Existence
ex·is·tence ig zíst'ns
n
single living thing: something that lives or exists (literary or archaic)
Existence
She couldn't help but feel as if she was a teenager who'd disobeyed her parent. That she'd done something so blatantly wrong that she couldn't even feel sympathy for herself. She almost felt as if she should start thinking of a few excuses she could fall back on if the truth wasn't enough.
A healthy laugh left her lips at her silliness. She was forty-plus. She didn't have to answer to anyone but God and she was still unsure of his existence. How could she let a man, her equal, her partner make her feel so inadequate?
She'd made her decision and he'd just have to deal with it.
"What are you doing here?"
"I work here."
It was the second time they had this exchange.
He stared at her and he tried to blow her bluff. He knew she wasn't great at poker. She never has been. Much to his surprise, the ends of her lips didn't curve and she didn't crack a smile and her bright brown eyes didn't divert. They were steadily focused on his blue orbs.
"You can't work here," he said simply.
It was a demand not a plea. A demand. She laughed at the seriousness in his voice, not for one second taking his words under consideration. She knew he meant what he said with every fiber of his being but she also didn't understand how he could be so stupid. He knew her better than she knew herself and she was never one to abide by the influence of someone, especially if they were trying to smother her with it.
"So, Benson and Stabler back together again?"
Olivia turned around at the voice and she smiled instantly. "Hey, Fin," she said.
"What's up, Liv? You here to be my new partner? The old man is starting to grow more and more dubious," Fin grinned.
"Well, that's Munch for you," she replied, reaching over and grabbing Elliot's mug out his hand and sipping his coffee, "but really, I am gonna need a partner so if you're offering-"
"Liv, I think we need to talk in the cribs. Now."
She rolled her eyes dramatically before she took another sip of his dangerously hot coffee. "Maybe if this coffee wasn't so black, he'd be in a better mood," Olivia whispered to Fin as she followed Elliot to the cribs. "Yes, master?" she teased.
"Liv, we can't be in the same precinct and you know it," he bit out at her.
"Well the last time I checked, I was not Mrs. Elliot Stabler," she retorted.
"We just kissed our three year old goodbye on her first day off to pre-school, Liv, that's pretty damn close to being married," Elliot said before sighing.
"I don't have to answer to you," she was dismissing his call all together. She didn't have time to be wasting on him and his pre-conceived opinions of her. Since she gave birth to their child, he's chosen not to see her as a woman who can take just as much as she dishes out. But as a defensless woman. A mother. As someone who needed the protection. As if she hadn't attended the same academy as he did.
"You're impossible, Olivia." His intense blues stared right through her. "Every time I see you it's something new," he whispered as he walked to the door.
"So I hear," she said softly before turning her attention back the coffee in her hand.
"We'll talk about this tonight."
"Bisghetti, Mommy!"
Olivia snapped out of her thoughts at the shrill of her three-year old daughter. She looked over at her and smiled softly as her plump, dimpled cheeks still stood out even though she'd been frowning. She didn't appreciate being ignored.
"What is it El," Olivia asked as Elise Marie Benson-Stabler stood at the arm of the couch, her elbows digging into the soft fabric, her pretty little face resting on her fists.
"I said I want bisghetti," her voice was small and soft.
"Mm, want to lay with me first?"
"I 'na eat first, Mom," she whined, her bottom lip sticking out.
"Your father spoils you too much, you little brat." Olivia smirked as she pulled her feet from off of the top of the coffee table. "Come here, rug rat." She easily lifted her up and rested her on her hip as she walked into the kitchen.
"I not a rat," Elise said, pressing her stubby fingers flat against her mothers cheeks, pushing them in before laughing. "You look like Nemo!"
"I know. I was going for this look this morning." Olivia grinned before kissing her daughters cheek. She sat her down on the counter and pressed her hand on her bony knee, raising an eyebrow at her. "Sit here, El, be careful."
"I won't fall," Elise declared, positioning herself so she sat crossed-legged.
"You want bisghetti O's?"
"No! AB's! I want bisghetti AB's!"
"Spaghetti ABC's it is," Olivia said as she pressed the can to the electric can opener.
"Daddy!"
"El, Daddy is busy tonight but you can call after dinner," Olivia said as she searched for a suitable sized pot for the Chef Boyardee goods.
"No, Daddy here," Elise squealed. Olivia turned around to see Elliot pulling his jacket off and throwing it across the side table by the door. "I 'na get down!"
"Jesus, El, don't whine." Olivia picked her up off of the counter and set her down on her feet, only for her to take off running to her father. Olivia smiled as she heard the sloppy kissed being delivered to Elliot's cheek and the chorused I love you's they shared.
"Hey, Liv," Elliot greeted and she nodded toward him, acknowledging his existence.
"Dad, you wanna play? I 'na play," Elise smiled, showing off all her baby teeth.
"How about you go draw daddy a picture?" Elliot asked, in an attempt to get Olivia to himself so he could yell and berate her until she caved in.
"I drew in school," Elise dismissed.
"Okay, how about you get some toys and-"
"I played with toys in school, daddy," she said, shrugging a bony shoulder, blinking hard, looking up at the ceiling. She was ready for any suggestion he could throw at her.
"Princess, how about you go in mommy's room and find one of those movies you love so much so you can watch with daddy after your bath?" Olivia asked, smirking lightly and the little girl grinned.
"Cool! Daddy and me watchin' movies!" She wiggled out of her fathers arms and ran out of the room.
"I'm gonna be watching movies until twelve," he complained.
"She can barely stay up past eight, El," Olivia said as she dumped the contents of the can into the pot. "And before you start, we're not discussing anything to do with work. This is mommy and El time, not mommy and jackass time so if your not here to enjoy some bisghetti ABC's then you go say bye to Lease and I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"Liv…" he muttered, closing his eyes tightly. He hates when she's stubborn. It reminds him too much of himself.
"Elliot," she mocked, turning around to the counter behind her, pulling out a spoon before turning back to the pan of non-authentic Italian food. "I want to work with SVU. It's where I belong," she whispered.
"Why not Brooklyn SVU? Bronx, Queens or Staten Island…why Manhattan? I can't work with you," he said, watching as she stirred the spaghetti.
"Well, that's nice, El. Thanks for sparing my feelings," she said sarcastically before continuing, "I didn't want to work with you either, El but there was no room in any of the five boroughs except Manhattan and it's only temporary."
"I don't want you working anywhere, Olivia-"
"I'm not Kathy."
"And I know it."
She glared at him before opening the cabinet and pulling out the Dora the Explorer bowl and spoon Elise loved so much. As she began spooning the spaghetti, she felt his hands on her hips and he pulled her closer to him. She ignored him and placed the bowl down and turned the stove off. He planted a gentle kiss on her shoulder and she laughed.
"You can't bribe me with sex," she said, humor evident in her voice. She turned around to look at him, licking the deep red sauce off of her thumb.
"It was innocent," he smiled. "Since when do I not have say in if you work on the force or not? You're the mother of my daughter and I remember you promising me-"
"Remember when you promised me forever?"
He drew in a deep breath through his nose, his nostrils flaring, his hands dropping to his sides. That was a low blow and she knew it. She'd been making a habit of throwing that in his face every since he and Kathy decided it'd be better for their family if they got back together. He said they could work it out.
"Liv-"
"I'm not your wife Elliot and you can't have us both. You belong to Kathy. She know where you are right now?"
"Olivia, you know-"
"No, El, I don't know. I'm tired of my whole life being yours…it's not an equal deal. I'll be back to work on Monday officially so you'll have to deal with it."
"You don't have to be so damn bitter, Liv. Jesus. I'd think we could handle this like two responsible adults," Elliot told her. She could see the red rising in his neck, knowing he was getting angrier.
"Other than the fact that you're Leasy's father, I owe you nothing. I'm grown and I don't have to explain myself to you," she said, her eyes searching in his for some type of response. She turned back to the pan when he shook his head and left the room. "Elise! Dinner's ready!"
This is my first for SVU! YAY!! So, comment and critique.
I don't know if I'll continue…maybe if inspired by reviews, I will!