A/N: Hello. Hope your all well.
I havent posted for a while so I might be a bit rusty. May contain series 3 spoilers. The things Edith feels when Anthony leaves her at the alter. Not too in depth because I didn't want to re-live it too much. Shame on you Fellows.
Thank you for reading.
"But granny..." The words were barely out of her mouth still whirling round her head refusing to make sense, before Violet spoke.
"No it's over my dear, don't drag it out. Wish him well and let him go."
Let hi...let him go. No. It was never a possibility in 1914 and it definitely won't be one now. She thought fighting the tears that were now causing her to shake, threating to take over. Her scared eyes wanting to meet his but unable to out of fear. She knew it would confirm everything that was happening. She had felt it the moment she had stood beside him. Why could it not feel right? Why could not one thing be right?
"I can't."
She spat out violently and almost in pain. No I can't. Refusing to look at the congregation that was starting to mumble, quiet but so deafing. For once she was glad she did not have something similar to Mary. Less people were here to witness her pain. Would her parents see it now, or would they just see a desperate silly little girl? She certainly felt like a little girl standing there exposed not only to her tears, pain and the brutal humiliation but the truth. All she could wonder was why. Why now? Why me, why is it always me?
"Goodbye my dearest darling and may God bless you...always."
Then he was gone. Gone like he was never there, like the whole thing had never happened. Were all the memories a lie? What would God do for her now? All she could do was stare where he had stood wanting to collapse, wanting to run after him but knowing deep down no one would let her. Knowing she wouldn't let herself try anymore. If he had known it was wrong why had he said the things he had? Why? Her heart shattering into a million pieces she had to turn away afraid where the broken shards would land. She did not feel her grandmother at her side, her mother's arms round her, nor the look on her sister's face or the pain in her father's eyes. All she saw was Anthony and the look he had given her, replaying over and over in her mind. He did not want to go. At least that's what she wanted to believe. She needed something to believe in or she would surely fall apart.
Her body already heavy, her tears feeling like drops of poison on her skin. I can't let you throw your life away like this. But it wouldn't have been her life, it would have been theirs and so much more. Mourning for not only Anthony but the estate that she would have lived in, the name she could have had and the children that they would have raised but now she wouldn't. All of it disappearing in front of her. But you are going to be happy. I pray that you are but only if you don't waste your self on me. Words, it was all they were. Nothing more but still they went over in her head haunting her, like the ghost of their romance. The illusion that she had carried slowly fading of all colour and light. Would that have been the best thing to do, leave it as an illusion? Let him go. You know he's right. Right? He was such a decent, kind man it was not fair for them to put words in his mouth. He was the only one and collapsing on her bed unable to think, unable to breathe, she could only sob. All she could do was sob and ask why.
Sob and ask again. We're so happy. Aren't we? There she found her answer. The heartbreaking answer that let all her dreams die.
We were going to be so terribly, terribly happy.
Finished.
Thank you for reading.