
It's always like this. I'm always like this. As soon as the new year approaches, I panic. But why? All the momentum, all the build-up, literally sickens me. I dread it so much. I mean, it feels like I'm getting closer to something, something I don't want; something that's not good. I feel it in the pit of my stomach but.... no... it doesn't feel so much like I'm getting closer to something rather than.... getting further away from something. It feels like I'm letting something slip away. I sigh because I know exactly what it is. There's no question about it.
I want to be with you
Be with you night and day.....
I love the way he sings this part of the song. "I want to be with you, be with you, night and day," I sing to myself, eyes tightly shut, head shaking side to side from the overload of emotion, from the stress of the heartache, I imagine, that it took to write that, simple as it may be. Even though I know the song was written for an entirely different reason, it's my song. Our song.
Why? Why did I let you slip away? Why was I so blind? Why was I so scared? It was meant to be, I know it. All I had to do was act on it. But I was scared. I pound my fists at the wall, pissed off at myself for not taking the chance and here I am again, thinking about the one I lost. Well, not lost but, never even had at all.
I think about the night I first met her every day, all the time. When I first let my eyes rest on her face, when I first let my eyes enter hers, the earth must've been aligned with the moon or something because I swear, it was the most impactive moment of my life. Hers too, I know. I know she felt it. I saw it in her eyes. She was apprehensive to even let her gaze stay on me for more than a second. I chuckle loudly. She felt it too. Even with her gun in my face, I knew she wouldn't fire; she couldn't. It's so hard to explain the energy that was between us. It was like we both knew but couldn't say it, couldn't speak it.
After getting through the slighty embarrasing silence between us, she spoke to me. Her voice wrapped around me like a warm blanket; it was so soft, so gentle, so inviting. It melted away the tiny bit of hostility I had; she was still a DEB after all. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you." It was a little childlike, without much authority, like she was forcing herself to sound that way.
It was all a blur, I was so entranced by her. After a few minutes of she and I exchanging words, not in a bad way like I thought it would be, I found myself staring again into her eyes, which was mirrored back by Amy. I saw amazement staring right back at me. The woman of my dreams was looking at me like I was looking at her. It was too magical. But just like all good things, that soon came to an end. The other Debs were closing in fast and I found myself quickly debating on what I should do next. I wanted so bad to take her or kidnap her; say something incredibly romantic then kiss her with all the passion that was coursing through me. I swear, she would've let me do it. Although, I saw the war still raging in her. She was still fighting with herself, still unsure of her feelings.
In a matter of seconds, I finally made up my mind. I had to walk away, run away, really. Amy was a bit distracted and had her head turned the other way. So, I took one last look at her and dissapeared. I knew I'd go after her or see her again some other time but...little did I know.. that would be the last time I ever saw her.
The days after that night, I had made all kinds of plans to see her again. But that's all they turned out to be.. plans. I don't know why I could never put them into action. That's a lie... I do know why. It was... I was scared to to tell her, scared to show her.. scared to be turned away from her. But dammit! Here I go again taking it out on my bedroom walls. WHY! WHY couldn't I have just done something, ANYTHING?! And WHY is it that I STILL CAN'T?! I have to calm down so I think about the one thing that makes my world perfect and safe and happy... Amy.
God, she was so beautiful. That woman takes my breath away even just thinking about her. Amy.... Amy Bradshaw. I sigh again. If there was one, single, perfect creation on this Earth, it had to be her. She, with her golden tresses, colored eyes, perfect lips, flawless body, and misunderstood innocence, was the only one out of them all, to bring me to my knees. I've never been this way about anyone. And honestly, I don't want to feel this way about anyone else. She's the one. And no one, no one can compare to her.
Nothing changes on New Year's Day
On New Year's Day.....
Nothing changes is sadly right. After the fireworks and hooplah and drinking the night away, I wake up alone with my head splitting and a bad taste in my mouth. The throbbing in my head hurts like hell but I wouldn't change what or how much I drank. It's all worth it if for the worst night of my life to be over with as soon as possible. Nothing changes..... true every year. My life is still the same, empty, cold, without meaning and always without Amy. God, I wish I could wake up on one of these days and have her in my arms, asleep in peace and protected. That would be more like a dream than reality. I'm still alone though. Nothing ever changes on New Year's Day.
I will be with you again
I will be with you again.....
That's what I tell myself everyday. That's what I tell my drunken self every New Year's. Though, it's a happy thought when I promise myself on New Year's Eve. Maybe it's because I'm already "feeling happy". Whatever. It's what gets me out of bed everyday. It's what gets me through. I will be with you again. This has to stop. It has to change. I have to find her. I have to be with her. I need to.
Oh maybe the time is right
Oh maybe tonight
I will be with you again
I will be with you again.....
It has to be! It has to be tonight! This year! Right now! I need her! I need Amy! God, I love her... I've been in love with her since the night we met. I know where she is. I know how to get to her if I want. Damn, all I gotta do is rob a bank or something.... and there she'll be. She'll be there and I can finally tell her how I feel. But I might scare her away... I sigh again in frustration. I'm doing it again, talking myself out it. Suddenly, I start to feel something slip out of eyes, little somethings. Dammit. I'm Lucy freaking Diamond and I'm crying. All because of her. It's not her fault, she doesn't even know. She doesn't know how she haunts me. She doesn't know how I dream about her. I can't live like this anymore. I will be with her.
Though I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes
On New Year's Day.....
Do I really mean it? Am I going to get over whatever it is and just go after her? I have to because I can't be this way anymore. I need her. I love her. I have to find her. Maybe, just maybe, this'll be the year. Maybe I'll pour my heart to her. Maybe she'll run into my arms and declare her love for me. Maybe she'll ask me why it took so long for me to go after her. Maybe we'll finally be together....... Maybe something will change on New Year's Day.