Please let me know whether I should make this a multi-shot or not! Please review, it puts a rather large smile on my face! :)
Sophie x
'We all want to find a person, or have a child we love so much, we'd die for. Swap places with.'
Darwin was its usual self, loud, hectic and under the rein of Miss Naylor. Jac had made herself comfortable at the Nurse's station and was trying her best to distract herself. She had a pained expression on her face, which didn't go unnoticed by Tara.
'Miss Naylor, are you alright? You look extremely tired.' Said Tara who was looking concernedly at the Consultant.
'I'm fine, now run along, I'm sure that there must be something you can do other than annoy me.' Said Jac rudely.
'Right, umm, s-sorry Miss Naylor.' Said Tara as she rushed away.
Jac pulled a mirror out of her bag; she looked at the circles beneath her eyes and frowned. She hadn't slept for two days and it was beginning to take its toll. Every time she tried to sleep, that same thought just kept making its way back into her mind. She was approached by another doctor who was also looking rather concerned.
Elliott had spotted her yawning whilst he was checking up on a patient and was beginning to worry. 'Jac, you look awful, what's the matter?'
'Nothing, I'm fine.' Said Jac defiantly.
'You don't look it. Office now.' He said, hoping that she would listen to his command. She did. Slowly rising from her chair, Jac followed Elliott into the office and slumped onto their sofa. She was exhausted.
'Jac, you look ill, I mean really ill. You look like you've just been sick.' Well Elliott, that would be because I have, she thought to herself. 'Would you like the rest of the day off?'
'No, I'm fine, just let me get back to work.' Said Jac, leaving the office.
She stalked down the corridor, her extremely pale face and red eyes, turning the heads of many of her colleagues. She could see Jonny and Mo, now sat at the nurse's station laughing. They should be working, not playing, she thought angrily.
'Miss Effanga, there is a patient who needs a chest drain. He also needs an abscess draining. Bed three, now.' She said sternly.
'Alright, keep your hair on.' Said Mo as she rushed off.
'Jac, there's no need for you to be so rude.' Said Jonny.
'Shut up.' She mumbled.
'Jac, just because you don't have any ops today, doesn't mean you can be nasty.' Argued Jonny.
'That's not why I'm angry.' Said Jac who was beginning to feel sick again.
'Jac you're shaking, what's happened?' Asked Jonny worriedly.
But before Jac could reply with a cutting remark, she dashed off to the loo to empty the contents of her stomach. She was sat on the dingy floor; her back leant against the side of the cubicle as the door edged open.
'Jac, what's wrong?' Asked Jonny, stroking her face. 'You're burning up.'
'I think I'm pregnant.' She said as she got another waver of sick. Jonny rubbed her back and held her hair out of the way as she vomited.
'Is it mine?'
'I hope not.' She said sarcastically. He looked at her worriedly. 'Yes it's yours.'
'Have you taken a test?' He asked as Jac sat back down.
'No, and I don't intend to.' She said trying to stand up.
'Jac, why not.' Questioned Jonny as he helped to her feet.
'Because I don't want to know.' She said walking away.
'Jac you have to, you could be carrying our baby.' Said Jonny following her.
'No, not our baby, an embryo. If I am, there's no way I'm keeping it.' She said, splashing her face with cold water.
'What, you can't have an abortion.' Said Jonny.
'I have to.' She sighed.
'Why?'
'I just do.' She said before walking out of the toilets.
Before Jonny was able to catch up with her, Jac was met by an old face. It was Sean.
'Jac.' He said happily. 'Are you alright?'
'Fine, what are you doing here?' She asked.
'I need a favour, a bed.' He said.
'Who for?' She asked distractedly.
'1 month old Hope, she left NICU two days ago. Her parents died in a car crash and she was two months prem. She's going to be adopted as soon as they can find a family.' He explained.
'And, what do you want me for?' Asked Jac.
'She has an irregular heart beat and I think I can hear an arrhythmia.' Said Sean smiling brightly.
'Fine, HDU's free. Do you want to get her?' Asked Jac trying to smile.
'Yes please, her name's Hope Summers, she's in crib three.' Said Sean grinning.
'Right, I'll have everything sorted then.' Said Jac rushing off to find Oliver.
She found him in the staff room, his head buried in a research book. 'Dr Valentine, HDU needs to made baby friendly again, so if you wouldn't mind making the necessary arrangements.' Said Jac in a sickly sweet voice.
'Ah, doing another favour for Peter Pan are we?' He said sarcastically.
'One month old baby, Hope Summers.' Said Jac, ignoring him.
'Last time we had a baby on the ward it was winter and her name was Freya Winters, now it's summer, we have Hope Summers.' Said Oliver laughing.
'Hilarious. I'm going to get her, so if you wouldn't mind.' Said Jac, walking off.
She walked straight to Paeds and found a tiny baby lying asleep in crib three. She lifted up the sleeping child and held her to her chest, supporting her head. Hope began to stir, but soon nestled into Jac's shoulder. Jac grabbed the blanket lying in the crib and wrapped her up, cuddling her tightly. She walked through the car park, wanting to just walk off with this innocent child. She entered Reception, receiving odd looks from many of her colleagues, including Elliott who was stuffing his face with a doughnut. Jac pressed the button for the lift and held onto Hope protectively. The doors opened to reveal Hanssen stood in the lift alone.
'Miss Naylor, why is it that you're holding a baby?' Asked Henrick quietly.
'Patient, parents are dead and I'm taking her up to Darwin.' Whispered Jac.
'She's seems to like you.' He replied, trying to withhold a laugh.
'She's asleep.' Said Jac plainly.
'Yes, but even you should know that babies don't usually trust just anyone. She feels comfortable with you, therefore she trusts you enough to protect her whilst she sleeps.' Said Hanssen as the doors opened.
'I had no idea that you were a baby psychologist.' Said Jac as she walked onto her ward and left Hanssen to himself.
She walked along the corridor, avoiding eye contact with her gossiping staff. She entered HDU, to find that Oliver already had everything set up.
'Feeling broody are we?' Asked Oliver.
'Shut up.' Mumbled Jac.
'Fine, I'll go. By the way, your boyfriend seems to be interested in this patient, or more likely the patient's doctor. I think you should let him in on this one.' He said tauntingly.
'Just go.' Said Jac as she lay a sleeping Hope down in her cot.
Jonny approached her slowly, concern and confusion written all over his face. He touched her shoulder gently and pulled her round to face him. He stared into her eyes and kissed her gently.
'I meant what I said last week, I care, I really care.' He said earning another kiss from Jac. 'You know that I don't want to hurt you.'
'But so do I, I meant what I said earlier, I can't have a baby.' She said emotionally.
'Why not?' He asked.
'I just can't, for so many reasons.' Said Jac avoiding his glistening green eyes.
'Name me one.'
'Jonny please, don't.' She said helplessly. He looked at her worriedly, but she just walked away.
'Jac.' He begged. 'Come back.'
But she kept walking and went into her office. She fell back onto her chair and cried. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hid her face in her knees. She didn't know what to do; there was a chance that she might not even be pregnant. She could just be ill. But if she was, what would she do? Would she keep it, let herself, Jonny and their baby become a family? Or shut Jonny out and do it all by herself? Or would she get rid of it and ruin her relationship with Jonny? Or would she tell him it's negative and have an abortion anyway?
She had four options and with each of them she had to make a sacrifice. The first she'd have to sacrifice herself, let herself become someone else. The second, she'd lose Jonny, which she really didn't want to do. The third, she'd lose both Jonny and her baby. And the forth, she'd lose the baby and have to lie to Jonny. She didn't want to do any of those things, but it was her that got her into this mess so it would be her to get her out.
She knew that she wouldn't be able to make this decision on her own, so she dried her eyes and went down to AAU. She found Luc and Eddi sat the desk together. Luc had one hand and Eddi's stomach and was grinning. Jac knew that Eddi was pregnant and desperately wanted to have what her and Luc had. Love. Jac wanted to have someone love her, and she wanted to love them in return. But that wasn't going to happen.
She walked over to the desk. 'Luc, Eddi, congratulations, I hope everything goes well for you both.' She said uncharacteristically.
'Thank you, are you alright?' Said Eddi as she saw the tear marks down Jac's cheeks.
'I'm fine, where's Sacha?' She asked, diverting the conversation.
'In the office.' Said Luc.
'Thank you, umm, umm, Eddi, when's your next break?' Asked Jac.
'Half an hour, why?' She asked confused.
'Would you like to get a coffee, umm, I need you to umm, never mind.' Said Jac walking away.
'Jac, I'll meet you in Pulses in half an hour okay?' Said Eddi.
'Thanks.' Said Jac, and she disappeared into the office.
'Sacha.' Said Jac, struggling to hold back tears.
'Jac? What's wrong? Are you okay?' Asked Sacha worriedly.
Jac burst into tears as she was scooped into a bear hug by Sacha. He held her tightly, confused as to what had happened.
Eddi and Luc watched from outside, they saw Sacha sit Jac down and try to calm her down. They talked a lot, and Eddi and Luc tried and failed to lip read. They already knew that Sacha was in deep trouble with Chrissie after he asked her whether they could bring the wedding forward for tax reasons. Big mistake. Chrissie was now blanking him, pretending that he didn't exist.
Jac gave Sacha one last hug, before leaving a walking back up to Darwin. Jac went straight into the locker room, where she again saw Jonny.
'Jac, you can't keep pretending that everything's okay. Oliver and Tara are suspicious and Mo has worked it out. You need to take a test Jac.' Said Jonny, who was beginning to get impatient.
'NO!' Shouted Jac. She slammed open her locker, grabbed her make up bag and left the room. She rushed to the office, angrily.
She slammed door shut, not noticing that Elliott was sat at his desk.
'Don't.' She said sternly.
'I wasn't going to.' He said innocently.
Jac began to cover her face with foundation, hoping that it would make her look less pale. She put on mascara and scraped her hair into a bun. She took the hospital Hoodie which was hung on the back of her chair and walked away.
On her way down to the café, she saw Hanssen looking extremely worried. He was pale and shaking. But she didn't care enough to stop and offer him help. When she got to pulses, she saw Eddi sat at a table waiting for her.
'Hi, do you want a coffee.' Said Eddi who was looking the complete opposite to Jac. Her hair was down and her hair was lighter and considerably longer than when Jac had last seen her. She was glowing positively and had a smile plastered on her face.
'Espresso please.' Said Jac. 'No, forget that, A decaf please.'
'Why?' Asked Eddi.
'Why do you think.' Said Jac gloomily.
'You're pregnant?' Said Eddi loudly.
'Tell the whole world why don't you.' Said Jac.
'Sorry, I'll be one sec.' Said Eddi as she rushed off to the counter.
Jac sat thinking about what to say next. But before she could think of anything, Eddi returned with two mugs.
'First of all, whose is it?' Asked Eddi, ready for gossip.
'Jonny's. I don't even know if I am, I've been sick about a million times this morning. I'm almost two months late and I've been craving things like mayonnaise and cheese constantly.' Said Jac.
'That's disgusting, I've been craving fish fingers and custard at one in the morning, its driving Luc mad. Anyway, have you not taken a test?' She asked sipping her coffee.
'I don't want to, if I take the test, then I have to deal with the outcome. I don't want a baby, I wouldn't be able to cope.' Said Jac.
'You might not be, you could be vomiting because you're ill, you know there's many causes for missed periods and as for the cravings, that might just be because you're a little bit weird.' Said Eddi, trying to be positive.
'Thanks, I think.' Said Jac gulping down the last of her coffee.
'Jac, you do know that Jonny cares. I've seen you two together, he adores you.' Said Eddi. 'And you would make a great mum. You just can't see it can you.'
'I wouldn't, I'm too icy, too bitchy, too heartless.' Said Jac sadly.
'Yes, but don't you think that you'd care for this child, put all that behind you.'
'Yes, but would a child really want me as a mother?'
'You really don't believe in yourself do you?' Said Eddi disbelievingly.
'Why should I, it's not like Jonny will stick around, he'll run a mile as soon as the kid's born.' Said Jac.
'No he won't, what makes you think that?' Asked Eddi.
'My dad did, he left my mum before I was born, then my mum left me too. At twelve. She left me in care.' Said Jac tearfully.
'Prove her wrong, don't let her ruin the rest of your life.' Said Eddi.
'Thank you.' Said Jac, as she stood up. Eddi pulled her into a hug, and for once, Jac didn't object.
'Do the right thing.' Said Eddi as she watched Jac walk away.
Jac arrived on Darwin, to find Sean waiting for her.
'Miss Naylor, can you examine Hope now please.' He said.
'Fine.' She said, following him into HDU.
She found Hope lying in the cot, she had a tiny toy elephant in her hands and she was staring intently at it. She had a drip in her hand and seemed to have gotten quite used to it. Jac could see that the child was scared. This was the beginning of her life, and she was cooped up in here, no family, no guardian, no one. She had no one. Like Jac she was all alone. But Jac wasn't alone. She had Jonny, and possibly even their baby who could be inside her at this very moment.
She pulled the stethoscope from around her neck. She pressed it against Freya's chest and listened. Thump, thump, thump. She heard as she smiled at the child. It was all normal.
'See, you're fine, you have a perfectly normal heart beat, I can hear it going budum budum. You my love need to go back to Paeds. Believe me, Darwin is a scary place.' Said Jac thinking back to her own experiences. 'You're going to be fine, this world may seem terrifying, but it really isn't.'
'So you really don't want to take a test?' Said a voice behind her.
'Jonny-' Jac began.
'No Jac, I don't get you. You're so icy and intimidating when people can see you, then, when their backs are turned, you become this calm, relaxed, vulnerable woman, who's so scared of the world around you. I know you're scared about taking the test. God, you don't think I'm terrified. Jac, if it's positive, we'll have the chance to be parents, we'll be able to go through this together. I have always wanted kids, and I know that I want to have them with you. If you have an abortion, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. But I don't want to have this baby with you if you don't want it. I want us to make this decision together, not me telling you to have this baby. Jac, I really like you, but if you don't like me back then I'd rather you tell me this now. Than if two years' time, we've got a beautiful baby and you decide that you don't want to be with me.' Said Jonny who was almost in tears. 'Please.'
'I'll take the test.' Said Jac as she fell into his arms. He scooped her up and held her tightly. He knew that he loved her, but could he really tell her that?
An hour later, they were stood in the toilet, once again. This time, there was a stick lying on the sink and Jac and Jonny were waiting silently together. Jonny tapped Jac on the shoulder and tried his best to smile.
'Is it time?' She asked in a voice which was barely audible. Jonny nodded in reply, his heart beating faster than ever.
'Jac, before we find out, I want you to know that I'm going to be here no matter what. If it's negative, I still want to be with you.' Said Jonny whose emotions were all over the place.
Jac walked over to the sink slowly. She placed her thumb over the tiny window and looked up at Jonny who gave her an encouraging nod.
She removed her finger and there it was, the result. She turned around to face Jonny, her hands shaking.
'Positive.' She whispered in a voice far from her own. Jac eyes filled with tears, she couldn't hold them back. Jonny took hold of her hands, looked deeply into her eyes and kissed her softly on the lips.
'I love you.' He said quietly.
Jac looked up at him, completely shocked. 'I love you too.'
Thanks for reading! Please review! x