"What should the first line of my fanfic be?" Steven asked his dad. Steven had decided that becoming the gem overlord wasn't going to get him anywhere or any money in the long run so he turned to becoming an author. Appalled that his own son was writing fan fics he jumped off the nearest cliff to get away from him and swim with the cast of Finding Nemo 3. "Barnacles" said Steven. "Now I will never be able to get that internet gold."
Amethyst the pig came walking in tracking mud everywhere. She was about to give him life lessons but she started to hack up a hairball and died at the doorstep. "mothe fukc'er: Steven busted the Dawn™ Cleaning Pro and sprayed down the entire house as mud is actually hardened shit so hardened e-coli was sure to have been spreading. Him, Pearl, and that one big woman whose name I really don't know went to bury the pet but out of the water was Laura Croft of Angelina Jolie fame. She dug up Amethyst's tomb and threw her into orbit where she would not be pig but bird. Pearl ran away because and the other one's character died off cause idk her name.
"WHoa hey guys" Steven replied to Lara's grave robbing as she picked her own ass with Pearl's twig fucking arm. "Steven I can help you find the gold. You are a gem lord he needs gold and I have the skills to get you to the gold." Steven knew that his fate was inevitable and would level up to her. They set out on their quest to find the gold.
They arrived at the scene of the gold but it was too late, it was gone because somebody got bodily oils on it so it was greasy like a white kid. "Damn we are too late." Steven sat down cause now he looked like a god damn fool for even going outsided. This act of sitting down was so great it pushed up some of the gold and out popped what they originally came from. "Stepvhrevn loakj it's the Golden Pussy from Homeworld!" A singular vagina floated made of Real Gold and not fools gold so you knew it did not have sexuald iseases.
"lick the pussy steven and the gold is all yours." Steven went up to it but it sprouted arms and knocked steven the fuck out. "SHUN HAVE A BEATCH" he queefed. "The Gold Pussy is dirty" thought Lara to herself. This was why she was here. From Steven's ear canal she grabbed the Dawn and with her bow shot it at the Gold Pussy. But it was too late as a zombified Amethyst swooped down and began rub her tail over the pussy. This would leave Steven poor for the rest of his life and writing top 10 articles for Buzzfeed.