It was a typically beautiful, sunny afternoon on the island when Gilligan went fishing in the lagoon and landed himself a new life. Not that he knew this at first. He just thought it was a canoe.

"Hey, Skipper! SKIP-PER!" he shouted, as he would with any discovery, good or bad. And in eight years on the island, he had made a lot of discoveries.

"What is it, Little Buddy?" asked his boss and best friend, coming over. Then the Skipper reached up and grabbed his captain's hat in both hands. "A canoe! Good job, Gilligan!"

"Thanks. Can you help me reel it in? It's kind of heavy."

As the Skipper came over, and grabbed the rod above Gilligan's hands, he said, "Of course. Be careful. We don't want to damage it. This is our ticket off the island."
"I don't know, Skipper. I don't think all seven of us can fit in there. Especially not with all the luggage the Howells brought."

The Skipper looked irritated for some reason, but he let it go. "No, Gilligan, you and I will steer the canoe into the shipping lanes and then we can get a rescue party for the passengers."

"Oh boy!" Gilligan said, it really sinking in now what this could mean for them all.

With the Skipper's brawn added, the canoe reached the shore like a beached shark.

"How's she look, Skipper? I don't see any holes or anything."

The Skipper examined the canoe. "She's in fine shape. And I bet she's yar."
"Is it a pirate canoe?" Gilligan asked in confusion.

The Skipper looked irritated again. "Gilligan, how many years have you been a sailor?"

"Well, I haven't really been at sea much since we landed on the island."

" 'Yar' means she's easy to handle."

"Oh."

"Well, Gentlemen, what have we here?"

Gilligan looked up. "Oh, hi, Professor. Look what me and the Skipper just caught!"

"Well done. This may be our ticket off the island."

"That's what the Skipper said. And that she's yaaarrr!"

Now the Professor looked puzzled. For a smart guy, he sure got confused sometimes.

"Gilligan, you watch the canoe, while the Professor and I make a list of supplies and provisions we'll need for the voyage."

"Skipper, you weren't thinking of manning the canoe yourself, were you?"

The Skipper looked mad that the Professor was questioning his orders. "Of course I'm thinking of it! I'm the captain and no one knows more about boats than I do."
"I don't question your expertise. It's just, well, it's a very narrow canoe and you're, well."

"Fat?" Gilligan suggested.

The Skipper took off his hat and hit Gilligan, who was expecting it.

"Let's say substantial. With such a vessel, I think the ideal would be to get a crew that's, well, as compact as possible. That way more supplies and provisions could be taken."

"Professor, if you're planning to go with Gilligan—"

"No, not I."

"Well, you're thinner than Mr. Howell. And I can't imagine him wanting to get on board anything smaller than a yacht. He thought he was slumming with The Minnow. Not to mention that he wouldn't want to do all that manual labor."

"No, no, it would have to be a woman."

"A woman?!" the Skipper shouted.

"Gee, I don't know, Professor. I don't think Mrs. Howell would like paddling a canoe any more than Mr. Howell would."

"No, I was thinking of Mary Ann."

"MARY ANN?!" the Skipper bellowed.

"Mary Ann?!" Gilligan squeaked.

"Yes, of course. She's petite but strong. And bright and hard-working."

"But she's a girl!" Gilligan silently added A pretty girl.

"I think the women have proven that they can pull their own weight on the island, literally and figuratively. And we're living in changing times. Back home, women are striving for their rights."

"Professor, it's not a matter of 'women's lib.' It's a matter of, well, like Gilligan said. She's a girl. And he's not."

"Well, that's one reason I'm not suggesting we send Ginger."

Gilligan was very confused. He didn't think being alone in a canoe with Mary Ann would be any easier than being alone in a canoe with Ginger. Well, she might not try to kiss him as much. But he'd want to kiss her more.

"Let's run the idea by Mary Ann and see what she thinks."

The Skipper turned from the Professor to Gilligan. "Little Buddy, you stay here with the canoe."
"Shouldn't I go with you?" It seemed like if they were going to ask Mary Ann, he should have something to say about it.

"No, you need to guard that canoe with your life."

"My life? From who? From what?"

"From wild animals. Or unscrupulous people."
"What inscruta—I mean—"

"Let's go talk to Mary Ann. We've wasted enough time," the Professor said and strode back to the settlement. The Skipper followed, and it seemed like they were talking in whispers.

Gilligan thought about picking up the canoe and following them, but it was pretty heavy. So he sat down next to it on the sand, waiting for their return, and wondering what Mary Ann would say. Would she want to be alone with him in a canoe for however long it took to be rescued? And what would that be like for him?

Then Mr. Howell came along. "Oh, there you are, Gilligan. I want to get in a few rounds of golf before lunch and I need you to caddy."
"Gee, I'm sorry, Mr. Howell. I can't. The Skipper told me to stay here with this canoe."
"Dear Boy, I understand you have your naval duties, but—Did you say canoe?"

"Yeah, see?"

"It is a canoe, by George! And I've got the money to buy George!"

"Yeah, pretty neat, huh? Now we can finally get off the island."
"Yes, we certainly can. Gilligan, how much do you want for that canoe?"

"Oh, gee, I couldn't sell it to you, Mr. Howell."

"Well, if you want to offer it as a gift, far be it from me to object."

"No, I mean I can't let you and Mrs. Howell man, uh, person this canoe."
"Nonsense. Lovey can work hard when she sets her mind to it. Look what she did in the gold mine."
"Yeah, that's true, but the Professor thinks it should be two people smaller than you, Mr. Howell."
"Lovey and Mary Ann?"

"Well, you're half right. See, I would—"

"Sir, you are not going on a cruise alone with my wife!"

"No, it would be me and Mary Ann."

"You sly dog, you!"

"Huh?"

"Alone at sea with a beautiful young girl. No wonder you won't sell the canoe."
"No, Mr. Howell, it's not like that. It's just that—"

"And the best part is, you two are small enough that you should be able to take some of my luggage along. I'll go pack some of my valuables but non-essentials."

"But, Mr. Howell—"

"Later, My Boy, later."

And Mr. Howell left.

"Oo, boy. 'Alone at sea with a beautiful girl.' "

"Sounds like a heck of a movie," said a breathy voice.

He looked up and wasn't surprised to see Ginger. "Hi, Ginger."

"Hi, Gilligan. Oo, where did you get the canoe?"

"I was fishing."

"That must've been some bait."

"No, it got caught on the—"

"Oh, Gilligan, you dear sweet boy!"

"Huh?"

"You want me to go with you!"

"You?"

"Well, you did say 'alone at sea with a beautiful girl.' "

"No, Mr. Howell said that."

"Why would Mr. Howell paddle a canoe?"

"No, see, I was just sitting here when—"

He was unable to finish because she knelt beside him and threw her arms around him. "You're the one who found the canoe, so you should go. And if you'll do most of the paddling, I'd be happy to go along. It will make a wonderful movie!" She kissed him till he felt dizzy. "I'll go pack!"

He remained too dizzy to reply until she was long gone. "Oo boy. Alone at sea with two beautiful girls!" No other heterosexual man could've said those words with such dread.