I, Aniyah

Chapter One

I was someone once. Well at least the illusion made me believe I was someone once. I was going places and living the life I had thought I could only have in my dreams. Like most girls my dreams were of love, romance and security. Growing up in Queens I longed for the day when I'd be taken away from the harsh realities of life and only live its pleasures. I went to school. I kept my head down. I was a good girl.

After high school I worked in small accounting office to help my family. Family. Means a hell of a lot more to me now. The job was a front. I didn't know that then. Its amazing how traumas from your childhood can prepare you for other things in your future. When my crooked boss was made to stand judged for his sins I made myself useful. I kept my head down but proved myself an asset. While the so called bad boys my boss thought he had hired shook with fear I showed the secret rooms. I showed them the bruise on my arm when I refused the advances of my boss. I showed them where the hidden safe was that held the true records. I saw there was potential when I played my cards right.

I then began working for one of the most powerful families in New York. The Salerno Organization had become my home. My new boss gave me nothing to fear. No one bothered me and I loved how my status changed. A dream apartment downtown. Clothing, money, a driver and car. Hobnobbing with the future leaders of the organization. Being the secretary of one of the most powerful men can be a heady experience. Then to keep that position when his son took command. I was on top of the world.

Then to be dating one of the five. I had had a crush on him for many years, way before…no, no I better not think about that now or I just might end it all right now. I look out at the river and think how easy it would be to just fall over the side. No one would miss a disgraced secretary. Of course I'm not even that now. I feel the cars behind me rushing to places to take care of important things. I used to be a part of important things. I used to know things, important things. That knowledge had to be buried, completely removed from my memory. Maybe I can just move backwards a little bit, just a small step off the curb and instantly I'll disappear.

I want to be invisible. I want to vanish but I really don't have anywhere to go. Mind you I have money. The SO paid me very well. Even my severance was more than a kingly ransom but even if I went to the West Coast once you've worked for the mafia there is an air about you. You don't just wash that away. There is training that is so ingrained it could only be relieved by death.

I should have loved him. In some way I knew this and in the beginning I had started out the plump black girl in love. He was going to finally be my happily ever after. The flirting from Kyle and the encouragement from Cart, um Mrs. Salerno had brought me great happiness. It seemed the only way for things to go was up. I was a part of the inner circle. I wasn't just an employee. I wasn't just expendable personnel. I was going places and I was coming in to my own.

Girly get togethers were growing. I aimed for perfection. Perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect weight. Unfortunately I fell prey to what most insecure females fear, the other woman. I knew she was there. I knew that Kyle had a special place in his heart for only her. I regretfully I thought it was Mrs. Salerno. Back when I said her name, when we were friends. And my insecurities made my mouth make statements that were mean spirited and from a place of pain. I didn't know it would be the start of my downfall.

I became the black bitch. When Mrs. Salerno withdrew I just kept my head down. I foolishly thought all was forgiven when Kyle asked me out and our relationship moved to the very physical. God, that man could fuck. I was never completely left unsatisfied. My body was always put to rights after that man had touched it but my heart, the one thing I had ignored, did not have him. My fear didn't let me love him how he needed to be loved. At first I was on track to do that but my flawed thinking had me doing things I never thought I'd do. My nipples involuntary pebble and a familiar tightening starts in my belly. Its been a long time. I must stop thinking about that.

Reanna is indeed a lucky woman. God why didn't I treat her better. Again I started out good with that relationship. A great trade-off for what I lost with Carter. Hell, I'm going to say her same this one time. I'm mostly to blame but so is she. And not just her, all of them. It was their fault, no all of it, but a large portion. They all are in some fashion. But Reanna got it right the first time. She loved him like he needed to be loved. She took all aspects of his life and brought light. This was why he didn't give me his heart. Why he wouldn't come inside me. Why it was easier to give me gifts and a Dear John letter.

Reanna had been my friend. Probably the only one next to Mrs. Salerno. Two of many bridges I had not just burned but nuclear bombed. Friend, boy do I know what that word means now. Kyle's former secretary Chelsea commiserated with me for a few weeks after we were both let go from the SO but soon I learned she was no true friend. As long as I was treating her or calling after her to go out she was all for it. She never called me or offered to treat me. I stopped calling and answering my phone and she soon was walking past me as if she didn't know who I was. It had hurt at first. Not as much as losing Reanna and Mrs. Salerno but it was a deep cut. I don't know who she's taken up with these days and truly I don't even care. I was very thankful I didn't tell her about my savings or that I was starting a new job with a family still friendly with the Salernos. Selling people out is not something I wanted my not important name attached to.

I wrap my arms around myself and head back to the office. I've lost more weight. Not because of vanity or because I am seeing someone. I don't have appetite. Food doesn't interest me. My life is not even a slither of what it used to be. The Terillo family took me in because they felt I would be valuable for information. Maybe I could give them inside information, possibly help them garner more favor. I'm questioned constantly but I had already messed up the best thing I ever had. I was not going to make it worse. So instead of a secretary, someone privy to the inner workings of an organizations, I was reduced to less than a maid's station. Coffee making seems to be all I am good for these days.

The Terillos are not easily dissuaded that I that might not give up some information. The way they question me changes. Some days I am completely ignored. Other days, after I've made coffee, that seem to enjoy having me answer 'no' to everything they ask me. It's been several months since I was let go from the SO. So much has changed. Even if I wanted to share information it would be of little usefulness. I try not to think about my former life.

My new employers are shippers. They have multiple boats used for just as many reasons. When I was somebody I would have arranged meetings and facilitated arrivals for conferences and negotiations. I have yet to see any clients. I make coffee and I bring I the coffee. Nothing of importance is discussed in my presence. I prefer it that way. Getting attached and then having it all taken away has been too much.

I walk into the lobby and I notice its very quiet. People are hurrying here and there but I pay no mind. There is always something going on. Even when I organized schedules and made arrangements for flights and cars, the level of activity was always greatest when something big was about to go down. I had learned how to tune it out very quickly. I did what I was told. I still follow that same philosophy. Work my eight hours, keep my head down, collect my check and keep to myself. I don't really need to work but if I sit in my apartment, staring at the four walls I will lose it completely. I was always a people person. Which makes days like this even more shitty. Too many memories of good times I didn't treasure and I let slip away.

I move toward my office. If you can even call it that. It's actually the cloak room from back when the building was a hotel and guests would check their coats and gloves. There is movement by the elevator and a large number of suits move out into the lobby. I pause for a moment and then I try to pick up the pace. If I can just get into my office before they see me. My heart rate increases and I am sure if I had any urine in my bladder it would be released.

Mrs. Salerno in all her finery followed closely by Mickey are headed toward the door. I had completely blocked out the large black SUV sedans that were parked out front. I had gotten so used to walking past those for many years they didn't even register in my mind. I feel the sweat collecting under my arms. My feet are moving even slower as if someone is pouring quick dry cement in my shoes as I try to walk faster. Maybe they will just continue to consider me less than lint and keep walking. No such luck.

"Aniyah?" I hear just as I start to reach for my office door. I turn slowly. My gorgeous former friend looks just that gorgeous. The love she shares with Nathan causes her to glow, no matter what she's doing. I bet she glows when she's making people apologize for their wrong doing. A slight tremor runs through me but I mentally shake myself and focus on the bridge of her nose. Not quite eye contact but not quite looking at the floor either. I still got some grit.

"Mrs. Salerno. I do hope the staff is taking care of your needs. If not, I am sure Don Terillo will make sure to make right whatever might be wrong." I pause in my monologue trying to keep my breathing normal.

"When did you start working for the Terillos?" her question is direct and she is mentally processing whether or not I am a problem, a potential problem or no problem at all.

"Three months ago."

"Really?" Mickey says from behind her. I don't look at him. I keep my eyes on the nice spot below her lower eyelids and the bridge of her nose. "No one has been able to recreate your magic java."

I normally would have preened under such attention. I had learned how to make coffee when I was a little girl. I had perfected the talent when Nathan's father had made me his personal secretary. The Five would make special trips to have a cup. I continue to look straight ahead.

"What do you do here?" Carter continues her questions. There is not emotion in her voice and since I am not looking completely in her face I cannot tell if this is business or personal.

"Mrs. Salerno, Mrs. Salerno. Please, please, please, you cannot steal back your employee. Our new coffee maker if fine where she is."

"She's making coffee for them?" I refrain from smiling as Carter rolls her eyes at Mickey.

"No Philipe, I do not steal or take back anything I do not want."

I lower my eyes at her statement determined to not let it or Mickey's snickering affect me. There were consequences to my actions and I am reaping what I sowed. Wounds and pain take time.

Philipe Terillo comes to stand to the right of Carter and I continue to look at the patterns on the floor. "I meant no disrespect Mrs. Salerno. Ms. Clark makes a mean cup of joe and we like having her around."

"Three months she has been here?" I feel her looking at me and I raise my head slowly. I am not afraid because I have done nothing wrong. I have a job and I am not working for anyone that is an enemy to the SO.

"Yes, she went through our usual interview process. Don Salerno did not voice any concern, just told me not to fuck her. We did ask her a lot of questions."

"You asked her a lot of questions?" Carter is not looking at me but Mickey has gone quiet and I feel his deadly stare. If Philipe decides he wants to earn points with Carter he could say all matter of things to her and his word would be believed over mine.

"Oh yes. We wanted to know more about you, your husband, your organization. She said she was a secretary for many years. After some time she was let go and she went on vacation and after three months she was looking for a fresh start."

My face is hot as this information is laid bare in front of everyone. Philipe is purposely not answering the question Carter wants answered. Was I an enemy? Did the secrets I keep become water cooler fodder?

"I have been impressed with Ms. Clark's steel and determination. Almost daily we ask her for inside information. She gives us none. We rephrase and speak generally and still it seems she is loyal to the SO. My theory she fell in love with someone at your organization but the affection is not returned so to save herself from further heartbreak she left."

I am at a loss for words at his statement, not that I would have uttered words unless I was directly spoken to but I am taken aback all the same.

"So she has just been making coffee for you for three months and nothing else."

"That is correct, though that might change very soon. My father's new wife wants to limit the female presence here so other than a few secretaries Ms. Clark might have to seek her income somewhere else."

I look up at Philipe and I know my shock shows on my face. I am about to lose my job. My one and only outlet to the outside world and its all going to be taken from me. I didn't ask for this. Haven't I paid enough? No friends. No status. No life. Carter should have never befriended me. I know she was new to the Salerno world and there were few black women in the organization but she should have keep things employer/employee between us.

She feed me a lie and I internalized it. Friends with the boss had me believing I was equal with the boss. I forgot my place and then the shit hit the fan. I saw how Kyle looked at her. All saw how all men and some women looked at her. Yes its all water under the bridge now that they know they are cousins and he is married to Reanna. But she is at much at fault in my fall as I am. She made me think I was identic when I was not. Kyle further fueled the lie with our farce of a relationship. I feel the heat returning to my eyes. Its has been some time since I felt strongly about anything. I don't want to be unemployed. I don't want to sit in my apartment and completely cease to exist. I have a new responsibility that is depending on me.

"Well Philipe, I'll take her off your hands now. I have some questions for Ms. Clark and I won't have her take up any further space here."

I look Carter in the eyes this time. Has some signal been spoken and I missed it? I don't see any particular emotion on her face to warn me I am in danger but my gut is telling me I must not go with her.

"You heard her, get your shit and let's go." Mickey has moved to stand directly in front of me and I take an involuntary step back.

"Thank you Mr. Terillo for everything. May business continue to be successful." I don't look at anyone in particular as I head to my office, closing the door behind me. I need a moment. I try to get my breathing to return to normal but it's a struggle. I look around the room they stuck me in for three months. A large desk with an oversized back chair takes up most of the room. A huge ceiling light fan give me illumination. Toward the back of the room is a large table with a few different coffee makers and coffee supplies. I never asked why they didn't have these things in the kitchen and why I had to make the coffee in here. There isn't really anything to collect. I don't have a desk or wall space for pictures or personal items. I wasn't given keys or told any codes so this will be no major effort for anyone. I grab my sweater off the back of my chair and I begin to head for the door again. I pause and various scenarios run I my head. You can't go with them my gut screams.

The back of the cloak room has a door that leads to a long corridor. I had used it a few times to get to the restroom or out to the alley to have a smoke. I let me feet take me away from the main door to the back. Two minutes later I am walking quickly down the alley away from whatever was awaiting me on the other side of that door. I keep walking until I'm six building away then I move to the main street. My apartment is just three blocks away. If I can get there before they notice I am not coming out I can hide out for a few days then make another move.

I don't notice any sedans or large dark cars as I jog up the steps to the modest apartment complex. Its nothing fancy or lavish. My neighbors keep to themselves and prefer no trouble. The neighborhood is quiet and safe enough without the fear of a stray bullet or broken doors and windows. I make it to my apartment and lock the door. Logically I know that if Carter wants me, they will find me and deliver me to her. I am still not completely sure why I ran. Too many memories today.

I feel the fight in me. I am emotional. I would start to cry again and I promised myself two months ago no more tears. The mourning is over. They have moved on, successfully. It is time I do likewise. Maybe leaving New York is a better course of action. I rarely left the city. A few times I rode on the private plane to Italy when Don Salerno needed to conduct business. That was the extent of my travels. Maybe California was calling my name after. I open the door to my guest room and listen to the gentle breathing inside. I won't go in, I'll start to cry and I don't need to cry right now. After undressing, showering and warming up a can of soup I won't eat I turned the lights out in my apartment and just sat in the dark. When my whispered dark thoughts grew too much I went into my bedroom and laid in a fetal position on top of the comforter.

Hours later I would wake to the sun shining through my window. From the dried streaks I see on my face I know I have been crying in my sleep. The loss of what could have been and the open wound of my mother's words haunt me. "You are never going to be anything but some forgotten secretary." I clean my face and change into a casual maxi dress. I reheat the soup and eat it. My mom is wrong I am going to be somebody and I will not be forgotten. I'm already more. I am needed and actually loved. Time to make breakfast and go into the guest room.

Copyright ©2017 Leichelle. I, Aniyah is provided for your personal, non-commercial use only. Re-distribution without permission is not allowed. All characters are the property of Michelle Hardin. All Rights Reserved.