In the Eyes of the Tribe

by janewyck

Sekaya reminds her brother of a certain tribal custom.

Cross-posted from Ao3. Born from MillieMonster's comment on muldy's fabulous "Ending the Resistance", using writtenndust's research into tribal customs.

X-x-X

Chakotay resisted the urge to pace. Instead, he sent a glare at the transporter tech manning the console. It felt as if hours had gone by since they entered the ambassador's transporter room at Starfleet headquarters. As a Tribal Elder of a non-Federation colony, Sekaya was allowed - more, expected - to use official Starfleet channels when traveling within the Federation.

In some sense, it was a positive thing. She was able to travel aboard faster Starfleet vessels than the typical convoluted shuttle routes regular citizens had to follow. It was also a source of great frustration. After so much time out of contact with his sister - then contact only through official Starfleet channels, he was desperate to visit with her out of the prying eyes of the Federation.

He was incredibly nervous, though, but had no real idea why. She was his sister - not a Kazon Maje… not a Hirogen… not even Boothby lecturing him about being sloppy with his boxing form. He suspected that it had something to do with his uncertainty of how she felt about the decisions he had made since the destruction of Trebus. With their conversations and letters being monitored by Starfleet, they hadn't had any kind of real conversation about it at all.

By unspoken agreement, they had kept their conversations to mundane topics… her election to Elder… her efforts to gather more tribal refugees to expand the new colony on Dorvan… his friendships… stories of fun things the crew had done.

Perhaps it was how much she resembled their mother. He'd never noticed it when they were younger, but his first sight of her through the Midas Array had brought him up short. For one brief nanosecond, he'd thought it was Imonan standing before him. The rest of that conversation was a blur… his attention focused on her movements… facial expressions… even her voice was a near match to his mother.

His mother… his Imonan… she'd given him unconditional love for his entire life. She'd never let her contrary son get away with anything… called him to the carpet when his contrariness went too far… trusted him to make his own decisions about his future… believed in him when he felt no one else did. His heart still ached over her loss.

Suddenly, though, here was a woman who embodied his mother in so many ways. He found himself responding to Sekaya as if she was their mother… desperately wanting her approval for the life he'd lived since he'd thought he lost her.

Sighing, he found that his hand itched to grasp Seven's in his, searching for the reassurance that would normally come with a gesture like that. But he wouldn't find it there. She wouldn't understand. She had no empathy… everything she said and did - personal or professional - was studied, calculated, and planned.

He hadn't noticed it at first.

The debriefs had been initially arduous - almost to the point of combative - then had suddenly and inexplicably switched to simple questions and easily accepted answers. During that tumultuous time, any development in their relationship had come to a halt. They'd let it sit where it was - companionship… meals together… a kiss or two.

Shortly after the intensity of the questions had eased, he'd received a thank you, invited to remain with Starfleet, placed on a 6-month leave, and given a hint of a possible promotion. Once they were dismissed by Starfleet, though, they returned their focus to each other.

That was when he'd noticed. He'd thought the removal of the emotional inhibitor had freed her from her aloof, cerebral approach. The kiss she gave him in his quarters that first time had certainly given him that impression. But that was not the case.

It had been the kiss that clued him in.

Once he had the energy and time to focus on her, he'd realized that, good as her kiss was, it was always the same. Always. There was no deviation from the format, and when he tried to get her to try something different, she'd stopped him. According to her research, this was the way a kiss should be. There would be no deviation.

She'd then attempted to move their intimacy level forward, stating that they had reached the point at where it was expected. Without the spontaneity brought about by 'deviation' in interaction, though, he was having trouble with developing any kind of the passion necessary to 'move forward'.

Instead, he'd slowed her down, pointing out that not all relationships developed intimacy at the same rate. Then he set to work on showing her how those 'deviations' were actually expected and looked forward to. He'd lost count of the number of romantic movies they'd watched, stopping and rewinding scenes as they broke down each individual move the characters made.

He didn't think he'd ever be able to simply enjoy a romantic story again.

Ultimately, although she'd made some progress, her reactions were still calculated… formulaic… without the emotions that were supposed to come with them.

He sighed, then forced himself to be positive. Perhaps it would work… Hesitantly, he reached for her hand. She looked at him, squeezed it, and smiled - as expected… the 'proper response' to his action. It didn't make him feel better… he actually felt worse.

Focusing back on the reason he was nervous in the first place, he sent another glare in the tech's direction, causing the young man to visibly pale. "I'm sorry Commander. There's a problem on the Generosity." The tech leaned toward him in a conspiratorial manner. "Their tech messaged me… I guess one of the other passengers is insisting that he and all of his luggage be sent directly to his rooms."

"Therefore bypassing customs and security inspections." Chakotay rolled his eyes.

"Yes, sir… and he's here to visit with both Nechayev and Bacco, so modifying the regulations is impossible. Since he has already loaded his luggage onto the transporter pad, everything is at a complete halt until the dispute can be settled."

"If the items in question are already on the pad, they should simply transport them to the customs holding area." Seven's cool, practical voice came from over his shoulder.

"It's not that simple, Seven." Chakotay shook his head. "The man is a diplomat - important enough to be meeting with the Federation President and the Fleet Admiral. They can't just beam his belongings without his permission."

"Then simply remove the items from the pad and let the other passengers proceed." Seven huffed.

Chakotay shook his head, again. In the past few weeks, he had begun to wonder if Seven would ever truly understand the complexities of human interaction of any kind. In the bubble of Voyager's small community, she had learned and catalogued the individual personalities of each member of the crew. Because of that, she had become moderately successful in predicting a specific person's reaction to a situation. Now, in the exponentially larger population of the Federation, the data on individuals didn't exist and she was unable to keep up.

"Seeing how proud and obstinate the diplomat is, treating his possessions - which probably include a multitude of gifts for the leaders of the Federation - as generic bags would be seen as insulting. We're just going to have to wait."

How was it that she couldn't understand human interaction, but she could produce an eyeroll like a pro?

"Thank you for your understanding, Commander. I've messaged my counterpart and requested that he maneuver your sister in the line so she will be the next person on the platform."

"That's kind of you, chief." Chakotay extricated his hand from Seven's to grasp the man's shoulder and squeeze it in thanks, then settled back down into the waiting game.

After what felt like another hour, the tech finally spoke up with good news. "The situation has been resolved. Elder Sekaya will arrive in one minute."

Chakotay breathed a sigh of relief… then another one to steady his nerves. Then a crackle of electricity heralded the blue haze that condensed and solidified into his sister. At long last… after years of thinking she was dead… after years of veiled, half-spoken conversations. His sister was there. In the same room as him.

She smiled his mother's smile at him. "Hello, brother."

Then she was in his arms. "Sekaya! Sister!"

She held him tightly to her, as if feeling the same overwhelming emotion. In fact, he just now realized, she did. "I thought you were dead." She choked out, then tightened her hold again.

They remained that way, crying on each other's shoulders until the tech cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there's another person waiting to be beamed to this location."

"Of course… I'm sorry, Chief." He guided Sekaya off the transporter pad and over to the side, beckoning Seven to join them. "Sekaya, I would like you to meet Seven of Nine."

"Seven… you may call me Seven." She held out her hand toward his sister. "It is customary to shake one's hand in greeting - although…" She glanced at Chakotay for reassurance. "When greeting a family member, perhaps a hug is more appropriate?"

He did an internal eyeroll. "Sekaya is not your family, Seven. A handshake is the appropriate action." Great, now he was starting to sound like her.

Sekaya looked quizzically at him, then shook Seven's hand. "It's nice to meet you… Seven." She turned back to him. "Where is Captain Janeway?"

It was Chakotay's turn to look confused. "Kathryn? I have no idea."

"I'd thought she would be here with you."

"Now that the Voyager crew has been disbanded and placed on leave, it is no longer necessary for Chakotay to be at her side." Seven looked to Chakotay again. "Or is it customary for greeting a family member?"

Another internal eyeroll came on so strong, it almost became an external one. "No, Seven. A captain is only involved when on duty for diplomatic occasions. Sekaya is my sister. Regardless of how she traveled here, she is here because she is visiting family."

"Then why has Sekaya asked for her?"

"Perhaps we should get moving. I made reservations for dinner and we're already running late." Chakotay effectively ended the conversation that would go nowhere other than circles, with Seven still ending up confused.

The delay by the ambassador in front of her had prompted Sekaya to hand over all of her things - including her handbag - to customs. After the requisite security scan, the approved bags would be delivered to her temporary quarters in the ambassadorial building.

"A fortuitous use of foresight, since we have only one bedroom." Seven's version of a compliment only caused Sekaya's eyebrows to rise into the upper stratosphere.

"We?"

"Yes, the apartment in which Chakotay and I cohabitate has only one bedroom."

Although she said nothing more about it, the look on Sekaya's face made his stomach churn.

Conversation during the trip to the restaurant and subsequent meal continued in the same awkward vein.

Seven seemed to have taken a huge step backward in her conversational abilities. Nearly every sentence she said was followed by a glance - or outright question - to him for reassurance. Of course, the only emotion she is able to feel is nervousness. He thought wryly, then tried once more to focus the conversation toward Sekaya, giving Seven as little chance to speak as possible.

Unfortunately, Sekaya showed little interest in any kind of conversation at all. Instead, she seemed much more interested in shooting angry looks in Chakotay's direction. He was going to have to explain Seven's situation to Sekaya before she really blew her lid.

As they were preparing to leave the restaurant, Sekaya pulled him aside. "Who is this woman-child you have dangling on your arm, and where the hell is your wife?" She hissed.

"Wife?" He completely missed Sekaya's description or Seven and went straight to the second half of her question. "I'm not now, nor have I ever been, married, Sekaya. Where would you get an idea like that?"

"You most certainly are married. When Captain Janeway invited you and your tribe to join hers to live with them and to share food - and you accepted - you became married."

He blanched. "Perhaps in the old days, that was how it was done. There are ceremonies and records to file with Starfleet these days."

Sekaya shook her head. "You cannot pick and choose parts of your heritage, Chakotay. That mark you placed on your forehead signifies your decision to follow tribal beliefs and customs. When you and Janeway joined your tribes, you bound yourselves to each other. That Bonding cannot simply be walked away from."

"But… we weren't together… as man and wife… never, uh… consecrated… anything…" He was too shocked to speak clear sentences.

She shrugged. "It's possible that the Tribal Council will grant you a divorce, then, but I doubt it. You led your joined tribes together for too long."

"Tribal Council? What the hell do they have to do with it?"

"When you told me the story of your joining, I had the Council formalize it. You and Kathryn Janeway are Bonded in the eyes of the tribe. Quite honestly, your description of your relationship with your warrior woman seems to be a Bonded one."

"B-bonded?" His brain was frozen.

Sekaya nodded. "Yes, Bonded. When they find out that you have thrown your wife over for a child of the tribe, you will have a great deal of explaining to do."

Now her description of Seven made it into his brain. "Hang on, Seven is not a child. She's a grown woman!"

"She most certainly is not." Sekaya hissed. "She has more trouble relating to adults than most five year olds! What you're doing with her might as well be considered molestation."

He almost threw up on his shoes. "We haven't been intimate, Sekaya. Please don't think that."

"You are sharing a one bedroom apartment, Chakotay. What the hell am I supposed to think?"

What everyone else probably thinks. He'd been worried about it since Seven appeared at his doorway while he was moving in - a small bag holding her meager possessions slung over one shoulder.

"Is this the point where a couple begins to cohabitate?"

He could swear that she looked nervous, and he'd taken pity on her. "Not really, Seven, but if you would like to stay, the bedroom is large enough to hold your regeneration chamber."

She nodded succinctly. "That would be acceptable."

She'd been there with him ever since. At first, he'd hoped that the closeness of sharing a living space would help develop a connection between them, but it hadn't seemed to be working. He'd even asked her to sleep in the bed with him, hoping that curling up together would be the breakthrough. As always, she'd responded with practicality. She would need to move to the regenerator eventually, so she might as well start out there.

"She sleeps in her Borg regenerator, Sekaya. We don't share the bed."

His sister shook her head. "Regardless of how you try to paint it, Chakotay, the fact remains that you have chosen a woman-child - a member of your tribe - over your wife. This child looks to you for approval for everything she says and does. Do you enjoy that kind of power, brother? Is this what you have become? A keeper? It's a wonder that your wife hasn't taken action against you."

"Probably because she has no idea of how the tribe sees our alliance."

"Really, Chakotay? You think that the relationship you described to me would have been any different if she had known about the Bonding?"

Well, for one, we would have been int...

"I believe the appropriate amount of time has passed for me to inquire about your conversation." Seven's cool voice interrupted his thoughts.

"You may inquire about whether it is complete, but not about the content." Sekaya responded in a condescending tone. "And I believe that it is… for now." She gave Chakotay a look of disdain. "We will take this up again when you've had time to think about what I've said."

"Er… uh… yeah." Chakotay shook his head to try to clear it. "We'll show you to your quarters."

"That won't be necessary. I know my way around the city, and I find that I need a walk to clear my head." She looked at Seven. "Goodbye, Seven of Nine. It's been… enlightening… to meet you." Shooting another disdainful look in Chakotay's direction, she stalked out of the restaurant.

"It seems that I have not made a positive impression on your sister." Seven took his arm as they headed out.

"It's complicated, Seven." How was he going to explain the situation to her when he hardly understood it, himself? "Actually…" He removed her hand from his arm. "I also need to take a walk… alone." He added before she could suggest otherwise.

"Very well. I will meet you at home." Seven gave him a perfunctory, but confused, nod. Turning on her heel, she headed off in the direction of their apartment.

Chakotay stood still, watching the two women walking away in opposite directions.

Seven… fine blonde hair wound tightly on her head… tightly squared shoulders… the stiff gait borne out of the Borg implants causing her hips to sway… all due to a sense of superiority because of her Borg heritage. He knew most men would find her appealing, but it did nothing for him because he knew their origins.

Sekaya… thick, long raven hair falling loosely over her shoulders… head high and shoulders softly square… strong smooth gait… all borne out of self assurance in abilities, purpose, and her place in the universe. She reminded him of someone… Kathryn… his… wife?

It was the middle of the night when he arrived outside his door. His walk ended up to be longer than he had expected. Still, he had reached at least some of the decisions he had been searching for.

Whatever he had - or had tried to have - with Seven was over. Although he didn't quite agree with his sister's view that his relationship with Seven was molestation, he did realize how childlike her mind was. Despite the fact that it made him feel sick, he had to admit that some of her appeal had been that childlike, naive quality… that he could make her into whatever he wanted her to be.

He was going to have to find a way to break it off gently. Or perhaps, he thought wryly, her lack of emotional attachment would serve him well in this instance.

The decision he hadn't been able to make was what to do about Kathryn. His wife… at least in the eyes of the tribe. Would she go along with it? Should he even tell her?

It had been what felt like ages since he'd spoken with her - even longer than he'd really thought about her… as a person… as his friend… as the woman he loved. And he did love her. A feeling that had been buried under years of turmoil and denial… the stresses of constant threat… unrelenting duty… inability to be completely honest about his feelings for her.

The bond between them had been worn thin to the point where he'd no longer felt it. Seven's innocent attempts at a relationship had come at a point when he'd felt adrift… the anchor that was Kathryn no longer tied to him. He'd latched on to her… the innocence giving him a sense of power where he'd had none for so long.

It made him sick to consider how his relationship with Seven had affected Kathryn. For crickets sake, he hadn't even spoken to her during the debriefings! All that companionship he'd shared with Seven would normally have been with Kathryn.

Over the years, he had come to realize how much they each depended on that quiet, private time together. It had given her a chance to let the command mask ease for a bit. It had been the conduit for them to come back together… to reaffirm their friendship… their bond.

But he'd left her alone… making her go through the debriefings by herself with no one to share her burden. He'd broken his vow to always be by her side.

He sighed. Would Kathryn even answer his comm?

Seven was awake, reading a padd, when he entered the apartment.

"I didn't think you would still be up."

"I've been doing some research on our dinner tonight. Your sister seemed to have trouble conversing with me, and the look on your face during your private conversation led me to believe she was informing you of the reasons. Have you been able to…" she glanced down at the padd in her hands, "...clear your head?"

Obviously, she was quoting a phrase from her research, with little to no understanding of what it truly meant. He sighed and sat down next to her. No time like the present.

"Yes, I have… and I've come to some conclusions that I need to share with you."

"Your sister does not like me, and has ordered you to discontinue our romantic relationship."

She's getting pretty good with all that research. He no longer allowed himself to consider the idea that she had picked up on anything instinctively.

"She does have some concerns, which you are right in presuming that she was sharing with me. However, what she said only put labels - or definitions - on how I've been feeling the past few weeks."

"You also wish to end our relationship." She stated matter-of-factly.

"Yes, Seven, I do. What we have… is not fulfilling… for me. I suspect that you may also be experiencing something of that nature." It's best to use her language - her thought process - to explain this.

"I have also done some research into this matter. She looked down at the padd again and paged over to another screen. "You desire a deep emotional connection to sustain a romantic relationship. My… desire… is a partnership of… minds. Neither of us is able to provide our respective needs to each other."

"That's exactly what I've been feeling. I… thought I could help you to develop that kind of emotional connection, but it isn't happening."

"In other words, you thought you could change me into something I am not."

That stopped him cold. "Um… I thought you wanted to… change… and that your advancement toward me was an effort to do so."

"You were mistaken, Chakotay. I desired the kind of cerebral attachment I believed you had with Captain Janeway. Based upon what I observed of your relationship with her, I mistakenly believed that you also preferred that type of bond."

Cerebral attachment? Is that how my relationship with Kathryn looks? "You were mistaken in your assumptions regarding my relationship with Kathryn. There was a great deal of emotion involved."

"That is also something I have learned in my research tonight." She paused, glanced once more at her padd, then looked up to meet his eyes. "You were in love with her - and she with you."

"Er…" His words got caught in his throat. He took a deep, shuddering breath and continued. "What I have also come to realize tonight is that I am still in love with her. Aside from any mistaken assumptions regarding our approach to romantic relationships, I can't, in all conscience, be with you. Not when I'm in love with someone else."

She gave her typical perfunctory nod. "Then we have come to identical conclusions." She stood. "The hour is late. Would it be acceptable to you if I remained here for the night? My regeneration chamber is not easily moved."

"Of course, Seven. This place is as much yours as it is mine." Not really… you forced yourself on me in that sense. Now was not the time to split hairs. "I can sleep on the couch or get a hotel room. This will create the distance necessary to signify the separation of our romantic involvement." Truthfully, the chamber emitted a slight whir which he found annoying.

"The couch would be an acceptable option. I will look for a permanent place tomorrow."

He had no emotional attachment to the apartment, aside from memories of her presence there - which he didn't want. "Actually, your chamber is difficult to transport and set up. I will look for a place in the morning. You can remain here."

"Very well. Perhaps Sekaya can assist you with that venture."

He was positive that Sekaya would be overjoyed. "That's an excellent idea. I'll speak with her about it in the morning."

As he headed into the bedroom to collect his blanket and pajamas, he reflected on how easily he had slipped into Seven's form of communication. He prayed that this was not a permanent change.

Sekaya was, as he had expected, thrilled to help him locate a new place to live. After some jibe-ing about the swiftness of his decision to break up with Seven, she set right to work on the computer in her temporary quarters, researching available rentals.

The process was hindered by his desire to find a different kind of place than the one he had shared with Seven. Eager to get out from underneath Starfleet at the time, he'd taken the first apartment that offered a 6 month lease. It was a drab space in a tall building, with only a view of the building next to it.

Now, he wanted someplace… warmer… with character… Perhaps it was a knee-jerk reaction to his bland time with Seven, but he preferred to think of it as finally coming to terms with being back on Earth. Drab ship's quarters were in his past, and he wanted his home to reflect that.

When evening rolled around, they still hadn't found the place that fit what he was looking for, but unable to define. They shut down the computer and sat down to a quiet meal, then moved to the living room with a pot of their mother's tea. There, they had the conversation he'd been craving since he found out that she was alive.

His Maquis membership hadn't surprised her at all, since it fit with his contrary nature. She'd refused to believe that he'd returned to their tribal beliefs until she saw the tattoo that now adorned his face. As a way to make her understand how deep his beliefs now ran, he broke protocol and told her in depth about meeting the Sky People - one of the species Starfleet had classified over concerns of creating mass panic.

They cried together over the loss of their parents, then talked each other through the healing process necessary once they opened those wounds.

A great deal of their conversation centered around Kathryn. He told her about how he felt when they first met, and why - he now realized - it had been so easy for him to accept her offer and follow her command. He shared with her the feeling of peace that he'd found in her.

With some embarrassment - because of what he now realized about the tribal bond - he told his sister of his vow to always be at Kathryn's side, and to lighten her burdens. He didn't need Kes's empathic abilities to know that Sekaya was biting her tongue, to avoid pointing out that what he'd said was akin to a marriage vow in almost every culture.

He shared with her the slow breakdown of their friendship. Every step… every action and situation which had slowly eroded the connection between them. How it had finally grown so weak, he could no longer feel it and had, to his shame, gone looking for it in Seven.

When the pot of tea was empty and the words had all been said, he realized how much lighter he felt. It had been many years since he had been free to completely open up to another person, the command boundary with Kathryn hindering that deep a conversation. In truth, he couldn't remember ever being that open with someone.

A sigh came from deep within his spirit. "I can't even describe how much I've missed you, sister. It means so much to me that we have sat here, together, for the first time in so many years."

"My spirit soars with the changes I see in you, brother. Your ability to accept… your patience… I've never known you to possess these traits."

"It's Kathryn, Sekaya. It's all Kathryn." Another sigh came… this time tinged with tears of sorrow that he'd acted so wrongly toward her.

"You must go to her… apologize… bring her back to you. That peace I see in your eyes only exists when you speak of her. I want to see it in your whole being - which will only happen when you are by her side once more."

"I doubt she'll forgive me deeply enough to make that happen, Sekaya." It broke his heart to admit it, but he honestly couldn't see a way for her to come back to him. Not after how he'd betrayed her. He didn't even know where to find her.

"Even without the Bonding, it is impossible to ignore how tightly woven your spirits are. From your description of her, I suspect that she is also a very loving and forgiving person. You must confess to her all that you have told me tonight. She will accept your apology."

He slept in the extra bedroom at Sekaya's place that night. The following morning, they found a message on Sekaya's comm unit. It was from Seven, explaining that her research suggested that he might be uncomfortable packing up his things while she was there. She had planned an entire day out so the he could feel free to enter and remove his belongings in private.

Urgency to locate a new home for him took hold, and they found themselves eating breakfast while looking through more apartment listings. By lunchtime, they had found it. It was actually a small house - a relic situated on a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood of relics left over from the late 20th century.

There were two large bedrooms along with a small alcove that could be used as a den. Built long before replicators existed - although retrofitted with one - it had a large eat-in kitchen that opened out into the roomy living room.

Nice as the rooms were, the part that truly sold him on the place was the small patio and garden out back. The garden was very private, surrounded by ivy-covered walls that created an oasis. He could picture himself sitting on the patio, drinking his morning tea. There was even a small grotto formed by a tree with low hanging branches that created the perfect place for vision quests.

The hitch was that it was listed for a minimum 12-month lease. After lunch, Sekaya contacted the owner. After some discussion, the owner agreed to shorten the lease to 6 months. All Chakotay had to do was put down a larger deposit, which could be refunded to him if he chose to extend the lease to 12 months at a later date.

Once the agreement was made, the credits transferred, and Chakotay's thumbprint was on the contract, the owner gave them the entry code to the house. Just like that, he was the proud renter of a place he could see himself buying if he ended up staying on Earth.

Sekaya helped him pack up his meager belongings - although not as meager as Seven's shoulder bag. They then contacted a transport company and arranged for the items to be beamed to his new place.

Before they left what was now Seven's apartment, he left her a message. He wanted to let her know that he had removed everything he considered his, so she was free to change the lock codes. Including his new contact information, he asked for her continued friendship. They'd broken up because they agreed they weren't compatible romantically - not because they hated each other.

As he closed the door, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. Seven was cleared from his conscience - and from his bedroom. He was free to move on.

He spent the week setting up his new place and spending quality time with his sister - and avoiding having anything to do with contacting Kathryn. Until the day that Sekaya had had enough.

"I have meetings set up tomorrow that will take most of the day, so I won't be available until the evening. You will spend the day finding and speaking to Kathryn. I will expect a full report of your conversation when my meetings are done." Sekaya gave him his marching orders.

He'd now spent enough time with his sister to discover that, like their mother, she also refused to accept excuses. If he showed up that evening without a report of a visit with Kathryn, she would hang him up by his toenails and find Kathryn, herself.

He figured he would start small. A brief visit to Tom and B'Elanna would bring his friends back to him. Also, Tom's aptitude for gossip would mean that news of his breakup with Seven would be all over the crew within minutes of leaving their house. That gossip, he expected, would also lead him to where he could find Kathryn.

B'Elanna let him have it for a good amount of time. Not only had he left Kathryn alone, making her go through her arduous debriefing by herself, he'd also ignored his friends. She opened up her catalogue of insults - in multiple languages - and used every one of them on him.

When she'd exhausted the list, she pulled him into a hug. "Damn, I've missed you."

He hugged her back tightly. "I've missed you, too, B'Elanna. I'm so sorry… I lost my mind for a bit… I've got it back, now."

"You'd better."

They talked for awhile about Tom's healing relationship with his father and other Voyager news. Finally, he got around to asking the question burning his mind.

"Would either of you know where I could find Kathryn?"

"I was wondering when you'd get around to it." B'Elanna rolled her eyes.

"She's still in Starfleet housing, but she spends the weekends in Indiana with her mom." Tom supplied. "She doesn't have much of a life right now."

"Do you think she would be willing to talk to me?" Chakotay held his breath.

B'Elanna gave him a piercing look. "That depends on the depth and breadth of your apology."

He sighed. "B'Elanna, I would apologise to her for being born if it meant she would speak to me."

"Start with that. She might let you say the rest." Her tone said that she wasn't joking.

"Will you give me her comm?"

After a hard look, Tom got up and grabbed a small padd. Typing something on it, he handed it to Chakotay. "There's Mrs Janeway's comm and physical address and Kathryn's here in San Francisco. Don't make me regret this, Chakotay. That woman saved my life - in more ways than one. I will not see her hurt again."

Chakotay left the Paris-Torres home feeling lower than the ant he accidentally stepped on as he walked out of their house.

The Janeway home in Indiana was exactly has Kathryn had described. A large home with gabled roof and wraparound porch, it sat alone in the wide open fields with a roomy yard outlined by a hedge. He'd headed home from Tom and B'Elanna's to comm Indiana looking for Kathryn. Instead, he'd reached Gretchen Janeway, who cooly informed him that 'Katie was out walking the dogs'.

"Would it be alright if I came by this afternoon?"

"Why?"

"I need to apologize to her and I'd rather do it when she's off duty and with family."

"What are you apologizing for, exactly?" The older woman's expression relaxed a bit.

"For abandoning her… for coming into her life - causing her to be lost in the first place… hell, for being born, if it would make her forgive me." He laid it all out on the line. Mrs Janeway's expression had made it clear - Kathryn had spoken to her mother about the breakdown of their friendship.

She studied Chakotay carefully, the piercing gaze leaving no doubts about where Kathryn's had come from. "Alright… you can come by in an hour. Katie should be back by then. I'll let you sit on the porch while you recite your mea culpa."

She cut the connection without another word.

Now, here he was, nervously reciting his 'mea culpa' in his head as he slowly trudged up the long walkway to the house. As he neared the building, he saw the front door open. A familiar figure was silhouetted in the late afternoon light.

"I've never known you to shrink from a battle, Chakotay." Came the beloved husky voice.

"This isn't a battle, Kathryn. It's an abject apology to someone I hold dear." He'd reached the steps, standing at the base, looking up at her.

"You have an odd way of showing it." She wasn't going to make this easy on him. Fine… he deserved it.

"Thus, the apology." He gestured to the steps in front of him. "May I come up?"

"By all means." She waved to her right, where he could see a porch swing and other outdoor furniture. "My mother seems to think you deserve her lemonade."

He made his way up the steps and sat on one of the chairs while she poured him a glass of lemonade. One sip and he was instantly in love with it. Freshly made with actual lemons and just the right amount of sugar, he could drink gallons of it and never get tired of the taste.

They sat silently while he worked his way through the glass and mustered his courage. Finally, she spoke.

"I think you mentioned something about an apology. Did you plan on speaking, or were you expecting your mere presence to be enough?"

Crickets, he loved that tone of voice! How he'd missed her…

"I'd planned on speaking, Kathryn. I just can't think of the words that will make you forgive me."

"You can start with telling me what you said to my mother. One simple conversation with you and she's suddenly switched from wanting to kill you on sight, to making you her prized lemonade."

He had to smile… it seemed the Janeway women shared similar traits. "I'm not sure if I can repeat it verbatim, but here goes." For the first time since he arrived, he looked her in the eyes. "Kathryn, I'm sorry for abandoning you when you needed me most… sorry for coming into your life and causing you to be dragged to the DQ in the first place… sorry…" He looked away, dropping his head. "I'm sorry for everything, Kathryn."

"Chakotay, look at me." He chanced a look back up at her. She was sitting in one of the chairs, arms crossed in front of her. "I'm a big girl, and am perfectly capable of handling myself in front of a bunch of stuffy admirals. There's no need to apologize for not being next to me when you were going through your own debriefing."

"I left you alone, Kathryn… broke my vow to be always at your side… to lighten your burdens…"

"Would it have made things easier if we could have spent time together when you weren't facing the firing squad? Possibly." She shrugged. "But we wouldn't have been able to spend that time together. Not until you were cleared, anyway."

"Cleared?"

"Didn't you pick up on what they were doing? Yes, you were being debriefed on a mission, but you were also giving testimony for your actions as a Maquis. Specifically, the actions that led to us being dragged into the DQ." Her head tipped to one side. "They thought you'd done it on purpose… led us into a trap so we would be carried away… and accidentally got yourself caught, too."

Chakotay's jaw dropped. He hadn't even considered the idea… hadn't caught on to the questions behind the questions. "You cleared us, didn't you? What did you say that made them believe you?"

She shrugged, again. "I pointed out the impossibility of you knowing about the Caretaker 75,000 light years away. When that didn't work, I also pointed out that if you knew about the Caretaker, then all of the Maquis would have known - and said something about it at some point. Instead, they hounded Starfleet for years about what they had done to you."

"They finally believed you?"

"N'butu was the first to cave. He's a pretty strong personality. The rest of them fell in line after that."

She fell silent after that. He knew he needed to say more… but what else was there to say? He sighed… he knew what else.

"I left you, Kathryn… left our friendship - our relationship - for something that shouldn't have happened in the first place."

"And that something was…?" She really wasn't going to make this easy.

"Seven… I left you… threw away what we had… for some ridiculous, doomed attempt at a relationship with - as Sekaya says - a woman-child."

"Sekaya?" Kathryn's eyebrows rose, then dropped as her lopsided grin took up residence on her face. "Sometimes the best kick in the butt is given by a sister, isn't it?"

He huffed a sardonic laugh. "Too true… she skinned my hide and dragged it across the desert." He gave her a bashful look. "It wasn't anything I hadn't already begun to suspect. Having her lay it out in black and white turned what was shaping up to be a long, slow death into a quick slit of the throat."

"That's a hell of an analogy."

"It's the best I could come up with on short notice."

"So what was causing the long, slow death?"

"I've always considered myself a decent teacher, but..."

"According to your Starfleet file, you were excellent at teaching tactics at the Academy."

"Teaching tactics is nothing like teaching someone how to… feel… how to let go of the formula and act on instinct."

"You can't learn how to act on something you don't have, Chakotay."

"What do you mean?"

"Seven. She has no instincts… no basis of life to grow it from. Instincts are something that people are born with… something they've inherited from a millennia of development. For some reason, Seven doesn't have them. Perhaps the Borg programming overrode them… deleted them from her brain. We'll never truly know. The fact remains - everything she does is what has been copied from watching others."

"Or research… she a pro at that."

Kathryn must have caught the defensiveness in his voice. "Yes…" She said carefully. "Seven does quite a bit of research. She covers every channel available to her and forms decisions, actions, and impressions from it."

"I don't think I'll ever enjoy a romantic movie again."

A deep laugh bubbled up from her core. "Romantic movies? You pulled out all the stops!"

The heat from the blush that grew across his face threatened to set fire to his hair. "I used to enjoy them, too."

"Oh, Chakotay. I always suspected that you were a romantic at heart."

"Why do you think I liked all that poetry you shared with me? Quite a bit of it was romantic."

"It was the only thing I could share with you, Chakotay." Her voice went soft. "I'd hoped that you understood that."

"I did, Kathryn. Then life got in the way… to much trauma… too many arguments… I lost sight of you - of me." He grasped her hand lightly, delighting in the feel of her 'instinctive' and comforting response in the form of a gentle squeeze. "At first, when Seven asked me to dinner, the straightforward approach was comforting. It led me back to myself."

"But away from me… from us."

"I'd lost us somewhere in the crazy life we were living. I'm sorry… that's the deep down sorry I wanted to share with you. I'm sorry I lost us… broke us… what we had… it's irreplaceable… and I threw it away."

Tears welled up in his eyes. He hadn't expected her to open up like this so soon - hadn't prepared what to say. Perhaps that's the lesson he'd learned from the debacle with Seven. Planning things out was never the right thing where personal relationships were involved. Go with your instincts, Chakotay.

"I pushed you away. I had to. You were my conscience… my rudder in that open sea. But I lost sight of that… didn't want to be constrained by it anymore. I got angry… too angry."

"At me?"

She shook her head. "At the quadrant… what it was doing to us… how it was trying to break me down." She looked up at him, tears in her own eyes, then squeezed his hand again. "So I got angry… fought back… almost went too far… Ransom… Kashyk… I pushed the edge of the envelope."

"I wouldn't have let you go too far."

"Ah… but would I have let you stop me? I put you in the brig at one point."

"Don't forget I staged a mutiny. We would have stopped you like we did that time."

She smiled. "I hadn't thought of that…" Taking a deep breath, she looked up to the sky. "Quarra… it nearly broke me. Feeling that yoke of responsibility slam back down into my shoulders all at once, instead of the slow, gradual buildup that had been happening all those years… I couldn't tell you… couldn't see the guilt I knew would be in your eyes if I did."

"So, you lied and said you were happy to be back?"

"I was happy to be back. I just… I'd never felt that kind of freedom… the easing of that drive to be the best… the focus instead on having a good life with lots of friends." She looked back down at him. "It was difficult to notice out there, since I had to keep myself a little separate from everyone, but I've never really had a large group of friends. Acquaintances, sure… but friends? Who has time for friends when there's studying to do? Achievements to reach?"

"I knew, Kathryn. You never talked about friends. Your family… Justin… a little bit about Mark. But never friends."

Her lopsided grin appeared. "Of course you knew. You always knew everything about me - most of it without me ever having to tell you."

"You knew about me, too. You trusted me when you had no reason to. When I first came on board… when those beings in chaotic space took over my brain… on the holodeck when the Hirogen held us captive… even on Quarra, when some stranger appeared and tried to tell you that you were the captain of some ship lost thousands of light years away, you trusted me."

She gave him a full-on grin. "Instincts, Chakotay. Instincts."

They laughed together and his world - his spirit - felt right and whole again. He followed his instinct. "Kathryn… can I tell you something?"

"Please don't tell me any sordid details about you and Seven."

"There are no sordid details to tell, Kathryn. We may have shared an apartment, but we never shared a bed." He shook his head. "No… this has more to do with us, and the reason my sister tanned my hide."

She let go of his hand and sat back. "This should be good. The floor is all yours."

"I hope you think it's good - or at least you don't end up wanting to kill me."

She quirked an eyebrow while he gathered his courage.

"In the ancient days, when a warrior woman invited a warrior man and his tribe to join hers, the action… the agreement was considered a… Bonding."

"A bonding? We did bond, Chakotay. Our crews bonded into one." Her voice was rife with confusion.

"You don't understand. When that offer from one leader was made and accepted by the other leader, they were Bonded." He'd been looking down at his hands. Now, he plucked up the courage to look her in the eye. "It's a marriage, Kathryn. The female inviting the male to join her is a marriage proposal. The male accepting the invitation is a marriage. There's no ceremony… the marriage is done the moment the proposal is accepted."

Kathryn's jaw went in search of the floor. "You mean...? When I invited you…?"

"When Sekaya heard the story of how our crews - our tribes - were brought together, she saw it as such. The way I spoke about you solidified her opinion. She's a Tribal Elder, Kathryn. She went to the council and had our union recognized."

"You're telling me that, in the eyes of your tribe, we're married? Chakotay, the Federation will recognize that!"

"I know, Kathryn. When Sekaya arrived, she asked me where my wife was. She was expecting you to be with me when I greeted her. Until she reminded me, I hadn't even thought about it… the idea hadn't even crossed my mind. If it had, I would have made sure Sekaya understood the nature of our relationship. I would have point blank told her to not consider it a marriage."

"Instead, the way you spoke about me made her think you loved me?"

"Yes…"

"And did you…? Do you…?"

"Love you? A lump stuck in his throat and he had to push the words past it. "Yes, Kathryn… with all my heart and spirit."

"Oh…" She seemed to be frozen, his admission stalling her brain.

"It's alright, Kathryn. You don't have to be in love with me. I'm content to be your friend."

"I… uh…" Suddenly, her whole body deflated. "I'm in love with you, too."

Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her. Had he heard her right? She loved him, too?

It was the only thing I could share with you… I'd hoped you understood that. She'd said that when they were talking about romantic movies and poetry.

He leaned forward, placing a finger under her chin and gently pulling her face up to meet his. "Did you just say you love me?"

She smiled a and gave a slight nod against his finger. "Yes."

That was all it took. He pulled her face closer to his and captured her lips in a gentle kiss. Perhaps this marriage situation should be left as it is. Was his last thought as she wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.