Disclaimer: Not mine!
This will definitely be several chapters!
And it's Babe all the way!
Edited 10/20 for some pretty horrific typos, my laptop likes to select words and sometimes entire sentences while I type and relocate or delete them and that seems to have happened here particularly at the end. I hope I've fixed most of it, if not all!
Chapter One
The building was on fire, but it wasn't my fault.
I stood transfixed in the parking lot with the rest of the residents equally horrified and fascinated by the roaring of flames licking off the top of the building to twist a good twenty feet further into the night sky. The distorted wash of sound echoing through the night that heralded a mass of approaching emergency vehicles slowly grew louder until it started to drown out the varied reactions of the crowd gathered, even at this late hour to watch it burn, finally dragged me from the collective stupor that seemed to have befallen the rest of the bedraggled residents around me.
Several things occurred to me at once, none of them improving my mood.
I was barefoot, home-less and didn't even have a car to huddle in since mine had bit the big one not two days ago—suspiciously I might add, or well I guess not that suspiciously since I hadn't received a note or threatening voice messages in the last two weeks and let's face it. Around me things tend to go, well, Boom! even without a stalker or crazed maniac out to kill me. I just have that kind of shit luck. Hence the building, or lack of one I realized watching the roof of the top floor collapse in on itself.
I was also freezing and half-naked. Which was better than totally naked—if I'd been Ranger for example the first responders would have to arrest me for indecent exposure…or overly decent exposure, Hell. The cops would have to Billy-club the hell out of every female in a twelve block radius just to see what was going on. Even fully clothed that man could and almost did start riots.
Speaking of Ranger, I realized the phone in my hand was trying to get my attention. The Batman theme almost inaudible over the din of the lot. I was lucky it was on the nightstand when the alarms went off and I thought to grab it. I was also lucky it had more than half a battery seeing as I had no cord, no outlet and no place to keep spare change for a payphone. Walking to Haywood seemed like a crap idea at this hour—even if I had pants, I'd probably freeze to death or get kidnapped before I got half-way there!
I glanced at the readout instinctively knowing who it was, it wasn't all that difficult really. At this hour and in this predicament it was one of two people. And seeing as one of them wasn't exactly talking to me right now, again, it wasn't much of a contest.
"Babe," Ranger's smooth sexy voice sounded in my ear the moment the line was open and I had the cold screen of the smartphone pressed to one cheek. Ranger can convey a lot with one word. Which is good, because more often than not one word was all I got. Loquacious Ranger was not. This particular 'Babe' sounded tired, like maybe he'd been woken from a deep sleep at this un-godly hour by the control room alerting him to the police scanner going Apeshit about a burning building. Even Batman needs sleep.
"It wasn't my fault." I announced dancing from foot to foot on the hard, cold, rough surface beneath my bare feet.
"Babe," Ranger replied, this time the endearment held obvious amusement. He also sounded relieved I realized—probably because I was answering, which meant I wasn't a crispy critter. "They're telling me your building is on fire." He added a beat later the concern was back. I doubted Ranger got up in the dead of night when just any old building in New Jersey burned down to the ground. I should probably feel special, okay, so I do feel a little special—but I also feel pretty annoyed. This kinda shit happens way too much around me, lately it's been getting kinda old.
"Yeah, only thing we're missing is hotdogs and S'mores." I glared at the flames curling into the night sky and thought that pretty much covered it.
The second the alarms went off probably half of Rangeman Ranger's private security company probably knew all about it. They're always mysteriously well-informed like that, especially when it comes to my disasters. I doubted I needed to explain to him that there was no saving my apartment this time—forget a new bathroom. I needed a whole new place to live with my current apartment building still in the midst of a five-alarmer… whatever that is. I heard it last week on 'Rescue Me' and this seemed like an appropriate time to add it to my regular vocabulary. My disaster-description vocab needed some freshening up since I had to use it so often.
"That kinda TV will rot your brain, Babe." Ranger chuckled in my ear making my pulse race. I was amusing him again, guess I'm still entertainment, even homeless. Figures. He paused for a moment, maybe listening to the muffled voice in the background. I guess he was in the control room or somewhere else on Rangeman business at this late hour and not alone in his apartment. "You need me to pick you up?" Ranger asked. He'd probably just been informed that the building was completely kaput, or remembered that I didn't have a car.
"No I'll take the Bus!" Sarcasm. Oh, probably not the best thing to throw at Ranger at three-something-am when I really need a favor. It would serve me right if he hung up on me.
"Not going to hang up on you Babe," His tone darkened until my nipples contracted further in the cold. "And you can ask for favors anytime you want them."
HotDamn, wet panties really wasn't helping the cold situation; it certainly wasn't helping my current chest condition. I crossed the arm not holding the phone over my breasts before I threatened to put someone's eye out half-way across the lot and groaned. I need to get the filter between my brain and mouth fixed. I scrubbed tired fingers over my eyes before rubbing my free hand over my bare upper arm hoping to scare up some warmth with a little friction. Trying desperately not to think about other ways to make friction…Hooboy.
A hard shiver that had nothing to do with Ranger rolled down my spine making my teeth chatter. Turns out a tank-top and panties are fine for sleeping in but not so great for standing around outside in forty-five degree weather, …where people were starting to notice the novelty of the burning building apparently losing its appeal for some of the spectators gathered around. "Okay, Um could you hurry?" I entreated nervously biting back another shiver and edging my way back to the side of the lot, out of the direct view of the emergency vehicles now arriving in full force, also conveniently hiding my mostly bare-ass between two closely parked cars.
"Are you hurt?" His tone grew clipped. I heard what sounded like the parking garage door to the stairwell at the Rangeman building slam shut in the background.
"Um, No." I paused wondering how to explain this without dying of embarrassment.
"Babe," This meant 'What are you not telling me? And why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like it?'
"I'm not wearing any pants." I rushed out on a single breath.
Silence. I pulled the phone away from my ear to stare at the display screen wondering if I'd lost him—or if he'd hung up already. He does that sometimes. He hadn't. I pressed the phone back to my ear hard enough to hear his breathing, it sounded—strained.
"Ranger?" Maybe he didn't hear me, I did say it awful fast.
"Babe," the name was barely more than a growl this time, oh, he heard all right. "Tell me your wearing shorts," He ground out and I thought I heard a car door shut.
"Uh, nope."
"Granny panties?" I swear I heard the sound of a turbo engine rev'd to capacity.
I snorted. "Um, you know that lime green thong?" The one he'd called 'pretty' the time I'd gotten stitches and he'd needed to check my thigh, sending my hormones into such a state I almost spontaneously combusted on the spot…
"Dios, Babe!" And okay, that was definitely a turbo-powered engine red-lining. Interesting, the hormone driven portion of my brain piped up. "You wearing that thong now Babe? I like that thong," Ranger's tone dropped an octave sending a shiver down my spine and making the top of my thighs wet.
Sweet Jesus, I was going to slide right off the leather seat at the first stoplight by the time he picked me up.
"No, this one's black…and it…covers…less," I managed to squeak out. I didn't want to tell him more than that. Hell I didn't really want them to see them…okay, that's not entirely true, part of me wanted him to see them, a lot, like a lot a lot... Most of my brain and every hormone I possessed thought that was a brilliant sounding idea…but the little bit of sanity left over was downright terrified of that scenario.
Not because I was afraid of Ranger…not the way most people are at least. Self-preservation told me Ranger-induced orgasms while A-Ma-Zing were dangerous for my health for other reasons. Like the oh so little side-effect of having my heart-broken when he got up and walked away the next morning. Been there done that. And, Ouch.
God knows I have a really hard time not sticking my tongue down his throat and keeping my hands off of him on a normal I'm-fully-clothed-and-in-public bases, and now I was half naked and his name was written on my underwear! Ranger's always made it clear he's a partial-consent, opportunist kinda guy…somehow I didn't think the challenge of waving a red flag in the form of my barely-there lace thong in his face would go un-answered... especially considering what was written on them.
"Playing with fire, Babe." There was a pregnant pause where I cursed myself and tried to remember how to breathe while wondering how much of THAT I might have said out loud. Then he added, "I thought all the underwear Ella monogramed for you were boy shorts."
Hooboy, guess I mentioned the name. How to explain this one? "They were…" was all I got out. Just let me die now of embarrassment, please God before he gets here. I'm pretty damn certain my whole face was red.
I silently cursed Connie, Lula and Mary Lou for my current predicament. If they hadn't bought these damn things as a joke almost a year ago for my birthday they wouldn't have been in the back of my underwear drawer for me to put on in the first place…and if I hadn't been avoiding my mother and her marathon-ironing-spree like the plague I'd have had normal, name-free, clean underwear to put on and wouldn't have had to resort to digging these out of the very back corner where I'd hidden them months ago terrified that Joe, or worse Ranger would see them on accident! Yet here I was.
At least my apartment burned down full of dirty laundry, I reasoned. If I'd actually braved the gremlins in the basement laundry room and had lost a basket full of freshly folded…well…okay slightly wrinkled but clean clothes in this apartment roast that would have been truly depressing. I'd probably be in tears if that were the case. Now I was just damn cold, and kinda wishing I'd been a little less judgmental on those pizza sauce stained yoga-pants. It wasn't like they smelled, and at least then my ass would be covered!
On the up side, at least I didn't have to do laundry anymore. Mostly because I didn't have any laundry. Or shoes. Or different, name-less underpants. And Okay, so maybe not such a high-point after all. What the hell was I gonna wear?
"I vote for nothing," Ranger all but purred in my ear. My brain crash landed in the middle of 'Holy Crap! land' delivering up a verbal blue screen of death and leaving me doing a pretty good fish impersonation in the lot and blushing scarlet. And that was before I saw Morelli's standard issue POS unmarked cruiser pull into the crowded lot.
"SHIT!" I ducked down between the two vehicles and actually covered my head with my arm. Yeah like that was going to help. Duck and cover people. Another Stephanie Plum vs. Joe Morelli fight of epic proportion is coming soon to a parking lot near you…
"Babe?!" This meant, 'What the Fuck is happening right now and do I need to exit the car guns drawn?' Tempting, I thought. If RescueRanger shot Morelli he'd probably be distracted enough to not notice my underwear… Not a fatal wound mind you, just winging him…yeah that could work I reasoned still hiding between the two cars breathing too fast.
We hadn't exactly been getting along in the month since we called it quits—again. And it wasn't helped by the fact that I was pretty damn certain this time it was permanent instead of the usual 'on hiatus' road blocks we hit in our not-so-normal relationship. Apparently having the engagement ring you'd slipped on your sleeping sorta-girlfriend's finger without her knowledge in the middle of the night thrown back in your face the next morning with a screaming match could do that. Who knew?
I peeked over the hood of the car I'd hunkered down behind for cover and caught sight of Morelli scanning the crowd hands pressed to his hip, he turned to one of my neighbors obviously asking if they'd seen me only to see them both start looking around again. I ducked back down cursing again and praying I hadn't been spotted. I so did not need this right now on top of everything else in my life. Together or not, Joe wasn't likely to take my state of undress, or the building fire, or the Name on my thong with even an iota of grace. Nope, Nada, combined together these three things just might lead him to a stroke. One of those big ones, that sends the top of people's heads popping off like in cartoons.
I seriously did not want to be responsible for Joe's death, and if Ranger found Joe trying to drag me to his car in my underwear he might just kill him. So not good.
"Stephanie, Babe, Answer Me!" Ranger hissed in my ear drawing my attention instantly. I realized I hadn't answered him yet. Oops.
"Morelli just showed up," I gasped trying to stay quiet since I could no longer see Joe's location from my hunkered down position knowing if I didn't explain quickly guns-drawn Rambo Ranger was a distinct possibility when he arrived. "God, Ranger I really, reeeeeally do not want to deal with him right now." I didn't have the strength for that, not tonight anyway, especially not without pants.
"I'm coming around the corner now." Ranger growled, actually turning my head I realized that was the sound of a sleek black Porsche Turbo sliding to a stop in the street just outside the lot.
"Stephanie!"
Shit! Morelli!
I didn't wait for Ranger to get out; nobody else I know drives a Batmobile. I just bolted out from between the cars jerking the door open and all but throwing myself into the passenger seat slamming the door behind me. I slapped my hand down over the lock a split second later. If I was in the driver seat I'd have slammed my bare foot down on the gas and launched us into the next county. I was pretty proud the entire flight to the safety of the Batmobile had probably taken me 2.5 seconds. But glancing out the window at Morelli's stunned expression told me it still hadn't been fast enough for him to not get an eyeful of my bare butt cheeks as I rabbited to the car.
God I was so going to hear from my mother about this.
Ranger reached across me and pulled the seat belt over my frozen thighs, clicking the belt in place before pressing the back of his fingers to my bare skin only inches from where I was throbbing from his earlier words.
"Dios, Babe you're freezing." His palm rubbed up and down my leg while he cranked up the heat with his other hand.
I tried not to make my breathless reaction to his touch more obvious than it already was; I'd just blame it on the running, sure that was it. We both knew even I wasn't that out of shape. I dragged my eyes away from Joe's livid expression as he started stomping towards the vehicle whipping my head around to stare at Ranger's dark eyes wondering why the hell we were still sitting at the curb, not moving.
Ranger was just staring at me, his whole frame preternaturally still…no that's not quite accurate. Ranger was looking like he wanted to eat me alive. And Dear God, I was already in such a state I just might let him…
"Te lo juro, que está tratando de matarme," Ranger muttered in Spanish and shifted his free hand to the back of my neck pulling me half across the gear shifter and sealed his lips to mine before I could wonder what the heck that meant. Then I forgot to care a second later with the way Ranger was kissing me. God the man knows how to kiss, with Ranger's lips it was an art form. I moaned—no make that a religion I thought. I didn't call him the Cuban Sex God for nothing! Ranger growled fingers tightening in my hair. His lips slanting farther over mine making my toes curl and my breath escape on a desperate moan against his lips and my stomach summersault beneath my ribs.
My brain went into melt-down mode, and I forgot all about the burning building and where I was and just lost myself in the feel of Ranger's perfect mouth against mine. His tongue tracing my lower lip and the dark almost primal growl that rumbled out of his chest when I leaned far enough into him that my hand ended up on his thigh inches from his hip. The sound shivered down my spine the sensation amplified when he sucked my tongue into his mouth and his fingers slid higher up my thigh almost to the strip of black lace edging my thigh while I shifted my ass in the seat unconsciously thrusting towards him in blatant invitation.
The pounding on the window made me jump damn near out of my skin. I was lucky I didn't bite my own lip when I yelped in surprise—or Rangers. I jerked my hand back from Ranger's thigh like I'd been burned and twisted my neck to see Joe leaned down to the passenger side window looking beyond pissed. I swear steam was coming out his ears…though maybe that was just an illusion what with the smoke from the building still pouring into the night sky behind his back. I leaned back towards Ranger's side unconsciously moving away from the Joe's obvious rage my eyes still locked on Joe's angry expression. I swear he was glaring right at me.
"Relax Babe, he can't see us." Ranger chuckled darkly his thumb tracing the inner edge of lace between my thighs making my breath catch and forcing me to bite my bottom lip to stop the moan trying to work its way out of my throat. "I like the lime green thong, but these might be my new favorite," Ranger informed me in a voice that belonged in the bedroom. So not helping my current state, which was getting pretty overwhelming I might add, especially after that kiss. Wowzers.
He liked them now and he hadn't even seen the monograming yet, at least I was pretty certain he hadn't or I figured my ass would be honking the horn right now while I hit the high notes on a doomsday-orgasm curtesy of the one and only Cuban Sex God. Don't go there Stephanie, I reminded myself, or I'd likely climb into his lap and start singing the halleluiah chorus.
Joe pounded on the window again while I fought with my brain to form coherent sentences. I swallowed, and cleared my throat. "Can we go?"
Ranger's thumb made another pass over my sensitive inner thigh and my head dropped back to the headrest and this time there was no stopping the moan.
"Where to Babe?" I glanced at him trying to ignore Joe now cursing and shouting my name outside through the dark glass considering my options. There weren't many. I didn't have money or even a bank card for a hotel, and I really didn't want to go to my mother's I had been avoiding her for almost two weeks. If I stepped into her Foyer dressed like this now I'd probably be the sole cause of her needing to go to AA.
"Take me home please," I finally said.
Ranger's eyes dilated black and I wondered if I should have worded that better, right before he withdrew his hand to shift the car into gear and tore away from the curb probably almost taking Joe's nose with us considering the way his face was pressed against the glass. I'd worry about that later though, after I figured out how to get into the Haywood building and up to Ranger's seventh floor penthouse without flashing everyone on staff with my bare ass—and without Ranger seeing the words emblazoned scarcely three inches above my doodah. I so did NOT need pictures of that posted on the break-room corkboard next to the meeting schedule! Yikes.
Why Me? I wondered and then cringed inwardly realizing I sounded like my mother. Except in this circumstance I felt the expression was sorta warranted, I didn't set the building on fire, and I didn't think some psycho trying to kill me did either; not this time at least. It wasn't my fault Connie and Lula thought my current clothing article was hilarious and bought it for me! It wasn't like I asked for it, Hell I never even mentioned the logo on my Rangeman briefs because I was worried it would hit the burg' grapevine like a wildfire out of control. Which was exactly why I should have burned these panties the second I got home almost a year ago, but instead I'd stuffed them in the very back of my drawer, terrified someone else would see them, but not willing to get rid of them either after the little thrill that went through me reading the words and wishing it was true. I certainly would never be brave enough to claim such a thing, even in the privacy of my own bedroom where no one would know!
I'd only put them on tonight out of desperation for something clean to wear, and I was going to just pretend that slipping them over my hips and catching sight of the words even in reverse in the bedside mirror didn't make me feel incredibly naughty. I certainly wasn't wet and breathless the second I put them on. I so not going to admit that, like ever. Not me, nope.
I was chicken-shit-Stephanie after all, and purchasing anything with the words "Property of Carlos" written on it, even as a joke be it a t-shirt, license plate or key chain, was enough to give me nervous heart palpitations that Ranger would find out. Like Ranger was going to now I realized in a panic because there was no way a man as observant as he was would miss something like his NAME plastered above my vagina. I hunched forward in my seat trying to subtly glance down to see if the words were visible in my current position and thanked god it was dark inside the car. Course that wasn't going to help me in the parking deck, or the elevator…or the apartment…and it wasn't like I could walk bent over to hide the words or it would look like I was propositioning Ranger for something else! I mentally flashed on Ranger's reaction seeing the words.
Hooboy, talk about a HotFlash! I certainly wasn't cold anymore!
I considered leaning forward and banging my head against the dashboard until I passed out, but I didn't want to risk damaging the Batmobile with my hard head. I certainly couldn't afford to pay to fix it. I just hoped I could survive on minimalist clothing needs until my insurance check came through for this latest disaster so I could replace my clothing. Thank God for renters insurance.
"Smell something burning Babe," Ranger chuckled beside me.
I'd like to blame it on the smoke residue in my hair. But we both know that wasn't true, so I leaned forward and hid my face in my hands instead, trying to take some deep calming breaths. It didn't help much. The whole car smelled like Ranger.
Ranger's warm hand cupped the back of my neck. "Babe, you know I'd never do anything you didn't want me to do."
That's the problem. I thought, and heard Ranger suck in a breath which probably meant I'd said that out loud and was pretty much the equivalent of anyone else on the planet shouting "Holy Shit!" and then his thumb started drawing a hypnotic circle over the base of my neck, atop my spine right between my shoulder blades and I felt myself 'hmm' in response and my insides clench. God that felt good. No, make that Great. I leaned back into his touch relishing the perfectly calloused warm pads of his fingers trailing over my skin.
"That sounds like partial consent to me Babe," My panties went up in flames at his tone.
Dear God, if I wasn't careful I was going to ruin this leather seat. I blushed furiously behind my hands biting my lip. "I think I'm too tired to legally be responsible for my mouth right now." I announced. I certainly couldn't be responsible for my hormones, at least I hoped I wasn't—when did I become such a wanton slut? Oh right, about two seconds after I met Ranger. I groaned into my palms hearing him chuckle and feeling his thumb zero in on a small knot just to the left of my spine, kneading it in a painfully delicious circle forcing it to unravel-like my quickly evaporating self control. God I wanted those hands working on another kinda tension so bad I was ready to climb into his lap—which was a problem because he was still driving.
If talking on the phone while driving in Jersey was illegal you could bet your ass the law probably frowned greatly upon sex while driving as well. Probably best not to risk it and have an accident, I told myself. I mean Ranger was good—no Ranger was Fucking-Fan-Tastic, but even Rangers 'Zone' might suffer if I suddenly climbed into his lap and started riding him like a pony. Oh, God the visuals. SweetJesus.
I groaned again, and blamed it on his magic hands trying to control myself. I had no doubt Joe would show up to the scene of that disaster too and then there'd be no escape, plus it was incredibly likely someone else would see my underpants while we waited for the police to fill out the appropriate forms and I could just hear the voice messages from my mother—
"Stephanie Michelle Plum! This is your Mother! What's this I hear about you causing a ten car pile-up on the Jersey Turnpike? Everyone knows what you were doing! How can you do this to me? Eileen Pickie was just on the phone telling me all about it, I've never been so embarrassed in my life, her daughter has a nice respectable job at the personal products plant! Her daughter would never cause mass-casualties on the highway because she was humping a Cuban Sex God with his name written on her underwear!"
…well, maybe not exactly that, but it'd be damn close. I sighed and Ranger's fingers squeezed the back of my neck gently. "Relax Babe, nothing will happen tonight." His touch left me after his fingers slid down the sides of my spine to the back of the scoop neck on my tank top making me shiver again. I watch as his hand went back to the wheel and I bit back a groan of frustration.
Damn. But those words made my stomach drop to my toes, even if it was the smart thing, the right thing. He'd just break my heart all over again, and it was painful enough the first time. I didn't need to relive that particular experience in Technicolor, full sensory surround sound even if that single night between the sheets was a thing of true glory and the standard by which I set all other sexual encounters. I'd just keep that information to myself, thankyouverymuch. Plus I wasn't certain after the whole Scrog incident that I wouldn't blurt something out in the middle of a doomsday-orgasm from my total lack of filter and too many hormones that wouldn't have Ranger sending me packing to a third world country, or me just dying of embarrassment.
"Thank you," I managed to get out. Ranger nodded and then disappeared into his zone, which was probably for the best. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes enjoying the hot air wafting across my goose bump laden skin and the feel of butter soft leather against my thighs trying to figure out how I was going to pull this off.
to be continued...