Chapter 1

Sess's Wanted Birthday Gift...?

((Author's Note: Well, from the title, you'd probably guess that this is an Inuyasha parody of the children's show, 'Blue's Clues'. Well, this isn't nessisarily a children's fanfiction, because, well, there's a Sesshoumaru for Blue... And... Well... Put the clues together... Oh, hah! xD (I type without thinking... That just came up... Heh...) Well, this'll be a very interesting Fanfiction. Though, I think this'll only be a one-shot. That, or only a two-to-three chapter Fanficcy. Eh. Well, don't forget to read and review... Merf... Enjoy! ))

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Inuyasha's head popped out of the small, green house, his white doggy ears flattened to his head by embarrassment.

"Erm. Do you know where my brother is? Sesshoumaru the..." Shudder. "...Puppy?" Inuyasha asked the backstaged children from his memorized script inside his head.

"Right there!" The children behind the sceens said, all pointing (at the same time, also) to Sesshoumaru, who was hiding in his spot on the side of the house.

Adoribly, Sesshoumaru had two, horribly-made-floppy-doggy-ears on his head, held there by a headband, his clothes all white to match his hair, boa (which was supposidly turned into a tail, though Sesshoumaru refused to take it off his shoulder and neck), and fake doggy ears. He refused to change his black shoes, though.

"Ah, Sesshoumaru, there you are," Inuyasha said, still embarassed greatly. "Come inside, so we can like, play with your friend 'Pinku'... Because, she's like... Here..." Inuyasha had put his fingers in the motion of the quotations when he said 'Pinku', who was played by Kagome.

"Erm. Ruff?" Sesshoumaru asked. Apperantly, all he was supposed to say in the whole script, nevermind, the whole season of Sesshoumaru's Clues, was say 'ruff'.

"You remember Pinku the ki...kitty..." Inuyasha said, poking his head more out the door. Sesshoumaru walked over, nodded, then pushed Inuyasha out of his way so Sesshoumaru could get into the tiny green house.

"Mew..." Kagome said, embarassed by her outfit and her lame scipt lines. Her outfit was a pink cat outfit, tail and ears, with dark magenta stripes, like a tabby. She complained several times that it sucked, and that it was pretty revealing, since it was like a body-outfit. She replied to, several times (by, of course, Sesshoumaru- also erritated with his outfit-) to 'stuff it'.

"Ruff..." Sesshoumaru said boredly.

"I guess you're birthday's coming up soon, hmm, Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha asked, rolling his gold eyes.

"Uh. Ruff... Ruff, ruff ruff..." Sesshoumaru 'exclaimed', pretending to sound excited... Though he did a good job at it.

"Do you know what you want for your birthday? I'm sure all your friends here will help you get the things you want!"

Sesshoumaru grinned, about to do something that was definetly not on the script. He turned around, grabbed a green crayon and a piece of paper, then started to write. He held it up to the young audience of four to seven year olds, though most of them were unable to read it.

"What I want for my birthday, little brother," Sesshoumaru said, adding a 'ruff'. "Are these, I'll read them out loud," Sesshoumaru cleared his throat. "The Tetsusaiga, little brother, that belongs to me, not you... That stupid bastard, Naraku, to be DEAD... Um, you, little brother, to be DEAD. All you other people to be DEAD and to be DEAD by ME... And for Jaken to be a little less annoying. Um. Ruff."

Gasps were heard from the audience, as well as Kagome... Erm, 'Pinku'.

"Sesshoumaru!" Kagome... Pinku... Screamed. "How dare you! You can't say things like that on children's television! You'll dirty their purified minds!"

"Ugh," Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. "Stuff it, pussy-cat. I don't take orders from humans."

"Except for Rin," Kagome -Pinku- said slyly, narrowing her eyes with a grin at Sesshoumaru. She did a good job, as Sesshoumaru shut up.

"Um. So, what do you want for your birthday, Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha asked again, clearing his throat.

"Ruff-ruff-ruff..." Sesshoumaru sighed, putting his hand... or, 'paw', up to the camera-wall, making it melt slightly.

"Oh, do you know what this means?" Inuyasha asked 'excitedly' to the backstaged kids, as 'Pinku' was told to sneak offstage.

"Time for Sesshoumaru's Clues! Hee-hee!" The children giggled.

"Yep," Inuyasha said. "And we you remember what we have to do..." He rolled his eyes, giving a 'feh!' under his breath. "We gotta... Erm... Get about three clues, put them in our notepad thing and then we sit down on the thinking mat and we think-think-think..." Inuyasha shuddered for a moment, Sesshoumaru turning away from the crowd and the camera, since he was holding back rare laughter. "And then we see what Sesshoumaru wants for his birthday!" Then Inuyasha mumbled under his breath, "That stupid, stuck-up, greedy and spoiled bastard..." He shook his head several times, his ears flopping around cutely when he did so, then he continued. "Nowwww..." He turned around, Sesshoumaru gone to mark his first clue. "...Where did my brother go?"

"Over that way!" The kids said, almost all of them pointing different ways.

"Damnit, stupid kids, how helpful..." Inuyasha mumbled under his breath. "Um. What way?" He asked again. "Aw, screw it, I'll find him myself! Nevermind!" He seemed to pout, then he sniffed the air for Sesshoumaru's scent- which he instantly tracked - he went left, towards the kitchen. When he finally got there, he noticed he didn't have the notepad. So he darted swiftly back to the dresser, Kouga, to get it. "Hey, wolf-ass, I need the notepad."

"Bite me," Kouga snorted, until Inuyasha bared his fangs. Kouga raised his eyebrows. "Cannible."

"Bring it!" Inuyasha snarled.

Kouga waved his tail around. "Well, I'm not going to give it to ya, dog-turd," Kouga sniggered. So, Inuyasha did what he usually did and unsheaved his Tetsusaiga. That was until...

"O-SU-WAR-IIIII!" Kagome said from backstage, like she was supposed to if Kouga and Inuyasha got into another one of their squabbles.

"Agh!" Inuyasha collapsed to the ground, taking him a moment or two... probably three... to get back up to his feet. "Kouga... You'd better..."

"Kouga, do it for me?" Kagome batted her eyelashes. Kouga blushed.

"For you, Kagome, I will," Kouga grinned, passing Inuyasha the notepad he so 'despratly' wanted.

"Sucker!" Inuyasha laughed, running off with the notepad.

"Damnit! You stupid mutt!" Kouga growled, then sat down with a huff.

When Inuyasha got back to the kitchen, he first spotted Miroku, Sango and Shippou's costumes... And almost bursted out laughing.

Sango and Miroku were 'Mrs. Seasoning-Salt', 'Mr. Seasoning-Pepper', and 'Baby Chili Powder'... With ridiculous costumes- Sango, Miroku and Shippou, all with black hats that looked like powder-caps on their heads, and were dressed in the colors of powder (and salt and pepper) that they were playing as.

"So, how's 'Baby Chili Powder', Sango and Miroku? I mean... 'Mrs. Seasoning-Salt' and 'Mr. Seasoning-Pepper'... Heh..." Inuyasha snickered.

"Shut... Up!" Sango-Mrs. Seasoning-Salt- hissed under her breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Oh, I don't mind," Miroku-Mr. Seasoning-Pepper- laughed. "But now will you bear my child?"

SLAP!

"Ouch!" 'Mr. Seasoning-Pepper' yelped, rubbing his newly red-slapped face. Shippou-Baby Chili Powder- snickered.

"What a loser," Chili Powder laughed.

"Hrm. Anyway, have you seen Sesshoumaru go past here?" Inuyasha asked the three. "You know, 'cause 'Sesshoumaru's Clues' is on air... Right now... I've got to find him so we can get out of here as soon as possible, since this is so damn annoying."

"Uh, he went outside," Chili Powder said, pointing to the open, green door leading to the outside.

"Hrm," Inuyasha 'said', walking towards the outside. But Kouga yelled at Inuyasha before he could do so.

"You stupid, blind ass!" Kouga yelled from Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's 'room'. "There's a clue right there, you shit head!"

"Shut the hell up!" Inuyasha growled, then turned around to a piece of paper on the wall, that read 'Sus'... But it was slightly melted with Sesshoumaru's 'reachid' scent all over it. "What the... 'Sus'? This is a clue? Screw this..." Inuyasha grabbed the piece of paper and stuffed it in one of his pockets, unseen on Inuyasha's fire-rat kimono. "I'm not going to draw this! I'll just take it..." He looked up at the kids, backstage, forgetting they were there. He blushed. "Yeah, this is our first clue... 'Sus'... Oh, what the hell? What the hell is a freakin' 'sus'?"

"You'll see when you have all three clues!" One of the children yelled out from the audience.

"Oh, screw you, smart ass," Inuyasha grumbled under his breath. "But seriously... 'Sus'... My gawd..." He shook his head and walked outside.

There was Sesshoumaru, sitting by Kirara and Rin, dressed up as a red shovel and a blue pail. Their outfits, though Inuyasha would not admit, were very cute. Rin, a blue shovel on her head and her orange and white kimono (with a green obi) was changed to a duplicit with the colors blue and white, a sky-blue obi. Kirara had two tiny red shovels tied (with a tiny, white string- barely visible) to her two tails, one tiny red shovel on her head.

"Sesshoumaru, what the frick' is a 'sus'?" Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at Sesshoumaru. All Sesshoumaru did was grin, no answer was said from his mouth. Either way, it would have been useless if he did answer, as all he would be able to answer would be 'ruff'.

"Hey, Inuyasha, could you help me and 'Shovelly' with some math we have to do for stuff?" Rin, who's 'name' on here was 'Pailley', asked Inuyasha polietly.

"No," Inuyasha replied immediatly.

"Are you sure you can't--"

"No!"

"Oh please-"

"No, damnit! You stupid, annoying little kids! Why did I even sign up for this shitty piece of shit for a show?" Inuyasha's ears twitched annoyingly. Rin clapped her hands over her mouth, and Kirara gave a questioning mew, until she caught Inuyasha's sour expression. Then Kirara shut up.

"Ruff," Sesshoumaru seemed to clear his throat.

"Now, where's the next clue? And it better not be another stupid one like 'sus'... And what the hell is a freakin' 'sus'! Damnit! Feh!" Inuyasha gave a hard glare at Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru snorted and looked away, and when Inuyasha eventually turned his head in disgust, Sesshoumaru darted off.

"Feh, stupidshitgawddamnit!" Inuyasha cussed, quite uncomrehensably. Kirara gave Rin a look, and Rin just whispered,

"He's nuts."

"I can hear you!" Inuyasha turned around at them both, making them move an inch back. "Oh, Sesshoumaru... Grr..." He darted off in the direction that Sesshoumaru had went in, until the backstage children shouted,

"A clue, a clue! Sesshoumaru's clue!"

"What...? Where!" Inuyasha turned around, not able to see the 'word' written on a piece of paper, pinned onto a tree he was standing next to.

"On the tree!" The kids giggled.

"What the...?" Inuyasha turned again. "Tree? Agh!" He ended up backing into it, an apple falling on his head. His ears twitched angrily. "Ouch! What the freakin' hell?" He turned around, the white pin poking his head. On the little white letter that was attached to the pin, read 'Tet'.

"Heehee," The kids in the audience giggled.

"Shut the hell up!" Inuyasha growled, on the brink of a migrane. "'Tet'? What the freakin... This isn't as bad as 'sus', though... Gawd, 'sus'... What in the World is that stupid bastard on!"

"Eh?" One of the younger kids asked.

"Nevermind," Inuyasha looked away, stuffing the clue in his pocket. "Oh, we have our second clue, whoop-de-doo... Yeah..."

"Yay!" and "Yatta!" Were heard from the crowd of children. Inuyasha snorted, then followed Sesshoumaru's scent.

"Where are you...! Damnit, I need to get off this show or else I'm going to end up freaking out... Feh!" Inuyasha sniffed, then darted off after the fresh scent of his brother. When he had finally found the fake, 'floppy eared' brother, he was writing something down on a piece of paper. He turned around.

"Ruff! You aren't supposed to find me when I'm writing out the clue," Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. "Ruff! Go help... Um... 'Shovelly' and 'Pailley'. They need help with whatever they're doing... Ruff..."

"Hrm!" Inuyasha turned around and his behind one of the trees by Sesshoumaru, so he'd find the clue as soon as Sesshoumaru was finished.

But, Inuyasha was wrong.

Sesshoumaru, knowing that Inuyasha was watching him, took off, extremely fast, as soon as he was finished. He was practiclaly gone in a blink... Which Inuyasha had done at that moment.

"Aw, shit!" Inuyasha cussed, stamping his foot. "I wish he wasn't so damn fast... Crap... Feh!" Inuyasha ran out from where he was hiding, and sniffed around where Sesshoumaru had been sitting the moment before. He could track his scent, but Sesshoumaru was so fast at that one instant, that it was quite tricky to trace his scent. "Hrm... The scent's practically gone by now... Damn Sesshoumaru..." Inuyasha went quite slowly, this time, after his older brother's scent so he wouldn't lose it on the way to find him. Slowly, piece by piece, the scent had become more noticable (Well, to Inuyasha's keen nose, of course!) and it was only a matter of time when he was back in the house, the backstage kids started to yell,

"A clue, another one of those clues!"

"Haha! Finally, the third clue... Ahaaa!" Inuyasha looked around, then slowly noticed that this was his and Sesshoumaru's room... Where Kouga was.

"You stupid mutt, took you long enough! Dumb dog turd," Kouga shook his head. He held up a piece of paper. "I've got the clue. You want it? Too bad!"

"Agh!" Inuyasha's blood boiled. "Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Feh! Wolf breath! Agh! You crazed bastard, how did you get ahold of that?"

"Well, your brother had put it behind me, and it seemed to poke me with that stupid white pin of his. So I just thought I'd hang on to it for a while," Kouga explained, a grin on his face.

"Oh, wolf, you're begging for it," Inuyasha rolled up one of his sleeves, until Kagome ran out, still in the Pinku outfit.

"Inuyasha, Kouga, break it up!" She yelled. "Kouga, he found the clue, can't you just be fair and give it to him, this once? And Inuyasha, can't you just stop fighting with him, this once?"

"No!" Both of them said at the same time.

"I know it's you I'm talking to, but it's Inuyasha we're talking about!" Kouga exclaimed, shaking his head, his black ponytail waving around as he did.

"And Kouga's a freakin' wolf bastard!" Was Inuyasha's poor excuse. Kagome sighed and turned around, facing away from them.

"I can't believe you two! I'm dissapointed!" Kagome shook her head. "Maybe I just won't hang out with you two anymore... Hmmm..."

"No!" Inuyasha yelled. "Don't be like this, damnit!"

"You don't hang out with me at the first place... But... I do enjoy you're company sometimes..." Kouga bit his lip.

"Then, give Inuyasha the final clue!" Kagome turned around, once again facing them.

"Grrr..." Both of them glared at each other.

Kouga held out the clue and Inuyasha grabbed it from him. Then, giving a glare at Kouga (which he did back), Inuyasha ran off to the thinking mat. He had jumped on it, forgetting that it was a mat, not the regular ground, and slid a little bit. He shifted a little, then yelled, "Sess-hou-ma-ruuuuuu, daaaammnnnn yooooouuuu coomeereeeaaammiinnuuutteee!"

"Eh? Ruff?" Sesshoumaru, embarrassbed by his (quote on quote) "Lame ass lines", walked into the room. "Ah, finally!"

"Feh!" Inuyasha looked away, insulted slightly. "So, I've got all three clues. There's ... Damn it... 'Sus'... 'Tet' and the last clue... 'Aiga'? Oh, damn you Sesshoumaru. Go mess yourself, you're not getting the Tetsusaiga... My gawd... That was the most... Lamest... And I put the stress on that- lamest... Clue thingy in the whole world.

"Tetsusaiga? What's that?" One of the kids in the audience asked.

"You mean, you don't know?" Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru asked back at the same time, bewildered.

"Stupid human child," Sesshoumaru shook his head, ripping off the floppy dog ears. "Ah, this feels much better. Those stupid ears really..." He just had decided not to chose an 'imature' word like 'stupid' or 'crappy', and didn't finish his sentance, like he usually didn't... At some times.

"Don't be so mean to them!" Kagome scolded Sesshoumaru.

"What did I say to you earlier, human girl?" Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes, getting back into his normal character. He flicked his hair, then stroked his boa. "Now, where's Rin, because I want to get out of here. It reaks of human." He said pickily, followed by a 'hrmph'.

Inuyasha raised his eyebrows at Sesshoumaru, who had just walked out to get Rin. Miroku, Sango, Shippou and Kirara had walked into the room at that time, wearing their original outfits, Miroku giggling about something (most likely something immature) and Sango shaking her head. Shippou rolled his eyes, and looked at Kirara who sat absendmindedly on Sango's shoulder. Kouga came charging silently at Inuyasha, but Kagome, noticing this, made a stop to that matter;

"Osuwari!"

Bang!

"Whoa--"

Bang!

As soon as Kouga had got to Inuyasha, Kagome had made him fall to the ground, Kouga tripping over him, also falling to the ground, but Kouga went face-first.

"Haa! That's what I call 'killing two Birds of Paradise with one sit'!" Shippou hawed. Everyone rolled their eyes - including Kirara.

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(( Author's Note: And that's the end of this fanfiction. Like I said in the beginning, this is most likely a one-shot. Yes. It is. So, read and review, please and thanks. ;D And the ending pun by Shippou, if you didn't know, n.n is a play on words, pretty much. 'Birds of Paradise' was those evil and large (and not to mention, gross and ugly looking!) bird things that were killing off the wolf demons and stuff. n.n It was in one of the old-kind of episodes where they meet Kouga for the first time. And like, 'osuwari' is the Japanese version of 'sit'. xD So, yes. Very corny. And it was done on a real like, if you haven't heard of it, 'Killing two birds with one stone'. n.n Heh. Well, read and review... Yeah... n.n And you all rawk. n.n Thanksh. ))