A touch never felt by Ms. Marauder-Cullen

How can you ache and crave for someone's touch

When you have never felt it?

This is a question that has haunted my mind for years. Ever since I first laid eyes on Sirius Black I have wanted him as mine. Moony has wanted to claim him for our own, as our mate, so no one can ever touch him again.

I do this for yours, though,

And the yearning grows more each day

I have never wanted anything in my life

As much as I want you

Each and every passing day the yearning grows stronger until one day it turned into more. Love. It now is so strong that it physically hurts to be near him so I tried, oh how I tried, to stay away. That literally almost killed me.

I'd ended up in the Hospital Wing for about three days, and all the while there he was. Holding my hand for small moments at a time and making me laugh. Making the yearning even worse. Even stronger.

When I was still a young boy all I wanted was to be normal like everyone else. I hated being a werewolf and not being able to appreciate the full moon or any moon for that matter. I'd wanted nothing more than for it to go away. But this love, this yearning to have Sirius was so much greater than even wanting to be normal.

When you whisper such sweet love

In my ear when we talk

You make me melt into a puddle

Of complete helplessness

As we sit and talk sometimes late at night and its just us, together and alone, I love it so much. And when you start to whisper things that have nothing and everything to do with us, my heart melts.

You break through all my many barriers to make me feel oh so helpless. But never scared or nervous. Just safe. Comforted. Loved. Everything that I've wanted from you, what I've wanted to feel from you, I experience it while we are here sitting just like this.

You have become my every waking thought

And every dream at night

I breathe in so hard

Trying to catch my breath when we can't talk

Every single day, whether I want you to or not, you are in my thoughts and even my dreams. Sometimes even in my nightmares. You are the ever present torture of every single day, every moment, and every second. Always there just close enough to touch and yet so very far away.

When we have nothing to say and all is quiet I have to breathe in so hard because even when we aren't talking or doing any of the things I so desperately wish to do to you, I can't catch my breath because you take it all away.

I close my eyes so tight

Hoping when I open them you will be there

But I know I have to wait

Until the time is right

It seems so far away

That I think I am losing my mind

Every morning as the dawn approaches and I'm dreaming such wonderful things that all revolve around you, I can feel my mind and body fighting to stay in this wonderful haven where everything is perfect. I know that when I do finally have to open them that you and I will be no more, just a mere memory. But I can't help but hope for the impossible.

I know that I will just have to wait until the time is right to tell you how I feel and how much I have wanted you but graduation is so far away. Some may think, 'Why graduation? Why not tell him now?'

I say to you this. Because if he doesn't feel the same way and never wants to see me again then it won't be such torture on myself. If I told him while we are in school and that happens then I will have to suffer greatly and still see him everyday while not even having his friendship to fall back on and content myself with. This way his image will not haunt me day and night, at least I can still have him in my dreams and thoughts.

I honestly and truly am starting to think that I'm losing my mind to all these thoughts and feelings. All of which revolve around him.

I want to breathe in your scent

And keep it with me all day long

I want to taste your love for me

By kissing your sweet lips

I want to feel your body next to me

So when you leave for awhile I can hold on

I want to be with you oh so badly and all I have are these tortuously sweet thoughts to get me through the days and nights. I want to be able to smell you, to breathe in your delicious scent. I want to keep it with me forever and ever. Everyday. I want to kiss you so badly. I want to feel your lips on mine and all over my skin.

I want to feel your body next to me, above me, and below me as we make sweet hot love at all hours of the day and night. I want to feel your body shake and let loose with mine. I want to see you go wild as we are joined together. I want you in me. I want to be in you. I want to have something to get me through the nights and days when we are apart so I don't go mad.

I just want you to know

That I really do love you

I love you so much that it hurts. I hate to see you in pain and I love it when your angry because you get that heated look in your eyes that is so sexy. You're so hot when you're thinking or puzzled because you cock your head to the side and your brow furrows.

Sometimes when you run your hands through your hair I pretend that it's myself doing that to you or you doing that to me.

I just want to tell you so very much that I do love you.

When the day comes and we are together

You will always know and feel this

I will always hug, kiss and love you

Every moment of the day and night

...You will never have another touch unfelt

If and when the day comes and we are together, I hope that you will know how I feel. How I've always felt about you. I will always hug you, kiss you, and love you everyday of our lives. And every moment of the day and the night that we are together will be perfect bliss. We will never have another touch unfelt. If only I could tell you how I feel about you, then everything that I desire could come true.

~Fin

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Authors Note: The poem is called A Touch Never Felt by Carola Dittmann McJunkin. I thought that it went well with the Wolfstar paring.