As long as you love me
The guilt keeps me awake, this night, the next night and the night after. Its constant; it never leaves my thoughts. I have condemned the person I love the most to a life of a poor outcast. It thunders through my head like the galloping of so many wild horses, feeding on my guilt. Blocking it out and thinking happy thoughts is more difficult a charm to weave than any corporeal patronus. It's the demon within and it's unimaginably hard to resist, and to fight. It could hurt her. It's no good telling me it might not. I don't deserve to be happy. My kind don't have happy endings, don't get married to the people they love. She shouldn't be with me. She told me. It didn't matter to her, she loves me anyway, no matter what I am. I am too old, poor for her and she does deserve much, much more than me.
"As long as you love me"
That's what she always says when I have these doubts, she always knows.
"We could be starving, we could be homeless,
We could be broke, as long as you love me."
That's what she always says, I wonder if she believes it.
Sometimes I wonder if she thinks that she has made the biggest mistake of her life and is only saying these words to spare me the pain because she knows I love her. Like whispering sweet nothings to a crush at school, you are positive that you love them at the time. I often wonder is that it, is that the reason, are the sweet nothings she whispers to me exactly that, nothings.
The moonlight illuminates my face slightly in the dark, a cold silvery mocking light. I can almost hear it whispering in my ear, you don't deserve her and she's only saying these things to spare your feelings.
I have almost decided like so many nights like this one to get up, pack my bags and leave. I start to slowly rise from the bed, endeavouring not to wake my beloved when a small pale hand reaches out to grab my arm. It clings on with strength not unlike that of a warrior, I smile to myself. Then frown, I don't deserve her.
"Remus, what's wrong?" she murmurs sleepily rolling over to face me properly her arm still clinging on. Her face that is constantly changing but the face I will always love no matter what is blurred with sleep but her gaze is clear.
"Nothing, Dora, go back to sleep, I just need a drink, that's all"
She sees through the whiteish lie. She knows what I'm thinking: she always does.
Her eyes narrow, "you were going to leave weren't you" she says with a loud sigh sitting up properly, careful not to let go of my arm.
My face gives my intentions away; I can never lie to her.
"Remus, we have been through this a hundred times, I don't care: we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke as long as you love me I don't care. I don't care as long as we're together."
After she says that, I can never force myself to leave, and this time is no different. She coaxes and pulls me back into bed. I cradle her in my arms, unable to let go.
As long as you love me, we could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke, as long you love me. I'll be your silver, I'll be your platinum, I'll be your gold as long as you love me.