AN: Okay, so this was originally a story I was going to turn in for free-choice writing. It only had Tamaki and Kyoya as friends, considering themselves brothers. It also was only 2,000 words…but here is the new and improved romance version (because I think turning a near-yaoi fic into my teacher would be a bad idea). There's gonna be one more chapter and that's it, maybe a tiny tiny epilogue. Hope you enjoy.

I stand beside the headstone, the umbrella above me slightly shaking from the rain hitting it. Everyone around me is crying, but I can't seem to force the frozen tears from behind my eyelids (even though I have so many times before). The priest drones on and on, and I think of how boring Hikaru would have found this.

"Hey, Kaoru," he would have whispered. "What do you think would happen if we pulled a classic?" Then he would grin his mischievous grin, slip his beaten and battered whoopee cushion from his pocket and dart off to place it. And I would follow, grinning from ear to ear.

I remember the headline. Hitachiin Son Dies In Motorcycle Accident, Leaves Twin Devastated. They got it wrong, though. I'm not devastated.

I'm broken.

The service ends, and people swarm me. They sob over me, clutching at my sleeves. I nod and bow my head at them but don't feel anything. How could I, when the one that made me feel so alive is now dead?

When the crowd subsides, I walk to where the other members of the host club are standing: off to the side of everyone else. They're not used to being in an atmosphere like this. They seem out of place, and uncomfortable.

Tamaki nods as I approach. Strangely enough, he's the one I grew the closest to in the host club, after Hikaru and I grew apart. He's the only reason I don't regret leaving my brother's own little world.

"We all miss him," Kyoya says. I look past his glasses into his eyes and see sorrow, but none as deep as mine. I admire Kyoya. He doesn't feel much, and it makes me grateful he feels for my brother.

"I'll take you home," Tamaki says. "C'mon." I follow him, not having said anything for the last day, at least. My throat feels sore and dry.

oOo

I watch them walk away. I can sense that Kaoru saw nothing behind my glasses.

No one besides Hikaru ever does…did.

After he broke away from Kaoru, Hikaru was alone. And I couldn't have anybody depressed in club, sales would go down drastically. So I helped him. He practically fell into my arms with sadness. Words poured out of him. It was unlike anything I've ever seen before. I didn't realize he was so afraid after he wandered away from his brother. I'm glad I caught him before he really fell all the way down.

I genuinely felt for him. Caring for someone can impact you beyond anything else. And, over time…

I fell in love with him.

The way he knew what I was feeling, even when I slanted my glasses in the right angle when you couldn't see anything beyond them.

He was the only one that ever knew who I really was, that I was hurting just as much as he was from my father's rejection. I could never achieve what he wanted me to be. I just tried so hard for him, but never as hard as I did to save Hikaru.

I miss that face so much; photographs or video cant capture his beauty. And Kaoru looks just like him. Today, with the hat obscuring his hair, my heart leaped when I saw him. I'll always see Hikaru in Kaoru's face, though he'll never be like his brother.

I wish I had known it would all be for nothing, in the end. This is why I usually refuse to feel anything. A broken heart is all that will come from love.

I know that now, standing in front of the grave of the boy I loved.

oOo

When we pull up in my driveway, I wait a moment before getting out.

I've already decided what has to be done.

He wouldn't have wanted it, but now he's dead. I can't live without him.

Maybe, in time, Tamaki would help me get through this. He's been a great friend, showing up at my door five minutes after he'd gotten the news. If he had been anyone else, I would have chased him from the grounds with tears rolling down my cheeks, rendering me half-blind. But he was Tamaki.

I never quite figured out what bonded us, and puzzle it over some more as Tamaki silently walks up the drive with me. He's funny, handsome, like all the other boys in the host club, and naïve, so naïve. He didn't see it coming when Haruhi broke his heart.

Just like she did to my brother's.

I have no reason to resent her, of course. She always does what is right for everyone. Accepting my brothers affection would have only led to broken hearts and discomfort in the host club. And we're like family: discomfort would cause destruction.

That's why it's so inappropriate for me to love him. As if I could do anything else.

He showed me kindness, and understood me, how I couldn't stand Hikaru moving away. It was slowly killing both of us, but we would rather die than surrender. Tamaki saw this. He stopped me from doing this before-unintentionally, of course. I was on the brink of despair when he started paying attention. I was eternally grateful, and loved him. At first I felt it was like Tamaki's love for the host club: like a father, or a brother. But then I realized it was something more, and I embraced it, dreaming of him.

He never returned my feelings, even though I never showed them.

"Hey," Tamaki says, snapping me back into reality. I look up, the brim of my hat obscuring my vision, blocking his purple eyes. "Are you…never mind. Do you want me to stay?"

I pause, thinking. If he stays, he would know. But I can't have him leave me. Losing someone else before I'm gone myself would be unbearable. I nod, and he walks forwards and wraps his arms around me. "I'm sorry, Kaoru," he says, speaking into my hair. "We miss him. So much."

With my friend's arms around me, where I feel safest now, everything that has been hold up in the bottom of my heart breaks loose, and I sob uncontrollably into his shoulder. He holds me, and I rack his body with my sobs.

I can no longer do this.

When I'm done, I trudge inside and go to the kitchen as Tamaki goes to the living room. He tells me he'll be right there if I need him. I do need him, so much…but I will not hurt him. The pain of my death will injure him, but he will, with the help of the other host club members, recover.

I am being selfish. What right do I have to take my own life? It's old age's or a drunk driver's job to do that. If I was to suffer the same fate as my brother, would it be any less selfish to walk out into oncoming traffic? I do not wish to hurt anyone, but don't my wishes come first?

Understand, Tamaki. Please.

I shoo the maids from the kitchen, only allowing them time to turn off ovens and stick containers into the fridges. I close the doors behind them and draw a knife from the knife block. I've only held one of these once, back when father was around a little more and we used to cook dinner all together. Hikaru and I would be glad to scuttle around the kitchen opening cabinets and fridges, scampering back to hand them to Father. He would laugh and hand them to Mother, then wrap his arms around her waist. Sometimes he would even let us cut a sausage or two. I remember the way Hikaru's brow would furrow as he grasped the handle. Those meals always tasted better than the gourmet ones the maids prepared. I've long since forgotten the exact taste, though…and with Hikaru dead, Father gone and Mother on the edge of sanity with work, I don't want to remember.

Trudging upstairs to my room, I lock the door toss my wet coat over the back of a chair. I take a chair from the corner of the room and prop it under the door, wedging it tight, then rattle the doorknob a couple of times to make sure it's secure. The coat starts to drip down into the carpet, spreading a stain across the formerly spotless fabric. I sigh. I don't care anymore. This will be easy.

I've already cut myself once before, when Father really, genuinely left. He cut us off when Hikaru and I were 14, and Mother was distraught. So were we. Despite the fact he was never around, we had truly loved our father. When he stopped returning my calls and letters, I decided to lower myself to the commoner's way of releasing pain. I took the small switchblade he had given to me for a past birthday and turned it on my own skin. Hikaru found me lying in a pool of my own blood, with glazed eyes and one hand curled tight around the handle. He held me, washed me clean and bandaged my wrists. I never had to go to a therapist, but now I think it might not have been a bad idea.

That was two years ago, and the scars still remain. I line the blade up with them, feeling the cold metal press against the raised skin. This time, I don't plan to survive.

Knowing that if I wait a moment longer, I'll no longer have the strength to commit this. I slice quickly and firmly, feeling only slight pain and the healed flesh is torn open once again. I don't feel anything else, looking down at my arm curiously as the blood spurts from the cut.

Then my world explodes.

I scream in agony, and know that I've blown the whole thing as I hear a chair being overturned in the living room. Don't let him get here in time.

But alas, my hopes are in vain. Tamaki is in perfect shape, and he reaches the door only moments after I start to writhe in pain. Blood is covering the ground and my clothes. I can't separate the dark red liquid from the black cloth as the door rattles.

"Kaoru? What's going on in there?'

I can only moan, which morphs into a gurgle as blood trickles from the corner of my mouth. Everything blurs than snaps back into perfect vision as adrenaline surges through my body.

A small pause, then the door and the chair shatter into pieces as Tamaki slams his shoulder into it. Small bits of wood splinters are stuck in his hair, and his purple eyes gleam with rage and sorrow as he falls besides me.

"No," I choke out. "Please-just leave me…"

"God damnit, Kaoru, what did you do?" He says, pulling his phone out. "Kyoya," he barks. "I need your best medical team at Kaoru's house, now. Because he's dying, that's why! Move!"

He snaps it shut and grabs my wrist, pressing his fingers sharply into the cut. I gasp as his fingers are covered in crimson liquid, and his nails send a shock of pain through my arm, though the blood flow slows considerably. I cough up another mouthful of blood, and he growls at me, "Why, you idiot? How could you do this to me?" There are too many emotions for me to make sense of on his face as I lose focus. "Stay with me, Kaoru!"

I answer at swiftly and honestly as I can before I lose consciousness completely, "He was my brother."

Nothing can stop me from falling now, and I hear my brother's voice as I plummet: "It's never been for me, Kaoru. For you. Always for you."

oOo

Kyoya's POV

The hospital doors slam open before me. Nurses look up in surprise, but recognition registers on their faces as they see me. I stride up to the receptionist and look her straight in the eyes. No time for host club chivalry now. My last link to Hikaru might be severed!

"Kaoru Hitachiin," I say. "Where is he?"

Leaning back in her chair, she looks through her patients list and finds him. "Yes. Kaoru Hitachiin, room 12 on the third floor. Have a good day, Mr. Ootori," she calls, but I'm already to the elevators before she finishes.

The elevator ride is too long, though it only takes a couple of seconds. I sprint out and down the corridor. Screeching to a stop, I grab the knob and twist it as far as it will go, slamming it open.

Tamaki and a doctor look up in surprise. Tamaki looks awful, and I reel for a second at the loss of the host club's "King's" beauty. My best friend looks terrible. He's the only one I ever cared for more than myself…besides Hikaru.

"Kyoya," he says in surprise.

I nod, looking through the glass to Kaoru's room. I got to stand beside it. "Tamaki, may I speak with the good doctor alone?" He nods and goes into Kaoru's room. "His condition, Dr. Terusoma?"

"Well," the doctor says. "It's not as bad as we thought. The cut wasn't deep. He'll recover soon enough. His condition is steadily climbing in the day he's been here, and I feel he would do even better in an environment outside of the hospital-even if it is owned privately by your father. Hospitals tend to have a dismal effect on people, I've noticed. As I hinted before, I think that a few days at Mr. Suoh's estate would be good for the boy. "

I nod. "Thank you, doctor. I'm afraid I must go now, but please inform me of any new information as Kaoru progresses.

"Yes, Mr. Ootori."

I leave the hospital with my head bowed, and only when I get to my car do I press my forehead against the steering wheel and cry.

Kaoru's face looked so much like Hikaru's, twisted in pain…

oOo

Kaoru's POV

My eyelids flutter, and I almost sigh in defeat. Stupid Kyoya. He got there in time to revive me. He's always been good at that…I hear voices, and squeeze my eyes back together again. Maybe if I wait awhile, I'll be able to die again. But then I hear Tamaki's voice.

I can't give that up ever again.

Tamaki seems anxious, his voice strained. The other voice is a gruff one, and I assume he's a doctor, maybe a psychologist of some kind, due to the medical nonsense he's sprouting.

"I can promise you, he'll be fine. The cut wasn't as deep as we thought, though there was more damage. It seems he'd been cut there before. Perhaps he'd been hiding his feelings, and his brother's death was just enough to tip him back into depression. Has he had any history of depression?"

"Once, when he was 14, when his father left. I don't know much, he never likes to talk about it." I twitch at this. He's right. None of the host club members know besides him.

"That's most likely it. A history of family issues, and this current death in his family. Had no one ever bothered to monitor the twins?"

"When you're as rich as we are, no one monitors you unless you get into serious trouble with the law." I repress the urge to laugh. Tamaki summarized the Ouran's student's lives perfectly in that one sentence.

"A most unwise decision," the doctor says sternly. I become angry with this doctor. What right does he have to judge my family, as broken as it is?

"Will he be awake soon?" Tamaki asks. I tense. I need this answer. I have to live, I know now, for Tamaki. For Hikaru.

"Soon," the doctor says, and I allow the slightest bit of breath to escape through my lips, almost a sigh, but not quite. Tamaki sighs too. "We can't make any estimate more specific, though. He'll definitely pull through. Good day, Mr. Suoh."

A door swings shut, a quiet noise. It shakes the room all the same, and I raise my eyelids a millimeter to see Tamaki standing at the room, an intense expression on his face. His hair looks tousled, not purposely like it usually is, but un-styled and messy. His deep purple eyes are ringed with dark circles, bags that cast a glaze over the usually bright irises.

Unable to keep the façade up any longer, I dispel it and open my eyes to gaze upon him. "Tamaki-sama," I croak, my throat even dryer now.

"Kaoru," he breathes, his head snapping up. In the next moment his arms are around me, and I feel his heart pounding under my ear. His tears drip steadily into my hair. "I thought I'd lost you," he sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Tamaki," I say, liquid beginning to slide from the corners of my eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You hurt yourself," he accused, pulling back and holding me at arm's length. He looks at me, and I know what he sees: a small, fragile boy, whose face is streaked with tears and the look of someone who's lost everything. "And that, Kaoru, hurts me." He glares.

"Please, don't be mad at me," I say, "I can't-I can't take it."

His gaze softens. "I'm sorry," he says, resting his head in a hand. "You just worried me. Do you…really love him that much? That you can't live without him?"

I squeeze my eyes shut. "I thought I did," I say in a small voice. "But now I know that's not what he would've wanted. " I overcome the pain, and open my eyes. "I also know that I couldn't die. Not yet, not before I showed you something."

He looks at me. "What?"

I take a deep breath, sit up, and kiss him. He tastes like dark chocolate, bittersweet on my tongue. I pull back, dazed from the feel of his lips against mine. I've ruined our friendship, but it was worth it, to feel it for once in my life (even if it is the last).

Carefully, slowly, he touches his fingertips to his lips. A slight tinge of red comes to his cheeks. "Kao-Kaoru…"

"Don't say anything," I say gently. "I'm sorry."

He stares at me, almost in wonder, and in the next second he's gently grasped my shoulders and brought me back to his mouth. I shudder, curling into him, in utter shock. Tamaki is kissing me, running his hands through my hair as if he's never felt or seen it before. His lips, though at first gentle, turn hungry as he moans into my mouth. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers dusting over his creamy skin.

"Mr. Suoh, please note that Mr. Hitachiin is in critical condition and shouldn't be stimulated in any way at the moment," the doctor says seriously.

"Jesus," Tamaki gasps. His arms tighten around me. "Taze me, why don't you?"

"My apologies. But I am serious. Now is not the time."

I am silent, but then look up at Tamaki and ask, "Why?"

He looks back at me. "I know it's forward to ask for alone time…just a minute?"

The doctor frowns. "Make it quick." He leaves.

Tamaki breathes out.

"I'm sorry," I say. "But I need to know. Do you-"

"Please, Kaoru," he says. His purple eyes center on mine.

"Please what?"

"Please," he says. "Say you love me."

My heart skips two whole beats than restarts in a frantic rhythm.

"I know you said you couldn't take it, but I can't take it either. I've loved you since I saw how much I could help you. You grew stronger through your pain…and I watched you. You were- are –amazing. I love you, Kaoru Hitachiin, and I need you to say it back."

"Tamaki," I whisper. "Oh, God…I love you so much."

Tears are leaking from both of our eyes now. He pulls me back to him, holding my head close to his chest. With my eyes closed, I can hear his heartbeat going as fast as mine.

The next year, New Years

Tamaki's face is screwed up in frustration as he stares at the lights crisscrossing across the windows. He's scrutinizing every little bit as carefully as he can. I sigh.

"Look, Tamaki, they don't have to be perfect."

"Don't have to be," he says. "But I want them to be. We deserve it, setting up this party for everyone. New Years isn't exactly a small event. The Suoh's throw it every year!" He throws his arms out dramatically, and a bit of my frustration dissolves as I laugh.

"C'mon," I say warmly, tugging at his sleeve. "Everyone's probably already inside."

Tamaki gives the lights one last evil glare and follows me inside, smoothing his jacket where I rumpled it. "I'm sorry if I seem paranoid, Kao-chan. We worked hard, especially you. I don't want it to go to waste."

"It won't, trust me," I say. I bow my head to hide my smile. Tamaki is…excitable, to say the least.

Haruhi looks up as we enter through the large twin doors of Tamaki's mansion. She smiles tentatively. I wave to her. I honestly didn't expect her to come. She's always been the shyest of the host club, though that's receded as she grew to accept her role as a host.

"Kaoru!" Honey squeals, and I look from Haruhi to see him fly from Mori's arms into mine. I catch him with a grunt, stumbling back a few steps.

"Honey-senpai…" I say warily, not wanting to upset the small boy. "Why don't you and Mori go try out the chocolate fountain? I have to go check on something."

His expression immediately drops to one of utter despair. "Okay," he says sadly. He drops down and plods back to Mori, but lights up again as he sees the giant chocolate fountain we rented for the night.

"Mori! I want the pineapples! And the strawberries! And the graham crackers! Can I get marshmallows too?"

I sigh. We'll probably run out of food for the fountain by the end of the night.

"Congratulations," Kyoya says from behind me, and I jump at least two feet in the air.

"Kyoya-senpai, you scared me," I say, laying a hand on my chest. The Shadow King has only gotten sneakier in his years at the host club.

"I'm sure this will be a successful event," Kyoya goes on, ignoring me. "All the best benefactors of the host club are here. And Tamaki only has one more year here. It's best for him to get what he wants while he can."

"Yes," I say nervously. "About that…"

Kyoya's eyes narrow. "Please don't tell me this is about him."

"After Tamaki graduates this year…I'm leaving too."

"Excuse me?" He said. His knuckles are even whiter than usual, clutching his ever-present clipboard. "Kaoru, that is unacceptable."

"What's so unacceptable about it?" I challenge, crossing my arms. "He's like my brother. We're going to go back to France and start a new design company. We have the influence and the money."

"You cannot sacrifice your education for some senseless dream," Kyoya insists. "Where is Tamaki? I can't allow him to take a first year out of school."

"I'll have graduated from second year when we leave," I say stiffly.

He stares at me for a few seconds, and then stomps off in an opposite direction. I sigh. I didn't mean to offend Kyoya, but this is what Tamaki and I both want.

"Having fun?" Tamaki asks, approaching me with a bright smile on his face.

"I think I pissed off Kyoya," I admit. "He's mad about us leaving school next year."

Tamaki's smile drops. "I knew he would be," he says. "I think he's mostly upset because I didn't bother to tell him."

"Always has to be about you, doesn't it?" I ask teasingly.

He laughs, slinging an arm around my waist and pulling me towards him. I smile up at him, lazily draping my arms around his neck. "He'll come around, you'll see. Give him some time. For now, let's just enjoy the night as it is.

I nuzzle his nose with mine. "Thank you for this, Tamaki."

"Anything for you," he says, sweeping me down towards the floor and dropping his lips to mine. I hear some whoops in the background, and even Mori takes the time for one slow whistle.

"All right, all right, that's enough," I grumble, making Tamaki pull me back up. But a grin still crosses my face.

For the first time since Hikaru…I'm happy.

oOo

Kyoya's POV

I slip into the nearest room and close the door. I sink down onto it, unable to see into the dark recesses of the room. I close my eyes.

Again, it's happening. I thought I would be able to keep that last bit of Hikaru if Kaoru stayed, but he was leaving! And he seemed determined. Although that didn't frighten me, Tamaki would be all too willing to fight for it, and I detested the thought of a fight with him.

I take my cell phone from my inside pocket and flip it open. "Hello? Yes, it's Kyoya. Oh, hello, Kirimi. Is Nekozawa there? Oh, great. Would you mind giving him the phone?"

"Hellooooooo…" A voice says.

"Nekozawa, I need you to do something."

"Do you want to join the Black Magic Club?"

"No. I need you to keep Kaoru and Tamaki from leaving Ouran."

"Oh. That simple?"

"Yes."

"Can you do it or not, Nekozawa?" I sigh.

"Yes, I can, my friend, but at a price…"

"What do you want?" I ask. "Name anything."

"Get me a date with Haruhi Fujioka."

"EXCUSE me?"

"Do you want this or not?"

"Fine, fine. Just get it done."

"I will. Goodbyeeeeeeee, Kyoya Ootori…"

I hang up the phone and sigh.

You're not leaving this school while I remain here, Kaoru Hitachiin…