The town of Rosewood, Pennsylvania was far from quaint. Beyond the pastel walls, the prim and proper people, and the glowing rays of sunshine, were dark secrets. Secrets that were meant to be kept and taken to the grave. Hanna Marin had one of them. Ever since Allison Dilaurentis, her former best friend had returned from God-Knows-Where, Hanna had been cast into the shadows. Every single resident was fawning over the girl who was thought to be missing, dead, even. Not Hanna, though. She could see through Allison's lies like they were glass.
Ali hadn't been missing, she'd run away because of a pregnancy scare, and she wasn't even sure of who the father would've been. Allison, man-eater and master manipulator, was back. See, Hanna knew Allison was lying about being kidnapped because a month ago she had shown up and explained to her and the others the real situation. Though she had told the truth to them, she had asked them to continue spread the lie she made for her. Ali had barely even recognized Hanna when they came face to face. This was because the last time they had seen each other Hanna had still been known as 'Hefty Hanna'. The stress and eagerness to be beautiful had gotten to her, though, and Hanna had fallen into an addiction that Ali had introduced her to: Bulimia.
Since she ate and purged, she was never hungry, and the weight melted right off. She had cut the long blonde locks that reminded her of Ali, and had dyed the tips black, she had swapped the mini skirts and dresses for leather jackets and skinny jeans.. Never had she felt more amazing. Once she had lost all the weight, she changed everything about herself so she would not be reminded of her past. Of Ali. Still, two years later, Hanna had learned to somewhat control her Bulimia, but she was still drawn to the addiction. Whenever she felt stressed or sad, she would purge. Almost immediately she would feel light, and happy, and confident.
Nobody knew about her secret, except Allison. Not Spencer, not Aria, not Emily, and definitely not her boyfriend, Caleb. She would keep this secret for as long as she lived, because although it made her happy, Hanna knew that what she was doing was wrong. Right now, she was in the bathroom of The Brew, staring at her reflection in the mirror. It was only a month that Ali had been back, and already she felt like everyone had forgotten about her. Her big blue eyes gazed back at her, and Hanna forced her pink lips into a small smile. Her hands gripped the sides of the sink so tightly, her knuckles were turning white.
She gazed at her own reflection for a few moments more, before reaching into her bag and pulling out a tube of lipgloss. Toffee Tango. Swiping it on her lips, she put it back in her bag, and fluffed her hair. She turned and made her way towards the exit, pausing briefly, before going out the door. Walking down the hall, she turned into the main room of the Brew, and found her friends s=and Caleb sitting on the couches. Hanna walked over to them, before noticing that Ali was there.
"Hi, Han," Ali said, smiling at her. Hanna thought briefly that her smile looked like the one of Cheshire Cat, but kept the thought to her self. "I just got here, so i hope you don't mind that i took your seat," The smile was still there, but Hanna could see the threat behind it. Don't question me, is basically what her look was saying. Forcing a small smile back, Hanna nodded.
"I was on my way out, actually. Just had to do a make-up check. I'll see you in English, Spence." Without another word, the blonde exited the coffee shop without her boyfriend, and walked quickly to her car. Sitting in the driver seat, Hanna laid her head back against the seat and sighed. She felt the fury and disgust rising and bubbling in her stomach, and she swallowed hard. She would not let her weakness show.
Allison was replacing her. She felt like nothing, absolutely insignificant when Ali was around. It wasn't fair. Hanna worked so damn hard to conquer the battle against her self-confidence. The others had no idea how easy they had it. Spencer was the smart one, Emily was the talented swimmer, Aria was the artistic one, Ali... The popular one. What was Hanna? The fat one, the dumb one, the ugly one. Nobody would believe that in her spare time, Hanna read crime novels and mysteries, and nobody would care that she spent hours primping until she deemed herself acceptable to society, until she felt less ugly.
Her fate was already decided for her, and she was going nowhere in life. Honestly, she didn't even know why Caleb was with her. Caleb was great; he was smart, savvy, handsome, funny and he was great and solving problems. Maybe it was because they had an understanding of one another. His father had given up on him, and Hanna's father definitely had given up on her. They both came from broken homes, but Caleb didnt seem as broken as she was. Tears threatened to pierce her eyes, and she blinked hard to force them back. Why did she have to be who she was? Why couldn't Hanna be as great and magnificent as the rest of her friends? Hanna sniffled, staring at the dashboard for what seemed like hours, when she heard two hard knocks on her window. Jumping in surprise, Hanna turned to face the knocker, and found Caleb. Without a word, she unlocked the door and Caleb slipped into the seat next to her.
"Hanna...hey, what's wrong? I mean, you've been moody and distant these past couple of weeks, and i just want to know what's wrong. You know I'm here for you." Caleb's full lips curved into a half-smile, which Hanna did not return.
Still refusing to look at him, she narrowed her eyes and let out scoff of disbelief. She hated doing this, but she had to push him away. She'd rather hurt now, than be hurt later. If he didn't leave her now, she was certain he'd be fed up with her and leave later. "Really, Caleb? If I'm being so moody and distant, why don't you just, i don't know, leave?" Her azure eyes turned to pierce into his whiskey-colored ones. Caleb blinked, obviously taken aback by her outburst, and felt even more confused, but also angry. He was just trying to help her, for god-sake. She knew that by acting like this she would be crushing his love for her, but it was a risk she was willing to take. He would get tired of her eventually. Everyone did. Caleb stared at her for a few moments, until his eyes went cold.
"You know what, Hanna? Maybe i will. I love you, and I know you're hurting for whatever reason, but you're not opening up to me. I don't want anymore secrets, but you seem to be full of them. I can't do it anymore, i'm done. We'll talk when you're ready to tell the truth." He turned to open the car door, but hesitated for a moment, before leaving and slamming the door behind him. Hanna waited until he was out of sight before letting the endless stream of tears fall. Her heart was heavy with so much pain, but she knew it had to be done. Hanna would rather inflict pain on herself than have it done to her. At least she could control it. It hurt, but it was worth it. In the end, no matter how much she loved Caleb, and no matter how much he claimed to love her, he was better off without her. They all were. In the end, it was worth suffering through pain, because it was sure as hell better than suffering through sadness. When she finally stopped crying, she wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve, and looked into the mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, and her skin was several shades paler than she usually was. But no longer was there sparkle in her eyes, there was nothing. Just blank, dead. Hanna was speeding on the path to self-destruction, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself.