Hello everybody. This is the first chapter, or possibly the only chapter, of Utagawashī tamashī. I'm not sure if I'm going to leave this as a oneshot or add more to it, so please give me your feedback! I do take suggestions, so if you have any thoughts feel free to leave a review or pm me ;) Well, enjoy this short fic everyone.

A light rain drizzles down from the sky, padding against the cold rooftop. The wind blows, sending shivers running down my shell. That summer breeze I'd grown to love has faded away into a bleak draft that indicates the oncoming of the cold season. Chasing after the warmth of summer is my level-headedness. It's been replaced by an antsy feeling, one that makes me itch to get out of my own skin. Anxiety overtakes my intrepidity like a hurricane, washing away my fearlessness swiftly, leaving my with that awkward sense of absence.

But my loss of audacity isn't the only thing that's changed about me. My anger has become a fatal weapon, one that I'm not wielding. It seems to be backfiring at me. Though, it isn't exactly backfiring from the ones I've wronged. It is instead the universe who's firing back. What do I mean by this? Karma.

It isn't simple to explain, it hurts my head to think about it. Let's just say that I haven't been a very good boy and the cosmos want me to recognize my mistakes. From bullying my brothers to back-talking my father to stabbing allies in the back. I've been very exasperating.

Clever and keen, the heavens has made a rather obvious U turn with my fate. This "U turn" is the reasoning behind my distress. I'm not one for change, and one this big is far more unsettling than anything could ever be.

Lifting my hand, I take a swig from my Smirnoff, releasing a long needed sigh as the bittersweet liquor streams down my throat. The way it burns my insides on its way down is sensational.

My head spins, making me dizzy. To add to the wooziness, my vision goes black as hell as the alcohol clouds my thoughts. With everything foggy and unclear, I begin to feel . . . secure. But not enough to make me feel good about myself.

I cannot get it out of my head, the things I've begun to long for. It's a sin to have such feelings embedded in my heart, and the worst part is the way the roots have planted and the veins are already growing around me. I haven't told anyone, I'm too scared to. What'll they think? Or say?

Sitting alone in a freezing monsoon on a highrise in Manhattan, a bottle of vodka in my hand, I realize that this is as close to freedom that I'll ever get. And, in a state of desolate, no one is here to account for the words I say. I can finally come clean.

Sharply, I inhale the chilly atmosphere up my lungs. This is it, I can say it.

"I'm in love with Casey Jones."

I glance around, and when no one comes out of hiding, when no one is in sight, I smirk a bit. It's my little secret, no matter how much I hate it.

I can't exactly say that I loathe these feelings I hold towards my best friend, though. Love flows out of my heart like molten lava from a steaming volcano. Nothing anyone says or does can change this; I've become intrigued.

There's something about the hockey player that drives me insane. His near-black hair, the long lashes tangled in knots throughout. Those hickory brown eyes that gleam with mischief. Even his smile, though gap toothed, is enough to turn me on. He just has that spark to him.

But, as much as I love him, I know that the feeling will never be neutral.

Casey loves April, a girl who's hair is as red as the passion that burns within her. Her smile bright with optimism, eyes looking like the sky on a clear day. He adores her decidedly quirky sense of humor, and I just know that he would do anything to hold her in his arms as she drifts off into a blissful slumber. If only Casey knew how much I'd like to do that with for him.

I sigh. Who am I kidding? Even if I told Casey about these things I feel for him, it wouldn't change a thing. He'd still look at me as his best bud, and his crime-fighting-vigilante-partner. If anything were to change, it'd be that he hates me.

Let's face it, Casey's a hot guy who would never waste his time with a freak like me.

I have no chance with him, so I bottle it up and allow my doubts to consume me like demons.

To my dismay, I have become a Utagawashī tamashī. A Japanese name meaning, "doubtful soul."

So I'm not really sure what to do with this. Should i leave it a one-shot or add a couple more chapters? I know for sure that this won't be a huge story, just about five chapters. What do you guys think? Please follow/favorite/review! I'd appreciate it. Have a nice weekend everyone ;)

-RaphSai03